Shelter in Place
by Little Miss Cant Be Wrong
Summary: The dead started walking in Beth's 3rd year of college. Alone in a different city babysitting, she needs a good plan to save them both. Merle is out of prison and clean & sober and doing his best to stay that way. With the dead walking his only thought is to get to Daryl, running into Beth is only going to delay him a few days. At least that's what he keeps telling himself.
1. Chapter 1 - End of Days

My storyline is a few years past the original timeline, and exploring what would have been different for some of the characters if the Dead had started walking a few more years down the line. I'm putting Merle around 45 and Beth is 21. All the originals will not be in this story, and I may try to add a few of my own. Reviews are greatly appreciated.

 **Shelter in Place**

 _And I just don't want your Jesus,_

 _I just want to smoke my cigarettes and drink my whiskey,_

 _And for you to love the monster I am._

 _\- Christopher Poindexter -_

Chapter 1

"Fuck it all to Hell!" Merle swore savagely, forcefully pulling his hunting knife out of the dead man's head. "What tha fuck?" He said looking in disgusted wonder at the black sludge that covered his knife instead of the expected red. Things were going from bad to worse, and they were going there fast.

He scratched at the stubble on his cheeks in frustration, before resting a work worn hand over his mouth to stop the mad desire to giggle like a fucking school girl. "This is real end of tha world apocalypse shit right here. What ta do, what ta do?" His quiet words lay heavily in the stillness of the small apartment. Forcing himself to count to ten and breathing deeply, he slowly found his inner calm. "God Damn, if those anger management classes aren't really payin' off!" He said good-humoredly, smiling down at the dead man crumpled at his feet. He gave the body a sharp nudge of his foot as if expecting a reply. Roughly he pulled the hem of the dead man's shirt up and carefully cleaned the sludge off his knife until the blade gleamed once again

Not moving from his spot he lit a smoke and used the inhaling and exhaling of the smoke to further calm and give himself some time to work on his exit strategy. After he finished his smoke he put it out on the coffee table next to him, and pocketed the butt. Giving his head a firm nod while sucking reflectively on his teeth for a moment before adding more of his voiced thoughts into the hushed room, "Time to get tha hell outta here, need to get ta Baby Brotha."

Up until a year ago Merle had been a short term visitor of the good Ol' USP-Lee, or as the fine upstanding folks of Virginia liked to call it The United Penitentiary on Lee Highway in Pennington, Virginia. After his release he had to stick around Pennington because his PO had found him a job and he was court ordered to keep up those damn anger management classes. Not to mention the mandatory visits from his PO, Frank.

Frank, a stubby ex football player whose muscles had long ago gone to fat, and whose once vivid red hair was slowly losing ground to his freckly scalp...Frank, who had no filter and a vocabulary that would make a whore blush. Who told it like it was, and had no issues calling bullshit on Merle, or really any if the other ex cons he worked with. Frank, who despite all of Merle's well built walls had still managed to earn his grudging respect.

Frank, who was also always full of tales of men who had made a better life for themselves and the cautionary ones of the men who didn't and got caught in the "three strikes" law. He was a fountain of good advice and never seemed too offended when Merle unerringly chose not to take it. He was gruff and no nonsense and had the fashion sense of Colombo, and in Merle's opinion he looked like a sad, out of shape flasher. And even though he hadn't been willing to admit it out loud, Merle had really rather liked the man.

Yes, he had a lotta respect for ol' Frank, who seemed to be on a personal mission to keep Merle walking the line, and out of prison. Along with the anger management classes and visits with him, his regular blood test for drugs, it really was seeming to do the trick. Although he had been clean for almost 4 years, and _yes, yes_ he was counting the three behind bars, because after all, it was almost as easy to score on the inside as it was on the outside.

Despite being proud of this, his best run at sobriety yet. Merle wanted nothing more at this time than to fall head first off this particular wagon. The addictive call of that sweet oblivion was ringing loudly in his ears and the thick bitter taste of it hung heavily at the back of his throat. And if he had any choice in this matter he would be as high as a fucking kite before he had to finish dealing with this steaming pile of shit.

It had been Frank that had landed Merle the best job he had ever had. In fact the only job that he stayed at more than a few months at. It was in a small but very reputable repair shop owned by one of Frank's success stories…an ex-con that expected perfection on the job, but allowed you your space while working on the classic cars and cycles at his one stop shop. Not only was it something that Merle was good at and enjoyed…he made good money doing it.

For the first time in his life he was living like a regular Joe. He had been living in his own small...but not crappy apartment and payin' his bill in a timely fashion...for the most part. He had money in a checking account and a small fortune (at least in his eyes) in a real fuckin'' to God, savings account at the same bank. He had even upon occasion shopped for and cooked his own food, something that had never happened before. And on any given day there was a better than average chance there was more than beer and hard salami in his fridge.

The only thing that had been missing under this new leaf of his was his baby brother. Yep, he was on the straight and narrow for once in his life, if you didn't count the dead man at his feet…because he sure as fuck wasn't going to. And there was NO way in hell that he was going to take the blame for this!

He would have liked to have Daryl come live with him, and he really, really could've used his calming influence right about now.. It had always been his intention to take care of his little brother as soon as he was able…but the drugs made him forget all of his good intentions. By the time the possibility of making good on all his promises both the ones he made to Daryl, and the ones he had made to himself, Daryl had went and grown-up on him.

As it turned out, Daryl had long ago stopped waiting for his big brother to be present in his life long before that point anyway. Stopped waiting for Merle to come home and fix everything and went out and made a good life for himself. A life that hadn't depend on his big brother making an effort, or even showing up for that matter. Sadly, despite his best intentions the one life lesson he had managed to teach his baby brother was it was best to rely on nobody but yourself.

Some time during his third incarceration he had somehow made himself nothing more than redundant in Daryl's life. Oh, Daryl still loved him of this he had no doubt, he would go so far as to say Daryl idolized him almost even. But Daryl had learned a long time ago that his big brother wasn't to be counted on in any meaningful way...and it was with a heavy heart that he realized that he would never be indispensable father figure in Daryl's life that he once was and even still longed to be.

And speaking of father figures...Pops had gone and died right before his last stint in the joint. Merle hadn't even talked to or had any contact with the man even before that, it had been a few years of silence between them before the old man finally kicked it. Yet the hospice had somehow gotten his unlisted cell number and called him when the ol' mans liver was crapping out on him..."you should come..." Was all the man on the phone managed to get out before Merle Interrupted, grinding out "About fuckin' time...hope that fucken' bastard rots in Hell." before hanging up on the shocked administrator.

And after thinking about it a few days, Merle had been all about going to his Pops deathbed and having that fucker who called himself his father in the same powerless position that he had once held Daryl and himself in while growing up. But he had stopped to have fortifying drink beforehand. "Just one 'afore I have ta face this.' He told himself and the bartender...but neither of them seemed to believe his words.

And just like his Pops before him, one drink was never enough. Never had been before, never would be he guessed. Merle was a grade "A" fuck-up just like his Pops that was for sure...why even try to fight fate. So, he had turned the ringer off on his cell phone and shoved it as far under his car seat as he could before heading into the bar. He considered himself done, checked himself the fuck out and gone on a three week binge. He drank and popped pills...too many, even for him. Smoked till his rasp of a voice had turned into a jagged rusty croak...and had sex with every woman between 21 to 50 that he could convince to take him for a test ride, and although he couldn't remember exactly how many, he was convinced it was a goodly amount.

When he had run out of money and ladies to buy him drinks and drugs and he was forced to sober up, he managed to get himself home. Two days of sleeping, and hour shower followed up with a pot of thickest black coffee he could stomach. After he made himself dig his phone out from under the driver's seat, and attached it to the charger. He sat drinking a second pot of coffee until it had enough juice to turn on. He had found a single message on his phone from the administrator at the care facility, and two from Daryl. "Pops is gone...well, almost gone. Just signed the DNR papers. I wish...I wish, guess it' don' matter what I wish at this point." His baby brothers flat unemotional voice said in the first message before it had disconnected. Merle stopped to have a smoke, then lit a second cigarette before listening to the last message. Daryl's voice still colorless, "Haven't heard from you...not that I expected too." He had paused there, and Merle could hear the scrape of flint on metal as Daryl had lit a cigarette of his own. Then there was only the sound of deep inhaling and the slow exhaling from both brothers. And for a few moments it filled the room and seemed to somehow connect Merle to his brother through time and space as they both took a moment to find some inner zen in their smokes.

After another long exhale, Daryl had said matter of factly, "It's done. Always thought he was too fuckin' mean ta die. Had him cremated...seemed somehow fitting after Ma...had him put in a cardboard box. Was gonna scatter them over PopPop and Nana's graves but...ya remember how the old man always complained about the airport? How much he hated it? Well I...I done left him at unclaimed baggage. Can you imagine how pissed the old man's gonna be sitting at the airport terminal for the rest of eternity?" Daryl gave a humorless laugh, "I wish ya woulda been with me." Then there was only silence and after a moment the click of his brother hanging up.

And while Merle could honestly say he despised the man, and the way he had marked himself and Daryl as his sons with every lash of his belt. There was an undeniable small child that still resided somewhere deep inside of him that so very badly wanted to have his failure of a father tell him just once that he was proud of him. Had maybe even once upon a time even loved him, in his own fucked-up sorta way. And now it was too late, for both of them to try to fix up their fucked up excuse of a relationship.

But if he couldn't have that, didn't he deserve to have Pops explain how the hell a man who had been raised by his God fearing Nana, and his overly optimistic PopPop could have turned into such a failure of a man. A man who would NOT have HIS wife working but he WOULD and DID blame her for her poor excuse of a dinner sitting cold on the table waiting for him after he had drank his paycheck away. And Merle and Daryl who had often been made to wait the extra hours past dinner…because God help you if you dared disrespect the ol' man by eating without him, they would more often than not go to bed hungry as the pot of beans Ma had somehow managed to scrounge up would 9 times out of 10, end up soaking into the worn and filthy carpet.

For all that, there were a few treasured memories of the old man. A few times his Nana had harangued a reluctant Floyd Dixon into a much too short but oh so welcomed vacation from his beloved drugs and drink. His most prized memories were during his Pops "Nana-induced" withdrawals. Oh, don't get him wrong, Pops was still a mean son of a bitch. He would and still did give out a good wallop, but his belt would stay hugging his hips. Unable to help himself, Floyd Dixon would ring your bell with an open handed slap to your face or the back of your head, then go off to sulk at the back end of the property until dinner time.

More often than not it would be Nana who would come over and see the results of her son's drug induced rages and grab up her young broken daughter-in-law, and her two shattered grand-babies. She would then send word to her insolent son that he had better "shape up", or he wouldn't be welcomed back to the fold. And God help you if Nana was mad at you. Nothing was worse, and apparently Floyd thought this himself.

And sooner or later a sullen but dutiful Floyd Dixon would go home to face his religious harpy of a mother. Nana would make him stay in the shed in the back so she could bully her boy into shape, keeping her grandbabies close to her, fattening them up on her fresh baked sugar cookies and loving on them as much as she was able too in her strict no nonsense way. Then at some point Floyd would be pronounced "cured", at least until the next time. Oh, he would try for a time, a week if they were lucky. But even as a child Merle knew that Pops was already dreaming of the drugs even before they had left the safety of Nana and PopPops farm.

But while they were there, the food was plentiful…the hugs were freely if awkwardly given, and PopPop would take his Grandsons to his small auto repair shop, happy to teach the boys everything he knew. PopPop Dixon was a tall thin physical reserved man. More likely to insult you good naturedly when pleased with you and give you a loving yet well deserved firm rap on your head to show his displeasure…but you always knew where you stood with PopPop and both he and Daryl had always felt safe with him.

On Pops best days he would join them, and in his own Floyd Dixon way he could be almost fun. He would attempt to teach his boys something useful…but he was a better teacher for Daryl, who although very young only needed to be told how to do something once in most cases when it came to fixing cars. Merle, on the other hand had a different style of learning, one that frustrated the hell out of his Pops. Merle was a hands on sorta guy, he liked to take things apart and figure out how all the parts worked. And he couldn't retain any of their teaching unless he actually had the parts in his hands. Better yet give him a book explaining it and then let him ask a hundred questions as he took it apart. The questions made Pops absolutely crazy, and he had learned it was best not to ask unless PopPop was there to answer them.

PopPop like his son a Dixon through and through, liked to drink a bit more than most men. But where Pops was a mean, messy drunk…PopPop was a happy, talkative one. And Merle and Daryl loved to sit next to the smoky campfire at PopPops feet listening to his tall tales. They would listen raptly while fanning campfire and cigarette smoke out of their eyes all the while smacking at the flying embers threatening to scorch hair or burn holes in their britches. It didn't hurt that sitting next to PopPop and Nana ultimately meant that they would be out of arm's reach of Pops.

When Pops was clean and around all his old buddies Merle would get a glimpse of the man he used to be, and he could understand how Pops had convinced young beautiful 14 year old orphaned Norma McCoy away from her harsh oppressive Uncle and off to the nearest preacher to tie the knot when she hardly even knew him. 'A classic story of out of the firing pan and into the fire if there ever was one.' He would often think to himself.

Floyd Dixon had a big laugh to match his big build. His smiles came easy, and he seemed to ooze something that Merle when older would defined as charisma. Men and women alike seemed to be drawn to him…he was like a huge human magnet that just pulled people to him. "If only he used his powers for good, could you imagine what he could've been...what he could've achieved!" He had overheard his Nana say to PopPop once. And as much as he hated his Pops, it seemed to Merle that he was more alike his Pops than not.

Women were drawn to Floyd Dixon almost against their will, young or old, both the single or married, women just couldn't seem to say no to him. Despite that he was known around town for sexual exploits as much as his vicious violent streak, he always seemed to have a girlfriend on the side. Floyd felt no need to let his adoring devotees down, after all he was "too much man for one woman," he was known to say. It was well known that Floyd would juggle multiple girlfriends and did nothing to keep his little wife from finding out. This was something the other men seemed to admire. But it was the one thing that ultimately sent his little broken hearted Ma to the bottle herself, but why this and not all the beating handed out to her or her boys, he could only hazard a guess.

These short furloughs from their prison like home life, is where he had discovered his love of cars and motorbikes. After PopPop was gone, Merle did his best to teach Daryl what PopPop hadn't had the time to, or Daryl had been too young to remember…and Daryl was in fact a natural, easily picking up all Merle could teach him almost by osmosis.

Getting back to the heart of the matter, try as he might there had been no getting Daryl away from his rented cabin in the woods where he was happy with his quiet life of hunting and solitude, where Daryl held a similar job to Merle, as a mechanic in a small town automotive repair shop. He had an understanding boss who in turn had a understanding little office helper of a daughter who was awfully possessive of his sweet shy brother.

'So fuckin' unfair' Merle would often think with a bitter heart, that's his baby brother had somehow managed to get all the good Dixon and none of the bad. 'That lil' pussy just didn't understand or take advantage of his overwhelming appeal to the opposite sex.' Merle thought disgustedly.

And that little girl at Daryl's work was a prime example. She coddled his brother, and made sure that he required no personal interaction with the public, Merle even suspected she did it to keep all the other ladies away and keep lil' Brother all too herself. And he didn't even tap that, even when she had made it blatantly obvious that she was his for the taking. It had been so obvious that even Merle who was in a different state and had yet to even meet the sweet little thing, knew this was the case without a doubt.

It just sucked balls knowing that even now that they both had a little stability in their lives it was with them apart living in two separate states with no foreseeable fix on the horizon…well till this month and all the crazy ass shit going on.

Oh there were short visits of course, but they left him with such intense feelings of loneliness that after Daryl would leave it would often threaten his sobriety. And trying to talk to Daryl on the phone was like trying to play Mad Libs with a fuckin' mute. Making conversation out of all that grunting was a headache just waiting to happen. Anyone would think the lil' shit had been raised by wolves.

Standing in that quiet apartment with a dead man at his feet, Merle felt an intense wave of loneliness and longing sweep through him at the thought of Daryl. Where was he right now…was it any better in Georgia than was here in Virginia? Was he even still alive...God knew Daryl was a survivor, always had been always would be. Could Daryl still there...in his nice safe cocoon, that he had built for himself...maybe even a tiny bit happy there was less people in the world that he had to deal with?

And wouldn't it just be like Baby Brother, preferring to deal with someone he could kill if he wasn't in the mood, rather than having to deal with a real living breathing person? He was probably having a grand ol' time living like the reclusive mountain man he had always longed to be. Gettin' to hunt all day if he wanted to, no work, no girls buggin' him. "Like a fuckin' wet dream to the boy most likely." Merle groused to the man at his feet and daring him to disagree.

He could only hope that Daryl was sitting tight and waiting for him to arrive. Or was Daryl deep down in his heart of hearts feeling that he was yet again last priority on his big brothers to do list? Just knowing that Merle would let him down again just like he had so many times before. Where once again, he would be left waiting for his big brother to show, but knowing that the law of averages were against him. And God, it hurt him to know that most likely Daryl wasn't even waiting on him. Because, after all wasn't he the worlds shittyiest brother? The brother who was always destined to be the biggest fucking disappointment.

He nodded making his mind up and starting to make a mental list of things to do. He looked down to the body, and said regretfully but resolutely "Bout' time to get to gettin' an put Baby Brotha' first for once in my sorry ass life."

He really didn't think Frank would mind if he broke parole. He would like to think that Frank in all his wisdom would have told him to go. That family comes first when the dead are up and walking and looking at you like you was the last supper. Of course he could only speculate on what Frank would have said, as it was Frank's very dead - for the second time, body that was crumpled on the floor at his feet.

Maybe he could have taken the time and gone up the chain of command. Talked to someone else about leaving the state of Virginia…but then he would have to explain Frank's dead body. "Fuck that shit, Frank!" He told the corpse, suddenly angry at the man, "Why'd ya have to go end up dead before our meetin'. Who's gunna believe an ol' con like me? Nobody, that's who…be back in the Pen by the end O' the week…then who's gunna have Daryl's back at the end of Days?" He asked Frank with another angry kick to the dead man's leg with his heavy biker boot.

Knowing it was probably unnecessary but not willing to take any chances he wiped down everything he could remember touching, then he had the forethought to collect what little canned goods he found in Frank's small kitchenette. He retrieved the gun from Frank's shoulder holder…searched for and found ammo. He also found a second gun in nightstand in Frank's tiny bedroom along with more ammo. Sticking his head out of the bedroom to look at his PO disbelievingly...just so Frank would know he was irritated with him, "Seriously, you just leave this shit laying around for anyone to take? And you work with cons...pfffft." On Frank's part, he didn't seem overly concerned by Merle's criticism.

Author's Note:

Sadly, I don't own any of the Walking Dead characters. Because if I did Merle and Beth would still be alive. Also Sadly, I don't make any money from any of my scribbles. Thank you to Athlete Girl who put up with long endless emails, and who pushed me to post this even if it wasn't 100% complete. If not for her I would probably spend the next year sitting on it and rewriting endlessly. It's something I've never done before and the one thing that scares me the most! But I'm hoping that everyone will be willing to read and wait for this to work itself out of my system. There will be a trigger warning around chapter 4, so be on the lookout for it.

Next up Beth


	2. Chapter 2 - Brontide

Chapter 2

Brontide: (n) The low rumble of distant thunder

Twenty-one year old Beth Greene paced nervously in front of large front window that looked down the wooded lane, the meandering green path that lead to the summer house where she was currently babysitting. It was the beginning of summer and the green trees and the hot sunny day seemed at odds with the cold dread that she felt whenever her eye caught movement in the yard or in the wood that lay beyond. She worried the hem on the her long sleeve shirt with nervous fingers that kept finding the small holes she had created. They unraveled a thread at a time as she tried to come up with her next move.

She looked down at Dexy who was quietly playing in the corner with his cars and felt the enormous responsibility weighing heavily on her for this tiny child. When he looked up, she forced her lips to smile for him but when he was distracted, she went back to her internal worrying. Finally unable to take it anymore, she voiced her worries out loud, looking at her reflection in the window, '"Daddy and Maggie should've been here by now if they were coming, we need to make a good backup plan." Dexy looked up and grinned at her, as he continued to play.

It had been almost sixteen days from the last phone call that she had received from anyone. How much longer should she wait…how much longer _**could**_ she wait? They were getting dangerously short on food, and she wasn't sure if she should take the chance in going into town to find some. She agonized over what her next move should be. The most important thing was Dexy's safety. But he needed food to stay healthy, and she needed it to keep her energy up to care for him..

When Daddy had called her almost two weeks ago, the way his strained voice had sounded had frightened her. There wasn't even a "hello" just his beloved voice asking, "Bethie. have you been watching the news?" And not waiting for he to even answer he added, "Are you okay? Dexy? Are you safe there?" Well no, she hadn't been watching any TV, she and Dexy had been too busy during their days playing down in the small creek at the edge of the property catching frogs and having picnics consisting of fluffernutter sandwiches and cold sodas. Too busy running barefoot pretending to be Peter Pan & Wendy and exploring Neverland. And at night after dinner they would roast marshmallows in the fireplace taking their treats into their blanket fort where they would get chocolate and marshmallow fingerprints on the pages of "Peter and the Starcatcher" that they were reading . Dexy would be tucked up in his bed after Beth had sung him to sleep. Then there was the most beautiful baby grand in the formal living room, it had an almost magical hold over her. She was addicted, and simply couldn't resist its sirens call. So she had been spending her evenings playing until her fingers ached and her eyes were too heavy to stay open. Who had time for T.V.?

Her entire focus was on making sure Dexy was having so much fun that he didn't have time to miss his parents too badly. And this was why the Hagens had been willing to pay her such an hefty amount of money to care for their young son for the three weeks they were going to be out of the country. They knew that Dexy would have the time of his life with his beloved babysitter, and she would take care of him as if he was her own.

Daddy had ended that last call with strict instructions, "Bethie, lock the doors and Do NOT let anyone in and don't leave that house for any reason. I'm serious Elizabeth, not for any reason. Wait for us, I'm leaving now to pick up your sister. I just got of the phone with her, and she said it is really bad there. After I get her, we will come straight to get you. We should be there in a about three days, be packed and ready to leave. I love you Bethie, keep yourself and that boy safe." After that there was a call telling her to hold on, that the roads were a mess, and he was going to have to take side roads to get to Maggie, "Hold on, Bethie. We are coming as fast as we can!" were the last words she had heard her Father speak, and she could only hope that they wouldn't be the last.

Beth had always loved the Greene farm and from a young age she had already known that she would be returning at some point after her schooling was done. Armed with that knowledge she had no reservations about heading off to college after high school - after all the farm had been in their family for over a hundred years, it would still be there in the four years or so she would be gone off to college. And Jimmy, Jimmy would always be there because he was made for farm life and had known from a young age that he would take over his family's farm. They had grown up together, and at 15 she couldn't imagine herself with anyone else but him. But they both grew up, and by 17 they both were ready to venture out farther than the boy/girl next door. So they had parted ways, if bit uncomfortably it was still amicable enough.

Unfortunately, it had been dragged out a bit longer than it should have. Ultimately Jimmy was a good guy and when tragedy struck the Greene's he had truly wanted to be there to help Beth pick up the pieces. So he willingly stepped back into his comfortable role of Beth's reliable boyfriend. But Beth wasn't the same girl she had been, and she didn't seem to appreciate his sacrifice. She was resistant to everyone's help, especially his it seemed to him. And as sweet and accommodating as Jimmy was, even he had a hard time not taking it personally. And ultimately that proved to be the breaking point in their already broken relationship. When he had finally worked up the nerve to break it off for the second time, he could have sworn Beth was more relieved than upset.

Beth broke after the " **TRAGEDY** ", that is what she called it in her head...all capital letters and bold print. It even sounded like that in her head when well meaning people from church whispered about it. It had taken her world and turned it upside down and inside out. After Mamma and Shawn had been killed in a farming accident, her world no longer made any sense. Shawn had been parking the old tractor in the even older barn after he had working the back 40. Daddy and Shawn had done this hundreds of times, only this time something had gone horribly wrong. Mama had gone out to bring him a glass of ice-cold sweet tea like she was known to do when the men got back from a hard day's work. She was unlucky enough to be there when it happened. While parking the tractor, Shawn had somehow misjudged or became distracted, and the tractor had taken out one of the the support beams causing the old barn to collapse.

Beth had been inside doing homework when it sounded like a tornado had hit, she had even started to run to the root cellar. The dust in the air drew her eyes...looking out the window she could see that the barn was down. At the time she could only confusedly wonder how the tornado had come and gone so fast. She overheard the fire inspector say that it went down like a house of cards. The collapse had killed her mother instantly but Shawn had held on a few days. It wasn't long before they knew there was no hope and Daddy had to make the hard decision to pull him off life support.

Her brother had been her best friend and her mama had been everything else to her. After that everything became hard and it just kept getting harder. She wasn't sleeping, she felt like her legs were made of lead, her brain was in a constant fog. It felt as if she had something heavy sitting on her chest. She had not been able to take a full breath that didn't taste of that same dust that had hung above the ruined barn that awful day. She was just so very, very tired. She wanted her Mama to come wrap her arms around her and tell her everything was going to be okay. She wanted her big brother to affectionately tug her hair and call her by his special nickname for her "Roo".

Yes, Daddy and Maggie would mourn her, but they were made out of much sterner stuff than she was. Daddy would be good after a bit, for he had his strong faith and he would have Maggie, Patricia and Otis to help him deal with the mess she would leave behind. Maggie was the strong one, she would take care of everything, hold everyone together. Patricia was the compassionate one would help everyone move on and to heal. And Otis would shoulder any work that needed to be done, and make sure Daddy didn't fall off that wagon he had been on for the last 20 years. Otis would make sure Daddy stayed strong and sober for Maggie at the very least. All three would help Daddy through all of this so much better than she ever could have.

And before anyone knew how incredibly lost she really was...because she had tried so very hard to act normal even if she didn't feel it. She had made the choice not to feel anything at all. Beth being ever the planner, the list maker...sat down and made her escape plan. The note to her family was left it inside her purse. It was the one place they wouldn't look until she was gone. She made a small will, making sure her few cherished items made it to the proper people. She washed and ironed the dress that Mamma had loved so much on her, it was white with little yellow flowers. Mamma said that she "looked like the springtime" when she wore it. She left a list of what songs she would most like to be played...begged them to please send her to rest with Shawn's childhood lovey, a battered and worn stuffed Winnie the Pooh tucked under her arm. She felt guilty that it had not been buried with Shawn, but at the time she needed it, because it had felt like her one solid connection with her brother. Finally her last request was to have Mama's favorite perfume spritzed on her neck and ruined wrists.

After all was said in done, all her careful planning was for naught. Maggie had shown 5 hours earlier that she had been expected and found her only minutes after her attempt. Oh, Maggie was mad as hell. She held a towel to Beth's wrists, used her cell to call 911 all the while cursing a blue streak at Beth. "You're not getting out of this Beth...if you die, I will go to Hell and drag you all the way back by your Goddamn prissy little braids." She yelled in her face.

After a short stay in the hospital, Beth felt that she knew herself a lot better. She had learned a lot of new coping skills, and had people that she felt comfortable talking to when life became too much. Afterwards, she found out she was so much stronger than she had ever given herself credit for. At 18 she wasn't the same shy, weak girl she had been at 17. She had come back so much stronger, and wouldn't allow anyone to use her onetime weakness against her. You only had to look at the two fine lines running across her wrists that she refused to be ashamed of or to hide, too know that.

After her attempt, she and Daddy and Maggie had grown much closer. Maggie and Shawn had always been close and she and Shawn had a special bond. Oh, she and Maggie had always loved each other, it was that they just didn't always understand one another. Maggie had always been a spitfire, not afraid of anything. The oldest of the Greene children, Maggie had tons of friends, was totally boy crazy and had other things to do than deal with the little "dollbaby" that had been Beth. Beth was shy, sweet and coddled by everyone in the family, except her big sister. Maggie was not a coddler by nature.

It had always been Daddy's intentions of passing the farm on to Shawn, and Shawn had a real love for the farm from a very early age and the willingness and knowhow, always joyful in his work . Strong, smart and handsome was her brother, and Daddy couldn't have been more proud of Shawn even if he hadn't been his own. It always had seemed as though farming was in blood and nothing else would have made him as happy as running the Greene Farm.

Daddy had already been taking a back seat, and spending more and more of his days at the clinic. Maggie who by that time was already living in the the big city, had absolutely no interest in coming home to the farm. She loved the city, the excitement the constant noise. She loved the never ending supply of cute boys, who all seemed to love a girl in cowboy boots. Loved that she could go out for the day and never running into someone you knew.

But Beth did, she wanted the farm. She wanted to live where everyone not only knew your name but really knew you. Alice at the town Dairy Queen, always had a medium vanilla coke ready to hand her by the time she was at the counter. Sam over at the gas station, knew that she hated the smell of gas and would automatically pump the gas for her, or if busy he would always silently hand her a wet wipe as she paid. She had always had secret dreams and plans for what she would like to do for the farm if it was up to her, plans that she had been too shy to tell anyone.

She never wanted to make Shawn feel like he was taking something from her. And anyways she loved music just as much as she loved the farm. She couldn't help but think that she would go to college and study music and business. Maybe she could open a much needed music store in town, and give out piano or guitar lessons on the side. That way she could still live at the farm. I would be the best of both worlds, and if she was there, Shawn would always at least listen to her suggestions regarding the farm if she ever chose to share them.

So when Daddy unexpectedly asked Beth her thoughts regarding the farm, Beth had been honest, and surprised him with a well thought out and detailed game plan on what she would like to do if she was in charge. Hershel Greene couldn't have been more astonished or pleased with the extent of Beth's plans. He had been blown away with her well thought out plans, when she had pulled out a three ring binder with all her notes and placed proudly in front of him. Knowing that his Bethie had been making plans for her future and was now willing to share them with him made him hopeful that she had fully come out of that all consuming depression that had held her down.

She would go the UGA and study organic farming and agriculture, maybe even minor in business or marketing...she hadn't decided yet. She was also toying with the idea of eventually turning the farm into a organic B&B and adding a few rental cabins on the property. She had traveled to a town a few over from theirs to view the ones she wanted, and started to attended "small home" conventions when they were in her area. Her dream was taking the Greene farm and turn it into a real working farm and not just growing enough to support the farm itself. Taking it back to what it had once it had been when her great-great grandfather had been running it. Daddy had always loved the farm, but his first love was and always would be caring for the animals. His skill as veterinarian, was what ultimately paid the farms bills. It was what had managed to keep the farm afloat all the years that he had been running it. For Daddy, it was his home, and a hobby farm. A safe place to raise his family, but it was never a true working farm under her father's care. Both Shawn and Beth wanted the farm to be self sufficient, and was going to do her best to see that it happened.

Daddy and Maggie both approved of her ideas, and were supportive and excited to see her accomplish everything she was dreaming of. So together the three of them did everything to make it possible. It was decided that while she was in college that the last Sunday of the month would be for family. Beth would met Maggie and Daddy for breakfast or lunch and church in Atlanta, before everyone would head back to their separate homes . It would be their way of keeping in touch, and making sure that the family was a strong.

Occasionally, if both girls had the time Beth would spend the weekend with Maggie but because she had not yet turned 21 she didn't do this often because she didn't want to stop Maggie from going out having a good time. It was a nice way for them to stay connected and it helped keep the homesickness at bay. And the sisters were enjoying the chance to really get to know each other. Both were pleasantly surprised at how well they actually got along now that they were adults.

Beth loved everything about college, growing more and more confident in herself and what she was capable of. She was very lucky and had become very close to one of her professors and his beautiful young wife and absolutely fallen in love with their infant son. The following year she became the professor's teaching assistant, and he in turn her mentor. He was quite well known in his profession and did a lot of traveling, consulting and lecturing on organic farming. Beth had been lucky enough to accompany him on many of these trips both with his family and just the two of them. She even had the privilege of spending last summer with him teaching in South America. She had learned so much from this amazing man, and she in turn was his star student.

The professor and his wife were opposites in almost every way. He was a big man, tall with an athletic build, she was tiny with a slight build. Where he was dark, almost swarthy, she was blond with a delicate pink complexion. He was serious, calm and loved his books. She was outgoing and the life of every party, and loved nothing more than going on adventures. To Beth they were the perfect couple, and she loved spending time with them.

The young professor and his wife were impressed with the way she interacted with their little boy, that shortly after meeting Anastasia, "Ana, if you please", that Beth had become their go to babysitter for their baby. Little Dexy was the spitting image of the young attractive Ana Hagen…not very long in the past had been a bright precocious student of the tall dark and handsome Professor Dexter Hagen herself.

At first Daddy had been against his Bethie getting too close to this man. But Beth had the Hagen's meet Daddy at one of their monthly lunches. Daddy could see that Dexter Hagen only had eyes for his wife and was nothing less than a devoted family man. It only took one lunch for Daddy to know that Dexter Hagen was not someone he ever felt he had worry about messing around with his very young trusting daughter. It wasn't long before Hershel and Dexter had become fast friends. And shortly afterwards it was a common occurrence for the Hagen's to visit the Greene farm with or without Beth along.

The Greenes had been happy to allow him to use the farm to try out some of his farming ideas. It was a win-win for all of them, not to mention the fact that they all just genuinely liked the company. Dexter was an only child and both parent were now gone. Ana's father had passed when she was 10, and her Mother was living with her second husband in Mexico. So, having the Greene's in their lives felt like having family to them. It was good for Dexy, and Hershel was more than happy to play Grandpa to the young boy.

Just before the Hagens had gone off to their conference in France they had just finished reworking the irrigation system to make it less costly and more efficient. It had been a lot of work, but everyone that had volunteered had learned so much and earned extra credit for his class. And Hershel couldn't be more pleased with the outcome.

Professor Hagen had been excited to add classes in Crop Rotation and Growing Medicinal Herbs that past year, and the students had been invited to visit the Greene farm several times per semester to allow for more hands on experience. Because he often walked the unfarmed portion of the property he had the means to to "teach" about another passion of his, identifying wild edibles, to anyone that wanted to tag along on one of his walks. And Beth absorbed his knowledge like a sponge, and had excelled in all his classes.

All of this had led her to be here, in the Hagens summer cabin in Asheville TN, babysitting their son while trying to figure out how not to get eaten by the walking dead. True she had yet to actually see one except on the TV…but it didn't mean she wasn't already planning on the likelihood of eventually running into one. And Beth was nothing else if not a planner, she liked to have everything well thought out before it needed to be dealt with.

Turning away from the window to glance over at the little boy, who was still quietly playing with his cars on the floor next to the couch, "Where do you think they are Dexy-Boy?" She asked him in a falsely bright voice. "That-th comin' Beth-thy." He lisped giving her a considering look before getting up to hug her around her slim legs, it wasn't like Beth to be so sad. Normally she would be sitting on the ground playing cars with him. She wasn't herself and he didn't like it one bit.

Author's Notes

Thank you Athlete Girl for fixing my shitty grammar, and not yelling at me for asking you to fix a chapter you've already fixed :) I'm working on this story every chance I get...or I'm thinking about it, or I'm reworking it. And I'm still trying to decide what path it will go down even as I'm posting it. I'm finding it a little bit unsettling! I have the highest respect for people who write like this all the time...I'm a nervous wreck! I'm finding it way easier to write from Merle's point of view than Beth's in this story for some reason.

Next up...Merle


	3. Chapter 3- Ive got you brother

**If I was dying on my knees**

 **You would be the one to rescue me**

 **And if you were drowned at sea**

 **I'd give you my lungs so you could breathe**

 **I've got you brother**

 **I've got you brother**

 **\- Kodaline -**

Merle had made a basic plan on what he would need to get to Daryl...basic was good, he could do basic. No need to get fancy. First thing...make a mental list of priorities. He looked down at the table where his small hoard was sitting, and went over the list in his head.

1\. Don't get caught and don't get dead.

2\. Guns...and ammo, ammo, and more ammo

3\. Food, anything edible with a shelf life

4\. Reliable Transportation

5\. Camping equipment

6\. Cigarettes, Whiskey

7\. Money, but that was negotiable...he wasn't above stealing the items he needed

Thanks to Frank he already had a start on his list. He had left his old beat up truck at the auto shop was only a few blocks away. He knew for sure that he could find a few of the things on his list there. His bank only a few blocks past that, then slightly past this was his apartment. He put the guns in the waistband of his jeans and pulled his shirt over to keep them out of sight. He had found a crummy backpack shoved in the back of Frank's closet that he confiscated to use to carry his haul.

Stopping only to roll Frank over, he took the two crisp $20's he found in the scruffy wallet in his back pocket. Hesitating a moment, he closed those dead milky eyes. And with a sincerity in his voice that was almost foreign to him, he cleared his throat, "Thanks for everythin' Frank...I really wish this hadn't happened to you. You were one of the few good ones." Then shouldering the backpack and keeping the knife out but hidden in his hand, Merle slipped silently out of Frank's apartment and out into the much too quiet hallway.

Quickly and quietly he had made his way out to the street. He really shouldn't have bothered, he didn't pass anyone on his way out. But in contrast to the quiet building, the streets were busy. Too many people and cars clogged the streets and everyone seemed to be in too much of a rush to pay any attention to him. So he made his way back to the shop using back alleys and avoiding the overcrowded street and sidewalks. Jogging across the street and down the alleyway at a pace not to arouse anyone's interest, only stopping once he arrived at the back of the shop.

Surprisingly there was only his and Sal's truck in the employee parking lot, and it hadn't even gone 7 o'clock yet. He decided that the other mechanics must have left in an awful hurry, because one of the garage bay doors had been left wide open and music was still playing loudly in Big Mike bay.

Going in silently, he cautiously looked around the shop. Not seeing anyone, he grabbed the keys to the company truck and opened the rolling door to his bay. In the front lot he pulled the truck up to one of the bike trailers, and with practiced ease attached it. Then he pulled the truck into his empty bay, and once inside he pulled the big rolling door shut after him and securing the other doors making sure to lock them up tight before turning off Mikes radio.

Back in his work area, he loaded his tools into the toolbox attached to the truck and went back to the area where they got the bikes cleaned up before transporting them to their new owners. His girl was sitting right where he had left her. Sal had done a damn fine job detailing her, she was clean as a whistle. Not a greasy fingerprint on her and she sparkled even in the low light.

He lovingly pushed her back into the shop and onto the trailer and secured her. He stopped, taking a moment to run his hand reverently across the tank down to the handmade leather seat. God, he was in love with this one. He had openly coveted her, and put every bit of his heart and soul into her rebuild. And he was damn proud, because she was a fuckin' beauty. A vintage 1950 Indian Chief...painted metallic gray. There wasn't any spot on her body that his hands hadn't touched, no secrets she held that he hadn't found out. He was in stupid in love with her, and it had been breaking his heart that she was 100% finished. There had been no excuse that he could come up with to keep her any longer. And as hard as he tried he couldn't figure out how to keep her for himself, even the amount in his savings wasn't nearly enough to outright buy her.

There was not one thing left for him to do, no excuse to draw it out any longer. Begrudgingly he told Big Mike today before his meeting that she was ready, and he was going to call the man who had ordered her to let him know that she was ready for delivery. At least he had that one last ride with her to look forward to before he had to let her go. So after dropping her off with Sal, he had slipped her keys in his front right pocket of his worn and greasy jeans. He carried them around with him all day, just because he had liked the feel of weight of them there. He dressed up and to the right, and liked the feel of them nestled right up against his junk.

He wasn't sure what had happened, but the empty and silent shop probably had something to do with the large amount of blood puddled just just inside Mike's bay door. There was another one, just inside the hallway leading into the office area. Carefully stepping around it, he went to the break room and took the four cases of water that he knew was stored there putting them in the bed of the truck. Before going back in the shop, he stopped to grab a large wrench from the bay next to the door and the custom made leather saddlebags off a rack by the lone register before entering the small customer waiting room . There he happily proceeded to beat the holy hell out of the vending machines.

His bag was now full of chips and candy bars, he chose to leave the sugary drinks but he took the 20 bottles of cold water that he found. After a brief inner debate, he walked across the small lobby to the boss's office and opened the door slowly. Big Mike always had at least one bottle of expensive Tennessee Whisky in his desk and Merle was planning on liberating it before he went...just in case he ever had "medical" need of it. "Better safe than sorry" was his motto. He surely hoped that Mike never discovered it was him that did all this, because Merle had a healthy respect for Big Mike.

Taking the other things was bad enough, but he kinda thought Big Mike would understand why he took the bike. He never met anyone loved cycles more than Mike. The man was a fuckin' God in the cycle world, the stuff legends were made from. The first time Big Mike went to jail it was for lifting a neighbor's cycle, so he would like to think that Mike would have understood his motivation, and not held it against him. At least for taking the bike, God help him if Mike ever found out he was the one that had killed the vending machines or the one who had made off with his sippin' whiskey.

Rich people from all over paid top dollar for a bike that came from the shop, and Mike made sure that they got their money's worth. The craftsmanship was so superior to other shops that the customers were more than willing to look past the fact that the shop was 100% staffed by convicted felons. The lobby was normally a bustling mecca of gear heads, people were always in and out picking up parts, or ordering custom made leather gear for their cycles. Some just stopping by to drool over one of the cycles that were displayed in the lobby of the shop. They were Big Mike specials, he did whatever he wanted to the bikes, and sold them for top dollar. Because rich people were stupid in his opinion, they also did custom orders, from men who thought they knew better than the pro's and wanted to custom order a cycle to their exact specifications. At any given time, there was at least a 6 month waiting list to get a rebuilt cycle at Big Mike's. The phone was normally ringing off the hook, so Merle found the silence in the shop slightly spooky and a bit unsettling.

Before leaving Merle went back to his bay and pulled his beloved leather vest off the hook inside his locker, along with a photo of him and Daryl that he had taped there. He didn't have very many pictures to begin with and he wasn't willing to leave this one behind. It had been taken one night on Daryl's last visit, about 4 months ago. After work one night they had gone to the "GreaseMonkey", a bar where the boys from work liked to hang out. Normally he would go with Sal, who was ok in his eyes even if he was a Spic. Oh, they weren't best friends or anything, but you could rely on Sal to do his job and do it well. And the fact that he didn't get offended when Merle called him anything unflattering, he just gave it back as good as he got and he wasn't afraid to throw a punch if he felt the need. And so after a small adjustment period the two had come to a understanding of sorts. Sal did his job and Merle did his, and if upon occasion they happened to end up at the same bar, sitting on stools next to one another...well then, that was just the luck of the draw. It's not like they called each other and made plans to go out like pussies.

Unlike Sal, Big Mike did take offence to any direct or indirect insult that came out of Merle's mouth. They had come to blows within a month of him coming to working there. Big Mike was called Big Mike for a reason...and it wasn't because he was fat. Merle found out first hand that for such a big man, Mike was surprisingly agile. It had only taken one slip where Merle's mouth had gotten away from him, and Big Mike threw down. Merle had taken his punches with surprising good humor, even managing to get past Mike's unnaturally long arms to land a few blows of his own. And after Mike had wiped the floor with his redneck ass, Big Mike just ordered him back to work, instead of firing him like he had been expecting. It was never mentioned again, and Merle had learned how to kept his comments to himself, Their mutual love of cycles had been the thing that had allowed them to work together in relative peace, and Mike had earned Merle's grudging respect.

On any given night you could always find one or two of the men from the shop hanging out at the bar drinking beers and shooting the shit. Sometimes he would go with them, but bars weren't as much fun when you limiting your alcohol intake and doing your best to avoid drugs. But going when Daryl was in town was different. The Dixon boys had joined the guys from work there the last two times Daryl had been in town.

He held the photo in his hand for a moment remembering the night it had been taken, and then carefully put it into his wallet next to the only photo he kept on him. That night had been nice, real nice. For once he wasn't tweaking, or busy looking to hookup with a barfly He was happy just to spend time talking to his brother.

They hadn't even gotten drunk, just nicely toasted and a bit mellow.. And had both stuck to sipping beers and smoking cigarette after cigarette until the barstools that they were sitting on seemed marooned in a smoggy mist of gray smoke. It made Merle wistful, and it only took him a moment to figure out why. Rubbing the smoke out of his eyes, he looked through the haze at Daryl and for once in his shitty life said what he was really thinking and didn't cover it up with his run of the mill bullshit.

Waving a hand in his face halfheartedly attempting to fan some of the smoke away, and in his usual rasp remarked, "This reminds me of sitting in front of PopPops smokey campfire, only now it's us telling the stories. And try as I might, mine ain't half as good as his were. God I still miss that ol' man." He sighed. "Always wondered what could have been, if they had lived, ya' know. Iffn' Nana and PopPop had followed through and gotten custody of us. Taken us away from Pops, what our lives would have been like if they hadn't died in that fire." He swiveled his stool towards Daryl and frowned. "Find it funny that the whole darn farm burnt down...and PopPops shop more than a half a mile away managed to burn down too. I call bullshit on fuckin' embers." He spit out, suddenly angry.

Daryl sat back, his eyes shuttered, a frown crossing his face before leaning in like he was telling a big secret, "Don't really 'member much about 'em. But I remember PopPop always smelled like tequila, Aqua Velva and smoky campfires. I've often thought that If they could bottle that smell, that I'd buy it...always wondered if that's why I like to smoke so much." He said before taking a long drag of the cigarette in his hand before dropping it to the floor and crushing it under his boot.

"And Nana, she always smelled of sugar cookies and Noxzema." Merle said a small smiled on his lips and a faraway look in his eyes, "She made the best damn cookies, always served 'em warm straight outta' the oven." He unconsciously patted his stomach. "Always made a huge batch, but would only cook enough so that everyone could have three cookies each. She'd wrap up the rest of the dough and put it in the icebox for later. PopPop had fresh baked, straight from the oven cookies every damn day of his married life. When I was 8 I thought I would only marry a girl if she could bake cookies as good as Nanas."

Grunting a small laugh, he added, "Nana always said if she didn't do it like that then PopPop would only eat cookies and ignore the rest of her good cookin'...and she always let us have one 'afore dinner to "hold us over." he reminisced.

Daryl smiled one of his rare smiles...one of Ma's smile that somehow still managed to look manly on his face. He tugged his ear thoughtfully, before asking Merle, "Think I remember that, " His face screwed up as he tried to grasp onto the memories, "she make us quote bible passages to get them cookies?"

Merle barked out a laugh before grinning mischievously at him, "Why else ya' think I can quote most that damn book huh? I had ten more years than you of tryin' to get them fuckin' cookies offa that stingy woman...if you got too many of her questions wrong she'd eat your cookie right in front of ya'." He laid his hand over his heart dramatically, "Tried tellin' me it "hurt" her more than it did me!" He shook his head and said bitterly, "She knew we never got any cookies at home, no less fresh, hot from the oven cookies. I was determined to never have to watch Nana eat another one of my cookies. So when she gifted me a bible of my very own, I took that shit very seriously. Had the first three pages memorized that first night, can still quote it word for word. Fuckin' blackmailed us into religion."

Merle raised his beer in a toast, "To conversion by cookies." The brothers snickered in tipsy delight.

It had been one of the best nights he could remember, they had played some pool had a few more beers and just all around enjoyed each other's company. It was something that he couldn't ever remember doing before. Who knew that just talking and enjoying his time with Daryl could feel so damn great? Before his last stint in prison he woulda been too busy looking to score...meth, crank, pot, or women to have spent more than an hour just hangin' out with his little brother. And now he couldn't think of anything he would rather do. Times sure had changed, and Merle along with them. He liked to think for the better.

Sal from the shop had snapped a photo of them on his phone after Daryl had FINALLY beat him at a game of pool. He had grabbed Daryl around the throat pretending to choke him, while Daryl just smiled that smile that reminded him of their little Ma. God he loved that photo, loved how happy and relaxed they both looked. He imagined that's how they would've looked all the time if they had anything close to a normal childhood.

So no, he didn't think twice about taking the bike from the shop, didn't even need to look for the keys because they were still a warm comforting weight in his pocket. Merle had coveted that bike like some men covet another mans wife. It absolutely killed him knowing that some rich yuppie biker wannabe was going to get his baby when she was done. He loved the feel of her between his legs and the weight of her key in his front right pocket. Judging by the amount of blood on the bay floor he would guess a missing bike would be the least of anybody's issues if anyone actually came to work in the morning. Hell they already knew he was no fuckin' angel, they really should've expected something like this when hiring only ex cons.

Wasn't like there was anybody even there to ask permission from or even to lie to. Just an open bay door and the hella' big puddle of blood that he did his best not to get on his boots. If you thought about it, _**anyone**_ could have taken the bike. Thinking fast, he pulled off his uniform work shirt that had his name embroidered above the pocket...fricken' cost him $32.99! Giving it a few tugs to rip it he threw it on top of the puddle, leaving it to absorb the blood. Hopefully if anyone even noticed the bike and the truck gone, they would think Merle Dixon was dead, a victim of the maniac who had robbed to shop.

And just like that he willfully and knowingly broke his parole. Before leaving he stopped to open a few of the bay doors, not even looking in the rearview mirror as he drove away. The bank was a bust because it was locked up tight. He stopped at his apartment for his camping gear, and what little food he had in the cupboard, and he was on his way to the fine state of Georgia and to Little Brother.

Authors Note:

 **Thank you to Athlete Girl who re-read and re-edited this chapter...I'm sure I must feel like a part time job to you. Please don't leave me!**

* * *

" **Dressing left and dressing right are terms that most men, at least those who wear suits, know. It's a term used by tailors when fitting suit pants. To "dress left" means that one keeps one's male appendage shifted in the general direction of the left trouser leg."**

After a short discussion with Athlete Girl regarding terminology, I decided to keep the phrase "Dressed to the right...or Dressed up and to the right" to indicate how Merle likes to place his dick? Cock? Penis? (How come there isn't a term that doesn't make me feel like a giggling 12 year old?) She personally prefers the term "Hung", but I believe that "Dressed" is also a term used by the military when they are getting their uniforms altered. Making it, at least in my mind a term that Merle would use, also I just plan like the way it sounds. Also _**my**_ Merle doesn't dress down, or hang down...he dresses up, and I don't think you can "hang-up"...can you?

I was telling Athlete Girl that one of my fondest memories was in High School were the boys. You know the ones, who wore those skin tight jeans. And as a 9th grade girl, I can vividly remember the 12th grade boys and their tight 501's and you could tell how they "Dressed" by the faded friction marks, looking it up I also found it called a CHUB RUB...LOL, some people are so clever. I couldn't keep my eyes off that worn, faded area on the front of their jeans to save my life. And I spent many sleepovers discussing this fascinating occurrence, and how exactly were they made? All self induced? Dirty make out sessions the backseat of their cool cars with the sophisticated senior girls. And what we would do if a boy like that asked us out. I'm afraid those older boys and their marked jeans turned me into a hormone laden, sex obsessed teenager faster than if they had left a little bit to the imagination of such a young impressionable girl.

Next chapter may take a bit, I'm thinking I need to write and add another chapter between either after this one or the next…

Also regarding this story and me as it's writer. I'm not a pro...if I was, I wouldn't be worried about getting up at 4:30 am everyday to make it to my job in another city. I would (hopefully) have money in a saving account, and not have to worry about the outrageous price of red meat these days. And I would get to spend my days writing at home to my dogs utter delight. I'm just putting my thoughts and what if's onto paper...and out into public view.

So not to be rude, but if you don't like the story...don't read it. If you don't like the "couple" again, don't read it...if you just don't like my style of writing...yep, you guessed it...don't read it.

Or a better idea would be...write your own story and share it with us. Because I love a good story, and I will read almost anything. Also read a lot of fandoms and couples. But in TWD, Rick and Beth and Merle/Daryl because in my personal opinion -EWWWWW Icky! Guess what? I don't read them.

As for the story being an "information dump"...yes, I guess it is. This is how the story is being written, and will continue to be written for at least the next 4 chapters. Unfortunately, I have little control over my Muse. I have strong suspicions that she has ADHD a bad attitude and is possibly a heavy drinker. So if that isn't your cup of tea, then you may want to not read the next few chapters.


	4. Chapter 4 - Druxy

Note from Athlete Girl: Hi readers, I hope you're enjoying Shelter in Place as much as I am. I'm honored to be the beta for this story, and kindly suggest that if you don't like the way the story is being edited, to contact me instead of the author. Thank you, now go enjoy this great piece of TWD fanfiction!

 *****WARNING : Rape trigger*******

I'm not terribly comfortable writing about sex in general. But I have been challenging myself to do the uncomfortable, and that is where my story "Objectionable" comes into play. And I'm really quite fond of that story, but I question every word I choose. Because I'm still uncomfortable writing about sex scene...even between two consenting adults, don't really go into the rape. So just be aware that it's in here, I think that we are all adults and can imagine what when on with out a play by play. If you don't want to read it, I totally get it. Just PM me, and I will give you a very brief rundown of the chapter. - LittleMiss

 **Druxy: Something whole on the outside.**

 **But rotten inside: of timber having**

 **decay in the heartwood.**

The TV and radio were now only blaring the emergency tone, and there wasn't even a dial tone on the phone anymore. After that last call after Daddy's, there had been one more. Ana had called but the connection was so full of static that most of the conversation was lost. Beth could make out a few words, but the woman's sobbing making it even more impossible to understand. "Beth…Dexy…flight…gun…closet...safe."

"Ana, Dexy is good. We're good. Daddy is coming for us...we will be at the farm...meet us at the farm!" But at some point the call had been lost, and Beth was unsure if Ana had even been able to hear her. It wasn't long after that the phone went completely dead, along with Beth's hopes of Ana and Dexter Hagen making it back to her and Dexy anytime soon.

That night after Dexy was asleep she did a frantic search of the house, she found a small safe in the small closet in Professor Hagen's office, and after a few tries figured out the code...Ana's birth month and the day of Dexy's birth. Inside she also found $400.00 saved between the pages of an old family bible, it had all the Hagen's recorded births and deaths written on the inside covers. Holding the bible close, she looked sadly at the family photo sitting on the desk. After a moment she took it out of the frame and placed it inside the bible next to the money.

Taking everything with her to the grand piano where she had been putting items while deciding what to take with them when they finally had no choice but to leave. She wanted to be ready, because that decision would need to be made soon. She walked back to the office, and stood in the doorway looking at her professor's cherished items. After much thought she walked to the crammed bookshelves looking at the titles while running her hand up the worn spines.

She pulled out all the ones she was interested in and started to put them in stacks of "Need" and "Might Need" before putting all the like books in their own stacks. Afterwards she picked the books that she thought would be most helpful to her. Most were on farming, wild edibles, crop rotation, irrigation and sustainability. Bypassing the items sitting piano she packed them directly into the boxes by the garage door that she would take with her when they left.

After a few more days of packing, the food was almost gone…and the electricity was spotty at best. She decided that it was simply time to go, even without Daddy and Maggie. They just couldn't stay any longer, it just wasn't safe. The Greene farm would be the best bet, it had three fresh water wells, a powerful generator and a septic tank for the waste. Not to mention the kitchen garden, the fishing pond the chicken coop plus the livestock. In her opinion those things made it a place that could work for them….maybe their best if not only shot at not only survival, but of having some sort of a life.

Before leaving Beth left a note for Daddy and Maggie and the Hagens, just in case anyone arrived after she had already left. The note simply said they were going to the farm, and the route she was going to attempt. She was going to take Daddy's phone call into consideration, and take all back roads if at all possible. She just needed to stop for gas, and she had a good idea where to get some without going into town.

"Dexy I need you to stay here. Do not get out of the car, do you understand me?" Beth told the little boy firmly. She held his eyes, letting him know that she wasn't joking. Dexy pulled his thumb out of his mouth with a loud "POP", nodding his head looking at her solemnly, "Yeth, Ma'am." he said, reaching over and locking the car door with a pudgy hand.

Beth got out of the packed jeep and stood looking at the cute little cabin owned by Tom & Barb Miller. The Hagen's had introduced Beth to them the day before they left, telling her if they had any issues to go see them. Tom could normally be found puttering around his small shop or asleep in the hammock next to the garden as Barb was busy with the never-ending weeding.

Tom a retired contractor who according to Ana "could fix almost anything" had a small shop around the back where he fixed the neighbors cars for an affordable price. He said it gave him a place to go when his wife was sick of bumping into him. The Hagens had their jeep over to him before they left to make sure it was in good working order for Beth to drive while staying with Dexy. It set Dexter mind at ease, knowing that Beth would have a reliable car to drive while they were away. Beth had gone with Dexter to pick the Jeep up, and had noticed that there had several gas cans sitting just inside the door to the shop.

Now that she was thinking about it she wondered why Tom had never come by. She half hoped they had been too busy to think about her and Dexy, and maybe they had managed to leave for somewhere safer. But upon approaching the porch that happy thought was crushed. Bloody smears could be seen along the insides of the windows and she could hear muffled moans coming from somewhere deep inside the home. She backed away as quietly as she could and left before she could get a glimpse of her first dead one.

She had been hoping that they would still be there, alive and well and that they would watch Dexy for her so she could go to town to get some food. If not she planned to check their abandoned house for any food. She was worried about taking Dexy with her into town, at the age of three his short little legs couldn't go too far or too fast, and his sturdy little body would make it hard for her to carry him for long periods of time.

She got back in the jeep and continued down towards the main road, but before she made it there she glimpsed a man working in his garden. She had almost missed him, it was the last home before the main road. She had been trying to decide which way to go, when he stood up. He was wiping his face with a red bandana, and the movement had caught her eye. He waved his hand in a friendly salute, as she pulled over. The small basket in his hands held a few cucumbers and a sad looking tomato.

"Hi, I'm Beth Greene...I'm babysitting for your neighbors, the Hagens." She said through the half open window. Looking up the road, he shook his head. "Nah, don't know the Hagens. Pretty much keep to myself these days." He said gruffly. After introducing herself and telling him of her situation, she asked him about the what was happening in town.

He smiled at Dexy through the closed window, and thought for a moment "Town has been pretty much overrun, and it's not safe to just go pick up stuff there anymore. I went a few days ago, almost didn't make it back." He said scratching his stubbly jaw, "I really wasn't planning on going back if I didn't have to." He added, then glancing at Dexy again said. "If you go into town you're going to need to take extreme caution. If you run into a dead one, ya need to shoot or stab it in the head, and be extra cautious not to get bitten or scratched." he added. "I'm almost certain that's how it's spread."

Beth sighed, "I haven't even seen one yet, I'm not sure how to get close enough to kill one with a knife. And I don't want to waste my bullets if I don't have to."

"I did manage to get some food while there, how about I fix you a bag with a few things to go….I can't give you much, but some is better than none…right?" He asked, and Beth had to agree. Knowing she wasn't up trying to fight off the dead quite yet, she gladly accepted his kind offer.

As the door of the cabin closed behind her, the man at her back and Dexy on her hip...she knew she had made a horrible mistake. There was a young almost naked girl handcuffed in the corner of the room. The girl was covered in bruises and her dull lifeless eyes looked out from under dirty matted hair.

"These two are claimed, boys." He said as the three men who seemed to be searching the cabin turned around. The taller of the two threw the item in his hands down with a loud crash. "Fuck, Joe…you pick her in the fucking garden? Yer gunna share her, right?"

Beth backed away from the men, bumping into Joe's chest then automatically tried to flinch away from him. But he put his hands on her shoulders and pulled her back against him and ran his nose along her neck sniffing appreciatively,. "Maybe after she's lost that new car smell, boys. Until then keep your hands to yourselves."

The fat ugly little man looked away from her and eyed Dexy speculatively. "And the boy…we gotta wait for a turn with him?" He asked wiping the back of his hand across his mouth. The man was practically salivating while looking at Dexy. Trying to shield the young boy from the leering man, Beth turned her body away. Her eyes round with terror looked up at Joe searching his face. Joe looked deeply into her eyes before seeming to come to a decision, "Best to wait until I decide what I want to do. For now, leave the both of them alone 'till you hear different from me." Joe said firmly.

"Anyways," he stated pointing to the girl in the corner, "Len claimed the first girl fair and square, and it's been about two weeks and he hasn't felt like sharing yet. We've been more than willing to wait until he had his fill of his young lady." he said reasonably, "We all have been waiting for him to share real patient like. So, I don't see why we should change the rules that work so well for us so far."

Dan looked over at the cowering girl in the corner, an oily smile on his lips, "Len said Billy and I could have her tonight while he was on watch." Joe nodded and smiled at the other men, "Well now, that's very accommodating of Len. I don't know when I'm going to be ready to share…but I will let you know. For now I'll just stick to my girl and let you three share the other one." he said agreeably.

The two men who had spoken, both looked like they wanted to argue, but the third shrugged his shoulders and went back to his search of the kitchen cabinets. It took a moment, but then the one named Dan went back into the kitchen where Beth couldn't see him any longer. The one named Len grabbed the girl and pulled her up, "Come on, we only have a little bit of time before I go on watch. Let's find a room and get you settled." He said as he roughly pulled the girl behind him.

Joe started to take Dexy from her and Beth fearfully resisted, gripping the little boy to her body even more tightly. With a warning look in his eyes Joe said firmly, "Best if you let go, or he might get hurt. Ain't nothing going to happen to him. Billy here," he gestured to the younger of the three men, the one who hadn't spoken yet, "will get the little guy something to eat, and keep an eye on him." He said firmly, looking into Beth's frightened eyes and then at her white fingers gripping onto the little boys body. "He can sit out here with Billy, and I promise nobody will touch him. Believe me, Dan knows what I would do to him if he didn't follow our rules. Right Dan?" He said looking over Beth's head, she heard the man grumble an agreement from the kitchen. "Or, if you don't want to leave him then the little guy can join us the bedroom…where he will see and hear everything that I...that we do. It's your choice, of course." Beth's eyes searched his, and she could see no room for negotiation. She loosened her hold on the boy he was transferred into Joe's arms, then quickly into the arms of the man named Billy. Dexy was crying out for her as she was pulled down the hall, she could only hope Joe would hold up his end of the bargain and that by cooperating Dexy would be safe.

Afterwards if asked, she couldn't have told you all the events of that night. She had been frozen in her fear, and trying her best to divorce herself from the situation. At least as much as Joe would allow her too.

Joe was a real meat and potatoes kind of guy, he liked his sex straightforward. Him on top, and in total control. And as strange as it sounded for a kidnapping rapist, he preferred his bed partners to be somewhat willing…or at least not sobbing during the actual act. So he did take care of her in his own way. His hands weren't as rough as she had been expecting, and he was soft spoken. He had talked to her like they were lovers. She wasn't sure if that made it better or worse.

The first two years in college Beth had a psych major as a roommate, Nina. Nina had enjoyed diagnosing everyone in sight a little too much for Beth's liking. And she was often subjected to mini "classes" where Nina _needed_ her to understand the difference between someone who had schizophrenia versus being bipolar or someone who was a psychopath vs. sociopath...and Nina seemed to think everyone was in need of therapy. In the secrecy of her own head, Beth had nicknamed her "Meana", because Nina always thought the worst of everyone. Beth could hear the Nina in her head trying to diagnose Joe, it was for this very reason Beth had chosen not to room with her again last year.

Beth wouldn't go as far as to say she thought Joe was a sociopath, although she certainly could feel him trying to manipulate her emotions. She decided then and there to be as calm and as nice to Joe as she possibly could, just in case it would help with his particular brand of crazy. And even that first night she had the through playing in her head, that Joe was definitely not the worst case scenario in this situation. She could only imagine what would be happening to her and Dexy if it had been Len or Dan in the garden when she had driven up.

That night the one thing Beth did right was to listen to Joe's "bedroom talk" and he really, really liked to talk after sex. It seemed as though Joe had a strict moral philosophy…once again for a kidnapping rapist. He told her she could say anything to him, as long as she was truthful, "but, God help you if you lie to me." He said squeezing her chin roughly as he looked into her eyes.

She wasn't sure how much truth she could speak before he changed his mind on that rule. But she had listened as he spoke of a wife who had left him…how she had aborted the unborn child in her womb after she left. How she had lied, had slept around, but mostly of how she lied. She had said "love, honor and obey…she lied." How after the marriage ended he had decided never to be put in that situation again and had elected to have a vasectomy.

At least that was one thing she wouldn't have to worry about, at least until he decided to share her with the other men he traveled with. He put his hands behind his head, and looked up at the ceiling, "she said till death do us part…she lied. All lies, she was full of them. Ain't nothing I hate more than a liar." Beth nodded her head, already making a mental list of things to do to keep on Joe's good side.

Sometime later after he had her a second time, Joe started to get dressed and tossed Beth her clothing asking her as he pulled on his pants, "So tell me Beth…what is your truth?" swallowing thickly she tried to word her thoughts in a way that would hopefully connect them in some small way, "Dexy…he is my truth. I will do what I need to do to keep him safe…keep him fed, to keep him healthy and as heart whole as I can. He is likely an orphan by now, and I will do my best as inexperienced as I am to fill the role of Mother for him as long as I can. To raise him to be strong and smart and as honest as I'm able to."

Joe sat nodding his head at her words, his eyes had gone soft and far away, "I always wondered if the baby my wife got rid of had been a son…would have liked raising my boy." His eyes hardened as he continued, "But my wife would have ruined him…she was selfish, was no good to raise a child. She only thought of herself, me and the boy would have been on our own. I won't promise you anything…but I can try to treat him like my own. I can keep the boys away from him, but after a bit I'm most likely going to have to share you. Our family wouldn't work if we didn't work together and share the spoils of our hard labor." Beth felt the tear roll down her cheek, but nodded her head. She would endure if only he could keep Dexy safe. But she was already planning on possible ways to escape. And if they couldn't have total freedom, freedom from that little troll Dan would do.

He stood up and reached for her hand. "Come on girl…time to go see about your son. You can make us some lunch and then help us pack up, while I check out the contents of your Jeep. I'm interested in seeing what you thought was important enough to take with you. He held the door open for her, and put his hand on the small of her back as he escorted her out of the bedroom.

Len was already out on watch and from the noises coming from the other end of the house Dan was making good on the offer to share the young girl. Billy was half dozing on the couch and Dexy was running a small matchbox car along the coffee table in front of him quietly. He looked up smiling, happy to see her. She stooped to pick him up, holding him close to her body, she managed to nod her thanks to the young man on the couch. 'Damn the good manners her Mother and Father insisted on,' she groused on the inside, vindictively imagining shoving the butter knife in her hand repeatedly into Joe's black heart.

After lunch, Dexy was "helping" Beth gather and pack up the food items when Joe came back into the house. He had her books in his hands. "Girl, why do you have these books?" He asked placing them on the table. She looked up from the packing and glanced at the books "Because that is what I was studying in college, and I know that they will be useful if I ever needed to feed myself and Dexy and it wasn't safe to go into the towns. I was thinking that if it became necessary, I could find a little place somewhere remote and try farming."

His mouth pulled down at the corners and he narrowed his eyes in thought. "That sounds like a good plan…were you going anyplace in particular?" Seemingly interested in her answer. She nodded her head "We were headed to Georgia, I've worked on a farm there all my life, I understand the soil and the weather there. I was thinking that I could manage a small place on my own if I needed to."

He nodded again "If I could get you any other books what would you want?" He asked sitting down and pulling a pad of paper and a pen over to sit in front of him. She slowly blinked at him a few times before slowly sitting across from him and pulling Dexy on her lap. "Books on canning, if I can grow it I should know how to preserve it. Books on hunting and curing meat. Again if I kill it, I should know how to make it last." Pausing and thinking hard, she added "Maybe check to see if they have anything on making your own bullets, gun smithing and blacksmithing…anything at all on homesteading, would be useful to have."

Joe leaned back in his chair and sat looking at her like he was working out a challenging puzzle before giving a low whistle. "Fucking hit the jackpot. Brains and beauty...think I need to be careful or you're gonna end up running this group."

Her eyes rose in fear and she opened her mouth to reply, but he stopped her by placing his hand over hers. "Nah Honey, don't you ever apologize for being smart and speaking your truth. I tell you, the boys follow the rules real good, but they ain't much for planning ahead. I'm afraid I need to raise to your level of thinking not lower myself to theirs. We can't wander forever, and getting a start on all this before winter is important." He stood and walked behind her, placing a hand on her shoulder and bending down to speak, his breath uncomfortably hot on her neck. "tomorrow one of the boys or I will go to the town library and see if we can find you any of your books."

As he took a step to go past her and she reached out, tentatively touching his sleeve, "Joe…" She said quietly and then hesitated.

He glanced down at her, patting her hand surprisingly gentle, "Come on Beth, it's a little too late to be shy now, don't you think?" He said teasingly. Her eyes widened at his sudden playfulness, but she forced herself to continue, "If it's not too much trouble, could you get Dexy some books? He loves books, especially on animals and dinosaurs. They will keep him busy and quiet for short periods of time."

He placed a gentle kiss on the top of her head "Ain't you just full of good ideas. Dexy, tell your Mamma thank you for thinking about you." Dexy looked around in confusion, "Where-th Mamma?" He asked wide-eyed. Joe hunkered down and put his hand on Dexy's back and pointed up at Beth. "This here is your Mamma from now on Dexy…and I'm going to be your Daddy." He said firmly . Dexy scrunched up his face in concentration "No, tha-th Beth-thy…you-th Joe." Joe's eyes seemed to harden as he picked the sturdy child up from Beth's lap. She stood if only to keep her hands in contact with his little body, like that would help in some small way.

"Boy...your Mamma and Daddy are dead, Now you just have us, just your new Mama and me. Now, you tell your Mamma 'Thank you" and do it quick." Something in Joe's face or his tone made Dexy stiffen and his lower lip started to quiver, turning he reached for Beth, but Joe tightened his grip. "Boy, I won't have you be rude. Tell your Momma "thank you" and be quick about it…go on."

"Fank you, Mamma." Dexy said looking at Beth as fat tears ran down his pudgy cheeks.

Beth wrapped her arm around Dexy while he was still sitting stiffly in Joe's arms, "You're welcome, Baby." She swallowed around the lump of fear in her throat, her voice shook as she told the little boy, "Mama and Joe," Joe's hissed a breath, making Beth correct herself. "Mama and Daddy are going to take care of you Dexy...always."

Joe grunted approvingly, and pressed a kiss to Beth's head and handed Dexy into her arms. "Go on, and finish packing up here. I trust your judgment on what goes and what stays more than the boys. They always take the booze and leave almost everything else. We ain't staying here more than a few days, so box up the food but leave it out and open. I don't think it's safe to stay here so close to a town of this size, once the dead run out of food they will be headed our way."

Done with the conversation he turned picked up the books as he walked out.

 **There you have it...I hope it was worth the wait. And I hope that the rape was handled in a respectful manner. Things are about to seriously slow down. With the holidays coming, I'm not sure how much writing I will be able to do. I had guests this week, and I had very little time to myself.**

 **FYI, at this time I have about 5 chapters in various stages of being written. So I will hopefully get another one out around Thanksgiving if at all possible. At the moment Merle and Beth should be meeting around chapter 6...and that chapter one of my favorites...I'm so excited, to have you read it!**


	5. Chapter 5 - Cry Later

So, this is not the chapter that I was going to post. Because it was all Beth and the Claimers, I felt that I needed to show a little of what Merle was doing in this timeline. Truth is Merle is just surviving, and I can only write so much shoot, shoot, stab, stab. I hope you enjoy it even if it is short, and kind of spur of the moment. I think it adds something special to the storyline, Thank you Athelete Girl for all your help!

"Survive now. Cry later."

Beth

Slowly Joe's group moved farther away from the city, stopping occasionally to raid the farms that they passed. Sometimes they found other people on the road, or living on passing farms. Each time Joe would assess the situation and decide whether to trade with them or fight. If he felt that their group was stronger, they took the farm by force. Killing anyone who was stupid enough to try and stop them, and taking what and whom they wanted.

As they went along it was normal to gain and lose hostages. There was a pattern, if it was Dan who claimed a person, they rarely made it more that a few days, a lot of the time even less. Dan would take women and children of both sexes...but his preference was the younger the better. He was like a small child with a new, if disappointing toy. And in his sick mind toys were meant to be played with and broken, making room for the next new toy. If it was Len they would last awhile longer especially if she was young and pretty. He liked to work them into a state of pure terror before he actually started the physical side of their "relationship". But he wasn't any kinder to his girls than Dave. His pleasure seemed to increase with their mental and physical pain. But he enjoyed playing his little mind games, before seemingly becoming bored with them.

Joe and Billy seemed content just taking what they wanted be it supplies or women, and then leaving them alive if somewhat shaken. If the women were really lucky Len and Den were already occupied with someone else and they might be even given their freedom, but that was only a rare and lucky few. So far only Beth, Dexy and the first young girl they had taken seemed destined to stay both claimed and living for any real amount of time.

Beth wasn't sure how long she had been with the Claimers, but thought maybe around two month maybe longer. Time had a funny way of expanding and narrowing in this new world of theirs. She still didn't know the other girl's name, in fact Joe seemed happier if she had as little to do with the other girl as possible. And made it clear to the other men that Beth was too valuable for them to mess with her. He had decided that his claim on them would be more or less permanent, and the others were not going to be given any time with his girl or her boy.

"Besides, there seems to be plenty of other ladies for you boys. I don't think that sharing needs to be a given if one of us isn't inclined." He had made this announcement at dinner one night after they had taken 2 women from the side of the road, leaving the husband of one of gushing blood and tied the the bumper of his car. It would have been kinder to just kill him, Beth thought to herself, as she tried to shield Dexys eyes from the sight.

Beth had seen the narrowing of Len's eyes at Joe's proclamation, and knew that even if they claimed 100 women it wouldn't be enough for him or Dan. She knew that Len wanted her, and Dan wanted Dexy, and they both seemed to think that having a turn with them was their right, no matter what Joe said. And her fear was that in the end what Joe had to say would only hold them off until they became brave enough to just take what they wanted.

Merle

He was getting antsy and more than ready to move on now that he had the chance to catch up on some much needed sleep. But the steady migration of the dead past his hiding place made him leery of even making too much noise, much less leaving. He had been forced to stay four nights, two more then he had wanted to. And sitting here doing nothing was making him edgy as fuck.

This whole situation was FUBAR, the roads were damn near impassable at this point. First off, there were the car accidents. 'Didn't anyone know how to drive these days?' was the recurring thought that circled around in his head. Second, were the cars that had just been abandoned when the owners couldn't go forward and couldn't go backwards. All that they had managed to do was block the way of the people who actually knew how to drive. Third thing, the Dead...were picking off the stranded car owners at an alarming rate. The dead ones were killing machines and furiously making even more of their brethren. The streets were teaming with the freshly turned dead. The smell was revolting, like hot garbage in July.

Not to mention the issues with the ones that were still in the land of the living. It was absolute panic in the streets, everyone running around like chickens with their heads cut off. As if they were all playing tag with the Dead. Well then it they were playing tag, the he was going to play hide-n-seek. At least until all the stupid fuckin' people were dead. Panicked people were stupid people in his opinion. Once he figured out that the large traffic jams were just a buffet for the dead, he had decided that it would be better to take a day or two to rest up and regroup. Now that he had done both, he was anxious to be on his way. Currently he had the map laid out in front of him, trying to find an even less traveled route to his brothers place.

The things that he had seen in the last few weeks disturbed him. Merle Dixon, a fucking hardened criminal, man who had grown up in a violent household with a vicious alcoholic father. Here he was, finding that he could still be surprised and sickened by the things that people would do to one another when under stress.

And the cherry on the top of this fucked up sundae? Now he was even further away from his brother than when he started. "FUCK the traffic and FUCK all the stupid people getting in my way." he growled sourly. Once the last of the fuckin' Darwin Award winners had been turned into the walking dead...maybe then they would all walk the fuck away to look for food elsewhere. He'd like to think that they wouldn't like the taste of him anyways...he was salty as fuck. And maybe once they had marched themselves off to the next big feast, he could leave safely. Digging out another cigarette, he noted that he would need to look for some more sooner rather than later.

For the time being he knew that he was lucky to be holed up and safe. He had picked a used car dealership. The only problem was that he was stuck with no means of entertainment. A man could only eat, sleep and masterbate so much before cabin fever set in. For him it was three days, he was well rested, full...and chafed. He was so incredibly bored that he was starting to think that going out and killing a few of those dead fucks might be an acceptable way to relieve a little bit of the stress he was feeling. Or maybe he could catch one and put it down in the oil changing pit...at least then he could pretend that he was talking to it instead of himself.

He had already been frustrated because of the time he lost having to backtrack, and then he had run into a...well, he guess he would call it a "herd" of the dead. He really wasn't even sure it was the same group or maybe a few separate ones at this point. But it seemed like they were everywhere, and they kept pushing him further and further away from where he wanted to be. The best he could figure, he was somewhere east of Roanoke, not even close to where he wanted to be.

The fact that he had little to no sleep for over a week, and the continuing threat of the "herd" at his heels had him reaching his breaking point. He had finally had to admit that he desperately needed some real sleep, not the semi-dozing that he had been begrudgingly allowing himself. With this knowledge he felt the best thing to do would be to lay low, and to let the large group make their way slowly past him.

He kept his eye out for a good spot and was relieved to finally find it in a small town that he had never heard of. When he pulled his truck and the bike into one of the empty bays of the repair center at the back of an abandoned dealership and shut and secured them, he had only felt relief. He certainly felt safer there than he would have in the showroom, and the lingering smell of oil was calming to him. It reminded him of working in PopPop's shop and of the summer that he was 17 and he and Daryl planned their big getaway while tinkering on a broken down car that was sitting at the back of their property. It had been rusted out and long forgotten and the brothers never had been able to get that old piece of shit to work. It didn't matter anyway because by spring Merle had been back in juvie.

Frankly, after seeing the crazy way people were acting, he wanted to avoid the living as much at the dead. They had become just as threatening if not more so, at least the dead were predictable. The living were hard to gauge, you never could predict who the real threat was going to be. You were just as likely to be taken out by a frightened mother protecting her child as one of the disbanded army units that were wandering the highways. The living were also starting to group in herds, making too much noise for their own good. All they did was Draw the dead in resulting in adding an even larger amount of the stupid living into their ranks.

He knew that when people were afraid and in groups they could be dangerous. People who were both stupid and afraid could very easily turn into unstable and violent mob if they followed the wrong leader. He had seen it often enough with his own eyes, both with his father's friends, and in prison. So he wouldn't be joining any groups, "Fuck you very much." better to be alone than to be with people you didn't trust...and in his book that included everyone except his brother.

And if a group couldn't be avoided, then he would need to go in with force. It would be prudent to let them see that he was not someone to be fucked with. He was good at intimidation, always had been. He had no problems with defending himself if needed, or killing someone if he felt threatened. He was reformed sure, but he was still a fuckin' Dixon after all.

It had taken him another two days before the crowd had thinned to a manageable level. He killed a few dead fucks on his way over to the dealership where he jimmied the lock and went in to look for any goods. He didn't find much, just a pack and a half of cigarettes in one of the lockers in the break room, along with a few "just add water" meals. He was happy to take them, growing up the way he did had taught him not to be picky about his food. In another locker he found a tube of chapstick, and a pack of gum that he added to his bag.

Then he hit all the desks in the office area. He found a few girly magazines, that he stopped to glance at before putting them in the bag. He really wasn't one for the mags, never had been. Maybe because Pops always had them laying around the house, and his Mama had always hated them. He could remember as a young boy that Mama would always pick them up between two fingers like they were filthy...they probably were. And her nose would always wrinkle up like she was smelling something foul...she probably was.

But...this was the longest he had gone without the company of a woman, except when he had been in prison of course. And having a little inspiration around would be nice, because he wasn't one to force himself on a unwilling partner. He never had to resort to that, he could be quite charming when properly motivated. The ladies liked him, they always had, the fact that he could go out and find someone to bring home had always been his excuse for never committing himself to any long term relationships. Truth was he had never met anyone that he was interested in spending more than a few months with...and even those relationships he could count on one hand.

It was in the last office he made his big discovery, He wasn't the only one that thought that the dealership would be a good hiding spot. There was one dead one, ex (only because he was dead) Army. Merle made quick work of putting him down. And then he helped himself the dead man's guns and bullets. It was like Christmas...only a better Christmas than he had ever had. He was downright gleeful with what was now his. The guns were big and impressive and would make anyone think twice before messing with him.

Once he was done, he put the bag in the passenger seat of the truck and pulled carefully out of the open bay door. He made sure to close and secure the door, just in case he had to come back for any reason. He sure as hell hoped not, but like his PopPops had always said, "Better to be safe than sorry." The man was a font of good advice.

Along the way he stopped a few times and gathered items from abandoned homes or cars, but he tried to keep a steady pace. Always up and on the move before dawn, but stopping early enough to find a place he felt comfortable staying at. Finally he was making his way in the right direction.

Dexy

"Beth-thy." he whispered into the dark, his mouth close to her ear. Joe had put him in bed next to her sometime ago, but she had been sleeping. He wanted her to hold him, to sing him to him like she used to. He missed the way it use to be, before all the bad things started to happen. He missed seeing Beth smile, and he missed the smile that she used to have in her voice. Somewhere she had lost both...it was probably Joe that took them. Joe was too big, and he took up so much more space than he should have, and he made Dexy feel small.

He was afraid of Joe...but he was more afraid of Bad Dan and Bad Len. Joe was just plain confusing to him. Joe could be nice, but there was something in his face that Dexy didn't trust. He felt like Joe was trying to be his friend, but only if he and Beth did what Joe wanted them to do. He had the feeling if they didn't do what Joe wanted them to, that Joe could even be worse than the other two. There was something wrong with all of those men...even Billy wasn't quite right. Even if he knew their names, they were STRANGERS, and Mama told him not to talk to strangers...not to let a stranger take you. The teachers at his old school told him this too, and even the policeman who had visited his school had said this.

The policeman said, "Don't talk to Strangers...and don't ever get into a car with Strangers, because you might not ever see your Mommy or Daddy again if you went with them." It must be true, because Mama and Daddy wouldn't lie to him. Beth and his teachers wouldn't lie to him, and certainly a Policeman wouldn't lie about that.

And he and Beth had talked to Strangers...they had got into a car with Strangers. They should have never done that. And another thing, Mama and Daddy said they would be back before he knew it. But it had been a long time. They were only supposed to be gone for so many sleeps...and he had counted...at least the sleeps once they were with the Strangers. And Mommy and Daddy were still gone, and it must be because he had let Beth and himself get taken by the strangers. At least the strangers had Beth too, at least they were together. And he felt bad that he felt that way, but he was sure that Beth could get away if she wanted to. Beth was really good at running and playing hide-and-go-seek. He wasn't stupid, he knew that he only found her because she let him.

Billy wasn't that bad, but he wasn't all that good either. Billy never helped Beth when Joe dragged her off to the back rooms of the homes they stayed in. He knew that Beth didn't want to go, because her feet were slow and heavy as she walked with him. But Billy never stopped Joe from taking Beth, he just looked the other way. Billy did give him food, sometimes even from his own plate, and sometimes brought him gifts when they went out collecting. But he would much rather that Billy help them get away from the others than give him the other things. Billy was probably scared too...maybe Billy had got into the car with the Strangers too, and he was just as trapped as he and Beth were.

He didn't think that he would ever see Mommy or Daddy again. Beth said that maybe, if they were lucky...then they would come to the farm someday to get him. He might only be three, but he thought that maybe Beth was wrong. He didn't think that there was any way to go back and for it to be like before.

Daddy had always told him when he went away on one of his trips, that he was the "Man" of the house. And that it was his job to listen to Mommy, be a good boy and look out for her. It was both their jobs as the men in the family to take care of Mommy, even if she thought it was her taking care of them. Now he was calling Beth Mama...so did that mean that he was to take care of her too? He thought that his Daddy would tell him yes, that Beth was family, and family took care of family.

So he would call Beth Mama, and he would take care of her just like he would care for his own Mommy. And only because it was required, he would call Bad Joe "Daddy" if it meant keeping Joe happy. And Beth seemed to want to keep Joe happy...and Beth was smart, Daddy had always told Mama that Beth was the best student he had ever had. He had even heard Bad Joe say the same thing. So he would do what she asked, even if he really didn't want to. He would call them Mama and Daddy, and he would use his good manners. That was the way he was going take care of Beth Mama, it was his job as the man of the family.

He could hear the low rumble of their voices from the other room, and it made him feel better that he knew where they were. He reached out his hand, and found a strand of Beth's hair. Wrapping it once around his hand and rubbed it between his fingers that way he used to do with his real Mama's hair. "Beth-thy!" he said a little louder.

She turned and tiredly pulled him to her, "Shhhhh," she soothed, "Not so loud, we don't want any of them to come back here she quietly cautioned. "And you need to call me Mama...even when we're alone. We need to be safe Dexy. I told your Mommy and Daddy that I would keep you safe, and this is how we are going to do it." she said softly, pulling his head down to her shoulder and stroking his head.

The were both quiet for a second. "Mama, I can't th-leep. I'm hungry." he lisped into her ear. "Dan, took my food again." he confessed in a tired voice. "Bad Dan!" He said as if uttering a horrible curse word.

"Tomorrow, I will ask Daddy if you can eat breakfast with him…" she started.

"No Beth...Mama, I wanna eat with you like always." He said a little too loudly.

"Shhh," she reminded him. "Soft inside voice, remember?" And she felt his head nod against her neck.

"I know you don't like it, but Daddy Joe will make sure no one takes your food. You need to use your manners." she said firmly. "Remember, he likes it when you use your good manners. It makes him happy and if he is happy then he is nicer to us both." She rubbed his back gently. "Please try to remember to be quiet and use your manners Dexy, He likes to pretend that we are a happy family. So you smile and call him Daddy, and you pretend that you are happy and safe with him...he like that."

"Okay Beth-thy, I'll be good. I prom-ith." he agreed, "Will you sing to me, I miss you singing to me. Maybe we could pretend that we are in the before and not in the now?" he asked rubbing the lock of her hair that he had wrapped around his hand back and forth across his cheek.

"Okay, baby. But it has to be quietly, and you need to close your eyes and relax. We both need our sleep." she reasoned.

And she sang to him about Peter Pan and Captain Hook, and for a while he could almost believe that they were back in the before.


	6. Chapter 6 - Brumous

Thank you to the ever patient Athlete Girl for reminding me that punctuation is in fact needed to make a good story. For not yelling at me for my need to "fix" a chapter "just one more time" after she has already edited it. Thank you to blueberry, Khrharah, G13 and ImRollingStoned for your reviews on multiple chapters. I do a little jig of happiness every time I see that you have taken the time to review. I hope you stick with me...I promise Merle and Beth will be meeting up soon-ish. In fact I have that chapter complete, and I have to say I'm terribly pleased with it and can't wait to share it with you.

Brumous

Of gray skies and winter days: filled with heavy clouds or fog

Relating to winter or cold, sunless weather

The group had found a nice little place to stay, it had a big garden and a stream running through the back of the property. It even had a old but somehow still working generator, and a freshwater well. Joe decided that they would stop and reorganize, and he wanted to find a second car to carry the supplies that they had been slowly stockpiling.

Inside the farm was a working bathroom, stepping inside the old fashioned white and blue bathroom Beth had been startled at the gaunt filthy girl staring back at her from the mirror.

She was almost positive that even her family wouldn't have recognized her it they had passed her on the street. She paused to run her fingers over her grimy face, but pulled her hand away quickly when she noticed they were just as dirty. Her once golden hair that she had always been a little vain about, was lank and so greasy and had turned an undistinguished mousy brown.

After drawing a bath for Joe, she set about making dinner from the tins pulled from the back of the jeep. There would be no fresh meat tonight, but she was able to add a few remaining vegetables pulled from the large withered kitchen garden just outside the kitchen door.

Once the men had bathed she set their dinner on the worn table in the kitchen and took Dexy up to care for him. Looking through the items that the men had left in the drawers she found a pair of fingernail clippers and set about cutting Dexys broken and dirty nails, the ones on his feet had gotten long enough that the one on his big toe had made a hole in the tip of his stinky sock.

After bathing Dexy, she fed him a quick dinner as she cleaned up the dishes and then put him into bed on a sleeping bag in the the master bathroom. Checking with Joe, she went into the bathroom making sure to leave the door ajar for him. And ran a fresh bath for herself. The water wasn't hot like it was for Joe, but it was at least warm. She let out a sigh of contentment as she sank down into the old claw foot tub.

Knowing that Len had gone to sleep and that Dan was already on watch, and Dexy was safe with Joe in the Master bedroom, she allowed herself to relax.

It may have been a mistake to let go of her tight grasp on her emotions, but she relished a few moments alone to breakdown. 'Five minutes only." she allowed herself, and was happy when after a good cry she was able to pull it together and finish her bath.

Feeling cleansed in body if not spirit she put on the clean clothes that Joe had left for her. Unfortunately her joy was short lived, and she found herself regretting taking advantage of the bath, because the next day Len couldn't seem to keep his eyes off her. And the weight of his malevolent stare followed her unwaveringly for days afterwards, making her skittish and clumsy. She decided, nice or not, next time she would just pass on the bath.

The days rolled past and a routine was set, Beth would get up her body sore but not broken. Her mind troubled...but at least working and alert. A mustard seed of faith still in her heart that she could somehow get both Dexy and herself out of their situation. Knowing that she just had to keep it together long enough for the opportunity to arise, and hopefully they would be gone before anyone was the wiser.

The houses that they had been in were never big enough that it kept her unaware of the horrible treatment the other girl(s) was suffering at the hands of Len and Dan. The thought of having to endure the same treatment at the hands of Len and Dan, made her choose her actions and words with Joe wisely.

She made sure to very aware of what the dynamics of the four men were at any given knew that keeping Joe in her corner ultimately was the key to keeping Dexy safe from the other men. And as much as she hated what Joe was doing to her, he still managed to keep her and Dexy from even worse treatment. And she was thankful for that, she truly was. She thanked God every night in her silent prayers that it had been Joe in the Garden that faithful day and not Len or Dan

Joe could be reasonable, and even kind in his own way at times. But there was Something about the way he kept her and Dexy apart from the others that had the "Meana" in her head dancing about happily sing-songing "Stockholm Syndrome...Stockholm Syndrome!" in a way that Beth had to grudgingly agree with.

Joe for his part, had started to think of them as family. Beth was his wife and lover, she was far superior to that bitch that had played him false. She was as sweet at apple pie, and had a kindness to her that he wasn't used to and he had the unfamiliar urge to protect her.

'She was the north star, and he was starting to navigate by her light.' he thought poetically one night in bed. That erratic thought had stopped him cold, and as he pushed her braid aside to kiss her neck he whispered calmly, as if in the middle of a conversation. "...of course if you ever betray me, I will put a bullet right between your lovely duplicitous blue eyes."

Beth, who had been almost asleep, was suddenly very much awake and stayed that way long after Joe had dropped off. Unsettled wondering what she had done to upset him, she was never able to sleep that night.

She noticed that Joe had the tendency to pull her to him, or to take her hand casually in his while they were driving. He would often anchor her to his side with his unyielding arms, bestowing soft kisses into the hair at the top of her head when he was sure they were alone.

While Beth was loath to do anything that reminded him that they were really just his prisoners, it was hard to hide the way that he made her skin crawl and they way that her body stiffened at his touch. She valiantly fought her body's natural reactions to him, trying her best to relax and seem comfortable with his body next to hers. Having had decided that she would do what was needed to keep Dexy safe, even if it meant an uneasy alliance with the enemy.

One night after weeks of Beth avoiding anything but minimal personal care, Joe had enough. "Girl, you are really starting to smell. I see you giving the boy a bath every you chance you get, so I know that you have had plenty of opportunities to bathe." he growled, "Tonight after his bath, you are getting yourself in the tub for a good scrubbing." His tone making it clear that this was an order not a request.

So used to a compliant and calm Beth, he was surprised when he had been forced to drag her into the bathroom. And on top of that he then fight her to undress before tossing her into the water. She had never had her fight him like this on anything, even the first time he had taken her unwillingly into his bed. Something was wrong, and he was going to get the truth out of her...after he made sure that every inch of her was cleaned.

Afterwards, he pulled her weeping body into his chest and demanded that she tell him what was going on. She tearfully confessed her fears about Len, making sure that she was only giving him information that was 100% true and verifiable. While he didn't tell Beth she was right, he didn't tell her she was wrong either. And the next day when Len was sitting on the couch engrossed in one of her books, she noticed that Joe seemed to be watching him thoughtfully. And every time Len looked away from the book to leer lustfully at her, Joe's mouth would tighten with his barely controlled anger, but he held himself in check.

Per routine, after the men had breakfast, she would make up three plates. She and Dexy would set at the the table and eat, while Len would take the other girl her share. After cleaning up, she would start to sort through the items the men brought in from other homes or passing towns.

On a very good day, Joe and Billy would take her and Dexy out with them. A few times, they went to gardens on other farms that they had found. Sometimes into the woods so she could look for anything fresh that she would be able to add to their meals.

Travels were slowed by their continual looting as they went. Food, medicines and weapons were their first priority. Extra bedding, clothing too. Alcohol, drugs and women for Len and Dan. And If the town wasn't too bad and Joe was in a good mood he would take Beth to the town library or maybe a bookstore, once he took her to a feed store that he had found.

She knew it was a reward for good behavior, these little kindnesses that he allowed her. He liked to play family, liked to act as if it was just a normal day out with the wife and kid. Plus he always seemed intrigued by what Beth deemed to be useful. Always asking her questions, always too close to her. Putting her hand in his, or his arm around her shoulder in awkward displays of affection that would turn her stomach sour.

As the leader of the group, Joe never seemed to have watch at night. She was unsure what it was that the other men never seemed to question it. During the night he was happy to lay in bed with "his" girl, while the boys took turns as lookout. It wasn't just about sex anymore for Joe, in his mind at least it had become more of a partnership...a real honest to God relationship.

After that first glimpse into the back of the jeep that first day, he had known that Beth was a real big thinker. But it wasn't long before he quickly pinpointed her greatest flaw, her tendency to overanalyze a situation. If he let her have her way she would plan so long that by the time she got started she might only manage to accomplish half of it. These days you had to move fast, or someone else would take what you wanted.

All in all, Joe couldn't help but to think that they made a fine couple. So he let Beth make her grand plans, but it would be him that would go out and make them happen. In their relationship she was the thinker and he was a doer, different sides of the same coin really.

He was okay with that, as long as she was respectful and knew knew her place then there would be no need to do anything drastic. He kept her safe, and in return she showed her appreciation appropriately at all times like a good little wife. Joe always took real good care of his things, and he had quickly decided that the girl and her boy were his.

But now that Beth had pointed it out, he couldn't help but notice the little warning signs in both Len and Dan...something would have to be done, and soon if they didn't get themselves in line.

Joe liked being in charge, but being the brain for three other men could become tiresome. He didn't even realize, until Beth had joined them, how little the other three men contributed planning-wise. Beth didn't need to be told what to do, she just saw what was needed and figured out the best way to accomplish it. Maybe not in his timeline, but she was still very young, and with his help she would grow into a perfect partner.

His girl seemed to have a never ending supply of great ideas inside that pretty little head of hers. He liked that she was starting to feel comfortable enough with him to voice her thoughts and concerns, and he made sure to encourage her when she did this. She made him think of the bigger picture, in terms of years and not just days as he had been doing while it was just him and the boys.

Joe knew that he could be impulsive, he tended to go with his gut feeling. He had always been that way, quick to claim what he wanted. Like how he had decided in less than 24 hours that he was going to take Beth as his wife and Dexy as his son.

Recognizing the potential in others is what made him such a good leader. It was why the men were willing to follow him. He also was a no nonsense disciplinarian, and he had no problems handing out punishments to the men if they were deserved. It was a fine balance of fear and respect that they had for him, and he needed to make sure that it stayed that way. And while he hadn't been planning on heading to Georgia, he was happy enough to adopt Beth's plan. The boys seemed fine with it, just like they had been with all his plans so far. And as far as the boys were concerned, Beth's plan was his plan.

Now that he had found value in Beth and the boy, he was unwilling to allow the others any kind of access to "his" family. Knowing that they could easily become resentful of her place in the group, he made sure not to place her above them in anyway. But now he was beginning to think that placing her above them was almost certainly bound to happen. He just had to make damn sure that the boys didn't take that as a weakness that they could take advantage of. As long as he could justify his actions, then they would just have to learn to live with it.

Or they were free to go on their own way.

He reasoned that he and Beth and the boy would be just fine all on there own. Add Billy to the mix and he was sure that they could do just fine without the other two men if push came to shove. Things were easier with more hands, but he didn't want to have to start watching his back. He trusted that Billy would come to him if there was anything that he needed to know.

Billy, was quiet...shy even. He rarely spoke to Beth unless answering her questions. But she knew that he was observant. He had a kindness to him that seemed at great odds with the rest of the group. And on occasion he went out of his way to do nice things for Dexy, and that made Beth soften towards him. Billy had never touched her even in passing, in fact he rarely made eye contact with her even when they were alone.

Once he came back from a run with a few Hot Wheels in his pocket for Dexy, another he had given him a small bag of gummy bears. And once when they were alone he had shyly passed her a tube of chapstick and some hair ties. "Here. Take 'em" he said shoving them into her hand without looking at her. "If anyone asks, you found them in one of the bags." He had said gruffly looking out the window towards the car where the other men were unloading the car.

After that he made sure to leave any "gifts" in the haul pile that the boys left for her to sort out. Afterall, it wouldn't do for Joe or the boys to get the wrong idea. But she always knew if a bag was from him, he tended to pack the bags a certain way, she wondered offhandedly if maybe he had been a grocery bagger at some point in the past.

The truth was that Billy felt sorry for the girl and her boy. He himself was the youngest of three, and his older sister had a little boy of her own. Billy couldn't help but compare Beth and Dexy to his sister and his nephew even though he tried not to. If Len or Dan even thought that he had a weakness for them, they would be relentless. These feelings of his, they would probably get him killed if he wasn't careful. And he wasn't at all sure that Joe knowing would be any better. So he doled out small kindness when he felt safe to do so, and was happy that Beth made a point never to mention it to anyone else.

Finally one night in their meandering trip to Georgia, Billy felt the need to give Joe a warning while Len and Dan and the two girls they had were sleeping in the jeep. He sat with Joe in the front seat of the suburban that they had found, waiting patiently for Beth to fall asleep in the back seat.

"You know Joe, I ain't one to make waves. You know that right?" He had said softly after confirming that Beth was in fact asleep. Joe grunted his agreement, and Billy had gone on to tell him that Len had been voicing his unhappiness about the Beth situation. And that he was concerned that Len might do something stupid, and that Dan would be backing him up. "I just don't want to be put in the position where Len could be in charge of this group. I like you. I trust you. Len and Dan, not so much." He said truthfully.

"Just what are you suggesting Billy? That Len and Dan are thinking of taking over the group?" Joe asked skeptically.

Billy shook his head, his face worried, "I'm not sure. I just know that Len is not happy, he wants the girl. Mostly because you seem to put value in her, and you know by now that Len wants something more when he's told he can't have it." Joe nodded his head, because that was a true statement.

He paused, trying to find the words, "I'm not saying he is making a plan to take the group from you...but you and I both know that he is a hothead. He never stops to think things over, he just acts on his feelings. I'm afraid this whole thing with Beth is festering, and sooner or later he is going make a move to get her. It feels like his obsession with the girl is growing, and sooner or later he is going to make a move." Billy ended, shaking his head.

"You've gone this far, might as well get it all out." Joe said turning towards him. "Don't know if there will be a better time or place than this." he said gesturing vaguely around them.

"I think you need to decide if letting Len and Dan have the girl occasionally will bring them back from the edge. Maybe it would work, maybe not. If it does, it won't be long before it become about Dan and the Boy." He shook his head, a look of disgust on his face, "Can't trust a man that touches a child the way he does. You just can't, and it's getting harder to ignore the things that he does. Something is broken in him...and right now he thinks that Len will give him the boy if he was the one in charge." He looked over at Joe, who looked like he had taken a bite out of an unripe lemon.

Billy laid his head back against the headrest, "Dan sure as shit doesn't want to be in charge, but he wouldn't mind if it was his best friend who was. I'm just saying watch your back. I'll keep an eye out for Dexy, I really like the boy, he reminds me of my sisters kid. I can see that you are good to him, never saw you lay a hand in anger on him or the girl. I hate the thought of Dan getting ahold of him." He ended, but his face was still worried. The rest of the night was spent in silence, both the men lost in their own thoughts.

Around the same time, Beth was thinking that once Billy got to know them better, that he might be willing to help them get away from the rest of the group. He didn't seem to really be like the other three men. And he really didn't even seem to like Len or Dan very much at all. She suspected that maybe Billy was there more out of convenience than any real loyalty to the group. So it was in the realm of possibilities that he could become an ally if she was careful about how she approached him. But it would need to be done so incredibly carefully. She didn't know what would happen if the others got suspicious, but she was sure that she wouldn't like it.

Unfortunately, turning Billy against the Claimers just wasn't meant to be. Like Joe had already seen, she had spent too much time planning...waiting for the perfect opportunity to present itself before she was able to talk to him.

Late one night she was startled awake by yelling, and Joe jumping out of bed. He returned to hand her a sleeping Dexy before shutting them in and locking the bedroom door as he left again. Dexy, who could sleep through almost anything just rolled into Beth's side and gave a few soft snores. But Beth sat rigidly next to the slumbering boy with her hand on his back wishing she had a weapon of some sort. She listened to the screaming, footsteps pounding up and down the hallway, loud voices. Finally there was an all encompassing silence, so complete that it left her ears ringing.

A short time later a tired sweaty Joe came back to the bedroom, a smudge of blood high on his forehead. Beth just stared at him in wide eyed fear, until he broke the silence. "Fucking Dan left his knife in the bedroom and the girl found it, must've cut her wrists wide open when Billy was sleeping next to her. She turned and killed him...fucking should have been Dan, that careless little shit." He swore sitting heavily on the bed.

He stared at her silently for an uncomfortable moment. "I need to sleep, and I need you to keep watch." He said in a low voice, reaching out and putting his gun slowly into her hand, "If they try to come in the room, wake me up. You know how to use a gun?" he asked. Beth nodded her head, and took the gun in both hands.

"Beth...I think we need to reassess our plans." He leaned in closer to look into her eyes, his brows raising in a silent question. When she remained silent, he took a deep breath through his nose and let it out slowly before continuing, "It might be time to separate from the boys, strike out on our own. It's gotta be soon, or I'm thinking the two of them are going to band together. Once they get rid of me, you can imagine what they are going to you and the boy, right?" he questioned placing a hand on the sleeping child.

Her throat too dry she could only nod, her eyes locked with his. She could imagine, in fact she had been imagining it since the first day they had been taken.

"I need the sleep, and you need to do what you do best...make us a plan. We leave tomorrow, and we can talk about it in the car as we drive." She nodded her face serious, and she watched as Joe picked up Dexy giving him a tender hug before moving him to the far side of the bed away from the closed door. Then pushing her gently into the middle of the bed placing his body between them and the door. He placed a warm arm around her waist, and buried his nose into her neck. It was only a matter of minutes before she heard his breath deepen in sleep.

As Joe slept she played out all the possibilities in her head. Of course she thought of killing him then and there...how could she not? But realistically she doubted she could get lucky enough to kill all three men. And right now Joe was the only thing between her and Len. A buffer that was using her for his own means, but still a buffer that did not touch Dexy and stopped the other men from doing it. Len and Dan still had a little bit of fear and respect for Joe, but she felt that it wouldn't be long before they egged each other along and one of them became brave enough to make a move.

The next day they silently packed up, leaving the blood soaked bodies of Billy and the unnamed girl laying on the bedroom floor. Joe had told the others that they would keep following the plan. But he wanted to find as many supplies on the way as they could. He was hoping to find an opening to lose the boys, or maybe to pick up another man or two to fill out the group. Hopefully they would find someone a little more trustworthy than Len and Dan, things were just easier in a group at least in the right group.

Dan and Len were still driving the Hagens old Jeep and Joe and Beth were in the bigger Suburban. The other men seemed to be on high alert, and getting away wasn't going to be an option any time soon. Beth was hoping that Joe would come to the conclusion that it would be best to just kill them outright. But she knew that it was important that it be him that suggested it first, there was no telling what Joe would do if she was the one to bring it up.

Dexy was coping the best he could, even though Joe was never outright mean to the boy, he was still intimidating and Dexy seemed unsure just how he was supposed to act around him. However, where Dexy was shy and timid around Joe, he was outright terrified of Len and Dan. When Joe wasn't around Len made fun of his lisp and was very rough with Beth. Dexy was afraid of what Len would do to her, if he was ever given the chance.

Dan made him feel...at three years old he didn't have a name for how Dan made him feel. Once he had been at a pet store at feeding time and watched as the teenaged boy who worked there fed a small mouse to a snake. The little baby mouse sat frozen in fear as the snake slithered towards it...Dan made Dexy feel like that little mouse. Whenever Dan looked at him with his strangely light colored eyes, Dexy felt like he his body was broken...like it was disconnected from his brain.

Joe and Beth had been through more than a few ideas on how to separate themselves from the group. Joe knew without a doubt that Len and Dan would never leave or let them leave. And even he had admitted that killing them seemed to be the best option, but that would have to wait because everyone was tense and on high alert. Beth was thinking it had to be soon, because someone was going to make a move, and she wanted it to be them.

For all their talking, Joe was still for just walking away, but Beth had argued that Len and Dan would need to be killed. They knew all the plans for the farm in Georgia after all, even if they by some small miracle managed to slip away they would always be looking over their shoulder. All in all it would be better for them to kill the two men and be able to stick to the original plan then make a new plan that might not be as good.

But she wasn't done making her plans there, she was hoping by the time they made it to Georgia Joe's trust in her would be complete and she could deal with him quietly while he slept. Then at worst it would be just her and Dexy, if she was lucky she would find Maggie and her Daddy at the farm. Her brain told her that it was almost impossible to think that they had somehow made it. But in her heart of hearts she couldn't help but be hopeful that somehow against all odds that they had made it.

By the time she found the poisonous mushrooms, they had run out of all other options. Beth had discreetly picked them, planning of using them as soon as she had the chance. Unfortunately things had come to a head, and Len had a lot less problem with just getting an idea and following through even without proper planning.

When she had served up a bowl of stew sprinkled liberally with the special mushrooms, how was she to have known that Len had added his own special ingredient to the shared bottle of whiskey? By the next morning Dan was dead, and last Beth had heard Joe was wishing for death, and Len was in charge.

Taking the suburban, Len had added a new feature. A dog crate that he put Dexy in, letting Beth know that if she tried to get away that Dexy would pay for it.


	7. Chapter 7 - Reap What You Sow

**Thank as always to Athlete Girl, who always takes the time to make my writing easier to read! Thank you once again for the reviews! I hope that the story is keeping you entertained, and taking you down paths that you didn't expect.**

"I feel your knife as it goes right in

Cut to my core but I'm not bleeding

All that you say, trying to make me small

Well, the bigger you get the harder you fall"

-Birdy

Or

You Reap what you Sow

"Hurry the fuck up!" Len snarled at her, pushing her roughly into the convenience store. She gave him a slight nod as she picked her way around carefully in her bare feet while trying to keeping a sleepy Dexy balanced in her arms.

He pulled her to a complete stop and gave the glass door they had just walked through a few loud raps with his knuckles. Then they waited to see if any of the dead came out. After a moment with nothing happening, he pushed her forward again further into the store.

Stepping behind the counter, he made a grimace of disgust at the bloody mess on the floor before he carefully looked in the shelves for any weapons, alcohol or cigarettes. "Go see if you can find any food left, I'll check for medicines." He said as he roughly pushed a bag into her hand as he walked past her.

"Don't mess around." he snarled. "Remember you don't have Joe here to protect you now" he added offhandedly pointing towards them with his gun. Protectively she hitched Dexy up farther on her hip and away from Len, as she nodded her head to show him she understood and she turned towards the food aisle.

It was an almost hysterical mad glee that seemed to fill her at the thought that the odious little pig Dan was dead. _Has it only been 3 days that they had left the house that held the dead body of Dan, and the dying body of Joe?_ she thought

She couldn't help but feel a swift jolt of satisfaction that she had managed to kill Dan without anyone being any the wiser. However she didn't understand how Joe had gotten sick, she had made sure that there were no poison mushrooms in his food. And was very sure that she had given everyone the right bowls.

But here was Len, alive and kicking...literally, she could feel the bruise on her lower back to confirm it. And she had seen proof with her own eyes that she had somehow fucked up and had given Joe the wrong portion.

As it stood, Dan died after a relatively short time and some intense vomiting and seizures no more to send his disgusting leering glances at poor little Dexy. And Joe could be heard wishing he was dead in the moments between the vomiting and severe diarrhea.

Joe had been stuck in the bathroom of the house they had holed up in, and in no condition to help as Len had finally gotten his hands on Beth. Thankfully he hadn't gotten farther than some very rough manhandling and telling her some of his disturbing plans for her once he had her far enough from Joe.

She knew well enough by now that Len wouldn't touch her until he had sufficiently terrorized her. So trying her best to show him no fear, all she had managed to do was to anger him. She could feel the bruises forming under her dress, on her lower back and ass. Watching the ones on her arms change color was how she spent her time in the car.

Len had made her give him her panties and shoes...like that somehow being deprived of those two items would somehow prevent her from trying to escape. The shoes she could understand, and would in fact slow her down some. But the underwear? Did he think she wouldn't run if there was a possibility of showing her naked, bruised bottom to the world?

She walked down the aisle rummaging around the already pilfered items. There still seemed to useful items to take, she would need to get another bag soon. Dexy was coming to, his eyes still drooping, probably because Len had given him a dose of Benadryl in the morning that still hadn't completely worn off.

After she had finishing filling her bag, she walked over and set it down on the counter. She asked Len from across the store if he had any more bags. Len came to the end of the aisle and pointing to the registers, "There are some behind the counter, I forgot to look under the counter…cigarettes sometimes fall under there. Go look while you're back there." her told her distractedly as he continued to shove items in his bag.

She went around the counter cautiously, trying not to step in the large gooey bloody mess that was on the floor. She slowly settled Dexy on top of the red formica counter and handed him a lone lollipop that was still on the display rack. Keeping him quiet, as she carefully picked her way around the bottom of the counter. She had found a full carton of Marlboro Reds and 2 loose packs of menthols when she saw it...a gun.

She drew one excited breath and peeked her head over the counter to see if Len was coming. Thankfully from the sound he still seemed to busy in another aisle. She went to her knees avoiding the blood the best she could. The gun was all the way under the counter in the corner, almost completely hidden under the debris and clutched in what appeared to be the remains of a hand. She turned on the safety and carefully pried the stiff bloody fingers away, stopping herself from making any noises. She almost did a happy jig when she checked and found it had one bullet remaining in the chamber. 'He is not getting this fucking gun,' she thought triumphantly, wondering how it would feel to put a bullet into a living human being. 'I just need to use it wisely,' she told herself as she felt the goosebumps rise on her arms in anticipation.

'I wonder if I should I try to shoot him now, or wait till we're outside? Will there come a better moment?' She asked herself as she slipped the gun into the large pocket of the old fashioned cotton dress she had on. Joe had found it in the closet at one on the many farms they had stayed in. He had made her wear it stating that he liked his women to look like women and not little boys in jeans.

'No' she told herself firmly...it has to be now. "I won't overthink this. I just need to shoot him and end this. The sooner the better. I won't let him force Dexy back into that cage again if I can help it.' she promised herself.

Breaking into her little happy daydream came the almost silent whooshing sound of the front door opening, causing both Beth and Dexy to whip their heads around in surprised terror. Beth's eyes locking with the impossibly blue eyes of the large man who seemed to be completely filling the doorway.

He was so...large. Out of nowhere the Shelley Duvall aka Olive Oil was singing in her head…"And he's large!" She must be having a breakdown she thought a moment after her mind sang back '...and you can have him!"

The man made the store feel smaller with his presence alone. His hair was shaved short and his dirty face held a wary, but not unfriendly expression. At some point he must have wiped his eyes as they were the only semi clean spot on his body to be seen. And when their eyes met, they locked as they both froze; neither unable to look away.

The man was older, and had a wide barreled chest. His neck and arms were covered in thick muscle, he looked like a man who was used to manual labor. In his hands he had the biggest gun...rifle? that she had ever seen. It looked like something that a soldier would carry.

And if all that wasn't intimidating enough he was absolutely covered from head to toe in the dead ones dark blood and gore...except for the skin around his eyes of course. It looked like he had been through hell and back, and had kicked the Devil's ass while he was there. He was not someone she wanted to mess with, or in turn messing with her or Dexy.

But it was the expression on his face that caught her attention, he seemed almost startled to see her. He tilted his head as if trying to understand what he was seeing and his mouth opened and closed a few times before Beth took her eyes from him and looked for Len while grabbing Dexy off the counter to pull him into the safety of her arms. "Fuck!" She hissed, her words easily carrying in the stillness of the store to both the man in the doorway and the one down a few aisles from her.

'One bullet and two men, DAMN, DAMN, DOUBLE DAMN!' She whined in her own head, even as Len's heavy footsteps could be heard rushing towards her. Then he was rounding the endcap and raising his gun while attempting to keep ahold of his mostly filled bag of looted goods.

Giving Beth a warning look and with an unpleasant scowl on his face he squared off with the perceived threat in the doorway. But the other man had his gun already raised and aimed casually in Len's direction.

"I don' wan' any trouble wit'cha, boy." The man's thick gravelly southern voice ground out, "Jus stoppin' to get some gas and some cigs. Then I'll be on my way, don' have to come to more than that." And then he hesitated and contradicted his own words, almost like he was unable to stop himself, as he addressed the Beth. Without taking his eyes off of Len he called out in a gruff smoker's' voice, "Girl…you okay, or ya' need some help?"

She hesitated and before she could answer, Len jumped in, "Sure man," he said putting one hand out in a stop gesture. He had that oily smile of his pasted on his face as he took a step closer to the counter that was between him and Beth, making Beth take a step back and away from him her bare feet sliding as the still tacky blood oozed up between her toes, "sure, just trying to pick up some food and meds. My wife and kid are hungry, and it's not safe to leave them alone." He motioned to the gun in his hand vaguely, "Too many bad things could happen to them, lotta bad people out there now, you know?"

Len was at least smart enough to know he was out matched, and he wanted to appear to comply readily enough with the man with the big gun. If he could get him to relax then he wouldn't hesitate to shoot him in between the eyes. ' _Kill him dead and take all his supplies, would serve him right for sticking his nose in where it didn't belong'_ Beth knew he was thinking. Once they had all the supplies from the store and anything the big man had, they were leaving.

With all of his attention focused on the man in the doorway, he wasn't even looking towards Beth or Dexy. Pausing he raised the bag in his hand in offering. "We'll take the food and the meds and you can have whatever liquor and cigarettes that are left…and any gas you can get out of the pumps. Nobody needs to get hurt."

He gestured to Beth, "Babe, if you have any cigarettes in the bag, hand them here." He said as he placed the bag of food in the same hand as the gun stretching his other hand out to Beth. Still not bothering to look at her, he keep his eyes on what he determined to be the bigger threat.

'Fucking idiot!' Beth thought vindictively, shaking her head in disgust. She gathered her courage and grabbed the gun in her pocket in a firmer grip flipping the safety off as she brought it up and aimed it at Len, and with absolutely no remorse cocked the gun. Len turned towards the sound with look of surprised anger on his face and a loud curse leaving his lips. Dexy, terrified, wailed loudly and twisted his compact body further away from Len. Throwing Beth off balance and with the slippery blood under her feet she pitched back just as she pulled the trigger, her shot missing Len's chest where she had been aiming and hitting him low in the neck.

They both went down at the same time, and lying on the dirty floor she could see him from under the small gap between the counter and the floor. His boots were twitching and his hands were trying unsuccessfully to stop from himself from bleeding out.

Struggling she managed to get back to her feet while pulling a hysterical Dexy tightly into her arms. With careful steps she picked her way carefully around the corner, slowly placing the crying child on his feet. "It's okay Dexy! It's okay…I'm going to make sure the bad man never hurts us again." She said smiling at him encouragingly.

The man in the doorway took a step towards her ready to help; but eyeing him warily she pulled the gun up and said in a soft pleading voice. "Mister, please don't make me kill any more. By the end of this day I'll have already killed two men already. I got another one real sick, so maybe even at 3 at this point. I really, really don't want to make it 4." She looked up at him, and placed her body between him and the little boy. "Believe me when I tell you that I will do whatever I have to do to protect this boy. Please, please, please. Just please…don't make me kill you." She begged as her violently shaking hands struggled to hold the gun making it bob uncontrollably as she tried to take aim at him. A single fat tear slowly rolled down her dirty cheek leaving a clean path in its wake. The big man blinked owlishly at her before nodding, and then he lowered his gun and took a single step back, staying between her and the door just inside the store.

Beth leaned in towards the dying man on the floor, and kicked him as viciously as a barefooted girl could. "I can't tell you how happy it makes me that I'm going to get to kill you twice today." She stated as she roughly took the knife off his belt and then retrieved his handgun that was lying just out of his reach. "Because Len, Dexy and I are going to sit right here and watch you die. And after you turn we going to shoot you again, right between your eyes."

She carefully checked the safety on and made sure that there were bullets still left in the gun, before looking over to check the other man's location. He was still standing in front of the door, his facial expression inscrutable almost serene. Occasionally glancing into the parking lot, but the gun stayed pointed down and he didn't seem to be a threat at the moment. Satisfied she moved a few steps back to the boy.

"Dexy baby, come here" she said reaching out her arm too him and pulled him in front of her. Gently she pulled his hands off his ears; and they both looked down as Len took a last shuddering breath, his body going limp hand falling away from his neck.

Getting down on her knees she gently started talking to the boy, but the man in the doorway could hear her in the noiseless space between them. "Remember what I told you? Sometimes when people die, they come back as monsters?" The little boy nodded solemnly and she smiled encouragingly to him. "At the beginning they might still look like people, but you can tell by looking into their eyes, that they're not people anymore. It's important that you remember that, Dexy. Can you remember that?"

She took his small grimy hand in hers and pulled him even closer. "If something ever happens to me, if my eyes are wrong…if they are dead, you're going to need to kill me, or get away from me as quick as you can." The boy started to struggle out of her grip, "No, Mamma, NO!" he whimpered , but she didn't let him go into her arms, but held him firmly so he was looking at the dead man at their feet.

She continued to talk to him calmly, "Dexy…you don't even hesitate, not even for a moment. Even if it's me. Do you understand?" The little boy shook his head as more tears fell. She used the hem of her dress to wipe his tears, inadvertently giving the man at the door a glimpse of bare thigh and ass, telling him more of her plight then he had already guessed.

"No Dexy. I mean it, you always come first. You never ever hesitate to kill a monster if it comes down to you or them! Even if the monster is wearing my face, you need to protect yourself from all monsters. Because I promise you… it won't really me in there, because I would never hurt you!" She put the little boys hand on the gun with hers and pointed it at Len "But sometimes the monsters are tricky, and they don't wear the dead eyes yet. Those are the ones you really need to look out for. Dan, Len and Joe, they were really monsters pretending to be men, right?" Dexy nodded and his bottom lip poked out, his little face scrunching up. But the woman continued to talk gently to him, "I love you, and I will alway take care of you if I can. But someday I might not be able to protect you, and you need to help me by learning to take care of yourself. Do you understand?" He gave a small nod and wiped at his nose on the back of the hand that was holding the lollipop..

"Okay Baby, I need you to help me, watch Len…watch his eyes…" and they stood there in complete silence, even the man at the door waited but he had his gun ready just in case.

 **Ok, I know it's short. But They finally meet! And Beth finally was able to save herself and Dexy. She may not have needed Merle to save her, but I'm so happy that he got to be there to witness it! I hope you enjoyed it, and I may able and post the next chapter soon. But after that it will depend on both mine and Athlete Girl's holiday schedules. So hang in there, I will post more when I can!**


	8. Chapter 8 Half Goddess, Half Hell

Once again, everyone needs to thank Athlete Girl for all she does. Because, while I like punctuation and grammar in theory, but there are just too many fuckin' rules! And because I LOVE to read a well written story, and she fixes it so that I don't just put this out in the world without a care of commas, quotation marks or that darn semicolon! And she also pointed out that I might be rushing to push them together just a wee bit, so a portion of this chapter has been removed and will be placed back in in a future chapter. I really hope that you like this one even if it is a bit short. It is one of the first chapters that I had written, about Merle and his crayons...

The site is giving me fits, and won't let me space the way I want. So I hope it formats in a way that you can read.

 **"She wears strength and darkness equally well,**

 **The girl has always been half Goddess, half Hell."**

 **Nikith Gill**

It was the most generous things that Merle had ever seen, the woman giving the boy permission to protect himself…even from her. That right there that had him hooked. She might be young, but she was one tough cookie.

He couldn't have left then, even if he had a pack of cigs in his shirt pocket a bag of looted food. He needed to see how this played out as much as he needed his next cigarette.

How many times had he prayed that his Ma would protect him from Pops? Enough times that he had given up and stopped thinking it was even a possibility of it ever happening. Long enough that he stopped believing that there even was a God, at least not a God that looked out for anyone that had the last name of "Dixon."

Had he even considered that he had the right to protect himself?

 _No...no_ , at least not at that age. By age three Merle had already known he was just property to Pops. He also knew that Pops could do what he wanted to him and his Ma, and that nobody could stop him. After all Pops was the biggest, strongest man in the world. His anger only made him stronger, just like the Hulk that he had seen in one of those comic books that the other boys liked to read.

And Floyd Dixon was a man to be feared, you only had to watch as people crossed the street to avoid having to deal with him to know that. Hell, even the sheriff that was occasionally called out the their shack by some nosy do-gooder, seemed to be afraid of his Pops.

He had held fast to this knowledge only allowing it to change when he was a bit older and Daryl had come into the picture. By then Merle was almost 10 and big for his age, everyone said he was built like his old man. Like it was somehow a compliment to be anything like his Pops.

After Daryl had been born, he had tried so hard to change this dynamic of Pops always getting to beat who he wanted. Deciding that it would be better for him to take the whippins' then to watch the old man take it out on his baby brother. He had given himself permission to fight back, even if it was only in small ways. Like putting himself between Pops and the baby whenever he could.

God, did this made the ol' man bat shit crazy. But encouragingly Pops would often be so busy trying to beat the sin out of his oldest, that sometimes the youngest would often go unpunished. And every time that he succeed just made him more determined to stay between his baby brother and his Pops the next time.

Daryl, was so small...so perfect. At first the baby would startle when Pops yelled, but he learned quick to be quiet. And everytime Pops went on a tear, Daryl would get such a look of fear in his big blue eyes that it actually physically hurt Merle to see him in distress. And it was always Merle that Daryl would reach his skinny little arms out to for comfort. How could anyone even want to hurt something so tiny and helpless?

When Ma had first put the scrawny little yellow thing into his arms the first time, he could only marvel at the soft skin and tiny perfect little fingers and toes. Often he would run his hand down Daryl's baby soft back and wonder if his skin had ever been so soft and smooth like that.

And Daryl loved him, he could tell by the way Daryl looked at him with such happiness and light in his eyes. Merle didn't want him to ever lose that sparkle whenever he looked at him. So he had tried the best he could to protect his baby brother in ways Ma was never able or willing to do for him.

* * *

When he had opened the door to the store, he had felt his body freeze in shock at the sight of the girl standing in front of him. Stepping through the door was like stepping into the past, into a snapshot of another life...like a drug induced deja' vu. For a split second he could've sworn that his sweet looking little Ma was standing in front of him holding Daryl on her hip. Same eyes, same stringy brown hair, same petite delicate body, she even had on one of the same ugly faded and bloodstained house dress that Ma had always prefered.

Once in his childhood Pops had gotten ahold of a camera…most likely he had stolen it. It wasn't around long, either being reclaimed by the rightful owner or pawned for cash. But for a short time Pops had liked to take photos, some even of his wife and sons.

All those photos were gone now, torn apart by angry hands or reduced to ash alongside his Ma, or his Grandparents. Pops had fancied himself a natural photographer, and had taken hundreds of photos. Accusing them of moving if the photos he had taken of them came back to him anything less than perfect. Or he would be insisting that the light had been wrong, and his photos would be perfect _if only_ he had better equipment.

All of those photos were gone now as far as he knew, except for two. Daryl had one, with a smiling (a real genuine smile, too) Merle holding a happy chubby toddler Daryl on his shoulders.

The other one, was in a place of pride in his wallet, one of only two photos that he owned. It was at Nana and PopPop house, and they were sitting in their rocking chairs on the porch...just out of focus in the background. In the foreground stood his Ma on the front lawn, holding a two year old Daryl on her hip while squinting into the sun, the remains of a fading shiner still visible. Towering sullenly behind her, already a hulking mini version of his Pops stood a 12 year old Merle.

* * *

The woman who was standing behind the counter was small…petite just like his Ma. At second glance this girl was a tad bit taller and maybe more muscular than his Ma had been. But it was her wide, sweet blue eyes that had held his attention. Eyes that at that moment were staring at him in a kind of weary shock.

Her eyes were the exact same color as Ma's, the same shade of blue as Daryl, 'Cerulean Blue' his tired brain spit out helpfully and he almost blurted it out loud into the silent space between them.

Pops had always mockingly called them girly eyes, and seemed to resent that both his boys had their Ma's dreamy blue instead of his steady brown. The eyes of the little boy in her arms were more like his, blue with a hint of gray...like stormy skies. Ma called his eyes "Slate Blue"...Pops called them "Gunmetal-Blue", like that name somehow made them more manly.

But, maybe the thing that seemed to be linking her to his Ma in his eyes the most, were the multitude of bruises covering her. She wore the bruises on her face like other girls her age wore makeup. Around her neck and on her arms and wrists they were like gold chains with purple gems, he could even see a ruby and garnet bite mark like a broach sticking out of the neckline of that ugly, worn dress.

Ma had always seemed to be wearing Pops displeasure on her body like artwork too. As a small child he thought his Ma was so pretty…none of the other Moms were as colorful as his Ma. The other Mothers were only colored in boring flesh tones, tans or sometimes gold colors. But his Ma was covered in colors, and Merle thought that she was beautiful.

Once when she was sleeping on the couch he pulled out his prized box of crayons gifted by Nana on one her infrequent visits. He was always very careful of his crayons, he didn't want them to end up casualties of Pops wrath.

Pulling out his colors, he used them to find names to go with the colors on her face and body. She had some Blue Violet and some and Orchid on a spot by her temple, he ran his hand down and dipped back in the box and found some Periwinkle and some Thistle with a tiny bit of magenta for those two spots shaped like ovals around her wrists. She had about five spots that had Green-Yellow mixed with some Melon…oh, and her eye was surrounded by Red Violet and Indian Red.

Even as a young child Merle had always liked words, liked to know the names of things…it made him feel better, like Pops was wrong when he called him a 'damn idget', or a 'Fuckin 'tard'.

'Dint' Pops know his words could hurt a small boy almost as bad as his fists could?' Merle would think to himself, but he dare not ask Pops that 'cause he might just get the belt or worse be made to go pick his own switch.

It wasn't long until Pops had come home early one day while the box sitting on the floor where Merle was quietly coloring while Ma napped with the baby. He had gone to the kitchen to get a drink of water, he was going to be right back. So he had left them there, to be crushed under his father's hateful, angry boots. Just like he had always known they were destined to be.

They were only broken. Pops couldn't make them stop working by stepping on them alone, they still could color, he could still use them. But eventually even the broken ones had found their way into the trash bin. Pops seemed to take great pleasure in finding them one by one, plucking them out of the odd hiding spots where Merle had tried in vain to squirrel them away.

* * *

When he saw her tense and shift her eyes turning her body to put herself between the child and some advancing threat…just like he had seen his Ma do when Pop was about to aim one of this large meaty fists in her direction when she had Daryl on her hip. It had him tensing his own body and raising his gun in preparation for the blow that was surely to come her way.

This crazy impulse probably saved his life. Because when a man, who looked nothing like his giant bastard of a father came around the corner, it was with his gun on the upwards swing in his direction. Unfortunately for him, Merle already had his much larger gun pointing in the man's direction. A sight that had the man coming to a sliding stop parallel to the girl and her boy.

Physically the man may have looked nothing like his Pops, but he had the same hard, mean eyes. He even had the same bitter twist to his mouth, the same one that Merle would sometimes disgustedly catch a glimpse of in his own mirror.

He also had the same almost visible greasy vibes coming off him in waves that Pops had, making the hair on the back of Merle's neck stand at attention. Unconsciously making him tighten his grip on his gun and narrow his eyes in warning.

Even from the the door he could literally feel the anger and loathing rolling off the tiny lady, surprisingly it wasn't aimed at him. Nope, all that bad mojo was for the other man. That's probably why he asked her if she needed help, even though he had just said he didn't want any trouble with them. Merle was a lot of things, but an abuser of women and children he most certainly was not.

He had a soft spot for the ladies, always tried to be good to them and their kids if they had any…even if he wasn't planning on sticking around for any length of time. At most he would treat them with indifference, but he was never outright mean to any of them.

But that little boy, God…that little boy, he looked so much like Daryl at that age! And the woman could pass as for his Ma if he squinted his eyes and tilted his head just right. 'How could I just turn my back without at least asking if they needed help?' He rationalized to himself.

But the girl wasn't anything like his Ma. Because If she had been then she would've spit in Merles eye as she went back to her old man for her beating with her tail between her legs. After all wasn't that what Pops taught Ma to do? Pops always said that he married Ma when she was 14 so he could 'raise his wife up the way he wanted'.

But not this little spitfire that he had momentarily mistakenly as his Ma, looked like she had about enough. 10 to 1 she was ready to throw down now that she had a witness…something his sweet little Ma would have never had the balls to even contemplate.

So he was only mildly surprised when she pulled a gun out from one of the huge pocket on the ugly gunny sack of a dress that she was wearing.

He was however shocked when she used it with not even a second thought. The sound of the blast, the child screaming followed by both the adults falling to the floor held him in place long enough that the woman managed to reclaim her feet and walk around the counter. Her right side was covered in blood, as she had tried to protect the boy on her left hip.

Once she was in front of the dying man, she gently sat the young boy down, speaking soft comforting words to him. She had the most soothing voice, low and musical, but her body language screamed warrior to him.

Merle had always loved mythology, both Greek and Roman. He had read every book he could get his hands on when he was allowed to go to school. And his first thought when the girl got back up after the gun blast, was that she was a fuckin' Goddess…she was Diana, she was Inanna...she was Themis.

Whoever she was, she was fuckin' magnificent. She was what he had always wanted his Ma to be for him and Daryl, and what he had always resented her for not being. This was someone who would die to protect her child. She glowed with love and vengeance…she was fucking GOLDEN with it and it was breathtaking.

She held the dying man at gunpoint while she waited for him to die…and then waited some more for him to begin his second life, which she ended with the little boys hand on the gun with hers. She calmly and even lovingly talked to the little boy as they pulled the trigger together. When it was done, she praised the little boy, picking him up and even giving him a happy little toss in the air.

Only then did frightened look break free from the child's face and he smiled at her happy to have pleased her. He even gave her real belly laugh. "Mamma…dat bad man ith' gone, gone, gone! No more cage-th for Dexy! No more back room for you! No more bad Dan! No more bad Len!" Then he looked concerned, "No more bad Joe?" He asked, putting up his hands questioningly.

Turning his head, he pined Merle with the intensity in his blue, blue eyes. His little face screwing up as he looked at him appraisingly. Pointing a pudgy little finger his way he demanded, "Ith' him a mon-ther, Mamma? Or ith' he a good man or ith' he bad man? I can' tell!"

When the girl looked up at him, her eyes were searching, "I don't know Dexy, sometimes it's kinda hard to tell who is a monster and who isn't. It's something that we are going to have to learn to do. Maybe we should just let him get his stuff and go, and we'll do the same."

The little boy looked at him suspiciously, but nodded his head as he pushed the grimy lollypop back into his mouth.

* * *

 **Diana** was the Goddess of the hunt and wild animals. Originally she was Queen of the open sky and possibly a sun Goddess in addition to being a moon Goddess as her name means light or bright sky. She is also known as "Lady of the beasts."

 **Strengths** : Independence and physical strength.

 **Weaknesses** : Disliked men, she was so determined to guard her chastity that she was very vengeful if she felt this was under attack.

* * *

 **Inanna** was the Goddess of love, war, and fertility. She is linked to rain and storms.

 **Strengths** : A ruler who others fear to cross.

 **Weaknesses** : Fickle, always attracting new lovers and getting bored with them.

morning and evening star. Her name means "lady of the sky."

* * *

 **Themis** was the Goddess of divine justice, order and customs. She also had the gift of prophecy. Her name simply means "law of nature" or "divine nature."

 **Strengths** : Balancing and just, able to predict the future.

 **Weaknesses** : Very exacting in her standards.


	9. Chapter 9 - Complicate

"I sit around and wonder about the fire in your eyes,

The movement of your fingers,

The way you slowly complicate my life."

Paolo Nutini

The girl wanted him to leave. Merle's first clue was that she never took her finger off the trigger of the gun she kept steadily pointed in his direction. The second clue was that she outright told him to leave. Yep, he was perceptive like that.

Normally would have taken great offence to someone pointing any kind of weapon at him. But it was obvious to him that she had been through Hell and was afraid. There was also the fact that she seemed hesitant to kill unless she felt that she or the boy were in danger, just based on the fact that he wasn't already dead.. What wasn't quite so apparent to him, is why he was so reluctant to turn around and just walk away when given the chance to do so. It was probably because of the panicked look in her eyes...like an animal caught in a trap.

So without knowing why, he outright lied. Telling her that he desperately needed supplies, and assuring her that he would just take any items that she had left behind...then he lied again and told her he needed to get some gas, but he needed to release the gears behind the counter to access the pumps. And that " _of course_ " he would be more than happy to fill up her tank as well, if she wanted him too. She stared at him intently, but either she really needed gas in her car, or she wasn't sure how to make him leave without wasting one of her precious bullets. So she had reluctantly agreed and let him stay, but she wasn't very happy about sharing her space with him

They had been furiously packing items in an eerie silence for about thirty minutes. They carefully combed through the leftover items that were littering the aisles, stopping a few times to exchange items. She had given him all the cigarettes, two full size bottles of whiskey, and a dozen minis of assorted alcohol bottles from her bags. He in turn gave her a pack of apple juice boxes, a crushed bag of Fig Newtons, and a few dented cans of soup. At the end he handed her a coloring book, and then a small box of crayons. He held onto the little yellow and green box a second longer than he should have, before all but shoving it into her hands.

They both walked away from their uneasy exchanges feeling that they had each gotten the better of the deal. Beth had no use for any of the items that she had given the man, she neither drank or smoked. But the food that she had gotten in exchange, that was a priority for Dexy and herself. And on Merle's part, he was thankful for the cigarettes, if he got desperate enough he might even smoke the menthols. But he knew that he could easily trade the liquor and the cigarettes to other groups if pressed for supplies. He tried not to think about the only commodity the girl had for getting herself out of a bad situation.

They moved cautiously, keeping a watchful eye on one another at all times. She kept the gun in her hand, and his large rifle lay threateningly across his back, making it clear that she didn't trust him any more than he trusted her. She moved slowly and methodically down the aisles, getting closer and closer to the exit. She was intent on leaving the store without another word between them. Inherently Merle knew that if he made any fast moves he might frighten her enough to make her run...or maybe use that gun of hers. He decided it was best for him to honor her quiet and steady bid for freedom. So he uncharacteristically kept his mouth shut as as he made a final sweep of the store.

She faltered at the exit, boy clinging to her side, and seemed to be teetering on the edge of a precipice. She was clearly struggling with her own thoughts and trying to decide her next steps. He was surprised when she took a deep breath and moved back into the center of the store and towards the body of the dead man. She hesitated over him for a moment before bending down and delicately fishing a set of keys out of the one of the front pockets of the man's jeans, and putting them into her own pocket. Looking down at the gun at her hand and the boy that was clinging to her, she regarded Merle, her eyes wavering with indecision. "Can you help me roll him over?" she finally asked.

Merle nodded and walked to the counter to put his bags down on the counter before approaching her slowly as not to frighten her. He looked into her eyes as he slowly got down on one knee, then grabbed the man's shoulder and pulled him over roughly. She waited until he stood and took a few steps back, before her hand darted out and pulled out a small scrap of black cloth out of the man's back pocket. She stuffed it quickly into the same pocket as the keys, it took Merle a second to realize that the item she had retrieved was a pair of panties.

He took a few more steps back to give her some breathing space, then made eye contact with her once again and nodded briefly. As far as he was concerned their business together was done. He picked up his bags and silently walked towards the glass doors at the front of the store. He glanced back once and the girl and the boy following warily a few steps behind. Both adults stopped to look out the dirty glass windows, for signs of danger. Beth looked past the Suburban and she could see that he had a big truck pulling a motorcycle parked at the pumps.

He scanned the distance for movement and remarked without looking at her. "Was hoping to find an auto repair shop, truck has been makes noises. Ran into a herd of walkers..." He gave a rusty chuckle, "literally, think I got walker bits and pieces under the hood." She looked up at him to see if he was teasing, her nose wrinkled in disgust.

He rasped a laugh…"Yeah...it smells like really bad barbeque once the engine is good and hot. Not a big deal in the long run I guess, but I haven't had the chance to look it over. I don't think it will make it much further, it's starting to make some noises that I'm not comfortable with. I can always take the bike if I get into a bind." He glanced back out into the parking lot. "She might be the love of my life, but unfortunately she ain't got room for most of my supplies. It'd best to fix the truck or better yet to find a replacement before it up and dies on me." He said regretfully.

Looking back down at her he asked, "You know of any dealerships around these parts?" His voice was hopeful.

Biting her bottom lip, she looked up at him and asked "Ummm, I'm not sure, can you tell me where are we?"

"Sugar, we're just outside Roanoke." He volunteered, his voice loud in the empty store. And was surprised to see the girl visibly startle. But he wasn't sure if it was because of his loud voice or the information that he had given her.

The boy peeked out from behind her, regarding him with solemn eyes. She took a step back from him, before looking back out into the parking lot, her brow wrinkling in confusion. "We were with the men that took us for a while, with all that traveling I thought we would have been further away." She looked around in wonder, as if the inside of the mini mart could somehow help to orient her. "We were just outside of Asheville when they took us. Has anything happened in the last few month or so, anything I need to know?"

He scratched his stubbly chin, eyes squinted in thought. "Besides the world going to hell?" He asked rhetorically, before continuing. "Stay off the main roads if you can. Most are so jammed up that you'll just end up bein' a sitting duck…where are you heading?" He asked, and saw her lips tighten before slowly answering, "The other side of Atlanta." He noticed that she had not said the name of the town. That was okay, he really couldn't say that he blamed her for being cautious.

He pulled a cigarette out of the pack in his pocket and placed it between his lips, then unconsciously patted his pockets in search of his lighter. Finding it, he lit the dangling cigarette and took a long, leisurely pull . The smoke tendrils snaked out of his mouth and nostrils and intertwined on their way to the ceiling. His whole attention was on that his smoke, like nothing, not even the people next to him were more interesting that that cigarette. He puffed out a short laugh then leaned against the wall by the door and took a second long pull, letting the smoke out in a short puff.

"Well, stay out of 'Lanta at all costs, bes' to go aroun' if you can. The walkers have taken over most big cities and all the refugee camps that I know about have fallen." He shrugged, "Last I heard the one in 'Lanta was still standing…but, the city seems to be a place to avoid now if you ask me. And I'd bet you my favorite gun that the camp gone by now, just a big ol' death trap by now, and I'm going to avoid that place like the plague." He chuckled at his own joke, flashing her a wide grin.

"I'm heading the same direction," He said vaguely pointing with his gun towards the parking lot. "my brother Daryl, he's got a place just outside Chattahoochee National Forest, In Tennga." before squinting his eyes at the road.

"Shit." He said still looking out the window and straightening up. "Looks like the beginning of a herd coming our way." She turned to look out the window and saw a group of the dead walking down the long drive from the main road.

Picking Dexy up she asked in a shaking voice, "Should we make a run for the cars? How fast can they move? We haven't seen one up close yet, the men we were with always took care of them."

Looking down he could see that she had lost whatever color that had been in her cheeks, her face was even paler under the bruises than it had been a few moments before. "Nah, too many coming. Best we block the door and go into the back where they can't see us and wait until they pass."

They watched as the first of the walkers turned away from the store and headed towards his truck. Making Merle grimace. "Left the car on...wasn't sure if I would get it started again if I turned it off. They must be distracted by the running engine." He reasoned as the corner of his mouth curled up in satisfaction.

Silently throwing the bolt on the door he grabbed a nearby magazine rack and managed somehow to wrestle it noiselessly in front of the glass doors. "We need to get out of sight before they see us, 'cause if they do, they will pile up at the door and eventually manage to break the glass." He looked down at her, "If we stay out of quiet and sight, the truck will eventually run out of gas and after a while they'll lose interest."

She nodded at him and hitched the boy higher in her arms. "Come on then." he said as he grabbed both of their bags, and quickly led her the the back of the store to a small office that she hadn't been in yet. She followed willingly enough, but at the door she balked, refusing to follow him through it. It was extremely small, and she could see a desk was taking up most of the space. A cheap chair sat behind it the only other items were a few old beat up filing cabinets. She couldn't help but to remember how willingly she had walked through another doorway with a seemingly trustworthy man.

He turned and looked at her, "Ain't you coming?" He questioned, glancing back at the still visible glass doors. He quickly took a few steps back so he was just out of view from any of the passing dead. She didn't answer him, but just stood looking at the doorway as if crossing the threshold would bring certain death to her and the boy. He could see that she was starting to hyperventilate in her panic.

"Girl...you need to get ahold of yourself." He snapped at her coldly. "I don't know what you think I could possibly do to you behind this door that I couldn't already have done out there if I had really wanted to." He rubbed a large hand against the back of his neck to relieve his frustration. "It's just a matter of time before the dead out there see you. And once that happens, they won't be leaving until they've had you and your boy as a nice little snack...and I refuse to be the main course." He walked over to the small shelf hanging on the opposite wall and keeping eye contact with her he pulled the large rifle off his back and clicked on the safety he was and placed it carefully on top.

"Believe me, I want to leave just as bad as you do. I want nothing more than to be on my way to find my brother. Finding Daryl is the most important thing to me...he is the most important thing to me. But you and I, we both need to be smart about this. If those geeks get in here, I'm pretty sure I can get away. But you will be running with that boy in your arms...how far ya' think you'll get?" He waited, watching her face for any clues to what she was thinking.

"I'm tellin' you now, I ain't dying to save you. I get that you're scared, but I promise I ain't gunna do nothing to you or the boy. I give you my word...my word on my brothers life, that you will be safe with me. But you need to move it or I'm going to shut this here door and let you figure your shit out all on your own." His timbre of his voice seemed to drop even lower than it had been before.

He stepped away from the shelf where he had placed his gun, and further into the room and away from the door to allow her space to come in. "Come on now...if they see you then we are going to have to run. If we wait in here, and we're quiet they will leave after a bit. They are on a constant hunt for food, if we don't give them any reason to stay it's only a matter of time before they have to move on." he tried to reason with her.

After a few more moments, she set the boy down so and slowly stepped into the room, leading the child in after her. He noticed that the gun in her hand was shaking violently. He waited until she had stepped past him before he moved to shut and locked the door behind them. He scrutinized her, before he pointed to the desk then back to the door. She nodded in understanding, thankful that he let her know in advance what he was going to do. And watched as he moved the heavy standard business issued metal desk in front of the door. He uttered a few creative swear words and his face turned an alarming shade of red as he struggled to move it.

He appraised them as he waited for his breathing to return to normal. Addressing Dexy he said. "Bes to stay quiet, just in case. If we don't hear them in the store by morning, then I'll take a look to see if they've moved on." He looked from the boy to her and back.

Beth could only nod her head as she sank down on the floor in corner furthest from him. Pulling the boy onto her lap, she told him, "Dexy...were going to play the quiet game. Only this time it's ok to whisper if you really need something. Do you think you can do that?" The boy nodded his head solemnly, before turning his uneasy blue eyes back towards Merle.

* * *

They had been in there for about an hour, Dexy kept shooting Merle mistrustful glances under eyelashes too long for a little boy. And he seemed to trying to keep his tiny body between Merle and his Momma, making him feel like a fuckin' pervert.

After seeing that Merle hadn't made any moves toward them he pulled his thumb out of his mouth with a 'POP". Talking to his Mama he pointed in Merle's direction stating matter of factly in a cold voice not meant for a 4-year old, "Him's a stranger, we're not 'pose to go with strangers."

The girl looked down at the boy and back up at him. "Yes, you're right...he is a stranger. But there is nothing to be done about that now. Anyway, he hasn't done anything bad to us" the unspoken " _yet_ " hung heavy in the room. "...we can't judge everyone on Len and Dan." She reasoned with him.

"Why not?" he asked looking up at her questioningly.

"Because not everyone is bad, Dexy." She sighed, "What about all the good people out there? We can't be as trusting as we used to be, but we can't let what Joe, Len and Dan did make us hard. It's not right, and it's not the way I want to live."

The little boy nodded, "Okay, Mama...I try."

She rummaged around in her bags eventually coming up with a package of wet wipes. She pulled out a few and handed them to Dexy, and pulled out and handful for herself before tossing them to Merle.

Sitting down she tried wiping the thick gooey blood off her feet, before looking up at him, he was just awkwardly standing there, holding the wipes that she had given him in his hands.

"You got a little...a lot...of...stuff...everywhere." she tried to delicately point out while motioning to her face.

His eyebrows rose, "Oh, yeah. Was in a tight spot and found out by accident that if you're covered in the deads...guts an' blood the others can't smell you. If you don't give yourself away, then you got a good chance of getting past them." He informed her. "I was hopin' to find a crick to bathe in, guess I forgot about it in all the excitement." He took a handful of wipes and ran it over his forehead and against the advanced scruff of his beard. A chuckle escaped him. "Shit, I must look a nightmare...surprised you didn't shoot me on sight." He said to her.

It took him almost the whole package before a wipe came back clean enough for him to stop. The girl sat there watching him as he put the last wipe in the trash can. The boy's face and hand were clean. And the girl made a real good effort, but you could still see traces of the dirt and blood around her hairline.

She had settled down on the floor but she kept the gun in her right hand, pointed in Merle general direction. She did her best to look at the toddler at her side while still keeping an eye on Merle. "Do you think you could eat a little bit of food, Dexy?" She asked him softly.

"Yeth, Mama." he said taking the juice pack she held out for him. Seeing that Merle was settling down in the opposite corner of the room, she searched one of her bag and pulled out a bag of beef jerky. She separated it into 3 piles and placed the larger portion and a small bottle of water on the desk just out of arm's reach of the big man, before sitting down on the floor next to Dexy with their rations.

After a few hours she wasn't sure what to think. The man sat on the desk, seeming to alternate between searching glances and totally ignoring them. But for the most part he left them in peace. It was was strange being near a man that wasn't making any demands of her. At times it almost looked like he was daydreaming, except every once in awhile he would frown or shake his head. And he had the habit of muttering a few disjointed words to himself. But if she listened carefully she could somewhat figure out what he was thinking about. He was making plans for what he was going to do next, and her and Dexy were "fuckin' complications" was what she was hearing.

They had only exchanged a few whispered words in the few hours that they had been in the small locked room. Beth holding Dexy in her lap like a shield, and pressing herself against the far wall as Merle casually lounged on top of the desk with his back against the door. Even after she had relaxed somewhat he couldn't fail to notice that she kept the gun in her hand at all times.

When the sound of walkers clawing at the glass never came, he glanced in her direction to see her holding the sleeping boy to her chest as she ran her fingers soothingly through his dirty hair. She was humming, but it was so soft that he almost couldn't hear it a few feet away from her. And in a strange way he found it somewhat soothing himself.

She glanced over and saw him looking at her, and the mental image of her mother insisting that "There is no good excuse for bad manners" sprang into her mind. Placing a kiss on Dexy's chubby cheek, she looked at Merle and whispered softly, "Thank you...for helping us. I know that you didn't have to. You could have turned back around and walked out that door the moment Len gave you the opportunity." She said, then added frankly, "Not that it would have stopped him from trying to kill you once your back was turned."

He grinned at her, his blue eye glittering in the low light from the lone tiny window placed high up the wall. "Ma'am, seems to me that you helped yourself. I'm just happy I got to be there to see it, was a fuckin' sight to behold." She gave him an embarrassed grin, her tired eyes momentarily shining. "And believe me, I would have never turned my back on that man...if you hadn't of killed him, then I most likely would have." She gave him a small smile and a nod. "Well, thank you anyways." She paused seeming to consider something, before adding. "I'm Beth...Beth Greene. And this is Dexy." She said glancing down at the sleeping boy.

"Merle Dixon." He said gruffly, tipping his head slightly in acknowledgement.

After small amount of time he noticed that her eyes stayed closed for longer periods of time. She was fighting it but she was losing her fight to stay awake. It was clear to him that she felt vulnerable despite his going out of his way to give her and the boy their space.

Finally she couldn't fight it anymore, and he watched her finally give in to her body's demands for sleep. The hand with the gun came to a rest on the floor and her hold loosen, he wondered if he should move it before she accidentally shot someone. But it was an uneasy sleep at best. He watched as her eyes moved rapidly under her thin purple lids, and then her fingers started twitching… _was she playing the piano in her sleep_? he wondered half amused. He couldn't help but to notice she looked even younger in her sleep. _A fuckin' child raising a child, well if that just wasn't a Dixon cliche right there_.

He shook his head and came back to reality. This was survival. Why would he help some broad, especially one that he wasn't even fucking? Especially one with a small child in tow? Why in God's green earth would he put his life on the line for some dead girl walking?

On the other hand, could he live with himself if he walked away from them with the knowledge that they probably wouldn't make it very far without his help? She had pretty much admitted that she had never killed a walker before. It was apparent that she could, if provoked, kill a living man. So how hard could it be to teach her how to kill a dead one? A few days? Surely he could give her a few days, at least as long as they were heading in the same direction.

Why the fuck was he even considering taking on the liability of this woman and her child? _It had to be because the boy reminded him so much of Daryl_ _ **,**_ he decided. Why else would he be having this sudden urge to be a do-gooder. ' _Fuck me, if that boy isn't Daryl incarnate_!' He thought unable to help himself from taking in the boys chubby cheeks ruddy in sleep and the dark circles under the boys closed eyes.

He needed to make up his mind on what would be best for him, and he needed to do it soon. He could always leave while they were sleeping, just walk away...could even take their car and their supplies with him when he went. After all they wouldn't need them, because they wouldn't make it a week out there alone, supplies or no supplies. Or he could just leave them with their items and take off with his own, no harm no foul.

He just had to push something in front of the door to keep them safe as he walked away. But that would only work against the dead, what if it was the living found them?

 _How many bullets did she have left in the guns of hers?_ His guess was that the first gun was empty based on the fact that she hadn't used it to shoot the man the second time. No, she had used the the man's own gun the second time she had shot him. And it was that second gun that she had kept pointed in is general direction at all times. It probably was still pointed at him somewhere under all that faded fabric of her fuckin' ugly dress. So how many were left...no more than five, likely less.

 _No_ , he decided. _I ain't leavin' them vulnerable_. Sure as shit, it would eat at him until it drove him crazy. He would probably lose focus and get himself killed worrying about that damned girl and her kid if he left them this way. He'd feel better if he knew that they were more prepared. And after when he left, he would be content in the knowledge that he gave them a real fighting chance.

Should only take him a day or two, to make sure she was ready to manage on her own. Did the girl even know how to use a gun? Sure, he had watched as she had shot and killed the other man. But at such close range, he would have been more surprised if she had missed. He could spare a few days, couldn't he? A day or two... _three at most."_ He assured himself. "While he was at it, he really probably should make sure that she could at least kill the dead with a knife if she needed to. It would be the right thing to do.

 _Sure as fuck, Daryl would do it if it had been him that had found her_. Daryl's soft heart would come into play, and he would make sure the girl and her boy were safe. _Hell, Daryl would most likely hand deliver them to wherever they wanted to go._

"Fuckin' pussy." He muttered crossly. _Of course Daryl wouldn't say more than a handful of words to them while he was doing it._ He thought condescending, b _ut Daryl could always be counted on to do the right thing_.

That was it. Period. He just wanted to do the right thing. Might be the last good thing he ever did in his piece of shit life. He could be more like his sainted baby brother. It would only cost him 3 days...a week at most. He glanced sideways at her. Her body was tucked around the boys and her head was resting sideways on the wall. She was clearly exhausted and even dirty and covered with bruises this young girl glowed. Glowed like she was lit from within, like she was filled with light. The bruises and jaded stare attested that she was just as damaged as she was beautiful. But Merle Dixon couldn't hold that against her. Hell, he was damaged...and Daryl, Daryl was even more damaged than him. And he loved Daryl more than he would ever admit out loud. But he knew first hand that two damaged people would often pull each other under, in their bid to stay afloat.

Not that he was thinking long term, mind you.

* * *

A few ideas and wordings were "borrowed" from the awesome letscallitink and her fanfic "Velveteen" an X-Men Rogue fic. You should read it, it is awesome! She has a wonderful way with words. There was a line about Toad's voice being so rude, like he thinks you're less interesting than cigarettes." that was stuck in my brain, that would be a very "Merle" like thing to think. Because it was so brilliant and it begged to be borrowed...I did.

I have the next chapter written, it just needs to be polished up a bit. However, Chapter 11 is giving me fits. If you haven't been able to tell yet my posting is going to be all over the place. My goal is to post at least on chapter a month, and then hopefully surprise us both when I'm able to post more than that.

Thank you Athlete Girl, you make my writing readable. Also, for making this story better with your suggestions, and answering my long, meandering questions on the whys and wherefores of "MY" Merle and "MY" Beth. And for pushing me to give up that word, sentence, or paragraph that just doesn't work...and making me come up with reasons why I need it. It is making them more believable and giving them more dimension, and in my opinion flawed people are way more interesting.


	10. Chapter 10 - Lost Boy

Once again I don't own or make any money from this. Thank you as alway to Athlete Girl, who makes my writing easier for you to read, and helps me decide if I'm on the right track with this story, or if I may be trying to take a shortcut that I should rethink!

"And as we soared above the town that never loved me,

I realized I finally had a family."

Lost Boy

Song by Ruth B.

Beth startled awake, her heart was beating loudly in her ears as she struggled to catch her breath. Her body was tense and prepared for fight or flight, as she found herself looking into the unblinking blue eyes of Merle Dixon. He was leaning over her but froze when her eyes snapped open. Panic-stricken she fumbled for the gun laying next to her leg, finding it she raised it until it was pointing at his chest. She opened and closed her mouth a few times, but she was so frightened that she wasn't able to form any words.

After an uncomfortable moment Merle slowly straightened until he was towering over her and then just as slowly he backed away making sure to keep his empty hands palm up and in view. He never turned his back on her or broke eye contact with her as he slowly and silently returned to his spot on the desk.

It wasn't until he was perched casually back against the wall that she noticed he was only wearing a dirty wife beater and she could see a few old silver scars highlighted by the moonlight on his shoulders. Gradually he slouched back on the desk, by then she realized that he had only been putting the filthy over shirt he had been wearing on top of Dexy and herself. Only then did she realized that Dexy was shivering in her goosebump covered arms. The cold from the concrete floor and wall that had felt so nice and cool in the daytime and become quite cold sometime during the night.

Beth closed her eyes, physically forcing herself to slow her breathing. Once she had that under control, she opened her eyes to find Merles inscrutable gaze still upon her. "Thank you, but you didn't need to do that." Beth told him softly as she put the gun down and fiddled self-consciously with the cuff the filthy shirt.

Merle's eyes narrowed, and his lips compressed in a hard line. He felt a quick unexpected rush of anger. _Fuckin' little piece of trim was going to be the death of him_. "Next time you point that damn gun at me, you better fuckin' use it." he told her angry. "Should turn ya' ungrateful lil' ass over my knee and give you a good wallop." he hissed making her flush as she looked into her lap.

"Jus' go back to sleep. I'm keeping watch and I'll wake you in a few hours so I can get a bit of sleep before the morning." He snapped at her. And wise beyond her years, she turned her face into the sleeping boys hair, seeming to comply with his demands without engaging him in anymore conversation.

 _What the hell was he thinking anyway? That was a fuckin' good way to die...sneaking up on the frightened girl, he should have just left her the fuck alone. She would have woken on her own sooner or later, and he could have offered her the shirt then. And he wouldn't have even blamed her that much had she pulled the trigger,_ he thought angrily _._

 _Anyway, why in the hell did he think that anything that he had to offer would ever be good enough for a girl like her? She probably had been pampered and spoiled in the real world, had been given the best of everything. So it wasn't likely that someone with the last name of 'Dixon" could ever give her something that she would consider "good enough. She's just like any other stuck up rich girl.'_ He bitterly told himself.

Sure enough times had changed and last names didn't mean anything anymore. Nowadays the last name "Dixon" could be just as good as Rockefeller, and maybe someone like him could be just what a girl like her needed. Despite his upbringing he was, according to his military assessment "highly intelligent and resourceful if somewhat lacking a moral compass." He might not be the most educated of men, but he was just as smart if not smarter in many ways then those ivy league assholes.

 _And really, who needed a moral compass these days? Why, having one of those would probably just get you killed,_ he reasoned. He had been extremely proud of his test results and had kept them in his wallet for years. They were still sitting in inside his nightstand, not important enough too his survival to take from his apartment when he had packed up in his haste to get to Daryl.

Beth waited until Merle stopped swearing under his breath, and then waited until his breathing seemed less labored. When she saw him relax back into his normal position out of the corner of her eye. She looked his way apprehensively, only to find him watching her.

"I don't need to wear the shirt for warmth, I tend to run hot," he growled. "The boy's teeth were startin' to chatter...drivin' me fuckin' nuts. If you don't want it, then don't use it. Ain't no skin off my nose." But Beth could see the hurt and anger lurking behind his eyes, and in the set of his stubborn jaw. It was clear to her that she had unknowingly flipped some sort of switch, and she could feel his animosity from across the small room.

"I'm sorry that I pointed the gun at you, but you scared the shit out of me." She returned in almost equal animosity. "And I didn't mean to offend you, Merle. So, I thank you. For sharing with us, I mean." She paused and chewed nervously on her bottom lip, "It's just...well." She paused for a moment before continuing. "I learned quickly from the men we were traveling with that nothing is free or without strings anymore. It's better to do without then to have someone feel that you somehow," she made air quotes "owe" them for every small kindness." She said trying to explain herself.

They sat looking at each other for a moment, before he said gruffly. "Let's get one thing clear right now. I don't need any favors, not from you and not from any woman. I won't ever ask you for something that you are unwilling to give. I never have before and I'm not planning on it now. And I certainly won't force you to have sex with me to keep that kid warm and fed."

He paused for a moment and seemed to be considering his next words carefully. "I'ma be honest, if you was offering, I would be more than happy to oblige. I've been with lots of women, and I ain't ever had one complaint about my skills in that department." Beth's eyes widened in alarm at the uncomfortable direction the conversation had taken.

But Merle continued, waving off her concerns. "Have had plenty of complaints about my overall attitude and about my lack of tact. And my redneck attitude has lost me a fair amount of lovers and friends." He tugged at his ear in chagrin before adding, "I ain't too good at real relationships, longest one I had was about a year. And the only reason it lasted so long is we was apart for about 6 months of it. I tend to forget that others have feelings, or so my baby brother has told me"

"So I'm just gunna lay it all out there. You are a beauty...fuckin' hot as a Georgia summer day, I'd be a five star queer to not to you. Jus' a plain fact I noticed from the first moment I laid my eyes on ya'. But I don't take by force, or by blackmail...or even what ain't freely offered. I would rather use my own hand, then fuck someone who don' wanna fuck me back." He looked at her hard, and she forced herself to return his gaze unflinchingly.

He, Merle Dixon was a red blooded man, he had wants and needs, maybe even more wants and needs than the average man. Abso-fuckingl-utely he wanted to sleep with her, that was a given. But the strange thing was, what he didn't want was to break her any more than she was already was. _I should ditch them right now, just run before I become invested in the two of them and their survival,_ he couldn't help but think.

They sat in silence and from the corner of his eye he saw her visibly relax. He continued in a somewhat subdued voice, "I will flirt, and I make inappropriate comments but I won't mean any real offense. I doubt I could stop myself even if I wanted to. Too old, too set in my ways." He finished.

Beth, finding herself unable to keep his gaze any longer, lowered her eyes. And Merle noticed her cheeks were flushed, but her quiet voice was steady when she spoke. "Well, then that officially makes you the best man I've met since the end of the world." She told him as she glanced up at him from under her lashes.

"Phiffftt" was Merle's only reply, but she couldn't help but notice that he looked somewhat mollified.

Desperate to change the subject, she asked, "So, Merle Dixon. What is it that you did before the the dead started walking?"

When he answered his voice was low and smooth, and no longer sounded angry, "Was a mechanic. Restored classic cars and bikes...mostly bikes." He would just keep the fact that he was an ex-junkie, and an ex-con to himself at the moment, _don' wanna scare the poor little darlin_ ' hehe thought amusedly.

She smiled at him encouragingly, "So the bike out there at the pumps...your work?" She asked him, thinking that it was nice to know that even though he was easy to anger...he was just a quick to let it go.

The smile that spread across his rugged face was quick and genuine, "Sure as shit is..she's my best work. I love her more than I have every loved any woman, so couldn't leave her behind when I had to go. So I'm not about to leave her behind now." He told her firmly, "Got to find a new truck to pull her, the one I got wouldn't pull a greasy string outa dog's ass. If I can't, I'll just take her and leave most of my supplies behind. I can always find more."

Surprised at his lack of concern about both the noise and his ability to find whatever he needed along the way like there wasn't dead men roaming the streets and blocking access almost everywhere that you wanted to go. She asked, "Isn't a motorcycle too noisy to drive these days? I mean, don't they attract too much attention from the dead ones and other people in general?"

He nodded his head in affirmation, and shrugged one shoulder showing his lack of concern, "Yeah, but she is fast. Probably could outrun most everything except a large herd of 'em...or a bullet." He confirmed. "An' you? What were you doing before alla' this?"

"College, taking care of Dexy, work...and then working at the family farm when the time allowed." She said.

"That's a lot of stuff to be taking care of." He said looking at her as if to suggest that maybe, just maybe he didn't think she was up to the task.

Beth gave him the same one shouldered shrug that he had given her earlier, "Sure it is, but it was for a short time...I was almost done. Then I could've moved on and make a good living. Gone back home and taken over the farm, paid my Daddy back both in money and in time that he gave me and the farm. It would have given Daddy the chance to spend less time at the farm and more time in his veterinary clinic, just like he has always wanted to."

She flicked her dirty hair out of her eyes in an impatient gesture. "Living and working a farm is time consuming, it takes 12 to 14 hours a day to run a farm as big as my Daddy's." She sighed, "Daddy loved it, but in the end I think it forced him to give up more than he gained. For years he rented out most of the land to local farmers to make extra money and free himself up to do what he loved best. He was just trying to keep it in working order until one of us kids were in the position to take it over." She bit her lip and he could see her eyes were shiny with unshed tears.

"When my Momma and big brother died it nearly killed him...very nearly killed me. Daddy aged so much after that, I wasn't sure that he would ever get back to the person that he had been before. I guess he and I both never really did. Daddy lost his faith, at least for a time. I lost my way...went into a dark place and I almost didn't make it back out."

She paused placing a kiss on the sleeping boys head. "I'd like to think that Daddy and I both made it out stronger...better versions of ourselves...if slightly broken. Mamma alway used to say, somethings were "all the stronger in the mending."

She sighed, and wiped at her suspiciously wet eyes. Straightening her back, she smiled and let out a soft laugh. "But my sister Maggie on the other hand, she was always that stronger version of herself. And she just kept on doing what needed to be done, doing her best to drag me and Daddy along in her wake. Daddy always called her Maggie Moo, because according to him "she was more stubborn than one of our cows" She gave a sad little laugh.

"I always envied Maggie's determination and drive." Beth got a faraway look in her eyes, and Merle wondered if she was done talking. Then she started again, but her voice was soft, like she was talking to herself. "She was born with this inner knowledge that she could do anything, and in the believing she achieved everything she's ever set her mind to do. I envied the way she looked too, Tall and slender, but with the body and face of a woman by the time she was 15. While I still struggle with people thinking I'm a teenager, and still had issues on a daily basis even after I turned 21." She sat still, her eyes slightly unfocused, and Merle forced himself to wait her out.

"Oh, Daddy had his hands full with Maggie, the boys in our town were crazy over her. And because she could never pick just one to date it wasn't unusual for there to be 2 or 3 boys sitting on our front porch vying for her attention on any given day. They were so busy trying to slow Maggie down that they failed to notice that I had grown up too. But unlike Maggie, there was only one boy for me, the son of my parents best friends. And it happened so slowly, so naturally that I don't think any of them realized that they even had to worry about us being alone together until it was too late. Then there was the whole "cow and milk" discussion from Mamma and Daddy, oh God did Maggie and I die laughing about it afterward! But they still treated me like I was their little angel that could do no wrong. And I was allowed to keep seeing Jimmy, because we "couldn't possibly" be doing anything wrong. I'm convinced that I will be 60 and Daddy will still see me as his little "Doodlebug" with scraped knees wearing a crown made out of daisies in my hair."

Her mouth slammed shut, and a slight blush covered her cheeks as she peeked up at him under her dirty hair that was hanging in her face. Merle had the feeling that maybe she had said more than she had intended.

He wondered about the boy...Jimmy. Was she so lost after losing her Mamma and brother she needed to bring a new life...Dexy... into her world to survive? Was this Jimmy the boys father? Was she expecting to find her Daddy, Maggie and this Jimmy waiting for her on the farm that she had spoken about?

"So Doodlebug and Beth. Is Beth a nickname too? Is it short for sumthin' else?" He asked her, in an attempt to keep her talking more about herself.

She smiled at him, obviously happy that he let the subject drop. "It's short for Elizabeth. I was named after my Grandmother...she went by Lizzie, and I got Beth. When I was little I used to introduce myself as "Little-Bit Greene". There was I time when the all the town folk all called me "Little-Bit Greene", some of them still did."

Beth was aware of what she was doing...making herself human in his eyes was important...making him feel like he knew and liked her was imperative. At this point she really didn't think that he was going to do anything to her or Dexy. He had had plenty of opportunities to hurt them if that was in inclination. But you never knew for sure, and she wasn't sure where her people reading skills stood at this particular moment.

"Little-Bit...I like it." Merle said, suddenly picturing a small, fairy like Beth, with her expressive big blue eyes taking up most of the real estate on her face.

Merle leaned forward placing his elbows on top of his knees, "Listen Beth, I spent all watch thinking about our situation. I thought of a dozen different ways that I could handle this." He said gesturing between them. "So I'm just going to come out and say it. I'm worried about you and the boy, being out there on your own. I know you have the guns, but do you really know how to use them...and do you have enough bullets to get you where you're going?" He asked her.

"Of course I know how to use a gun...I was raised on a farm for goodness sake!" She said somewhat offended.

"Now, now...no need to get ya panties in a bunch, girl." He reasoned. "Just figured that anyone could have made that shot, you bein' so close and all. Do you know how to load it ya'self, how to clean it, take it apart and put it back together? Do you even know what type of bullets it takes?"

Taking in her flushed cheeks he waited, and she bit her lip and shook her head.

"Not all of it, I'm a pretty good shot, and have no issues loading a gun. But my brother was always in charge of keeping all our firearms in good condition."

"Truth is, I don't wanna worry about you and the boy once we split. So, if I can do anything to make sure that you are prepared before you go...then I wanna do it. You got any experience in fighting hand to hand? How about with a knife? You know how to fix a tire, or how to siphon gas? How 'bout how to hunt game, kill and prepare it?" He asked in one breath, not allowing her to answer he continued.

"I'm just sayin' you can't ever have enough skills in your back pocket. There are things I can teach you...that I feel like I need to teach you so you can keep that little boy alive. I can't tell you how much your boy reminds me of my baby brother." He said, looking over at Dexy, who was still sleeping soundly. And Beth could see his eyes soften, and knew without a doubt that Merle Dixon loved his brother above all else.

"Daryl means the world to me, practically raised him myself while my parents were off pretending that they had no responsibilities. And I let that boy down time and time again, and you can't imagine how much I wish I could go back and do it all over. If I knew then what I know now, I'd put him first, made sure that he had been ready for the world that I left him to survive in. But I was selfish, put myself before him and followed in my parents footsteps. Left him alone to figure that shit out all for himself." He shook his head in disgust.

He looked away from Dexy, and into her eyes, "I want your boy to have a fighting chance to survive. I don't ever want to look back and have any regrets about leaving another child to fend for themselves when I should of stepped up."

Beth smiled at him her eyes somewhat watery, "You and me both." she whispered, her voice cracking.

"If we make allowances for each other, and form a partnership for at least a little while, maybe we can make it better for that boy." His eyes flashed from Dexy back to her. "I watch your back, you watch mine. I can't tell you how many nights I went without sleep because I wasn't in a safe place. Even when I was in a relatively safe spot, ya' still worry about the Dead getting in. Ya' always got to sleep with one eye open and ready to fight at all times. And it was just me to worry about, I can't imagine trying to sleep in that situation worrying about if one of those things would get past me while I slept and get the kid.

"You can only make it so far when your batteries are running low. It's hard to think and make decisions when you are sleep deprived. How long do you think that you're going to function if you're too afraid to sleep? Afraid to leave him unattended, or you feel guilty about asking him to stand watch while you get some shut eye?"

Beth stayed quiet, because she really had nothing to say and lots to think about. So she nodded once and told him she would think about it.

How was it possible that he had all these mixed up feelings about the girl and her kid so fast? Was it just because they reminded him so much of the past? Or was it the way that she took out her tormentor and allowed the boy to have a bit of that payback to call his own?

Because he could totally understand and get behind her reasons for allowing the young boy to get blood on his hands.

It was best that the boy grow up as fast and a thoroughly as was humanly possible. Best thing he could do was to give the boy as much protection as possible, while at the same time teaching him to survive in this new world. To teach him how to provide for himself if need be...then once he knew the basics of how to do that he could help take care of his Mamma.

Only one problem...how the fuck could he be expected to run interference for this girl and her child, when he hadn't even mastered the skills to keep a houseplant alive?

* * *

I hope this was worth the wait. I'm working on the next chapter, but struggling with it...so probably another long wait. But I will do my best, I'm going to try to take the weekend off to recharge my low batteries and to just think about storyline, and take notes. I will go back to writing on Monday. - LittleMiss


	11. Chapter 11 - Hospitality to Angels

*I noticed a lot of duplicate words after I uploaded this. So I just went back and fixed them, so if you have already read this then nothing new has been added.

* * *

"Do not forget to show hospitality to strangers, for by so doing some people have shown hospitality to angels without knowing it."

-Hebrews 13:2

Ch 11 - Hospitality to Angels

After all was said and done they spent 3 days in that small office at the back of the mini-mart. The dead were uncommonly reluctant to leave even without knowing that there was a food source nearby. Merle thought it probably had something to do with his truck, and wished that he hadn't filled the tank to the brim before coming into the store. Sometimes he was just too smart for his own good.

Those three days had them bonding in ways that they could have never anticipated. ' _But after all_ ,' Merle mused, ' _how can you not feel somewhat connected to someone after you've had to piss in a empty coffee can in the each others presence?_ '

Serious training had started that first morning after they both had managed to get some real sleep. He started off teaching her about proper handling and basic gun care while they quietly waited for the dead to get board and amble away. After all it wasn't like he had anything better to do. Well, there was in fact better things to do, but unfortunately sex was clearly off the table.

Very, very unfortunate. Hell, he'd even take a measly handjob with no complaint at this point.

Merle thought that he was probably going to die from blue balls. _Could you die from that_? He had been telling girls that homegrown truth since the age of 14, at this point he wasn't even sure if it was even a real thing, or just a lie that all boys told until they believed it themselves.

Thankfully, for the sake of his sanity, Beth was a quick learner.

He had insisted that Dexy sit in on his lessons, pay attention, and to learn all that he was able. Firmly telling the little boy that he was not allowed to touch the guns just yet. For now he just wanted him to watch until he felt the boy was ready for more. Telling Beth that in his opinion there was no better time than the present to begin the boys formal education on the ABC's of surviving the zombie apocalypse.

At first the boy was standoffish, but with Merle showing no aggression, and teaching him interesting things that would help him keep himself and Beth safe, Dexy was quickly becoming less wary of him. After a few days with no big outbursts of temper on Merle's part, Dexy started creeping closer and closer, and by the third day he would find the little boy often standing next to him and even once Merle had found the little boy so engrossed in what he was teaching him, that Dexy ended up standing in between his knees during that lesson as he pointed out how to load the gun.

* * *

"Merle...Merle." He could hear the little boy whispering somewhere near his left ear, but Beth shushed him. "No, Dex. Let Merle sleep a little bit longer, he was on watch most of the night and he needs his sleep." She told the little boy firmly. "Okay, Mamma. He gunna sleep long?" He asked sounding as impatient as a 4 year old could manage.

"Probably not, why don't we look in our bags and find something to get ready for his breakfast." She gently urged the small boy, and Merle could hear her getting up from her place on the floor. He listened to her soft steps retreating, then he felt the boys small hands along his side. Cracking one weary eye open, he watched as Dexy pulled the filthy shirt that they had been using as a blanket up over the top of him. Then giving him a soft pat on his head and "shhhhhhing" him as if to lull him back to sleep.

He would have chased him away, but he was just too tired to work up any indignation at that particular moment. So he shut his eye and drifted off into a semi sleep, listening to the boy talking and thinking longingly of bacon. When he fully woke little bit later it was to to the sound of Beth sweetly singing to the boy somewhere behind him. It was an old church song, one that he could remember hearing his Nana sing while she went about cleaning the house.

As he lay still listening to her angelic voice, sure that if he moved a muscle that she would stop. He couldn't help but to wonder if Beth Greene knew how to bake cookies, and how they would compare to Nana's.

With his eyes still shut he just relaxed to the sound of their voices, Dexy joining with gusto at the chorus. A feeling an unaccustomed peace and contentment filled him. This is what he had thought it would feel like on a lazy Saturday morning, if he had ever found himself a wife. Unfortunately, none of the women he dated for any length of time would put up with his shit long term. There was also the fact that he wouldn't be willing to put up with their shit for very long either.

Having a loving wife, and a much loved and doted on child was something that he had never much thought about. At least not very often. And when it did, he knew that it was something that happened for other people, but not very likely to ever be in the cards for him. Except...every so often after a few lonely beers in his quiet apartment, he would think if he ever found the right woman that maybe...just maybe he would be willing to give it a try.

What were the odds that Beth and Dexy could be his maybe? _Hell, he fuckin' wanted them to be his maybe_...and as quickly as that thought drifted through his mind, that peaceful feeling was gone like a soap bubble popping in the breeze. Causing him to sit straight up and swear savagely, "Fuck me! I'm fuckin' invested!"

He was met with a silence so deep and still, he was forced to glance over to make sure they hadn't been a dream. But Beth and Dexy were there, both of them staring at him with their eyes wide in alarm at his unexpected outburst.

He looked back at them, his eyes narrowing in ire, as if daring them to comment on his distress or his words. After a moment when neither of them had dared questioning him, he visibly relaxed.

Beth had taken her time, allowing him to regroup, before she brought him some breakfast and put it on top of the desk for him. Dexy had all but reverted to his standoffishness self, and had silently and carefully crept up, standing off to the side where he could observe Merle behind the safety of the desk. He couldn't stand the frozen look in the little boys eyes, they looked like Daryl's eyes when Pop was getting ready to go on a tear.

Merle grunted, and cleared his throat, "Bad dream." he stated to the room in general.

Getting up he stretched popping his back, before walking over the the plate of food Beth had put on top of the desk for him. "You wanna learn more about guns today, little man?" Merle asked him as he broke the breakfast bar on his plate in two and offered half to the little boy sitting on the floor. "Maybe we can look into getting you a BB gun, to practice your aim with iffn' you show me that you've been paying attention." He said looking searchingling at the boy, as he held the broken treat between them, waiting for the boy to make up his mind.

Finally after a beat, Dexy guardedly reached out and took the peace offering that Merle was offering him. And Merle pulled out the gun he had been teaching him about, and started asking him questions in an attempt to get the boy to relax.

By lunchtime, Merle declared him a "smart lil' shit" and more than ready to move on to something harder. And over a lunch of beans and crackers the boy was looking at him with something close to hero worship in his eyes. And Merle decided maybe it wasn't such a horrible thing this being invested in someone other than Daryl.

 _So he was invested, what was the worst that could happen?_

Death, death could happen. Destruction, complete and utter...heartbreak? Even in the old world he found the concept of loving someone terrifying. To willingly give another person that kind of power over you, was a madness that he just couldn't bend his mind around. It had been then, and now it was so much more. If he let her and that boy come behind the wall that he had built for himself they had better nut up and do everything they could to survive this shit, because if they didn't it could really fuck him up.

Thinking along those lines, why would he ever settle for a mediocre fuck up? If he was going to fuck up, he was going to fuck up big time. And if he was going to go down in flames shouldn't it be over something as good and pure as those two?

After all in terms of fucking up, Merle Dixon was a pro.

* * *

They had picked the store clean and the majority of the walkers were finally gone from the parking lot. There was no real reason to hang around. He didn't feel it was a safe enough place for them any longer, in fact it was his opinion they had been lucky as it was. While he was relieved that that the Dead had moved on, the fact of the matter was they had provided a sort of security against the living. Now they were gone it was an open invitation for would be looters.

The best thing to do would be for him to keep training Beth and the boy before he took them out on the road. He really needed to find a place somewhere off the beaten path, where if they were careful they could avoid being noticed for a short time. Both Beth and the boy seemed to be learning fast, soon he wanted to start them on target practice. In just a few days time Beth had become a whiz at taking apart and putting hers back together, he thought with an odd sense of pride.

In the End, Merle grudgingly decided that at least a few extra days of training would be needed before taking them on the road. Deciding that they really needed to move to a more secure location. He would need to scout around for a place that would be safe for the girl and her boy. There was no telling what the Dead were up to, and if that large herd had kept moving in the same direction or if anything had made them change their direction. Because of this, risky as it was, it would still be better to leave them at the store and go searching alone.

He left a few of his guns and two boxes of bullets with an anxious Beth and a somber Dexy. As he drove away he wondered what the chances were that Beth would choose to leave while he was gone. He was giving her the opportunity to slip away if that is what she really wanted. If she was going to go, he made sure that she was set to go out on her own. As he left early in the morning, he told Beth gruffly as he handed her car key, "I parked yours by the back door. Filled up the gas tank, and topped off the oil...it was gettin' a bit low." Abruptly turning and walking out the door before she could respond.

If she was going to go, then she would do it while he was gone and at the very least he could say that he had done right by her. But he couldn't resist looking back at her one last time as she was closing the back door behind him. He wanted to have that one last glimpse, just in case it was the last time he saw them.

As he looked back, she had paused and was watching him too. She gave him a small smile, "Be safe...when should I start to worry if you're not back?" She asked looking unblinkingly into his eyes.

"Be gone 4 hours tops." He said over his shoulder as he walked away.

After a few hours driving in endless loops around the neighborhoods just south of the store, he found a small farmhouse far enough off the main road to make it acceptable to him. It was located down a long dirt road off that secondary road, the dust of any vehicles approaching from that direction would give them plenty of warning.

He stopped and got out to look around, taking notice of propane tank and the septic tank in the yard. Walking around the yard he noticed that he could park the truck in the back where it wouldn't be seen from the road. And the endless farm land behind it insured they would literally see anyone coming from miles away. Nobody, living or dead would be blindsiding them from that direction. Checking the house itself he found it free of walkers, making it at the very least better smelling than the store. He tested the stovetop and the well water fed taps and found them both in working order - hopefully if they let the water run long enough and conserved propane they could occasionally have hot water. It would be the perfect spot for them to hole up for a few days.

 _5 days or 8 days, not really much of a difference in the long run._ And fuck anyone who tried to tell him different **.**

The drive back to the store took less than 20 minutes, and he was relieved to find both Beth and the boy waiting by the back door to let him in. He had been 50/50 on whether they would still be there when he got back. Beth gave him a relieved smile as she flipped the gun safety on as she shut the door behind him.

* * *

Methodically they packed up all their belongings that they had in the small office, before heading out towards the front doors. Not even slowing his steps, Merle spat derisively on Len's bloated body as he stalked past it. Only stopping when Dexy let go of Beth's hand to run back past him. Turning he watched as the boy attempted to bring up a loogie to copy the gruff man's actions. Unable to produce one, the little boy settled for giving the body a hard kick before he ran to catch up, unexpectedly stopping when he reached Merle's side, reaching up and catching hold of his hand. Then he hopped excitedly next to him on their way out the door, happy to be leaving the store and Len behind him.

Odd that the sight of that pudgy little hand in his could make him feel an unaccustomed jolt of warmth and fear at the same time.

He had been pleased to see that Beth didn't seem particularly disturbed by the body as she had passed it by, while walking slightly in front of him. No one mentioned burying the body. And they left it where it lay, spread out on the floor among the rest of the trash littering the floor... _right where that asshole belongs_ Merle thought smugly.

Beth was at the door waiting on them, and he caught her blue eyes rolling heavenward as they walked past her into the parking lot.

Merle walked slowly around the parking lot and the pumps, checking all the blind spots for signs of danger. Finding everything quiet, he pulled his truck to the back of the store next to where he had parked the suburban earlier. Effortlessly backed it, trailer and all in front of the small loading dock where they were blocked from the view of the road.

Then he proceeded to take everything out of both trucks before repacking them more efficiently into just the one. When he was done, a few boxes needed to be loaded onto the trailer, where he placed them around his bike, taking extra time to make sure that nothing would put a scratch on his baby. In the end there was more than a few items that both of them deemed replaceable or not needed. Deciding that maybe someone else might be able to use them, they placed them against the back wall protected in the small covered bay where they would be out of the sun and the rain but easily accessible. Beth was happy to be rid of them, as most of the items had belonged to the Claimers long before they had met her.

He was puzzled when he pulled out a dog crate from the back seat, "What happened to ya' dog? The Geeks get'em?" He asked as he turned to look at them.

"No." Beth replied her voice sharp and hard. "Len used it to keep Dexy in. He didn't like kids, and he treated Dexy like an animal."

Merle's eyes snapped angrily to hers, before looking down at the little boy whose eyes were watching him guardedly, and in that moment he was looking at 4 year old Daryl again. He could read the shame and humiliation that were mixed with the tears in the boys eyes. And the anger came swiftly, making his vision go red, and his breathing labored and difficult.

"Fuck!" He barked, making Beth and Dexy jump in alarm.

He grabbed the cage and threw it as hard as he could against the wall, a loud crack split the air and bounced off all the concrete like a blast from a gun as the cage collapsed. It was damaged beyond repair, and could never be used to hold anything, or anyone again. But that wasn't enough for him, stalking over he proceed to stomp on it until it was nothing but a pile of broken plastic and bent metal.

Once he was done, he took a moment to steady his breathing and get his anger under control, before he walked over to stand in front the frightened boy. He hesitantly reached out for him and after a short pause Dexy went willingly if shyly into his arms. Merle lifted him to his chest, and putting his finger under Dexy's chin he lifted it until he made eye contact with him, "Never again, I promise. I won't let anyone hurt you or ya' Mama." And recalling the boys words from the first day that they had met, he repeated them back to him, "Those bad men are gone. No more Bad Len. No more bad Dan. No more Bad Joe. No more cage for Dexy...Ever. And no more back rooms for your Mama, I promise."

Dexy's lip poked out and fat tears started to roll down his face. Merle could hear Beth's heavy breathing as she stepped up and put her head against Dexy's back. Dexy ducked his head into Merles chest and cried, his arms tightening around his neck painfully, but Merle allowed it as they stood that way for a few minutes allowing everyone to gather themselves.

Once Merle finished with his rearranging, he very carefully and lovingly attached the bike trailer to the back of the Suburban. "Desperate for supplies, huh?" Beth said blandly as she shook her head in amazement at the bounty he had managed to stuff into every available space.

He glanced up at her and gave her an unrepentant grin, "I just wanted to make sure you were safe before I left. If it makes you feel any better, I _really was_ planning on watching you drive away after I filled up your tank. And technically I _was_ getting desperate... fuckin' desperate for cigarettes and liquor." he told her sincerely.

The whole time that Merle was packing he had been setting weapons that he pulled out of his truck aside. When he was done, he took a few moments to study each one as he picked out a few guns and knives that he thought would be acceptable for training the girl and her boy.

Beth had stood there holding Dexy's hand as she had watched Merle bring out his weapons for inspection, her eyes growing bigger and bigger as he kept adding to the pile. Somewhat shocked by the small arsenal that he had in his possession, she couldn't help but wonder how many of them he had collected on the road, and how many he had started his journey with.

When he was satisfied he proceeded to make sure that there was a weapon next to every door in the Suburban and a few in each of their backpacks, a few in the saddlebags on his bike. He even rolled one up inside of his sleeping bag so that he was prepared for anything even in his sleep.

* * *

At the farm , Merle parked by the back door and out of sight from the front driveway, they pulled what they would need and put it into the house, Beth was going to set up the kitchen and make them lunch. While Merle took Dexy and they set to barricading the house. The little boy happy that Merle allowed him to use the hammer to hit the nails one last time, before them moved on to the next one.

Having decided that the next thing that they needed to learn was some knife skills, they would work on some target practice tomorrow with the BB guns that he had picked up the day before. If they had any time left he would add in a little hand-to-hand just to help her be well rounded. After all, it wouldn't hurt for the girl to know how to throw a punch without breaking her thumb in the process.

There was a lot that he wanted to teach them, but for now he would keep it simple. Getting them started on those things, would be a start in the right direction. He could at least teach them the things that would be most beneficial for their survival when they parted ways or if they somehow got separated earlier than planned.

Merle decided he would teach Dexy a little more about knives in the other room. And Beth decided to only interrupt if she felt necessary, and decided to search the already cleared rooms. The man had a lot of good skills to teach them, and Dexy needed to be around a man who wouldn't hurt him, someone that he could learn to trust. She could already see him starting to lose a little bit of that haunted look that he had been wearing since the arrival of the claimers into their lives.

Merle might not be perfect...in fact he was far from perfect. But maybe that was better, would she really trust someone who appeared anywhere close to perfect at this point?

No, no she would not. And to her surprise it had only been a short time before Dexy started to lose a little of his fear, and actually wanted to be around Merle. She could see the way that his eyes followed the mans every move, like he was afraid to take his eyes off him for fear that he would disappear. Dexy was already growing attached.

She just hadn't fully decided if that was a good thing or not. But then she could hear her Daddy's voice quoting, "Do not forget to show hospitality to strangers, for by so doing some people have shown hospitality to angels without knowing it."

Only the good Lord knew if Merle Dixon was one of his Angels, and she had some serious doubts where that man was concerned. But on the off chance that he was...then he was a rude, foulmouthed highly sexed Angel. She couldn't help but to smile at the image that popped into her head of Merle with a pair of wings and a tarnished halo...if that man had a halo, she thought it would be undoubtedly held up by a pair of horns.

Daddy always said that God had a strange sense of humor.

Watching Merle walk away from them this morning had been hard on Dexy. Beth watched as every moment that Merle Dixon had been away from them, was one where Dexy lost a little bit of his confidence. And just in the few hours that he had been away from them, Dexy had already started to slip back into his previous fearful state.

Merle Dixon was all sharp lines and casual bigotry. His foul mouthed remarks left you no doubt of where he stood at any given moment. But he never raised a hand in their direction, and he never aimed any of his cutting words towards Dexy. The man was as thoughtless as the day was long and she had no doubt that if provoked that he could be intentionally cruel. She also had no doubt that he could break Dexy...or herself with very little effort and only a few well-placed words. But when he talked about his brother, she could see that he wasn't totally without the ability to love. No, in fact she was sure that Merle Dixon despite all his faults, was someone who loved fiercely, and would do anything for the ones he loved.

And she could see it in the way he looked at Dexy, with the same soft eyes that he got whenever he talked about his baby brother. She could feel it in her bones, that Dexy would be safe with him despite his rough exterior.

But would she be?

Dexy was already bonding with this man, there wasn't a lot she could do about it now. She would just have to accept that Dexy would be learning some very colorful words in his lessons with Merle. But if Merle Dixon could make Dexy lose that fearful expression that had been etched on his face for the last few months, well then, it was a small price to pay. If she heard her little boy cussing like a sailor, Ana Hagen would roll over in her grave, that is if she was one of the lucky few who had someone left that loved you enough to stop and dig a hole for them, Beth thought gloomily.

Dexy tentatively went to pick up one of the knives that Merle had sitting on the low coffee table, "You bes' not touch them until I tell you to touch! Don't mess around...they aint Goddamned toys!" Merle growled, "My guns and knives can hurt you, or someone else. So you do NOT touch one unless I tell you to. Do you understand me Boy," He demanded.

Dexy's lip poked out, but he managed not to cry, just. He just nodded his head as he put his hands behind him.

"First off ya' need to hold the knife the right way, if you don't then sooner or later you're gunna get end up gettin' cut. Always keep your knife in your dominant hand, with your thumb up...for all of us will have it in our right hands. Dexy, show me your right hand." Merle demanded, and pursed his lips in displeasure as the little boy raised both hands and looked perplexed as he he looked back and forth between them as he tried to remember his right from his left.

They were stuck on this lesson for quite awhile, until Beth sensing that Merle's frustration was just about to get the best of him, made them stop for lunch. After she had finished, she spent some time rifling through the drawers in the kitchen until she found a black sharpie.

"Come here Dex." she called to him. And then she bent down and took his right hand in hers and drew a happy face on his right thumbnail.

"There you go, when you hold the knife you need to make sure that you can see the happy face...then you will know that you are doing it right." She told him encouragingly, as he smiled up at her. "After awhile the knife will just feel comfortable in that hand, and you will just know that it's you knife hand. Just like you don't have to think about what hand to use when you pick up a crayon or use a pair of scissors, soon it will be the same with a knife or a gun." She said as she give him a kiss on the top of his head.

He threw his arms around her slim hips, "Fank's Mama, and the happy face means that Merle will be happy too, right?" He asked her softly while looking hopefully up at the big man.

"Yeah" he told the little boy gruffly, "Yeah...that will make me happy."

Beth had Dexy lay down for a small rest, and despite the boys protests that he wasn't tired, he was out within minutes. "Shoulda' waited to put the Sharpie on his thumb 'til after his nap, he's prolly' gunna just suck it clean off'" Merle observed looking down at the boy who had his thumb already shoved in his mouth and was sucking on it furiously.

While the boy slept, Merle pushed all the furniture in the living room up against the walls, giving them enough space to at least get started.

Getting right into it, he showed Beth about how to hold a knife properly. He wanted to make sure that she would have enough experience with the knives so that she wouldn't end up cutting herself the first time she was called to use one.

Then he went into lecture mode, voice firm telling her, "If you can run, then run. If you can get away without getting near one of the Dead then do it. But if you can't, then you need to be ready to defend ya'self and the boy." Beth nodded in agreement, remembering what he said to Dexy, she held herself back from picking one up until told to do so.

"Use a knife when you can, guns make too much noise and will bring you too much attention. It will call more of the Dead towards the sound, ones that may have passed you by but came to investigate the noise. It will also alert any of the living that you are near. Ya' gotta be quite, gotta try not to attract any attention if you can. The dead are easy, we know what they want...the living? The living are an unknown, and they can be just as deadly, just as dangerous as the dead. Especially to a pretty little thing with a small child, but you already know that." He said, bending to look into her eyes. Her cheeks paled, but she managed to hold eye contact with the intimidating man.

He kept looking at her, but seemed happy with what he found in her eyes. So he continued the lesson, pointing to the coffee table where he had a selection of knives laid out. "Make sure you have the right knife...pick one out." he demanded.

Beth looked at the table and reached out and tentatively picked up one of the smaller knives.

"Nope." he said taking it from her, "look, see how short the blade is." he pointed at the knife in his hand. "You could stab someone and it may not even get any of their organs...ya need a longer blade to do any real damage."

She picked up another one, "Nope" and he plucked that one from her fingers. "Even tho' the blade is about right, you'd still be better with a standard knife if you have the choice. " See how this one folds?" He said as he folded it in half closing it. "A knife like this could fold on you right in the middle of a fight. They might look cool but you don't want to have to deal with having to reopen it in the middle of a fight, especially if your fingers are already covered in blood." He informed her as he placed it back down on the table top.

He reached over and picked one up. "This is the kind of knife you would do the best with. See the length? Long enough to puncture any origin, and go into a Dead Ones brain if you was stabbin' up under the chin." He lay the knife along slide his face, showing her how far it would penetrate from under his chin.

"Once you get into a fight Ya' gotta be aggressive...can't be timid with a knife in your hand. Gotta let the person ya' fightin' know that you aint afraid to use it, If ya' don't they will just take it from ya', nothing worse than gettin' killed with ya' own fuckin' weapon." He declared.

"Keep ya body behind the knife," He altered his stance to show her how she would stand, "it doesn't do ya any good to have the knife behind ya. Ain't gunna give you that much more momentum than ya already have. And it gives whoever ya' fightin' with a couple extra seconds that ya' don't want them to have."

"If it's the dead always go for the head. If ya got ya'self a tall one, the if ya' need to you can hit 'em in the knees to bring 'em down." I'll give you some pointers for kicking out someone's knees as we go, he told her.

"If its a person that ya' fighting, just get 'em where ya' can, let them know ya' mean business. If they are reaching for ya', take off a finger or two it might make them keep their hands to themselves."

Oh, how she wished that she had this nugget of wisdom before she had run into Joe.

He continued with the lesson. "If ya' lose the knife or if they have ya' hands pinned ya' can use your teeth. You've seen what the Dead can do? Ya' teeth are just as deadly, we just don't normally use them that way. Ya' can take a man's thumb off just as easy as ya' can bite a carrot in half. Don't think...just do." He instructed.

"Someone got ya' around the shoulders, ya' bash their nose in with the back of ya' head. We got hard heads, ya can knock out their teeth, or hit them in the throat hard enough ya' can crush it ." He said as her turned her back to him and pulled her elbow back to his stomach. "Use ya' elbows or knees to do the same. If ya' get the chance ya' do damage to their balls. But if ya' gunna do it, do it hard enough to take em' down. No man takes kindly to a hit to the nuts. The longer he's down the more time ya' have to get away or bash his brains in...do it half heartedly and he will make ya' pay for it. Don't ever do anything by halves...ya' go all in or ya' run."

"Let's start with some hand-to-hand", he said putting the knives back down on the table.

After an hour of trying to land a kick or to get her elbow or her knee on any part of his body, Beth was red faced and sweating profusely. And she was more than a little upset that it looked like Merle hadn't even been winded. She could feel herself getting more and more frustrated and angry. How was she supposed to protect Dexy if she couldn't even take down someone who seemed intent on not hurting her?

He watched her walk away with tears in her eyes and wondered why he held back. He should have put her on her ass a dozen times or more. But she was so intent on following his instructions, he didn't have the strength to be mean to her, at least not in this moment. She had given it her all and that's all he could ask of her, at least today. Tomorrow, well tomorrow would be a different day, and it would be time to try his best to turn that little girl into a killing machine. And it was clear that she was a determined little thing, and that she would give it all she had, or die trying. She wasn't weak, despite being a bit broken he decided.

Dexy woke up, stretching and yawning and Merle declared their lesson over...for now. As Beth went to get Dexy up and moving.

And Merle said he would work with Dexy on the things that they just went over.

Throwing over his shoulder as she walked out of the room, "Why don't you go have a hot bath before your muscles start tightening up. Could be the last place we find for a while that has any hot water, might as well take advantage of it. Maybe if the bathwater ain't too dirty you can put the boy in after you."

Already moving on to work with Dexy, he failed to notice when she froze in the doorway or the way that the blood drained from her face.

* * *

I've been sick, sick, sick...so typing this last bit half asleep and without my contacts on...please look over any spelling and or typos!

This chapter just did not want to be...I struggled with it, I finally just gave up trying to make it something other than what it is. I hope that you enjoy it. Let me know if you liked it at all... because I have lost the ability to be objective!

As always thank you to Athlete Girl who makes this so much easier for me and for you! She edited this chapter, and then I had a tiny Aha moment and added a bit more, and she was nice enough to edit it a second time. If you get the chance go read her stuff, it's all good and she just updated both "Brand of Love" - one of my personal favorites and "Anniversaries"


	12. Chapter 12 - Resfeber

I'm so sorry that I've left you hanging! I was genuinely aiming to post twice a month, but it now glaringly obvious that will almost never happen. Life is busy, work is busy and I was sick, sick, sick for about two weeks. And to top it off I tend to procrastinate. I think about the storyline, try to work out the chapter in my head before I even attempt to write. And then, I edit. I rearrange, I second guess and then start to question EVERYTHING that I have just spent hours upon hours to get on the page. So, if you like this story at all then you really should thank Athlete Girl, who edits, points out flaws that I've never even considered, edits again and then takes the time to convince me that it is good enough, and that people DO want to read it...and then she edits AGAIN, when unable to help myself, I "fix it" just one more time. She is a Saint.

So if you are reading...and maybe waiting for more, here is an extra long chapter! Honestly, for me this chapter was like pulling teeth. But in the end Athlete Girl assures me that is better than I think. In any event, Merle and Beth are where they need to be at this moment even if it isn't where the should be according to my written timeline, that darn Beth is dragging her feet and Merle is being a bit of an A-Hole.

"The first rule of **Fight Club** is: You do not talk about **Fight Club**. The second rule of **Fight Club** is: YOU DO NOT TALK ABOUT **FIGHT CLUB**!"

or

 **Resfeber**

The restless race of a traveler's heart before the journey begins.

When anxiety, excitement and anticipation are tangled together;

A travel fever that can manifest as an illness before an adventure.

Ch12 - Resfeber

"I'm going on up to grab a shower...y'all good?" Merle asked Beth later that night as he gathered up a semi-clean change of clothes. "Yep, we are all good." She answered as she looked out the front window, not bothering to look back at him.

A few minute later Merle was ecstatic, he didn't have words to describe how it felt to stand under that hot spray in a stranger's cramped master bathroom. He was enjoying a bit of privacy and being able to work up a cleansing lather over his body was cathartic to say the least. He shook his head beneath the spray safe in the knowledge that Beth would avoid the upstairs as long as there was a possibility of catching him with his pants down. That was something that he was positive of, she wouldn't venture upstairs unless under extreme duress.

He didn't hesitate to take a little extra time to release some built up sexual tension that he had been feeling. Damn...did it feel good to have a hand on his cock again...even if it was his own. It wasn't even close to what he really wanted, but needs must and all that shit. And unless they came across another woman...a loose, highly sexed woman, then he doubted he would be getting any better than a selfie anytime soon.

 _I'm clean and relaxed for the first time in weeks_ , he told himself firmly. _Ain't no reason to be pining over that slip of a girl_. The thoughts he had fleetingly entertained of Beth giving him a "hand" in the shower momentarily dissipated as he thought about the fact that he still had it better than most folks at this particular moment.

Anticipating that he would be wide awake after his shower, he had told Beth that he would take first watch that night. Once he was dry and dressed in clean clothes he prowled the house, going from window to window trying to remember the lay of the land before it got too dark to see properly.

The farmhouse was tiny and old, something that an ancestor of his could have lived in once upon time. The living area where they would be sleeping was just enough room so they weren't on top of each other. The kitchen was serviceable, but what his Nana would have called a "two-butt kitchen" having more than two normal sized adults in there at the same time would be a squeeze. The dining room attached by a wide cut out, small enough that it could almost be called a eat in kitchen...he thought that originally that space must have been the farmers bedroom. A small out of date bathroom was steps away from the stove. _Who in their right mind put a bathroom that close to the kitchen?_ He thought in distaste... _better off with an outhouse_. He guessed that at some point one of the owners had added the second story, which consisted of a master bedroom with an adjoining bathroom...in the 60's judging from the wallpaper and the matching avocado green toilet and sink . Maybe at one time it had been a loft or a small attic that they had raised the roof to allow for a little more room. He wondered why they didn't bump out a wall to add the stairs, because the ones they had were so narrow that his shoulders brushed the walls everytime he went up or down them.

he could hear the quiet murmur of voices coming from the bathroom at the bottom of the stairs where Beth was getting Dexy ready for bed. He paused at the top of the stairs and listened to them.

"Mama, are you going to tuck me in and sing to me?" Dexy asked loud enough to catch Merles attention. "Of course I am, don't I always?" she teased him.

"Yes, but...can you stay with me till I fall asleep...or do you got to go to a different room?" Merle could hear concern in his voice. "No, Dexy...no seperate rooms unless thats what you and I choose. Okay?" Beth's voice was excited now, "We'll be in the same bed this time. But, I'm going to take second watch...so I may not be there when you wake up. If you're scared, Merle will be there sleeping on the couch, right next to you if you need him, and I will check on you everytime I walk past the room...promise," she assured him.

* * *

Before Merle had gone upstairs for his shower, he had gotten his first real good look at the boy. Beth had scrubbed him in the bathtub and had trimmed his hair with a pair of small shears that she had found in one of the drawers. He had been dressed in a pair of blue footie pajamas with a T-Rex declaring "I have a big head, and little arms!" Now that the boy was clean with only a few fading bruises remaining, he only slightly resembled the boy that Daryl used to be, Merle didn't have that heart wrenching jolt of recognition when he looked at him. Now Dexy was more like of a whisper of a long forgotten but happy memory then some fucked up PTSD flashback.

Merle knew that as children the He and his brother could have been best described as ragged...that is if the person you were talking to was feeling generous. The Dixon boys were forever running wild, their clothes just as dirty and smelly as they were and half the time without shoes even in the coldest months. Without the layer of dirt and bruises covering him it was easier to see Dexy for who he really was, and not feel like he was looking at a living xeroxed copy of his brother...a brother who had himself ceased looking like that long ago.

Freshly rejuvenated, Merle walked past the downstairs bathroom on his way to the kitchen. Beth's back was to him, cleaning up from the haircut she had given Dexy before his bath. The boy's clothes were hanging over the edge of the tub to dry, she must have washed them while Merle had been upstairs. Merle noted that it would probably be a good idea to follow her lead and wash his own clothing before they left. Tomorrow he would look around to find some rope to set up an outdoor clothesline. The kitchen had already been cleaned up and the dishes were washed and drying in the rack by the sink. She had also taken the time to pack up everything else, and thinking ahead had moved the bags to sit beside the backdoor. _Real good idea,_ he noted, _it would be handy in case they needed to make an unexpected exit._

He walked into the den where he had dragged a mattress from one of the upstairs bedrooms. Better for them to stay close in case of an emergency, and that way Dexy wouldn't be left alone when she went on watch. He found Dexy sitting in front of the coffee table with the coloring book that he had traded them that first day he had met them at the store. Beth came into the room right behind him, moving past him and going to their packs to put away a few items.

He smiled at Dexy, but spoke to Beth, "Little Bit, you go on and get ya' self a hot bath, me and Dexy can take the first watch while ya' in there." he told her as he sat down next to Dexy. She was still wearing that filthy, ugly dress that she had been wearing since he had first laid eyes on her. She hadn't had a bath yet, even though he had offered her a little bit of alone time earlier that day. Wet wipes could only do so much, and she was looking...and smelling a little worse for wear.

She refused to look at him, but he could see the tip of one of her ears turning red, "No." Her voice sounding strangled, "I only have this one dress, why bother getting clean just to put it back on again?" she said as she continued digging through their bags.

"Ya' can wear one of my shirts, and wash that dress...should be dry by morning." He suggested. He didn't understand why she seemed to curl into herself, and watched in concern as her shoulders hunched and rounded. "No, I'll just wait." She said dismissively, and kept her stiff back to him. Merle turned his head to look speculatively at Dexy, but the boy was staring at his Mama, a grim frown was distorting the boys face making him appear much older than his years.

She stood up, and headed towards the door, "Come on Dexy, we still need to get our teeth brushed before bed." she said briskly, as she walked away not even waiting to see if the boy was following her. She was so tense that Merle, even as tactless as he was, decided to drop it, at least for now.

Unfortunately for Beth, the house seemed to be unoccupied, maybe the previous occupant had passed away or had moved. There wasnt alot left there except for the old out of date furniture and a few random boxes shoved in odd places. She was slowly working her way through the closets and had pulled out a few items that she thought that one of them could use.

Merle privately smirked at the pair of mens mismatched tube socks and one pair of mens boxers that she had sitting next to her bag. The boxers had not been opened, they must have been a gift. The recipient didn't seem to appreciate Spiderman as much as he had been thought too. He would like to see her in them, and imagined that she would look sexy as Hell in those boxers. Unfortunately the chances of that happening were slim to none. She had also had found a pair of old worn sneakers that would work for a short time even if they were too big, she could stuff the toes with newspaper and at least she wouldn't be barefoot if they needed to make a run for it.

"I'm sure that we can find ya' something better to wear at one of the farms around here." he told her and she hadn't bothered to respond. He decided that he would make time to look around in the next few days. Who knew, maybe if the defense training went well and he deemed them somewhat ready, he would take them on their first run and she would find some suitable clothes. It would be better to test Beth and Dexy in a situation where they had a safe place to return to if needed then to forge forward without a safe haven. He wanted to work on their knife skills and maybe take them to do a little shooting in a location that was far enough from the house that the dead wouldn't be crawling all over the farm afterwards. He thought that Beth would probably feel better in some clothing that covered her up more that that thin, skimpy dress did.

He listened with half an ear as the girl sang the boy to sleep, but kept his attention on perimeter surveillance. Best to not get too distracted by her, also probably for the best not to make her anymore uncomfortable then she already was by staring at her for too long as he had a tendency to do. Because underneath the grime and the greasy hair, he couldn't help but notice that Beth Greene was a beautiful woman.

Merle checked the night sky as he silently opened the window in the upstairs bedroom to let in a breath of fresh night air. Something had changed between them he reflected, he couldn't pinpoint what it was exactly. But it was just her overall attitude, she had just...gone cold...and she seemed to be avoiding him at all costs. It was strange, because she hadn't seemed to have any problems telling him her thoughts or opinions before they got to the farm. Now when she spoke to him her answers were short, or she communicated in small smiles or shoulder shrugs. He was damn sure that it wasn't his imagination...she was more on edge tonight then she had been in days, maybe even worse than the day that they first met. In a rare act of decency, he planned on just taking a step back and let her work it out in her own time. Could be that she was on her lady days and that was why she was acting so off. If that was the case, he would just leave her to it and hope she had all the girly products she needed.

The night watch went by fast with nothing to warrant the use of his knife or of his gun, couldn't ask for better than that. He woke the girl around 3:00 AM, and she sleepily rolled out from the full size mattress where she had been curled around the boy. She yawned and paused only to slip on her sneakers over the long adorably mismatched tube socks that she was wearing. Before she walked away, she made sure that Dexy was still tucked in tight, then she silently slipped from the room with only a slight nod in Merle's direction.

Beth had put two thin pillows and a blanket on the threadbare couch for Merle. It was a bit short for him to fully lay down on, but honestly he had slept in far worse places. If anything, Dixons knew how to make the best of a situation. One of the lessons he had learned a young age was to take what was given without complaint, go without...or to go out and try to get yourself something better on your own. Standing next to the couch he stopped to stretch out his back, he sighed in satisfaction as it gave several loud pops. Tiredly he sat down, unlacing his boots and kicking them off sluggishly before he sprawled back across the couch. Wearily he crossed his legs, and put his feet up on the padded arm as he settled down comfortably. He could hear the old floorboards creaking under Beth's feet as she passed through the hallway from the kitchen, past the bathroom and up the stairs. Exhausted he closed his eyes, falling asleep almost immediately.

* * *

Dexy startled awake, _was there a bear in the room with him?_ He was sure that he had heard a bear growling. _Where were Mama and Merle? Had the bear got them? Was he alone with a hungry bear...and then reality hit hard...or worse could it be a Dead One in the room with him?_ Panic-stricken, he lay completely still, a skill he had developed living with the bad men. Knowing that it was better to pretend to sleep because they would sometimes leave you alone. Slowly he slid his hand around under the covers searching for Beth.

She was gone, had been for some time...his feet were so cold without her there. _Was Merle still here, or was he all alone in the room with the bear...or a Dead One?_ Slowly he rolled over and looked at the couch where he knew that Merle should be. Heaving a sigh of relief, when he saw Merle profile in the dim light from the window, was right where he said he was going to be. He felt his breathing slow, already feeling better just knowing that someone was in the room with him...even if that someone was sleeping.

But, still...there was that bear to worry about. _Wait a minute, was that bear noise coming from Merle? Dexy held his breath and waited, Yes, it definitely was coming from Merle! How had Merle managed to hide from the Dead Ones when he made so much noise in his sleep?_ Dexy couldn't help but to think that it was a good thing that he and Mama...Beth, had found Merle. It was clear that Merle needed them just as much as he and Beth needed Merle, even if he didn't know it yet.

He lay there for another moment, and in the quiet moments in between the loud growling that Merle was doing he could hear quiet movement coming from the front room. Then Merle shifted, half rolled facing him and the bear sounds stopped. Dexy listened, but only the sound of Merle's heavy breathing could be heard coming from the space between them.

He was startled once again when he saw movement out of the corner of his eye, but it was just Beth walking past the doorway. He could hear her walking into the kitchen and then up the stairs on her endless loop of peering out windows on the lookout for anything that would threaten their safety.

Dexy lay in the bed still half asleep, trying to decide if he should get up and follow Beth. He had just began to nod off but startled when Merle shifted and let out another loud snore, making Dexy jump, and refocus his attention back to Merle. Shrugging he grabbed the blue blanket off the bed and drug it behind him like a real living Linus. Fearlessly he approached the couch where Merle was lying face up with his own blanket pushed down to his feet.

As he crept up next to Merle, he could feel the heat coming off the sleeping man. His decision made, he slowly climbed up onto the couch. Trying his best not to wake Merle, he placed his small hand in the middle of Merles broad chest and clumsily heaved himself up. Wobbling unsteadily, he somehow kept ahold of his blanket, but in doing so he accidentally jammed his knee into the man's crotch before he could steady himself.

Merle shot straight up, dislodging the already teetering boy from his lap. "Wha' ya' doin' boy?" Merle groused, only his quick reflexes allowing him to grab a fistful of onesie before the boy toppled backwards off the couch. He eyed the boy his expression equal parts irritation and exhaustion, while keeping his tight fisted grip on the boy and not allowing him to fall.

"Shhhhh...you'th making really loud bear noises!" Dexy whispered to him in an anxious voice. Merle blinked at him owlishly before hauling him up to his lap and letting his grip on the boy relax. Dexy clambered the rest of the way over, making Merle give a grumble of objection as the little boy delivered another sharp jab with his knee, this time to his stomach.

"You gunna make the Dead come, you'th so loud! So, I'm going to protect you when you sleep….kay?" He said around his thumb as he struggled to wiggled himself between Merle and the back of the couch. Bravely he slid his cold feet up, finding the gap between Merle's pants and shirt to press his feet to the warm skin that he found there.

"Jesus H. Christ, boy! You feet are like fuckin' ice cubes." Merle growled as he pushed the small frozen feet roughly away. Still half asleep and muttering to himself, he pulled his shirt between his bare skin and the ten cold toes that seemed intent on sucking the heat from him. Once he had the shirt firmly in place, he yanked the small icy feet back to the same spot, but over his shirt. Placing both his warm large hands over the small icy feet to hold them in place and keep them from finding any more exposed skin, even as he was grumbling in protest as being used as the boys personal heater.

Dexy sighed happily, as Merles body heat quickly warmed him up.

He didn't understand grown-ups, they were so confusing! Merle sure was so grumpy most of the time, he always seemed to be nicer when he was occupied or busy doing other things. Merle didn't seem to mind when he asked him lots of questions about the guns and knives. Merle took his time and answered everything he had asked, and made sure that he understood. He hadn't gotten mad even once, even when he had to explain something to him more than a few times. Frustrated yes, but not mad. Not like Joe...Joe didn't like to tell him anything more than once.

At first whenever Merle would talk, Dexy thought that he sounded a lot like Len. But after spending some time with him, he knew that while you couldn't trust Len, it was probably okay to trust Merle. And while Joe had always talked real nice to him, his eyes had always been mean...cold. The exact opposite of Merle, who talked kinda mean sometimes, but he had friendly eyes. Merle never looked him with eyes that made his insides colder than his feet had been, like Dan had looked at him. Merle yelled a lot, but he didn't hit, push or make him feel small.

It was true that Merle talked loud...too loud for Dexy to feel really comfortable with. But he never made fun of him the way that Len and Dan had. Merle could move real fast when he needed to, yet he never tried to intimidate him with his much larger body the way the other bad men had.

 _Maybe Merle was more like his Daddy,_ he tried to picture Daddy in his mind, and was troubled when all the memories of his life before the Dead One, were fuzzy and fading, including those of his Mommy and Daddy. He did remember that Daddy had been very, very tall. He was the tallest Daddy of all the Daddys who picked up kids at his daycare. Daddy had dark hair, while he had hair the same color as Mommys. It bothered him that he couldn't quite remember what his Daddy's face looked like. What color was Daddy's eyes? He tried hard to remember, but all he could picture was Joe's and Marle's blue eyes. It made him so sad that he wanted to cry. He may not be able to remember everything about his Daddy but he could remember how Daddy made him feel...safe and loved. He always felt safe and loved with Daddy, and now he felt safe with Merle.

Maybe Merle was more like Mr. Otis who worked on the Greene Farm...but not really. Mr. Otis liked to pretend to be mean, but he really wasn't, and he had the feeling that Merle could be pretty mean if he didnt like you. Good thing that Merle liked him, and he liked Merle...because he thought he was going to learn how to be mean to people if he had to be. If he had been like Merle than the bad men would have ran the other way when they saw him. He had never met anyone quite like Merle before, so he had no place in his young mind to categorize him into that seemed to be a perfect fit.

Dexy didn't understand grown-ups, but he did understand food. He had alway hated vegetables, they were all yuck. If it was green then he did _NOT w_ ant it on his plate... except for broccoli, he adored broccoli, broccoli was his favorite thing ever. He liked it raw with ranch dressing, he liked how Mommy steamed it for dinner at home. At the cafeteria at Daddy's work, they put some sort of seasoning on it, and he liked it that way too. Maybe all the men in this new world were like vegetables, and Merle was the broccoli. Maybe broccoli and Merle were in the same category!

He didn't know anyone else who talked the way Merle did, so loud and with all the bad words. He _knew_ that Merle said bad words, because once Daddy had hit his thumb with a hammer trying to hang something for Mommy, and he had said "FUCK!" Now that Dexy thought about it, Daddy had even had said it in a loud growly kind of way, not like his regular voice. Dexy thought if he had known Merle back then, that he would have thought that his Daddy sounded like Merle at that moment.

Mommy had gotten real mad at Daddy for using a "cuss" in front of _their_ son.

If Mommy got mad a Daddy for saying "FUCK!" and Dexy could only remember Daddy only doing it that one time, then what would Mommy have thought about Merle? Not only did Merle say it...he said it a lot..too many times a day to count...Dexy knew because he had tried to count all the "FUCKS!" that Merle said in a day once when they were stuck in that small room together. But it wasn't long before he had run out of numbers that he knew. By then Merle had used it 29 plus...lots and lots of PLUS! He had already stopped counting by the time lunch was ready. Merle had the whole other half of the day where Dexy didn't even bother count the rest of those "FUCKS!" that Merle had used. He thought that maybe Merle just might like the word "FUCK!" the same way that he liked broccoli.

Once, before the Dead Ones had started walking...Dexy had been playing with a boy in his daycare and Mommy heard him say "What the…!" It was something that he had heard the other boys at school use sometimes, he didn't even know that it was even a bad thing to say. But Mommy said it was, and that it _implied_ a cuss. And he had better not do it again.

But he forgot, and before he knew it that bad almost cuss slipped right out of his mouth, right in front of Mommy. She put pepper on his tongue for using bad language, pepper was yuck! After that he made sure never to say it again! He idly wondered if Merle's Mamma had ever put pepper on his tongue for using bad words. Judging from the amount of times that Merle used that bad cuss, his guess would be " _No!_ "

Despite Merle's potty mouth, Dexy decided that he really, really liked him.

Merle made him feel safe, and he was going to help teach him how to keep Mamma...Beth safe. That alone was a good enough reason for Dexy to get past the loud way Merle talked and all the bad cuss words that he used. And Merle had smashed the cage that Len had made him go into! At first the anger in Merles eyes had scared him...but then he realized that Merle wasn't mad at him...Merle was mad at Len. Merle told him that he was going to make sure that he would never have to go in a cage again, ever. Merle had promised it, and Dexy beleived him.

And then there was the other the way that Merle looked at him. It was the same way that Daddy looked at him. It seemed to him, that he had the same kind of love in his eyes that Daddy always had in his. And Dexy noticed right away that Merle's eyes always seemed more...more _Daddish_ when he talked about Baby Brother.

He had been thinking about it hard ever since Merle had started teaching him about guns and knives. If bad men could just keep you because they wanted to, then why couldn't a _good_ boy like him decide to keep someone if he really, really wanted to?

Just after this startling thought he had prayed to God about it, just like his Mommy and Daddy had taught him to do. He explained to God that the difference between him keeping Merle, and Joe keeping him and Beth was just like the difference between broccoli and brussel sprouts. One was oh, so very, very good...the other, not so much. And he would be real good to Merle, never yell at him, and he would never hit him. He would never, never make Merle feel bad, the way that Len and Dan had made him and Beth feel. He would do his very best to make sure that Merle never wanted to leave them. He had explained this to God, reasoning that if Merle stayed with them willingly, then really it would be like they were really keeping each other.

What was it that Cody from daycare always said? Oh yeah, f _inders keepers...losers weepers._ Maybe once they found this Baby Brother that Merle was always talking about, then they could keep him too!

He had always wanted to have a baby brother of his very own, just like Cody had. He promised himself that when they found Merle's Baby Brother, that he would do his very best to share Mamma...Beth, with him without being jealous. He would be the best big brother that he could be, and teach him all about guns and knives. It was clear that Baby Brother was very important to Merle, so that made him important to Dexy too. So he would protect him, make sure that the Dead never got him.

Besides, little boys needed to have a Momma and a Daddy to take care of them! And he had a Momma...sort of, that he was more than willing to share with Baby Brother. And Baby Brother had a….he had a _Merle_ , and a Merle was kinda sorta like a Daddy. Baby Brother should share his Merle with him. If Baby Brother didn't know how to share, it would be okay because he would teach him how. Because if he knew anything at all about being a big brother, it was that you had to go out of your way to teach the new baby the ropes. It was what big brothers did best.

Dexy leaned in to pat the sleeping mans face, pulling his thumb out of his mouth he told him in a knowing voice, "Finders Keepers, Losers Weepers, and I found you fair and square...so that means that I get to keep you. We get to keep each other, so we are Like a family." Popping his thumb back into his mouth, Dexy lay back down and cuddled into Merles warmth. It wasn't long before the sound Merles deep breathing and his body heat soothed the little boy back to sleep.

Beth rested her head against the door jam, her shoulders slumped. After listening to the little boys words, she was just going to have to find a way to make this work. Dexy wasn't the type of child that just bonded with strangers, even before the Dead started walking. Somehow in the short time that that they had been together Merle had become important to the little boy.

She needed to think of the future, what if something happened to her? What if when they finally made it to the farm, Daddy and Maggie weren't there? If either of those things happened, then Dexy was going to need other people to care for him. No, not just anyone. Someone strong, someone who had the skills and the will to survive, and Merle Dixon had both of those things in spades. Something made Dexy pick Merle Dixon as the person that he wanted. He even called him family, any protest that she might have given to that would just sound petty.

Yesterday, she had a chance to leave, she had thought about it long and hard before choosing to stay and take her chances with Merle. The risks were far too great for her to jeopardize Dexy by heading out on their own with so many unknown variables. Even if traveling with and putting her faith in a complete stranger was something that she would rather not do, she knew that at this moment she wasn't adequately prepared for the new harsh realities of daily life. She realized that she needed to put Dexy's needs before her own, even if Merle Dixon had roving eyes and was teaching Dexy swear words at an astonishing rate. It was an irrefutable fact, that she needed him more than he needed her...but, he still needed her.

Merle Dixon was a enigma, one that was hard for her to wrap her head around. Just looking at him you could surmise that he had lived a rough life, one that had in many ways made him more suited for this life than the average man had been. She worried about his propensity to take offense even when none was given...that along with a seemingly hair trigger temper might put them in more danger than they were avoiding by traveling with him. But to be fair he also seemed to cool down almost at fast, at least from what she had seen so far. There was a hardness about him that none of the men in her life possessed, and she worried that he may crush Dexys tender heart. And while to an outside observer it would seem that he had no softness in him, she knew better. But she had to wonder if Merle had ever willingly let anyone other than the beloved Daryl close enough to see that side of him.

Maybe it was because of their forced time together, or maybe now that the Dead had become the undead he might be more willing to open himself up to one of the few remaining living. But that thick wall of his had a crack that she had been able to see through, and she had caught a glimmer of his inner light. Oh, he patched up that crack as soon as it had appeared, but she had seen it. And she couldn't fail to notice that even in the short time that they had been together he seemed to a certain _weakness(?)..._ at least where Dexy was concerned.

And for some unknown reason, she thought that maybe that weakness might extended to her too.

The silent way that he watched her made her uncomfortable, and felt like he was always watching her. At odd moments, she would see a sudden lust flare in his eyes...the pure _want_ in them made her insides freeze in fear. Other times he would look at her with such a knowing expression on his face, that it felt like he could see right into her very soul, and that he found it beautiful. That Merle Dixon somehow found her worthy of his time and of his protection. She wasn't sure, but she thought that maybe that second look scared her just as much.

Then there was the large amount of alcohol that he had, she watched as he had methodically transferred it all into her car, taking an exorbitant amount of time to insure that it was all safely stored, just so. She had yet to see him actually drink any of it, but she had a feeling that he was a man who liked his booze, maybe more than he liked most people. He had mentioned that if the need arose they could be used for trade, and that made a certain amount of sense to her. But, if at any point he started drinking she would need to leave him behind. She wouldn't willingly stay with a drunk, this she knew for a fact.

Afterall, Daddy was the best man around, but he was the first to admit that he was a mean drunk. If drink could do that to someone like her religious, kindhearted Daddy, then she would hate to see what someone like Merle would be like under the influence.

* * *

Merle had spent the morning working with Dexy, and the exhausted little boy willingly went to lay down for his nap after lunch. Merle decided that it was a good time to work with Beth on some hand to hand fighting on the back lawn.

They had been out there for almost two hours, and Beth wasn't showing him anything that he could work with. She was being too timid... _where was that spunky firecracker that he had met that first day?_ He could see that she was afraid...but was it of him or of being in any situation where a man wanted to control her? He wasn't quite sure. But to his way of thinking, this was what she needed to work on the most. Her fear of men, and of being touched. Better she learn to deal with him now, then to wait until some unknown man tried to pull any of this shit on her.

The fact that she seemed unwilling to put any real effort into it was pissing him the Hell off. Weren't nothing he hated more than a slacker.

With no real plan in place, he decided to give her a taste of the Dixon treatment. _And if it gave him the excuse to put his hands all over her...well then, wasn't he was just giving them what they both so desperately needed?_ And that is what he was going to tell himself until he believed it to be true. So he stopped pulling back so much, and started to really make her work. He blocked her exits, that before he had been allowing. He had knocked her on her ass so many times that he imagined that by now it was even more bruised than it had been the first day that they had met. The last time she had bitten the dust he got a peek under that dress, instead of bruises he got an eye-full of those Spider-Man boxers, and the sight of those red and blue boxers made him grin in satisfaction.

Between his lewd comments and his manhandling of her, he decided that she was either going to break or she was going to step the fuck up. It had to be one or the other...this half hearted bullshit was going to stop! If she stepped up, Awesome! It would mean that they could move forward. if she broke, even better. Then there was a chance she could begin to heal. That she might be able to be put back together stronger than she had been, even before the break. But if she broke...then that would mean time. Time for her to begin healing from the trauma. Because right now she was clearly avoiding what happened to her, only talking about it abstractly and putting it away to deal with another day. He was afraid that they may not have the time to deal with it. But better here than somewhere out on the road.

After their short but intense time together stuck in that small office, Beth found that she liked Merle despite himself. His whole personality seemed to be based on being as obnoxious as possible, then switching to a kind of distorted southern charm. But she quickly found out that liking Merle from a distance was one thing, but having someone like Merle Dixon up close and in her personal space was a whole different thing.

 _How could such a burly man be so agile?_ She found herself wondering, intimidated by his quick reflexes. His hulking presence disturbed her, making her hyper aware of his overpowering body heat as it soaked into her tired muscles every time his powerful arms had her within his grasp. With his breath caressing her neck and hot in her ear, both her body and her mind would freeze. And try as she might to fight the panic that threatened to overwhelm her, as soon as he held her against his oppressive heat and she had the slightly salty smell of his sweat invade her nose, absolutely everything that he had been teaching her would fly right out of her head.

And to top it off Merle Dixon was a big jerk! If his proximity wasn't enough to throw her off balance then the things he said to her unequivocally were. Most of his suggestions were downright obscene!

He seemed to alternate between yelling at her and sexually harassing her. And he appeared to enjoy coming up with the most vile, sexual nicknames that made her skin crawl. Things that made her fantasize about washing his mouth out with soap. Worse every time he wrestled her to the ground she could feel his obvious...excitement...poking her! When he held her down, he made no attempt to hide it, in fact he seemed to be proud of himself and his stupid penis. Without fail he would offer some suggestions on how she could help him out as he wedged himself between her thighs.

Oversexed opportunist that he was!

Laying in the dirt with his voice hot and husky in her ear she found to her complete and utter mortification, that it had the power to make her frozen body melt and then start to liquefy in ways that she wasn't ready to examine just yet. She actually _liked_ his voice, unnerved as she was by what it was that he was saying, "Go down South, an' put it in ya' mouth"...and she hated that she liked it. It sound like someone had poured honey all over that naturally gravelly voice of his, making his already low pitched voice...dulcet, almost velvety as he made those scandalous suggestions.

Gravel and honey would be the death of her.

"NO! Girl ya' gotta fight back! You can't just stand there like a hooker waiting on ah' John!" Merle gripped. "I've seen more fight in a cadaver...literally!" He hissed in her ear, as he held her in a loose head lock under his sweaty armpit. "If ya' ain't going to even try, t'en I don' wanna waste my time or energy." He stated as he pushed her roughly away from his body, his southern twang growing with his irritation.

Beth pitched forward at his abrupt release, just managing to stay on her feet as she struggled to catch her breath. "I _am_ trying! I know it doesn't look like it, but I am. I'm not giving up...are you? Are you giving up on me, Merle?" She challenge him as she finally looked him straight in the eye. She felt disappointment mixed with just a small amount of relief as he turned and walked away from her, than just relief when she realized he was only stepping over to get a drink of water.

He wiped the sweat off his brow and took a long swallow of lukewarm water before answering, "Nah girl, I ain't givin' up. But, I sure as shit got better thins' to do if you ain't going to start putting some effort into it." Beth looked down at her feet, as he continued, "Ya' gotta at least give it all ya' got! Don't ya' ever make it easy for anyone to take you down. Gotta' remember ya' not only fightin' for ya'self, ya' also fightin' for that boy too." His voice was thick with frustration.

He had been feeling his frustration growing, as he pushed her nonstop the last hour, goading her with his angry sometimes blatantly sexist words. Beth was beyond tired, her body felt rubbery and her muscles burned in agony. She was beginning to wonder if she would be able to move tomorrow.

"Fine!" She she said shortly. Feeling her irritation swell, _He keeps telling me to fight dirty, I'm taking him down this time, no matter what it takes!_ She swore to herself as she got up and dusted the dirt off her scraped up knees.

"Ok girl, get ready 'cause here I come." He warned her, only to be surprised when Beth screamed and ran at him. He shook his head in exasperation, swiping one of his beefy fists out half heartedly, planning on knocking her on her ass again. _That was the least that she deserved for communicating her move in advance like that._ He reckoned, but he was surprised when he hit only air.

She had thrown herself under his arms, attempting to tackle him at the hips. She only managed to push him back a few steps, before he planted his feet making himself unmovable. He reached down for her but only felt strands of her oily hair as it slipped through his fingers. Sinking to the ground, she wrapped her arms around one of his leg while at the same time kicking out at his other leg with her feet.

Laying on the ground tangled around his legs, he found himself amused by her antics despite himself. "Girl, what the fuck ya' trying to do?" Bewilderment softened his tone, "I know for a fact I told you NOT to let anyone get you on the ground, and here you are puttin' ya'self there!" he huffed as he looked down at her. Beth bared her teeth at him, growling as she found purchase with her feet against his other leg. Then she doubled her efforts, using her body as a lever as she continued to forcefully push his legs apart. Although petite, growing up riding horses had given her an amazing amount of lower body strength that she was now using to her advantage.

Merle could feel his center of gravity shift, and knew without a doubt that he was going down. His arms windmilled comically as he tried valiantly to stay on his feet, but she had successfully maneuvered him in such a way as to make his weight work against him. He twisted his body as he went down so that all his weight went down on his ass and his back..better than his hands and face he thought as he went down. "I'm going to fuckin' kill her!" he decided as he started to feel himself topple.

He came down hard, but quickly rolled over and made a wild grab for her. She tried to fight him off, but he was too strong, and they rolled twice before coming to a stop in a tangle of arms and legs. Breathing heavily, he managed to pin her with his larger body and bulky weight.

Reaching out he easily caught her wrists, wrenching them up and pinning them above her head, even as his hips were pinning hers to the hard ground. His still raging erection hard against her barely covered core. He couldn't help but grind himself into her heat, as he placed his head against her breasts, whipping his sweaty brow on her dirty dress.

Thankfully she had the sense to hold herself absolutely still until he pulled himself together.

Looking up he couldn't help the smirk that came to his lips, nor the rusty laugh that escaped them, "What exactly was you expecting to accomplish? Did you mean to put ya'self in this position?" He rolled his hips again as he leered down at her. "I don' think so, 'cause there's not a man alive that wouldn't want to find himself between ya' sweet thighs."

Beth stared up at him, her eyes wide and her breasts heaving as a gasp of shock left her lips. Then she started to struggle in earnest, trying to lift him off her using her legs and hips. It was obvious to her that it was having the opposite effect when she felt Merle harden even more as he pushed back down into her softness. Tilting his head slightly he just stared at her, his eyes had gone half lidded and greedy. Thankfully he still seemed to be holding himself back, but not by much. The conflict in his eyes showed that he was fighting the temptation to give in to his less than noble feelings.

She met his eyes as a soft moan fell from her lips. Her eyes went cloudy, and her eyelashes fluttered shut as she turned away from him, her flushed face full of shame. Merle lowered his face trying to catch a glimpse of her eyes, to see if there was any lust in them. _Please, let her want me as much as I want her at this moment,_ was all he could think before she shyly raised her lips up to his _._ It took everything he had to stay stationary as he waited for her to make the first move.

It seemed to take forever, and then her lips were next to his. But she wasn't kissing him as much as she seemed to be sharing his very breath. And then...oh, so very softly, her lips were at the corner of his. Still he somehow managed to hold himself motionless, waiting to see if she could gather enough courage to kiss him. Even almost almost out of his mind with lust and frustration, he was still able to recognized that it would be important that she was the one to make the first move. But she better fuckin' hurry, or he was going to lose his shit. He could feel her straining to pull her hands free from his hold. He had forgotten that he was still holding them captive and he gently loosened his grip, letting her pull them to freedom.

Tentatively she reached up, one liberated hand caressing his cheek, while the other stole around the back of his neck to fist and into his hair, drawing him to her. Closing his eyes, he tilted his head resting his weathered cheek in the cradle of her hand, seeming to want to take a moment to soak up her gentle touch.

Drawing both her hands down to his chest, where they rested they only for a moment before they ghosted back up to his shoulders. Insistently she pushed him to the side so she could take charge. He was more than happy to let her be in control...in fact she could do anything she wanted as long as she kept touching him. Willingly he complied to her silent demands, rolling them both over, even as he tried to claim her mouth, only acquiring a mouth full of dirty hair as a reward.

Then there was pain, white hot and blinding. Merle howled as he reached down to grab his bruised balls, his body convulsing in agony even as he heard the sound of a gun cocking near his left temple. When he felt the cold muzzle against his head he pulled away and squinted to look down the barrel of the gun... _of_ _his fuckin' gun_... and above it Beth's wide blue eyes.

"You fuckin' little cock-tease!" he hissed at her as he rolled over and away from her, using the ground to protect his nuts just in case she tried to aim another boney knee in their direction.

All he could hear was his labored breathing as he lay, his face in the dusty crushed grass as he tried to decide if he was going to throw up or pass out...but that only lasted for a few seconds. Then louder than his panting breaths, the sound of Beth whooping and laughing, exuberant in her accomplishment. He rolled his head so that he could see what in the Hell she was doing.

A victory dance. A victory dance, was what in the hell she appeared to be doing. A very, very enthusiastic victory dance.

 _Well,_ he thought spitfully _she certainly had a lot to celebrate_. Not only had she managed to get him on the ground, she had also successfully swipe his gun without him feeling a damn thing. _That dirty little tramp..._ was the only thought he could seem to form as he lay in the dirt glaring up at her.

"Come on Merle...you told me to play dirty!" Beth said once she stopped trying to recreate the scene from Rocky. She carefully stepped closer to his prone form, making sure that she was still well out of arm's reach. She doubted she would catch him off guard again. And the look on his face told her that he wasn't about to congratulate her on taking him down.

'Run." He spit out, "Run fast, because once I get up I'm going to kill you." He snarled, and the fierce look in his eyes made her back up a step.

"Come on Merle! The last few days, you've repeated told me to fight dirty." She lowered her voice, doing an alarmingly accurate imitation of him, " _be aggressive...yadda, yadda...don't be timid...yadda, yadda...never do things by halves...yadda, yadda...go all in...yadda, yadda_." I've been listening, to everything you say! I trust what you tell me, I just needed to feel confident enough to follow through. I thought you would be proud of me...you _should_ be proud of me!" she accused indignantly.

She gave him a rueful smile, "At least I didn't use my teeth, or try to bash your brains in like you told me too." She sat down in the dust, watching him reproachfully at a distance as she picked blades of grass out of the ground at her feet.

He closed his eyes as he slumped back into the grass and dust. "Smart ass-cooze." His voice was still bitter, but his body was starting to relax into the crushed grass, even if he was still holding a protective hand over his damaged testicals.

"I aint ever said "yadda, yadda" in my fuckin' life." He said reproachfully, sounding insulted. To which Beth gave an unladylike snort. He bit back the bile in his throat and opened one squinty eye to give her a dirty look "I guess I'll let you live...this time. But if you ever, and I mean EVER touch my balls again, it better be when you're fondling them as you put them in your mouth...do we have an understanding?" He snapped.

"Yes, yes we do." She agreed, her voice petulant, "Just because I managed to take you down, doesn't mean that you have to be so hostile...or such a vulgar asshole!" She swiftly responded, leaning away from him. "And totally I agree with you, it would be best to not touch each other sexually." She said, her eyebrows raised high.

"Nah, girl. That is not what I said at all, _what I said was..._ don't ya' be touchin' my fuckin' balls, _unless_ sex is what you are after. I'ma always going to say "yes" to having my dick wet with a willing woman. Hell, if you give me some time I would still give it to you...bruised balls and all. Even with you smelling like a fuckin' outhouse, I would still fuck you if you said you wanted it, 'cause I'm a man, and I'd fuck just about anything." he said spitefully.

Beth pulled back as if slapped, her face draining of color then immediately flushing an angry red. She stood up, and glared down at Merle telling him cuttingly. "You're a real jackass...you know that?" She turned away taking a few steps, then turned back briskly walking back to him. Kicking the ground in front of him angry, sending a cloud of dust and dead grass into the air, where it hung almost weightless before floating lazaly down covering his face and getting into his eyes.

Her voice was frigid, when she continued. "I did what you told me to do. NO...I did what you've been demanding of me all afternoon. And you've done nothing but belittle and demean me every chance that you got. You've found fault in everything that I've done and everything that I didn't. Telling me the perverted things that you want to do one moment, and then in the same breath you call me names for failing to live up to your expectations! And when I finally do _exactly_ what you asked, it's still not good enough?! Repeatedly you said that I needed to do whatever it took to turn things to my advantage. And when I do, you resent me for it? You know what...nevermind. I need a break, from this...but mostly from _you_. Watch Dexy." She demanded tersely as she stomped away, headed out into the field, away from the house, away from him.

And being who he was, of course he couldn't help himself. Merle Dixon always needed to have the last word.

"And you wouldn't be so offended, if what I said wasn't true!" He yelled at her retreating back. "FUCK YOU...when you get back, I'm going to throw ya' stinky ass in the tub...I'll go see if they have any bleach in the house!" He was disappointed when instead of responding she threw him the bird over her shoulder and just kept walking.

He lay there sullenly as he watched her walk away. Already regretting his words and lack of restraint. _Fuck he had a big ass mouth_. Why the hell had he said those things, and to her of all people? _Because, he was an crass motherfucker...that's why._

He knew why he was really angry...and it had nothing to do with the girl rackin' him in the balls. The real issue was that he was mad at that slip of a girl because she had fooled him into thinking that she wanted him. Then she had made it clear that she didn't, it was all just part of the lesson he himself had been teaching her. And it rankled, because he wanted her, more than that...he wanted her to want him. She had played him like a fool, had been fuckin' blindsided by her. She was nothing if not quick on the uptake.

She was right, he was a jackass. That wasn't news to him. In fact it was one of his main personality traits, an essential part of his makeup...it was a dominant trait in the Dixon genepool. He had been called a lot worse, but for some reason this one stung. He wondered if it was because he really deserved the things she had said, or if it was because in the long run her opinion of him mattered more than anyone else's had? Never before had i he felt the need to apologize for being...well, him, until now.

He didn't have much time to ponder that important question, because about that time he was looking up into Dexy's blue eyes as the little boy leaned over his prone body.

"Hey, little man...What…" Merle started to say as he sat up, but Dexy pulled his thumb out of his mouth, and shook his head sadly.

"She don't like bafs no more." Dexy said looking down at him with solemn eyes.

"I'z' that so." Merle uttered drily in mock surprise..

"Nope. Joe, he got real mad at Mamma. 'Cause she tol' him..."NO!" to takin' a baf'."

Joe tol' her that he was in charge not her, tol' her he would beat her, but she still said "No". They fight for a long time and then Joe pick her up and made her get in the tub, made her get all clean."

The little boy searched for the right words, before continuing. "They was in the bathroom in the room we was sleeping in. The door was shut, but I could hear 'em in there. I didn't like it...scared me." He put his thumb back in his mouth.

Merle sat up, giving Dexy his full attention. "Why did it scare you so much Dexy?"

"Mama and Joe din' fight...she just always did what he said. But that day she was screaming and Joe was yellin'. When they came out Joe was real tired and his clothes was all wet from the fight in the tub." He blinked at Merle, and lowered his voice "Mamma cried and cried and cried. Joe was...different, after that."

"How so?" Merle questioned, Dexy just shrugged noncommittally as he shoved that thumb back in again.

Merle took Dexy's hand, pulling his thumb back out of his mouth. "You know why your Mamma was afraid?" He asked him gently.

Dexy shook his head "Joe asked her and she tol' him that it was 'cause of Len. Bad Len did some'thin that made her scared, but don't know what." He frowned, his face screwed up in concentration. "Was somethin' bad, 'cause after that only Billy and Joe watched Mamma and me...Joe, he didn' let Dan or Len alone with us anymore after that."

"Who's Billy?" Merle asked, Beth had never mentioned him in all the times that she talked about the Claimers.

Dexy shruged, "Billy was with the others...maybe he was only kinda bad. Sometimes he gave me toys." He said as he pulled a little yellow matchbox car from his pocket and showed it to Merle. "He give Mamma stuff sometimes. Never hurt us...never helped us. Do you think that means that he was still bad like the Dan, Len and Joe?" He looked up at Merle questioningly.

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." Merle quoted. Dexy just stared at him in confusion "Maybe Billy was a good man before the turn, but he was still a real limp-dick." Merle added.

"What's a "limp-dick"? Dexy innocently asked.

Merle let out an unrestrained burst of laughter, and grinned at the little boy. "Means he was a little chicken-shit of a man. A gutless coward, probably even before you knew him. He let stronger men lead him, because he was too soft to do it himself. It means he didn't have the balls to make it on his own." Dexy still looked confused but nodded in agreement.

"Billy and the other lady they had wit' us are dead. All the other ladies that they took are dead too. Bad Dan...he killed lots of ladies and some older boys." Dexy scratched his head, "Joe said Dan broke all his toys, that's why he couldn't play with us. He said Mamma was too smart...too useful, so he was keeping her for himself, that the Dan and Len could have all the other ladies that they took."

"Where there alot of other ladies that the bad men took, Dexy?"

"Oh, yes...lots, and lots!" Dexy said spreading his arms out wide.

"Joe said one was enough for him. Said that Mamma was just to his liking, was wasteful to take more than you needed. Dan killed his real fast. Len kept his, but he killed them all too."

Did Billy take lots of girls too?

Dexy shook his head. "'Billy sometime shared a room with the girl that was there already there. But she shared a room with Dan and Len too. She was younger than Mamma, but was there longest." Dexy sat down next to Merle in the grass, before adding. "Then one day they was just gone. I thought Billy left and took her. I was real mad at him, 'cause he could have taken me and Momma if he was going anyway. Then Len said that she killed herself, that she killed Billy."

He sighed "I felt bad for being mad at them, I wished that they had really ran away. She should have gotten to see her Mommy and Daddy again."

* * *

Merle took Dexy inside to clean up and maybe look into getting some dinner ready. He wasn't sure when Beth would be back, she was justifiably angry and it might take her sometime to work it out. He seemed to have that effect on people.

He walked into the downstairs bath, wetting a washcloth and began to clean the dirt from his face. Glancing into the mirror, he grimaced at his reflection. Looking like his old man was a mindfuck.

Beth was gone a few hours, but everytime he looked out the window he could see he off in the distance so he just let her be. When she finally made it back into the house her face was impassive and she had her walls up. Merle was just putting dinner on the table, she seemed calm enough, if a bit preoccupied and thankfully unafraid of him as she moved past him to her place at the table. Dexy looked up at her worriedly, "Mamma, okay?" he asked her around the straw of his juice box. Leaning over she gave him a quick hug 'Yeah Baby, I'm good now. I just needed some alone time." she sat down as Merle put the last item on the table and sat down himself. They sat and ate in an uncomfortable silence, Beth actively avoiding eye contact with Merle.

"I suck at apologies, so...unfuck you...or whatever." Merle said around a mouth full of corn, he continued eating but his eyes were locked on her face.

At his words Beth looked up, her eyes finally connecting with his. "You're right, you totally suck at apologies." her voice was tart with pique.

However she seemed to realize that this was about the best that she could expect from Merle regarding any admission of wrongdoing on his part, and they went back to the meal in silence as if by some unspoken agreement. Dexy bolted down the last of his food, and jumped down from his chair saying, "Goin' go look at my book." as he hastily retreated, clearly uncomfortable with the strained atmosphere in the room.

When they had finished eating and had cleaned up the dirty dishes, Beth started to walk out of the kitchen. Merle's gruff voice stopping her at the door, grabbing something off the counter, he walked over and handed it to her. It was his gun, the big one that he carried wherever he went, the one she had first seen him holding in the doorway of the mini mart. It was the kind that had the extra bullets a kinda belt thingy.

"Take this with you." he said thrusting it into her unresisting hands. He backed away from her as he pointed up the stairs. "It might make you feel more comfortable. Master bathroom is set up for ya', change of clothes, fresh towel...there's soap and shampoo in there too."

Beth looked panicky, and backed away from him. He stayed still, his hands hanging limply at his side. "I know you don't wanna' but you need to take care of yourself...ain't healthy, what ya' doin'. Not for you, and not for the boy. He's worried, and ya' need to try and fix this the best ya' can." Beth was still standing there, with his gun in her hand, not responding but not running away either.

"I'll stay down here. Me and Dexy, we can keep an eye out." When she still hadn't moved, he added. "If I come up there, I give you permission to shoot me in the ass." he said by way of encouragement giving her an unrepentant grin. Beth scrutinized him, before giving him a nod of acquiescence.

He walked past her into to den where Dexy was reading his book, sitting down on the couch near him. "Ya' want me to read that?" he asked the boy as he gestured to the book. Still standing by the doorway, Beth watched as Dexy handed Merle the book and climbed up to sit next to him. Sitting back he opened the book, Dexy leaned his head against his arm making himself comfortable as Merle started to read. He ignored Beth, who was lingering in the hall. But he was relieved when he heard her start to walk up the stairs. He stopped reading and was silent until the reverberation of a door being closed could be felt and heard.

Dexy looked up and him and smiled, "You did good!" he said patting his cheek with his hand, the one with the spit covered thumb. Merle grunted in annoyance as he wiped his face off with his shoulder. "You's not a limp dick!" Dexy exclaimed in earnest approval.

Even with the water running as she was barricading the bathroom door, Beth could hear Merles raucous laughter.

BigRed, Thank you for the heads up, I fixed the items you pointed out...probably because I can't help myself and add items after it's been edited (sorry A.G. I totally suck that way). Would you consider leaving a review? You didn't tell me if you liked what you read, are you a first time reader, or are you following the story? Honestly, I'm finding the lack of reviews a bit disheartening. And I have to wonder what it says about my writing/story line.


	13. Chapter 13 - Rodomel

**Rodomel (N) : The juice of roses mixed with honey**

 _"_ _I like that you're a little damaged,_

 _It shows you can manage."_

 **T** **rigger warning...maybe? Beth starts to deal with what has happened to her.**

Chapter 13 - Rodomel

Beth stood in the doorway of the small bathroom and looked around, noting uneasily that there was only one way in and out. She eyed the door suspiciously before firmly rapping her knuckles on it, just as she suspected, builders grade at best. It was thin, and more likely than not hollow. A lone window was set high on the wall inside the shower stall, so narrow that she doubted even Dexy would be able to fit through it. Feeling uncomfortably claustrophobic in the small space, she stepped back into the bedroom to take a deep breath and compose herself.

Of course she had been up there before, but only when walking through on her rounds to look out one of the two the windows. One window was facing the front of the house, and the other the backyard and the empty field as far as the eye could see. There wasn't much left in the room to investigate, Merle had thoroughly searched it that first day after they had arrived. She and Dexy had been busy downstairs cleaning up the kitchen and the front room where they were going to spend most of their time.

By now she had more than a few opportunities to see Merle in action. And if she knew one thing for sure about him, it was that he took his searching very, very seriously. She wondered absentmindedly what kind of life he had before all of this that made him so good at ferreting out other people's secret hiding places?

 _Had he been a thief…or maybe a treasure hunter? Maybe a detective once upon a time? No, definitely a pirate! All he needed was an hook for a hand and an eye patch and he would make an acceptable Captain Hook._ Intrigued by that thought, and let out a wry laugh at the idea of Merle willingly playing along with their little make believe world, and the knowledge that he would indeed make the perfect foil to Dexy's Peter, not to mention her Wendy.

The bedroom was depressingly empty, even before Merle had ruthlessly striped it bare. Merles almost fanatical love of pillaging and plundering was definitely something that she would attribute to him having been a modern day pirate.

An old vintage metal headboard was centered on the far wall, with just an old worn box spring sitting on the frame. It's mattress was the first item that Merle had appropriated. She wondered how he had managed to force the mattress down those narrow stairs all on his own. The headboards white paint was chipped showing layers of past color, white, black, red and a soft pink, reminding Beth of a jawbreaker.

It made her think longingly of the pink iron bed that was still sitting in her old bedroom back at the Greene farm.

Tentatively reached out a hand, her fingertips gently caressing the bottom layer of soft pink enamel that was exposed. It brought on a vivid memory of when she and her Mom had found the old rusty one sitting next to someone's trash can at the curb for trash pick up. Annette Greene had shaken her head in wonder at the things that others just discarded. Together they had managed to get it into the back of their old truck, and hauled it home. She remembered they stopped at the hardware store so that she could pick out a color to paint it.

She had chosen a soft pink, and the next week they went out searching all the yard and estate sales in the area until she had found the perfect yellow quilt to put on her new bed.

Shaking herself from the memory, she looked around. A small desk with a mismatched wooden kitchen chair sat opposite the bed, almost the whole desktop was taken up by an ancient box television, much too large for a room this size, it even had the old fashioned rabbit ears.

Unenthusiastically, she walked across the bedroom and grabbed the wooden chair, carrying it back into the bathroom with her.

Once inside, she firmly closed and locked the door behind her, before deliberately wedging the chair securely under the doorknob. Although those small acts made her feel somewhat safer, she had no illusion that they would stop anyone, not if that someone really wanted to get in there.

She could easily picture Merle bulldozing right through the door, regardless of the lock, and despite the chair. She doubted that he would really need to put forth much if any effort at all to bring it down. At the very least, the chair would serve as an early warning if anyone _did_ try to enter while she was feeling so vulnerable and exposed. The weighty gun that she had slung over her shoulder was the only reason that had her even grudgingly considering complying with Merle at all. She was almost sure that had he tried any other approach, she would have fought him tooth and nail.

 _Sometimes Merle Dixon was amazingly insightful,_ she allowed as she hung the gun on the towel hook that was conveniently placed on the wall right next to the shower. Between the barricaded door and the gun that Merle had given her...not to mention his permission to shoot him if he came up the stairs, she felt that she could manage a quick wash, maybe even more.

But it was the sound of Merles delighted laughter that drifted up through the floorboards that finally made the tension in her shoulders loosen.

 _What in the world could make Merle Dixon laugh like that? With such unadulterated delight?_

She was unaware of the small smile that curled at the corner of her mouth in response to the infectious sound of his rusty laughter. She hadn't imagined that he was the type for such a jovial response to...well, _anything_...much less to something that a toddler could have said or done.

Sighing exhaustedly she leaned against the wall, drained from everything that had happened that day. The added pressure of dealing with her issues, made her want to curl up in a ball and weep in frustration. After a good cry she wanted to pull a blanket up over head and sleep for a week. Gathering her remaining energy, she pushed herself away from the wall determined to at the very least wash up in the ugly green sink.

She stood in front of the mirror and unsuccessfully tried to avoid looking at her reflection. _That girl in the mirror...that's not me_ , she told herself. There was not way that skinny, filthy girl was Beth Green, the beloved and slightly spoiled youngest daughter of Hershel and Annette Greene. The girl in the mirror was only the shell that she was currently using to house her spirit, her mind and her heart.

This new world along with the Claimers had tried their best to break her, to make her week and dependent. They had done their best, but hadn't managed to kill her spirit, hadn't broken her beyond repair or put out that essential spark inside of her that pushed her to survive despite everything.

But here she was, alive. A bit worse for the wear, but alive nonetheless. Yes, maybe she was a little too dependent on Merle for her liking, but she was getting stronger every day. She was learning everything that man had to teach her, even if she detested his teaching methods. And someday soon she would be able to care for herself and for Dexy if she had to.

Joe had lost.

Len and Dan had lost.

Even Billy the bystander had lost. The Claimers were all dead and gone, and she was still here...Dexy was still here. She, Beth Greene had won despite all odds.

That girl in the mirror, that wasn't her. That girl was nothing more than a hermit crab that had outgrown its shell, it was past time to abandon it and all it's uncomfortably confining experiences and memories. She needed to shake it off, find a bigger space inside of her, one with more room for her to grow into the person that she needed to become in order to survive this new reality of hers.

 _God, please let it be possible._

Looking away from her reflection, she examined the pile of clothing that Merle had left for her. On top of the pile sat a balled up set of men's socks, and a pair of dingy but clean boxers...by the size she would guess that both belonged to Merle. Both were much too large for her, and would literally fall off her the moment she moved. For now she would stick with the Spider-Man boxers and the tube socks that she had found in a box in the hall closet. In the morning she would trade the boxers out for her own freshly washed panties that were currently drying/hiding behind the shower curtain in the downstairs bathroom. She had hurriedly washed them when Merle had been outside working with Dexy earlier that day. They were concealed beneath Dexy's only other set of clothing, where they were less likely to be seen.

Despite the fact that she trusted Merle, the idea of him seeing her underwear made her uncomfortable. Although she had been discreetly trying to take care of her more personal needs, she had been anxiously waiting for a second alone to wash out her dirty underwear unobserved.

She unfolded the large black t-shirt at the top of the pile, sighing in pleasure at the thick, incredibly soft material. If she had known that he owned something other than those thin white undershirts that he seemed to live in, then maybe she might have taken him up on his offer of clothing and washed all her items last night.

At the time, her only thought was that there was no way in hell she would wear one of his threadbare, oversized undershirts. Especially not in front of him, the giant horn-dog! His thin undershirt would've shown every inch of her body, the amount of skin that she could see on Merle from arm holes alone was...considerable, and on her they would be indecent, the very thought made her cringe. It would have left nothing to to the imagination, she definitely didn't want to give Merle a peep show...she had a feeling that the flirting that he had done so far was just an automatic default setting of his, and would hate to see what he would be like if he was really hell-bent on trying to get her into her pants.

The thought made a cold shiver crawl up her spine. Even though she found Merle attractive in a rugged, but worn sort of way, she wasn't ready to entertain that contrary thought even though it stubbornly and unwelcomingly lingered in her mind. She didn't know how long it would take her to be comfortable with his straight forward sexual nature, or if she ever would be.

To her relief at the bottom of the pile she found a pair of well worn black sweatpants. Needless to say, they were also too large for her, but because of the elastic at the legs and the adjustable waistband they would be the most comfortable thing she had worn in months. Holding them up in front of her, she was convinced that she could probably pull them up to her armpits and wear them like a jumpsuit if only she had something to attach them together at the top.

They were perfect.

At least they would hold her over until she could find something more to her liking and closer to her size. Maybe she should ask him if he had anything else she could use until that time. She had watched as he had moved box after box from his truck into hers, who knew what he had in those boxes that now filled the back of her suburban.

Feeling much better about the whole situation, she put the clothing down and turned on the water letting it heat up as she slowly undressed.

* * *

She spent way more time upstairs than she had thought she would. Once she managed to get herself into the shower, it only took the spray of the hot water on her tense shoulders to convince Beth that this was a good thing, one that only now she realized that she badly needed.

She found two small fancy bottles in the shower caddy, they looked expensive, definitely feminine...totally out of place in this manly, rustic house. One was shampoo and the other body wash, there wasn't much left in either of them, but she was sure that Merle had refused to use them just based on their smell alone. She was certain that she would've noticed if he had smelled of roses when they had wrestled earlier.

 _No, he had definitely smelled of salty sweat, cigarette smoke, dust and grass with just a touch of his own natural musk..._ she hated the fact that her brain felt it was important enough to analyze and cataloged that kind of information about him _._ She was positive that Merle could care less about her using up the last of what she could imaging him calling ' _fancy-ass, smelling lady shit.'_

However, she put the bottle back down, choosing to use the block of white soap to get off the caked on grime first. "Ewww, disgusting…!" She moaned as she tried to sidestep the filth that was coming off her body. Watching in horrified amazement at the quantity of dirt and grime running down her legs and pooling at her feet, vainly trying to escape the now blocked drain. She unenthusiastically toed at the sludge to allow the water to escape.

 _Where the heck had those leaves come from? They had to have been in her hair...right?_ She tried to convince herself that there was no way they could have been anywhere else on her body.

She used the fancy shampoo next, and it took two washes alone before the water finally ran clean, washing her hair a third time just because she could. In the caddy she found a cheap no name conditioner, and even as thin and runny as it was, it still felt like a exceedingly indulgent luxury to her. Knowing that another opportunity like this might not come again anytime soon she decided to leave it in her hair as she washed and shaved, hoping to revive her poor abused hair from weeks of neglect.

Finally she took the rose scented body wash that was sitting on the shelf with the other bottles. As she held it in her hand, she wondered about the woman to whom they had once belonged. She wondered if she been the girlfriend to the man that had lived here, or maybe she had been his sister or his mother.

 _Was she still out there somewhere...somehow still smelling of roses?_

She really hopped so, but couldn't help wonder if maybe she had been one of the countless women that Len and Dan made their way through, only to be left like a price of trash on the side of the road when they were finished with her. She certainly wouldn't have been smelling of roses by then. She shook off that morbid thought, she had enough things to regret without adding that to her load.

Her head knew there had been no way to help any of those women, not without putting Dexy at risk. She just wished that that darn heart of hers would agree with her head for once.

There wasn't much left in the bottle of body wash, but it would last her a few showers even if she used a generous amount tonight. She methodically washed her body, soaping herself up once, then twice...before she allowed her soapy hands to go past her belly button. When she felt her pubic hair under her fingertips she decided that she would be methodical and thorough as she could, this was _HER_ body, and she wasn't going to let Joe have ownership of it. And at first she managed to do just that, to claim her body back. To clean herself of the last remaining traces of Joe...real, or imagined. Using the water and the soap to cast him from her body, like an exorcism.

At some point she switched to autopilot, and didn't notice when cleaning herself became repeated and obsessive scrubbing. Losing track of time, it wasn't until she saw the blood that she forced herself to stop. She could've stood there for seconds, minutes or even hour for all she knew, just starring uncomprehendingly at her short fingernails that still had managed to scrape her thin, delicate skin raw and bloody.

Then just like she had done with the dirt earlier, she vacantly watched while the bloody water made it down her legs to circle the drain until it ran clear. Only then did she give into the temptation for crying. Sliding down to the bottom of the cramped shower stall, where she finally allowed the tightly held anger and grief to come. Wrapped her thin arms around her body trying to keep from falling into a million pieces, as almost soundless sobs violently wracked her slight body.

She cried for everything that had happened, for everything and everyone she had loved and lost, crying for those she didn't know and hadn't been able to save. At the end she cried because she was still alive, because somehow against all odds she had managed to keep Dexy alive too. She cried because she was starting to believe that with Merle Dixon's help they just might have a real chance of staying that way.

Then she just cried because she didn't have the ability to stop herself, She wept until she had no moisture left for her body to convert into tears, and she was just sitting under the spray of water that had long since run cold.

Sometime later she found herself dressed in Merle's clothing without remembering having even getting out of the shower, she was huddled on the floor where the butt of the gun was touching the top of her head reassuringly. She sat there for awhile sorting all the thoughts and feeling that she had just began to let out from behind that protective wall that she had put up, knowing that she wasn't quite ready to talk to anyone else about it yet. But she was beginning to feel guilty that she had left Dexy in Merle's care for such a large amount of time. So she reluctantly made her back down the stairs.

Opening the bedroom door, she could hear Merle... _was he singing?_ Carefully, she made her way down the stairs taking care to avoid the squeaky step third from the bottom, managing to peek around the corner unobserved. Merle was in her spot, a few of his guns laying easily within arms reach as Dexy, eyes closed and thumb in his mouth leaned heavily against his shoulder.

Merles eyes were heavy lidded as he half sang, half hummed to Dexy.

 _Where the whiskey drowns and the beer chases_

 _My blues away and I'll be OK_

 _Well, I'm not big on social graces_

 _Think I'll slip on down to the Oasis..._

It took her a minute to recognize the song, the melody wasn't exactly right as he was trying to sing it like one would a lullaby... _but Oh, the timber of his voice_. And there it was again, that unwanted yet undeniable attraction that creeped under and over all her defenses. She wanted to run from it, push it far away from her…or to ignore it for as long as possible. Yet, she marveled at her bodies ability to still have these feeling, even if her head was fighting it every step of the way.

In the long run she was sure that once Merle figured out that she was attracted to him, being who he was, he wouldn't allow her to hide from it for long. Being who he was, she knew he was pushing her to confront it if it meant there might be something in it for him. She hadn't known him for long, but long enough to know that altruistic, he was not.

She wasn't sure why he chose that particular song. She supposed that it really didn't matter, it's not like she suspected that he would know many children's songs anyway. So, she sat down on the last step just outside the room, and listened to him finish the song and then start another. It took her a minute...George Thorogood…

One, bourbon, one scotch, and one beer

Well, my baby, she's gone, gone tonight

I ain't seen my Girl since the night a'fore last

I wanna got drunk, get her off my mind

One bourbon, one scotch, and one beer…

Did he know any songs that weren't about drinking?

Still, he could do this all night, and she would happily sit and see what songs his mind spit out as she waited until Dexy was truly asleep, so she stepped back into the small hallway and out of sight. She didn't know if she had the energy to deal with them at this moment. Thinking, _If I wait long enough, maybe they both will just fall asleep. She was exhausted, but s_ he would take a double watch without complaint if it meant she could avoid any conversation.

So, she sat quietly on the second step, her head propped on her knees as she waited until Merle had stopped singing and the room was quiet for awhile. It took a moment before she was able to summon the energy to pull herself up. Then she shuffled into the sleeping area, doing her best to avoid waking Dexy and Merles questioning eyes.

A good night's sleep is what she needed, like her Mama always said, _everything was sure to look better in the morning._

* * *

He had been trying not to fall asleep as he lay on the bed next to Dexy. The boy had all but demanded that he lay with him and sing him a song. But the boys warmth pressed against him was starting to pull him under. He was debating the risk of getting a bullet in his ass to see if the girl had somehow managed to drowned herself in the shower.

Merle was finding Dexy fairly easy to manage for the most part, it didn't hurt that the kid was funny as hell. He had manners without being a little pussy, and that made all the difference to Merle. Not to mention the easy acceptance that the boy gave made him feel a bit like putty in the boys hands. Then there was the open affection that the Dexy seemed to heap upon him. He wanted to sit next to him, as was always leaning up against him.

He had noticed that the kid was starting to mimic some of his mannerisms, it left him feeling somewhat off kilter but surprisingly it mostly just left him feeling...proudly possessive of the kid. So when he had looked up at him with his big blue eyes and asked him to sing...he didn't think twice, he just did what the kid wanted.

Dexy was good company and Merle had to admit that he didn't hate having the kid around at all.

* * *

He was on the cusp of sleep when at last Beth made her way into the room, then all that warmth he was feeling slipped away. Looking at her, he couldn't help but feeling like utter shit. And it had him second guessing his decision pressing her to clean up.

He wasn't sure what he thought was going to happen after he had gotten her to go up and bathe...but he sure had some hopes. Half formed visions that afterwards she would come back down clean, both in body and spirit, literally smelling of roses, suddenly with the realization that she wanted him, and that she was ready to stop fighting this attraction between them. Not very fuckin' realistic, but they _were his_ fantasies after all.

He had also _hoped_ that the essence of Beth, of fresh clean woman and roses would somehow clear his nasal passages of the odor of death and decaying flesh that had been there ever since he had left his. He had _hoped_ that she would come back looking if not exactly cured, then at least somewhat rejuvenated.

If not that, could've she had the common courtesy of at least looking better than she had before she had gone up those fucking stairs?

* * *

He had gone upstairs to shower the first night they spent in the house, leaving Beth and Dexy the bathroom off the kitchen...because at the time he had foolishly thought that she might enjoy a nice long soak in the old fashioned claw foot bathtub. He hadn't yet realized how much damage the Claimers had caused, Beth had a good poker face.

Once he had been in the shower he found himself contemplating those two small rose scented bottles sitting in the caddy. There was only a small amount left at the bottom of each container, so he put them back choosing to wash both his hair and body with the bar of white soap he had found under the sink instead. Leaving the fancy stuff for Beth, all in hopes that soon he would have the chance to smell it on her clean warm skin.

He wasn't embarrassed by the fact that he had held the rose scented body wash in his hand and imagined the smell of it on her skin as he jerked off. Only needing to inhale a few breaths of that that lush, honeyed sweetness, finding it more than enough to get his imagination humming along faster than he could have anticipated, quickly pushing him over the edge. He knew that the smell of roses would be forever linked to Beth in his mind, and would probably make him as hard as the hobs of fuckin' hell for the rest of his life.

And now? Now, he just felt like the biggest crass-motherfucker left in the land of the living,

Sure Beth was clean...probably smelled good too, not that she would be willing to let him get close enough to even get a good whiff of her anytime soon. She was just about as hard to reach as the moon. He had no doubt that she had been up there bawling her fuckin' eyes out. They were so red and puffy that they were almost swollen shut. Her irises' were such a startling vivid blue against her red splotchy face, it was almost physically painful for him to look at her. Her hair was pulled back into a tight ponytail, And to top it off, she was walking with a slow painful shuffling gait that had him worried. Instead of looking like a living, breathing person, she looked and sounded more like one of those fuckin' geeks.

After a moment, when she still hadn't looked at him or even said anything, Merle gently shifted the boys head off his arm and onto the pillow. Standing up from her side of the mattress, before peevishly declaring, "Well, fuck it all, Honey...don't ya' just look like shit." Then softer when she turned away from him, "Do ya feel any better at all?" She was surprised when she thought that maybe she could hear a trace of concern or maybe even guilt coloring his voice.

His clothing almost swallowed her whole, everything was much too large on her. She looked like a little kid playing dress up in her Daddy's clothes. He would have done almost anything to get her out of that ugly-ass dress...he knew she associated it with Joe and Len. He was sure she would have felt better wearing almost anything else...he just had to convince her to do it.

after ransacking the truck as he searched through his belonging while she was out in the field sulking. It had taken him awhile to find something he thought she might even try to make on.

Seeing them on her gave him the feeling that he had done this one thing right for her, and it made him feel warm inside, like he had just downed a shot of whiskey. He watched with a grimace, as she slowly lowered herself down the to mattress that was laying on the floor. She moved like a little old lady, like she was afraid of falling and breaking a hip. Without a word, she curled around the sleeping boy, holding him to herself like a shield.

"Lil' Bit…" he said softly, then hesitated, unsure how to address what he was feeling.

She sighed, cutting him off before he even found the words.

"No, I don't feel better. Not at this moment, tomorrow, or even next week I still might not. But I..I will at some point. Just give me some time." She dismissed, and snuggled down in the spot he had just vacated without opening her eyes. Struggling, she pulled her legs up trying to get them under the blanket that she was laying on top of without getting back out of bed.

"Go'way...tired...wake me when it's my turn for watch." She mumbled, keeping her face turned away from him. Nothing else was said, as she snuggled into Dexys warm body and immediately fell asleep.

He had stood there for a long time watching them sleep, before he could make himself go on his rounds. But he kept returning to check on them, wanting to be near just in case she needed him. He was worried that somehow he might have made her confront something she hadn't been ready to deal with, and maybe nightmares might be a result. But her sleep was so deep that she hadn't even moved a muscle when it was time to wake her. He made the executive decision that she needed her rest more than he did, so he left her to it.

It left him a lot of time to think and to plan out what their next move should be. And his plain while sound, didn't make him all that happy. Sighing, he tried to convince himself. ' _nother week...wouldn't matter in the scheme of things_. He would have to keep telling himself that, because this was his choice. He would do his best not to take his frustration of staying putout one them, because his instinct was stuck somewhere between keeping them safe and getting to his brother.

* * *

The next morning Beth was still pensive, and more than a little reserved. As his Nana would have said, _'_ _ _she was a quiet as a mouse peeing on a cotton pad.'__ But both she and Dexy went through all the lessons that he had set up for them, without complaint. When they sat down for lunch, he cleared his throat, making her eyes briefly jump to his before hastily looking away again. "There's a small town just down the road apiece, after lunch I'ma head on over there." He let them know in that no nonsense way of his.

"Can I go with you?" Dexy asked his eyes shining excitedly.

"Nah, boy...not this time. You stay her where it's safe, keep the inside with the doors closed. Keep your gun and knife on ya' and keep a watchful eye." And watched as Dexys shoulders slumped.

Gruffly he told him, "Boy, gunna leave all our supplies, need ya' to keep em' safe. Gotta help keep ya' Mama and for ya' to keep each other safe too. I'm counting on you."

Beth finally made eye contact with him, her fork of beans stopped halfway to her mouth and her forehead wrinkled, "What are you going to be looking for?" she asked, interested about his reasons for leaving them.

"You're ready for the next step...gonna go find a few Geeks so you can get some first hand experience." He was looking at his plate as he shoveled his lunch in, only looking up when she remained silent. She had broken out into a fine sheen of sweat, and the fork that was still hanging in the air near her mouth, it was shaking so much the beans were starting to drop. Her anxiety was apparent, and her eyes looked even larger in her face as she sat staring at him owlishly. However, she wisely chose to keep her comments to herself.

So after lunch he went out and captured a handful of Dead Ones for Beth to practice on. Those first batches he decided to play it safe, so he cut off their arms, knocked out their upper teeth, the finishing off by cutting off their lower jaws before hauling them home in the back of an old horse trailer that he had found at a nearby farm.

The first trip had taken some time, because his idea only half formed. Once in town, he worked all the kinks out on his first group of Geeks, After that he had it set up like a well run operation. Some well placed traps provided that he didn't have to chase any down, setting them up near the old butcher shop, where he took them to "detach" the unwanted parts.

He wondered what the next person in the shop would think when they came across the room with the discarded arms and jaws, not to mention all the teeth that he had left in small piles around the large butcher block .

Once he got the altered walkers back to the farm he took them and tethered them intermittently along the back fence. Hobbling their feet was maybe a step he didn't need to take...but he did it just to be on the safe side. Only then did he allow Beth to approach, feeling confident that she would only need to take a few steps back to get out of harm's way if she needed a breather or found herself in trouble.

At first he stood with her, walking her though the steps standing behind her and using a hand over hand method to get her accustomed to the amount of pressure that was needed to put a blade into someone's skull. Her pony tail occasionally flicking him, finally allowing him that coveted breath of rose that he had been dreaming of. It made him equal parts horny and grumpy, no wing he wouldn't be able to do anything about it even if a small pair of blue eyes hadn't been watching their every move.

It was everything he had imagined and more...the smell of her salty sweat just under the roses made his mouth water.

That was about the same time he declared that she could do this on her own. "Ok, this one has your name on it. Show me what you got, Lil' Bit." He said pushing her forward as he backed away.

She was still weary and unsure, and she spent more time trying to figure out how to approach the Geeks then she did in the actual killing of them, but as the day went on he could see her confidence growing by leaps and bounds. And the time it took her to figure out the best angles to use in her approach became shorter and shorter.

The next day he even saw her smile, after without any help or input from him she had taken down a untethered Geek all on her own. It had been a quick smile, but it had been there and it had been genuine. After that the rest of his day consisted of sitting on his ass watching her make her way through one dead asshole after another until the group that he had already prepared for her had been put down.

He found himself dutifully going back out the next morning to get a fresh batch, and watched as she methodically worked her way through them too. By the end of hat second day, Beth was confident in her ability to kill the "Merle Specials" as she called them, and had started learning how to deal with ones that actually still had their arms...then ones with both arms and teeth.

Unfortunately her success seemed to only pull her out of the funk she was mired in for brief periods of time.

She had spent the week after the whole bathing incident moody and sullen. The next week she had upgraded to silent and just staring contemplatively off into space when she wasn't taking care of Dexy or killing something. Hell, he could understand that. At least she was going upstairs to up to wash-up all own her own steam. And she was doing it without him even having to suggest it, but she always made sure that she had his gun with her before she went...because it seemed that her little handgun just didn't give her the same feeling of safety.

She still talked and sang to Dexy, he was sure that he had never seen a more loved and well taken care of kid in his life. But when it came to him, it was like he was a mean as hell fighting dog that adopted her, one that she was still worried might turn on her at any moment and rip her throat out. She did speak to him, but it was in mostly soft one word answers.

She continued to avoided eye contact, and seemed to go out of her way to avoid touching him in any manner. This shit went on the whole week until Merle was sick of her depressing ass, and he decided that enough was enough and that this might've on for a bit unless he gave her a good push to get her to get her head on straight

Sick of her silent drama, and blatant disregard of his feeling...because believe it or not, he DID have them. He finally announced that they were going to make a trip to town.

* * *

12 Hours Later

 _The cheese done, slid off that girls cracker_ . Merle couldn't help but to think with equal shades of unease and pride as he watched her.

Beth was standing in the middle of the street, covered in blood, bits of brain matter, bone fragments and the unspeakable gore had turned her golden hair an disturbing blackish-maroon. After all this time and exertion he didn't think that she had even broken a sweat. She looked cooler than a cucumber , while he couldn't help by glower at her as his own drenched clothing clung heavy and uncomfortable on his skin.

Despite this, there she was grinning like some demented freak, eagerly looking around for her next victim. _The girl was undeniably a fuckin' psycho,_ he decided, and she was starting to freak him the fuck out. He looked down at the boy, who was being his personal shadow, Dexy was watching his Mama with concentrated interest but Merle couldn't see any fear apparent in his blue eyes.

"I sure as hell hope that you willingly take a bath tonight, because you look and smell even more revolting than you did before." He told her savagely, wanting to punish her for making him feel uncomfortable. She should know by now that he was the one that made people uncomfortable...it was kinda his thing. But no, she just looked over her shoulder at him and gave him a smile as she flicked her bloody hair out of her face.

The evil glint in her eyes made him want to take a step back, which made him angry at both himself and her, so trying to regain his sense balance he aggressively took two steps towards her. He was a Merle Fuckin' Dixon, God Damn it. He refused to show her how uneasy she was making him.

 _Still...for such a tiny little thing she could be a fuckin' scary ass bitch._

He could feel the goosebumps raising on his arms as he watched her. _Yes_ , she needed to learn how to do this, and _YES_ , she was doing better than he would have hoped for or even imagined...even in his wildest dreams. And _THAT_ was saying a lot. _But still, did she need to enjoy it so fuckin' much?_ It was downright disturbing.

With his encouragement...or in this instance _heavy-handed goading_ , she had managed to kill her first free-range undead less than two hours ago. After that, all bets were off. She was a ice cold killer, leaving a trail of bodies in her wake from one end of Main Street to the other. No longer afraid and secure in knowing what she was capable of, she seemed genuinely happy for the first time in a week.

Yet...that freaky grin on her face...

And what the Hell did it say about him that he thought that she had a nice smile, even smeared with blood, like some grotesque clown makeup? She reminded him of a sexy Harley Quinn, all she needed was a bat, and a pair of hot pants. It didn't hurt that she had a nice ass too.

After she had killed the walkers, he was letting Dexy practice shoving his small blade into the mushy decaying heads to give him a feel for the type of power he would need to put behind the knife. At least the kid had the decency to look like he may vomit at any minute.

And there stood Beth Greene looking for all the world like she had just found herself a fuckin' fantastic new hobby.

And where exactly did that leave him?

He barely had patience for a "normal" girl as it was...what in the hell was he going to do with this unhinged little goddess that he found himself a steward of?

Yes, he wanted to sleep with her, and despite this alarming new development, he still felt that way. If he was being honest with himself, what he really wanted to do was wrap Beth Greene up in cotton and keep her safe from the rest of this world gone mad. A fucking first for him, he wondered briefly if that was what Joe was thinking when he first laid eyes on her.

How about those other men...Billy, Len and Dan? Did they have the same thought...had they come to the same conclusion? That both she and the boy were as good as dead, that it was only a matter of time before this new world chewed them up and spit them out? That despite her desires, she would be better off with him/them then she would ever be on her own? Was it this new reality of the dead eating the living that ultimately driven the Claimers mad? Or were they already half out of their minds when they came across Beth & Dexy Greene? But he wasn't going to keep her prisoner, keep her dependent on him, he was going to teach her how to survive. To give her to option to leave him if she choose too, but he would make sure that she was trained up right before he let her take the kid and try to make it on her own.

 _That at least made him a better man than one of the Claimers...right?_

It seemed like once she managed to kick him in the balls and live to tell the tale, it had given her the boost she needed to take on this intimidating new world. It wouldn't be long before he had taught her all he could...not long before she would be more than prepared to do it all alone, or at least without ol' Merle as her backup.

And look at her now. Here she was, seeming to actually be enjoying this shit.

But still...his greedy little heart couldn't stop from wondering what it would feel like to have this little golden Goddess as his own, even if it was for just a short period. Maybe a more important question he needed to ask himself ' _was Beth Greene the kind of woman that he would willing let walk away after he made her his?'_

What would he do if she choose to leave the moment she had that option? And once Beth Greene was done with him...would he be able to survive being alone once he had let her behind his walls? He had never allowed anyone close enough to even ever consider the ramifications of loving someone, much less having to watch someone he cared for walk away. Because it had always been him that was the one to leave. He had never given someone that kind of power to hurt him.

Take that back. There had been one woman who had that power, and she had broken his heart.

His little Ma, She was the first and only woman that he had been stupid enough to love. And how he had loved her when he was just a lad no older then Dexy. But this was before she tried to drowned herself in the bottle...long before Daryl had been born. When she still believed that Floyd Dixon was a good man, that she could "fix" him. That his Pa loved her and really _didn't_ _mean_ to hurt her when he was drinking.

But Ma, she had her own heart broke that she didn't know how to deal with. So she had distanced herself from her young son, in the process she in turn had broken his heart as well. Had broken clean in half when she turned away from him.

And then one day she was gone. He thought that she had finally had enough and had left Pops, it was the first day that he had come home from school and she wasn't there, hovering in the background like a ghost that was stuck between hell and their home.

She was just gone, he had been too afraid to ask Pops why she wasn't there, so he stayed silent. Only 10 years old he didn't know what to think, at first he had be torn between being angry that she had left him, and grudgingly happy that she had gotten away. He was hurt that she had chosen to leave him behind as if he had meant nothing to her, even if he had already began to believe that before she disappeared. There was also a large part of him that been sure that Pops had finally gone off the deep end over some perceived insult and he had finally snapped and killed her.

And just when he had gotten brave enough to go out looking for a shallow grave on their property, she had unceremoniously waltzed back into his life. Only this time it was with a tiny yellow baby in her arms.

Ma had all but given complete a total ownership of the screaming infant to her oldest the second she had come through the door. The howling babe was shifted into Merles arms in exchange for a bottle of booze on her way up the stairs. After a week Merle named him, Daryl after the best man he knew his PopPop, D. Errol Dixon. Merle never knew what the "D" stood for, PopPop said he hated his name. That it had been a punishment from his parents for having been born the sixth son, when what they really wanted was a little girl.

A few years later when Ma had really gone and died on him when he was away fighting for his country. He wasn't surprised that she had literally killed herself with booze and smokes. She had taken what was left of his already damaged heart and smashed it into small fragmented pieces and fine dust, and he was sure that there wasn't enough left of it to ever make it whole again. Virtually leaving nothing but empty space in his chest where his heart used to be.

That is when he had finally lost it, picked a fight with an asshole. _Excuse him...a "Major Asshole_ ". After that there had been plenty of time for him to think, to harden that fine dust. He had nothing but time as he was left to rot in the brig, and he took those particles that were left and polished them until they gleamed.

* * *

It was a little more than a week after what he like to call "The Main Street Massacre" before Merle felt confident that they were ready to travel. He had one more "What difference could one more week make…" talk with himself. But that week had allowed him to get his traveling companions trained up right, and Beth was now outfitted with some proper clothing, and that was what mattered. At least that's what he kept telling himself.

Although he was trying not to keep track the time wasted...at least in terms of making his way to his brother...getting the girl and her boy trained to his standards had taken priority, even over Daryl. If the chances of missing his brother, and then not being able to find him again wasn't in the equation, then he would have taken at least another month or so to help them hone their new gained skills. And he liked this place, it felt as safe as any place he had stayed so far. And even though he knew it was a false sense of safety he couldn't help think of what it would take to make this place actually work if they were to stay.

But there was Daryl, and the need to get to him was now a burn in his gut that he couldn't ignore. And Beth needed to get to her daddy and her sister...and knowing his luck, there was probably a Jimmy waiting for her there to.

Pessimistically he still couldn't help but wonder if in the end he would lose Daryl by trying to keep Beth and Dexy. Unhappy with that thought, he kept second guessing his decision to stay longer. Unsure if he should have taken his chances and make a run for his brother's place with Beth and Dexy in tow that first day he had found them at the store. But what would be their chances if something were to have happened to him? He was sure that they wouldn't have made it out here on their own without him. And that there was the rub, it was their chances that he wasn't willing to risk.

He also couldn't help thinking that he had karma stacked too high against him, and somehow by trying to have all three of them, he was going to end up losing them all. Ending up all alone despite his best efforts, just like he always knew he was destined to be.

 _Why did he always feel like a one legged man in an ass kicking contest?_

At least now both Beth and Dexy were capable with both a knife and gun. Although they hadn't allowed Dexy to actually kill a Dead One on his own, Merle still felt that that the boy would have a real chance of surviving if he ever had to deal with o.

Beth had even been giving him a few lessons on finding things to eat out in the wild. Not that he didn't already know most of the items that she had shown him. But he liked to watch her when she was in "Teacher" mode, she was a bossy little thing.

It was a fucking turn on.

* * *

Beth had been insistent that she be the first one to drive because she was too amped up. He could see that she needed to be in charge, to take command and be the driver and not just a passenger. Not wanting to take any of her new found freedom from her, he sat in the passenger seat with the boy in his lap as they went over a few last minute items on their list.

He could still feel where the tips of her soft fingers had seemed to caressed his own as she had taken the map from his hand. He watched her study the map as she worried her plump bottom lip with her small white teeth, transfixed, he found that he couldn't look away. He felt his cock tighten as an intense and unexpected wave of lust sweep over him. Swiftly, he shifted the boy from his lap and onto his knee, as he contemplated her.

 _What was it exactly about her that drew him?_

He had seen way more provocative things in his life that was for fuckin' sure. He was a confirmed playboy, and had been with more women than he could even begin to count. He had been around the block and back again, so many times that they should name the cross streets of that block after him.

So, how was it that this little girl could make him burn brighter and hotter than a roman candle on the 4th of July with just a touch of small graceful hand and a plump bottom lip? He had no fuckin' clue, but he liked it. He liked her, and maybe worse, he liked her kid. A lot.

Merle Dixon did not as a general rule just go around "liking" random people, certainly not sweet, broken girl and their helpless kids. Both of them he was likely to crush with his selfishly cruel nature, probably without even meaning to. And her kid with his big blue eyes and pudgy little cheeks, reminded him too much of his failures with another little boy.

People were generally self-serving assholes, except for Daryl...and maybe this little girl in front of him.

Knowing what she had been through, he thought that for the time being it might be best if he could try to be a little less...assholey, maybe a little less...well, him. He could at least try, right? Most likely it wouldn't last long, because he was sure that he was at least 90% asshole...even on his best days. But it wouldn't hurt to try to be a little bit more like Daryl if he could manage it.

* * *

During the ride he was lost in thought, remembering when he pulled into the yard, hauling back that first batch of Geeks that he wanted Beth to practice her knife skills on.

The Good Lord was testing his resolve, because the next morning he came back with his second batch in the trailer, Beth had been standing outside in the sun. It was the first time he had seen her with her hair clean and out of her standard ponytail. The sun seemed to shining just for her, making her golden hair appear like she had a halo around her head. He almost not been able to stop himself from drooling as he stared at her.

He wanted to have that his hand full of that gold. Wrap it around his fist as he held her in place against him so he could finally taste her mouth with his. He had to hold himself back, knowing once he started it would have killed him if she pushed him away. He was pretty sure that kissing her wouldn't have been enough, he would have wanted more. He had never been in the situation where he wanted someone as badly as he wanted her. He had a certain amount of charm, and a bad boy image that he used to his advantage, getting with a woman was all a numbers game. Throw out a handful of indecent proposals any given night at any bar, and at least one woman would take him up on it. He had never lacked for company, but he had always be able to walk away. The problem was that he wanted Beth more than he had ever wanted any of those nameless hookups in a bar. Maybe it was because she was known...she was Beth, she had a name. He wanted her so badly at that moment that he had to question his judgement.

And when she walked towards him, he lashed out. He couldn't even remember what he said.

* * *

As he unloaded the dead from the horse trailer all he could think about was her, and her fuckin' golden hair. So far into his fantasy of what her hair would smell like...then his mind jumped to what it would smell like when topped off by the smell of her arousal that he didn't even notice the smell of the decaying flesh of the dead until it was to late.

In his head, he already had her golden waves tightly wrapped around his hand as he fucked her from behind. Wondering if the bruises he had seen on her ass that first day had faded by now. If so, he was sure that the skin there would be pale, smooth and fucking' perfect. And like a fucking idiot he lost track of exactly what he was doing, he could only credit his still being alive with his overwhelming need to keep Beth safe at any cost.

He stood there frozen like a dumb son'a-bitch watching her as she walked away from him, thinking he had never seen a finer sight than Beth Greene's hair flowing like liquid gold, right down to her tight little ass. The only reason he hadn't had to shoot his own damn self in the fuckin' head, was because he had already cut off the extra parts in town before he loaded them on the trailer. Because the next thing he knew he had fuckin' zombie blood and drool all down the back of his neck where one of those fuckers had tried to gum him to death.

It was almost worse than getting kissed by Great Aunt Erma when she had her false teeth out. But at least she would always slip a penny and a few homemade treats in his hand when she had allowed him to break free.

Thankfully Beth had already gone back inside in a huff, taking Dexy with her to see about putting food on the table. So they had missed witnessing the almost humiliating downfall of Ol' Merle Dixon. He couldn't help but to think that it would've fucking served his ass right to die in such a stupid, pussy way. With sneaking hands, he forced himself tie the small group of fuckers up, before walking out of the view of the house to vomit. He was sweating and shaking so hard he that he sit down in the overgrown lawn and just take a moment to get his shit together.

It was right about then that he found out those breathing exercises that he spent so much of his time on, seemed to work for panic to. Never felt that way before...it was exactly like he would imagine that a heart attack would feel like. He decided that he either need to fuck that girl or give up the idea of her before he got his fool self killed.

On second thought, no...what he needed was for her to want to fuck him as badly as he wanted to fuck her. And the sooner the better, because he had been damn lucky and he couldn't rely on having such good luck again. Hopefully she wanted him before he got his stupid self killed. He knew what was done to that girl, yet he couldn't seem to curb his desire to make her his in every way that counted.

He was a bad, bad man, and he was sure that he was going to be going straight to Hell once he died.

He had willing given that girl his gun, even given her to his permission...no, his fuckin' blessing to shoot him with it. Now he had almost got himself bit...while having X-rated fantasies about the girl, just like a testosterone filled teenager.

God, he was well and truly fucked.

He had sulked, and been a real ass the rest of that day. Seriously thinking about trying to pull away, to put some emotional distance between them. The problem was that he didn't want to, but he needed to get his head on right, and to take care of business. He couldn't protect them if he was dead, so, no more fantasizing about the girl where he could get himself killed.

In the end, he just decided that he was going follow Beth's lead. Surely she had a better idea of how to navigate this thing that was developing between them better than he could. She had a child after all, so she had probably been in a relationship of some sort at least. The only "relationships " he had the skill to navigate were the kind that lasted less than 24 hours, and that was with the generous application of drugs and alcohol. His 'relationships' usually ended when the high did. His most successful ones would be lasted a weekend at most, with an equally fucked up chick before they both spilt. He would be lucky if she was the kind of woman that fed him breakfast on his way out the door. Sometimes both of them giving empty promises that they "would see each other around." But 9 times out of 10 they would pass each other in bars both pretending that they were both too drunk to remember spending any time together

He had a feeling if he ever convinced Beth to give him a go, she would expect a hell of a lot more from him than he was used to giving. If there was anything he had learned about this slip of a girl - this little funk of hers aside - she was the kind of girl that didn't do anything by halves. She might look fragile like glass, and a sweet as spun sugar, but she had a core made of iron. She was like an iceberg, there was so much more of her than she let others see, and he was glad that he stuck around long enough to find that out. Now he just wanted to stay and discover everything that she kept hidden from the rest of the world.

He could see her trying so hard to overcome the things that the Claimers had done to her, sure she was struggling a little bit right now, but he could see her improving every single day. He had no doubt that she would come out the other side of this all that more stronger.

First off let me apologize for taking forever to get this out to you. I was really sick for a few weeks...then stuff...and things, there was a LOT of stuff and things. And I kept going back and poking at it, changing a word here a word there. Adding whole paragraphs, It is probably too long...but because I made you wait I'm just going to leave it that way as a reward for anyone that is still with me. I hope to get another chapter out at by the end of August if at all possible, but I promise nothing.

Reviews are appreciated!

Let me know if there is anyone you really want to see. I have a list of who I think is going to be added into the story, but I'm not 100% sure yet. But for sure I have 5 of them so far that are for sure going to be in some of the upcoming chapters.

As always thank you to Athlete Girl, who fixes my grammar and points out any holes than need to be filled. You should all thank her, I'm almost sure that I'm equivalent to full time job. I really don't know what I would do with out you pushing me to do this, but I would probably still be on reworking chapter 5 until I became sick of this whole story and put it on a hold until I could stand to look at it again...in a year or two.

Double words...FFNet just seems to add them when I copy and paste for some unknown reason! :(


	14. Chapter 14 - Trouvaille

Trouvaille (n.) a valuable discovery, or a lucky find; something lovely discovered by chance; a windfall

Chapter 14

"Les' concentrate on gettin' to ma' brothas' place. Once we get there, we can figure out how to get pas' 'Lanta to get you home to ya' people." Merle's gravelly voice combined with his hot breath in her ear made Beth stiffen as she physically held back the unwelcomed shudder her body wanted to produce. She was holding one end of the map, as Merle leaned in next to her tracing his finger along the best possible path to get to Daryl's place in the least amount of time. Tapping his finger on where Daryl's place was circled on the map.

"I'm thinking we need to see if ya' Daddy and Sis are at the farm before we risk going into the city to see if there are any government camp still standing." He scratched at his stubbed cheek in thought. "I don't like the idea of going into a city where so many dead ones are likely to be gathered, especially with Dexy in tow."

Beth glanced down at the boy, then up into his eyes. "I agree. And it would take the farm being completely destroyed to before my Daddy would even consider leaving it...so if they are alive and the farm is still standing that is where they will be."

"Ok, then when we switch places you can take a look and see if you can find some back roads from there to ya' Daddy's place." He told her as he let go of his end of the map.

Beth took it in both hands, pulling it up to get a closer look at circled area. "Your brother lives on Booger Branch Road?" She questioned, her nose wrinkled in disgust even as a smile curled at her lips.

From his place between them Dexy let out a belly laugh, he looked up at Merle his smile growing wider giving Merle a glimpse of the first real unencumbered smile that he had seen on the little boy's face. "Booger Branch, Boooo-ger Branch." he singsonged as he threw back his head and laughed like only a small boy could.

Meeting Beths gaze over the little boys head, Merle couldn't help but think despite the undead out there, that this might be the best family vacation he had ever been on.

* * *

"You need a restroom break?" Merle asked a as he saw a gas station appearing like a mirage in the distance. Beth glanced at the dashboard seeing that the line on the fuel indicator was sitting just above half a tank. They either could stop or keep going at this point.

"If you think we can get any gas than lets stop, then we can top off and fill those empty gas cans that you found." She reasoned as she looked at the sleeping boy between them, "I should probably wake Dexy up from his nap and have him use the restroom as well."

She was trying to find a balance somewhere between a hydrated and an uncomfortably full bladder. So she planned on using every halfway decent bathroom they came across, better Merle thinking she had a massive UTI and a tiny-tiny bladder than to ever again having to have him stand guard next to her as she peed on the side of the road.

 ** _Once was enough, thank you very much._**

They had only been traveling together for a for a few days but Merle already knew that Beth was probably the best travel companion that he could have asked for. She didn't complain or feel the need to talk constantly, what she did do was hum. A lot...and occasionally she would sing random lines from the current song that was running through her head without even seeming to realize that she was doing it. It was a good thing she had an amazingly good voice, or she might have found herself sitting on the side of the road as she watched his taillights disappear. So Instead of finding it annoying like he would've with almost anyone else, it was just another "Beth-thing" that was oddly endearing.

The fact that she was incredibly attentive to the boy without smothering or coddling him, was another thing that he couldn't help but to take note of. He added it to his growing mental list of things that made her so attractive in his mind. She was constantly making sure Dexy was occupied and content, reading softly to him or singing songs to him both at bedtime or when he was getting antsy in the car, something that he could remember his Nana doing for him and for Daryl. And she was always showing him the same effortlessly kind consideration, handing him drinks and snacks every time she got something for herself or the boy without him ever having to ask her for anything.

They pulled into the gas station and Merle made sure the parking lot was "safe" by driving around the whole store before she woke Dexy up. "Ya' all stay close now, ya hear?" He said as they all entered the market section of the store. As they crossed the threshold they both paused, their eyes searching the store before connecting.

"Deja vu." Beth said looking up at him with Dexy on her hip. She couldn't help remembering the first time she had seen Merle standing next to a pair of similar doors.

"Do-over." He said at the same time as they grinned at one another. He couldn't help but showing off a bit by flexing his muscles at her as he raised his massive rifle putting it up to rest on his shoulder.

She couldn't help but to remember just how frightened she had been of the large intimidating man who filled that other doorway. Everything from his size, to the enormous weapon in his hands, and his blood-soaked clothing had silently told her that he was someone to be feared...a predator. She hadn't known that he would take her under his wing and teach her how to be someone that others should fear too, only in a less intimidating and unassuming package. Maybe that was better, it couldn't hurt for people underestimated both her and Dexy.

After cleaning the gas station of the lone geek they found trapped in the storage room, they worked together to gather the remaining usable items that previous looters hadn't found important enough to take. It wasn't much. The store was almost completely depleted. The shelves were bare of all booze, cigarettes, not to mention food and medicine but they had managed to find a few items with Merle's super-duper pirating abilities.

And when Dexy had used his size to wiggle under the fixed counter to retrieve a lone box of Marlboro Reds that both adults had somehow missed. Merle was so happy with his find that he rewarded the boy by tossing him up in the air before placing him upon his shoulders to sit while he opened the pack and pulled one out to enjoy.

Beth thought briefly about the dangers of secondhand smoke, before realizing that was the least of their worries. And both the "boys" looked so happy and content with each others company that she really didn't want to be the one that spoiled their fun.

Before leaving Merle took the time to show her how to siphon gas from the underground holding tank without losing any fingers...a _VERY_ good thing to know considering that was something that she never thought she'd need to do. A few hours later they left with a full tank and four full 5-gallon containers under a tarp next to Merle's motorcycle and the red Marlboro box rolled up in the sleeve of his white tee-shirt.

* * *

Merle hadn't been around children a whole lot, sure he had dated a few ladies that had kids of their own. But he never stuck around enough to really get to know any of them, in fact it was something that he actively tried to avoid. If he knew that a chick he was going to see had kids at home, 9 times out of 10 they had been asleep for hours by the time he would arrive. Daryl was the last kid he had spent any quality time with, but he that really didn't count because Daryl had been born middle-aged and had just gotten older every damn year.

By age three his baby brother had been mostly independent, and had no issues with being left to his own devices while Merle was at school or playing hooky with his "friends". On an average day Pops would be normally working whatever job he had until he would be eventually fired for drinking or fighting, but more often he would be out drinking from the time he got up until long after bedtime. It was Merle's opinion that this being left alone in the home was better for the small boy instead of having the old man being there and beating on him. And Ma who had never made Daryl much of a priority, would be spending most of her time up in her room with her bottle and her bruises leaving also the boy to his own devices.

There had been times that Merle would look at Daryl and PopPop and think that they were almost the same person. That the tender age of three Daryl had more in common with a seventy year old man that he did with kids his own age or even his much older brother. It had been a sad fact that his baby brother had to grow up so quickly and so thoroughly, but still, he couldn't help be happy that Daryl seemed to have an innate knowledge of how to keep himself alive in such a volatile environment that was the Dixon home.

And yes, Dexy had reminded him of Daryl from the first time he had laid eyes on him. As the days went on, he could see that the boy had a lot of other qualities that reminded him of his baby brother. Dexy was naturally a quiet and shy kid, just like Baby Brother had been. He also had the kind of personality that just took him awhile to warm up to others. _Introverted_ , he thought it was called. The little guy was also hyper-observant, just like Daryl had been and still was.

It had taken a few days for the boy to warm up to him, and now Merle was embarrassingly pleased that Dexy genuinely seemed to like and trust him. Not only that, the kid was becoming quite the chatterbox when the mood struck him. Surprisingly Merle found himself enjoying their odd little conversations. He thought that the boy was a fuckin' hoot, and was always asking him the funniest shit.

Yesterday for example, while Beth napped in the passenger seat, their conversation had kept him entertained and amused not to mention on his toes for hours. The boy sat contentedly in the booster seat that they had found for him in the back of an abandoned car, chatting away happily about all manner of subjects. He came up with this doozy:

"Merle...do you 'fink that the dead peoples can th'mell you or are they like the T-Rex, and are...are..." the little boy frowned as he searched his brain for the right words. "are they mo'thion activated?"

They had a surprisingly in depth debate about dinosaurs in general and the Tyrannosaurus-Rex in particular. Merle, he really didn't give a flying fuck how they had found their food, but the boy seemed to care, so he humored him. As long as dinosaurs didn't show up next and try to put him on their menu too, than he still really didn't care all that much. He told the boy that they obviously they weren't any good at hunting, because they were all long gone. He had been surprised that the conversation was quite long considering Dexy was only four and Merle really never had much interest in dinosaurs.

After they were done with that question, Dexys wanted to know "Do you 'fink that the dead have th'onar like a bat or a dolphin?"

Then quickly before Merle could even formulate an answer, he continued, "If the dead people have th'onar, would that mean that we have it too? Maybe we don't know how to use it 'cause we got too much th'i…" he had glanced over at a sleeping Beth before quickly changing his words, "th'uff in our heads to make it work?"

Then there was the big question, the one that made him take his eyes off the road to stare at the boy for so long that he had almost twisted the truck around an abandoned Semi.

"Are you my new Daddy? Do I have to call you that...Daddy?" He asked, his small voice full of worry.

He looked at Dexy trying to come up with a good answers...for both of them, when the kid had to go and add, "Joe made me call him Daddy, but I didn't like it...jus' like he made me call Beth-thy, Mamma."

Fortunately, Merle returned his eyes to the road just in time to avoid what would have been a fatal car crash. "Fuckin' shit!" He cursed loudly as he swerved around the jackknifed semi truck that was sitting abandoned in his lane and across more than half of the other. Thankfully there was no oncoming traffic other than the 5 or 6 walkers that had been listlessly standing in the middle of the road. It _was_ fatal for them, because he mowed them down as the truck slid into them sideways on two wheels. Good thing he felt no remorse and hadn't tried to avoid hitting them or everyone in the car would be dead right now.

"Wha, what happened?" Beth asked blearily, sitting up as the truck came to a to a rocking stop, the dust that the truck kicked up momentary making the sunny day seem gray and stormy. She rubbed sleepily at her eyes while clumsily trying to loosen up the seatbelt that had suddenly grown tight, confused only to find Merles arm blocking her way.

"We're good...everything is good, had to swerve to avoid a truck...we're good." He all but growled the reassurance at her. He had kept his left hand on the wheel and thrown his right arm out and to pin both her and Dexy in place. In a panic his brain must have thought that his arm alone could somehow keep them both from being ejected from the front window of the truck.

Beth must have been beyond tired, because she just nodded, patting his arm and repeating his words back to him, "We're good….okay, glad we're all good." Before her head dropped back on the headrest and she quickly went back to sleep. He, stared at her peaceful face in disbelief, but he was beyond happy that she hadn't stayed awake and started questioning him.

Still trying to calm his racing heart he checked Dexy over to see if he was okay. The boy was looking out the window his eyes wide and his eyebrows almost disappearing into his bangs. Seeing as how Beth had just trimmed them up, that was saying a lot. His small hands were gripping white knuckled at Merles elbow where it was still pressed against his chest. "

"You okay there kid?" Merle demanded as he tried to pry the boys short nails out of his arm.

Dexy slowly turned and looked at him and Merle could see that his wide blue eyes were filled with excitement, not fear. "Fuckin' th'it! Do it again! Do it again!" He breathed rapturously in a hushed tone.

"Jesus Kid, you must have something glitched up in your head. What are you some sort of thrill seeker?" Merle muttered, thrown off guard.

When he started to drive again he was relieved that the boy was content to sit still wide eyed and breathing hard, but quiet next to him giving him time to calm down and think about what had been said.

' _She ain't his Mamma. She lied to him?'_ He felt an immediate surge of anger and betrayal at the thought of Beth being deceitful.

But after thinking about it, he really couldn't remember her ever actually telling him that the boy was hers. Maybe she had alluded to it, or maybe he had just thought she was. After all the boy **_was_** calling her "Mamma", what else was he supposed to think? But she sure as shit never corrected his assumptions, in fact he was sure that she had encouraged him in that line of thought. He did remember that she had told him that Dexy was her " _responsibility_ " and that she would " _do anything to protect him"._

 _Did Beth think that she needed to protect the boy and herself from him?_

He could see why she would have felt that way, at least at first. But did she still feel like he was a danger to them in some form or another? Because she still didn't seem to be in any hurry to correct him, not that he could fault her thinking. He had the feeling that the girl was naturally perceptive, might could be that Joe had shaken her confidence in listening to her own gut feelings. And he was the first to admit that _he_ _was_ dangerous, less aware people had crossed the street to avoid him in the past.

The fact of the matter was that he actually admired, especially her for her dedication to the boy. What he would have given to have a Beth Greene as a protector in his and Daryl's childhood. He had only known her for a short time, and already knew that she was one of the rare people who meant it when they told you they would "die to protect a child." And for all intents and purposes, she was now that boy's Mamma, and God forbid anyone try to harm a hair on his little blond head. Beth would kill or be killed to protect that boy...and he had to admit that he probably would do almost anything to keep them both safe and keep her from sacrificing herself if he could.

The best he could do was try to make sure that he didn't get himself killed in the process. The one thing that anyone that really knew him could've told her, was that Merle Dixon was a selfish son of a bitch. He didn't give free handouts, and he didn't play fair...he always looked out for number one. Still, he would do his best to keep her alive. Being that she was such a good traveling companion and all.

He _was not going soft,_ he told himself. Of course he needed to protect them, if only to buy him enough time to get her to come around to his way of thinking. Afterall he couldn't convince Beth that fucking him was something that she couldn't live without if she wasn't actually living now could he?

Pulling back from that thoughty, he broke the heavy silence and told the boy, "Nah, ya ain't gotta call me "Daddy."

Dexy turned his body toward him, looking up at him searchingling. Still too unnerved after that close call to look away from the road Merle settled on watching the boy from the corner of his eye.

"Good, I didn't wanna to call you Daddy." Dexy stated boldly with a firm nod of his head.

 ** _OUCH_** _,_ Merle winced involuntarily _, for some reason that fuckin' stung worse than being shot in the ass with rock salt._

The boy shoved his thumb into his mouth, something that Merle just realized that he hadn't seen him do in days. He could hear the sound of the boy sucking intently on it. He remembered how even as a small child Daryl had sucked his, that was until unmerciful teasing from Pops and himself put an end to it. After that whenever Daryl was nervous he would just chew on his thumb cuticle until it bled... _much, much more manly._

Dexy removed his thumb with a "POP" adding, "Joe tol' us that it was better if people thought we was family...might not take us, an' hurt us. Said there are men badder than Bad Len or Bad Dan and maybe they would f'ink twice before tryin' anything if they knew that we was his." Merle glanced over at him, and the little boy looked back at him worriedly, before asking anxiously, "What happens if more bad men find us?"

Reaching over he patted Dexys knee, trying to be reassuring. "Ain't nobody gunna fuck wit' us. You, me and ya' Mamma...we're fuckin badasses." When Dexy didn't laugh he added, "If we meet people you can call me whatever you want, Uncle Merle would probably work jus' fine."

Dexy sat, with his brow crinkled in thought, "I didn't like calling Joe " _Daddy" 'cause_ that's my Daddy's name. But I didn't call Beth Mommy's name, I call her "Mamma" instead...it's not the same. So, maybe I could call you Uncle Merle or Papa if I needed to, right?" He asked, the worry still lingering in his voice.

"You can call me whatever you want to...but do me a favor, don't ever call me Pops." Merle told him in a rough voice.

"Why not? Why not, Pop-th?"Dexy questioned.

"Because it sounds like my Pops was a lot like your Bad Len. I wouldn't like to be called by the same name as he was, anymore than you liked calling Joe "Daddy".

Dexy nodded sagely, "Okay, I prom-th, I won't ever do that...call you Pop'th. I'm sorry he was bad like Len. I'm glad you got away from him, just like we got away from Joe, Len and Dan." He paused to suck his thumb for a moment.

And then he pulled his thumb out again and asked in a voice full of horror, "Does your Bad Pop'th still have Baby Brother? We on our way to go re'thcue him?"

Merle laughed, "Nah, my Pops is dead and Baby Brother started taking care of himself when he was knee high to a grasshopper. But I do want to get to him as soon as I can. Family needs to stick together, especially in times like these."

"Good, then I'm glad that your mean Ol' Pop'th is dead." Dexy declared, adding "Mama said that family is the ones that you love and protect. That we love and protect each other, so we _ARE_ family. And I love you, and you protect me, so I think that makes us family too." He added before putting that thumb back in his mouth.

"Yeah kid, I like you just fine. Don't worry 'cause I got your back." He told him quietly. They drove in silence for awhile as Merle processed everything Dexy had told him as the boy sat daydreaming next to him.

 _How in the hell had he gotten so lucky?_ Sure Beth and Dexy might need him, but he thought that maybe it was possible that he might need them back...just a little. And he couldn't remember anyone besides his Nana ever telling him that they loved him. It made him feel a warm glow of contentment and just a little bit like he might vomit.

He wondered if that might mean that he possibly loved the kid back.

Unaware of the inner turmoil he just caused Dexy asked, "Hey, do the dead still poop? Do they poop in their pants like babies? Is that why they smell so bad?"

All in all a very smooth change of subjects for a 3 year old Merle though as they both laughed at the thought of zombies pooping in their pants.

* * *

They stopped well before dark, just like they had the past two nights. Traveling was slow going anyways so there was no point in pushing further if they didn't have to. Besides it was better to have a secure location to spend the night if at all possible, the last thing they wanted to do was have to backtrack or spend the night in place that was undefendable.

Luckily they found a small barn sometime before four o'clock that afternoon, so they decided it would be a good time to stop. The barn was big enough to pull the truck into and still shut the doors behind them and Merle secured them with bungee cords. After dinner he took the empty cans and tied them to the door, making a crude but effective early warning alarm.

They shifted boxes around, clearing the back seat so that he and Dexy could stretch out to sleep. Leaving Beth who had had an unusually long nap the front seat where she could relax while she stayed up for first watch.

They had just got settled, when Dexy lifted his head from Merles chest and asked Beth to sing for them.

Leaning over the backseat so she could run her fingers through his blond hair, brought her face up close to Merles, It was a good thing that she was so focused on Dexy because he couldn't seem to pull his eyes away from her. He found himself having to clench his fists to keep himself from reaching out to stroke her face.

Her voice was so loving, so soothing that it was making it hard for him not to reach out for her the way he wanted to do. But he knew that if he made a move towards her, she would react like a frightened bunny rabbit and mentally turn tail and zig-zag away as fast as she could doing her best to shake him from her trail...so for now he would just take what he could. If it was just getting her attention second hand, well then he would take it greedily and without complaint...for now. He closed his eyes and inhaled her scent and let her voice sooth him.

 _Dragon tales and the Water is wide_

 _Pirates sail and Lost Boys fly_

 _Fish bite moonbeams every night_

 _And I love you_

 _Godspeed little man_

 _Sweet Dreams little man_

 _Oh, my love will fly to you each night on Angel's wings_

 _Godspeed, Sweet Dreams_

 _The Rocket Racers all tuckered out_

 _Superman's in pajamas on the couch_

 _Goodnight moon we'll find the mouse_

 _And I love you_

 _Godspeed little man_

 _Sweet Dreams little man_

 _Oh, my love will fly to you each night on Angel's wings_

 _Godspeed, Sweet Dreams_

 _God bless Mommy and matchbox cars_

 _God bless Dad and thanks for the stars_

 _God hears "Amen" wherever you are_

 _And I love you_

 _Godspeed little man_

 _Sweet Dreams little man_

 _Oh, my love will fly to you each night on Angel's wings_

 _Godspeed, Godspeed, Godspeed_

 _Sweet Dreams_

Merle fell asleep somewhere after the second song with Dexys warm little body tucked in against his side and the sound of his thumb sucking deafening in his ear.

* * *

Adding to Merles growing frustrations, they found themselves having to backtrack several times that day, a few times to avoid the unpassable traffic jams, and a few larger towns that they had not willing to deal with the possibility of being overrun by the dead. So the fact that they were going through this particular small town was purely random. It was only a few streets in either direction, in fact it was so small that it wasn't hardly even a blip on the map they were using.

They had stopped the gas station that was one of the first business that they came to on that end of town stopping to fill up the gas tank. Inside had a surprisingly untouched small "grocery" area, making them decide to take the time to search the other stores in hopes of finding some more canned goods, and Beth was on a mission to find vitamins for them all to take, even after Merle informed her, in a disgusted tone, "Never took a damn vitamin in my whole life, ain't plannin' on starting now." She just gave him a look letting him know she was probably going to crush them up and hide them in his food if he didn't just take them willingly.

They had swept the area around the store fairly quickly having to kill only a small number of the dead.

"Small town, they probably got together at the end...maybe at a church or town hall...we should avoid both ah' them places. No telling how many will be inside, because they sure ain't out here." Merle said as they walked down the abandoned street.

The last house they stopped at was filled with items they could use. And Beth stood looking at the small white house with yellow shutters with the overgrown rose covered gate and gave a happy sigh. The had found a small garden that had been being watered by a cracked rain barrel. She had searched it and managed to add some fresh produce that was starting to grow wild outside the bounds of the small retaining wall...it looked like the local squirrels had found it too, so she was happy with what the ones with no bites missing.

"This house is almost like the one I've always imagined I would have someday." She told Merle wistfully.

He stood back and took it it, it was cute but it sure was tiny. He would have thought that a girl like Beth would have wanted one of those fancy McMansions that were popping up everywhere.

"A girl like me?" She laughed when he told her that "The thing I would make different about it, is I would have it built on the farm. That way Daddy could stay in the farm house and I would have a little place near the woods. Not too big, I would want my family close to me...everyone seems to get lost in those big houses. I'm sure I wouldn't like living in one at all."

 _Well Hell, the girl was just about perfect._

They were more than satisfied with what they had found in the small stores on Main Street and the homes just behind them. Merle had found luggage with wheels at the little white house and shoved everything inside to haul them back to the truck parked behind the house just across the street from the gas station.

Dexy had a paper in his hands that he had picked up on the small table by the front door on the way out of that last home. As they were trudging back he was trying to read it. "Look! C-A-N-D-Y that spells CANDY! I know that word!" He yelled bouncing up and down waving the flyer in front of Beth.

She reached out and took the flyer from his hand. "Opening soon! Mom & Popcorns old fashioned pharmacy and soda fountain. Come in and see our selection of specialty candy and flavored popcorn! Old fashioned malts, milkshakes and ice cream sundaes! Get a free meal when you switch your current prescriptions to our store!" Beth read out loud.

"Ice Cream!" Dexy hollered excitedly.

Beth stopped and held the flyer closed to her face, "Merle!" She said, her voice as excited as Dexys had been. "The grand opening...it wasn't scheduled until after the dead started walking…" She handed him the flyer. "Do you think…"

Merle stood studying the paper, his eyes narrowed in thought, "Well let's not make any assumptions." He picked up Dexy and tossed him high "Ain't gunna find no ice cream little man, but if you're lucky might could be some candy left for you to choose from."

Dexy was giggling… "Again, throw me high, again!"

Merle tossed him again before placing him up on his shoulders "Come on ya' little thrill seeker, let's go see if we can find ya' some sugar."

* * *

It didn't take long to find the small grocery store on the last street on the edge of the small town. Unfortunately it was also where they found the missing town folk...walking dead town folk. They could see about 40 or so milling around the front of the store, and a few could be seen through the glass window. Merle pointed out that the bottom of the door had been broken, allowing some of the more observant and flexible ones to crawl in.

"Merle, look. What do you make of that?" She asked him, pointing out the boys bike by the door. It had been set up almost vertical in the bike rack and then someone had taken the time to push trash and and benches around it forming a barricade. Whoever had done it had also also attached playing cards to the spokes, so as its front wheel spun around crazily every once in awhile it make a "thuth, thuth, thuth" noise. When caught with a good wind, the wheel started spinning it would attract the attention of the dead that were milling around the front of the building pulling them away from the door, It was a great idea to lure them away so that someone could escape the store with them distracted with the bike, or it was until one of the dead stuck inside would bang against the window making an even louder sound that drew them all right back to the closed doors.

"Might not be worth it, no telling how many have figured out how to get in." Merle mused, as they sat observing the store from an alley across the street. We might could go back to the last house we were in and spend the night, maybe come up with a plan to try in the morning." He reasoned.

"I wouldn't mind putting it off until tomorrow, a quiet dinner and a good nights sleep in a real bed would be nice." Beth agreed as Merle slowly pulled the car away from the alley

Dexy was leaning over as far as his carseat would allow, staring at the store as Merle silently drove passed. As they turned the corner, Dexy started laughing. "What's so funny, silly boy?" Beth asked unable to stop her smile at Dexys contagious laughter.

"That boy, Mamma! Look at the boy! A real live boy...not a walking dead boy! He sure looks sweaty just sitting out in the sun like that. Is he playing dress up? Do you think he will let me play with him?" Dexy asked not taking his eyes off the building.

Both Merle and Beth whipped their heads around looking for a boy, but Dexy was looking up and pointing a chubby little finger towards the roof. There sat that "real live boy", he was wearing a sheriff's hat, and had a gun in each hand, he wasn't pointing the guns rather he was just holding them in his lap. He looked surprised to see them, if his expression was anything to go by. A grocery bag sitting on either side of him as he was perched on the edge of the porch roof with his feet hanging over just out of reach of the crowd of undead standing under him. His blue T-shirt was torn and he had a red friction burn around his neck, making Beth think he had almost hadn't made it out of the store window despite his calm demeanor. The undead standing on the sidewalk below were desperately trying to grab those dangling feet. Just behind him, clawing uselessly against each of the two closed windows, there were at least six of the dead effectively trapping him on the roof.

The boy, Beth guessed was somewhere between 13 and 16 had obviously been sitting there without any shade for some time judging from his glistening face and the size of the sweat stains under his armpits. He was watching her warily, but not in any way threatening and was making no attempts to point his weapons at them.

While Merle and Beth were distracted by the sight of the unexpected boy, Dexy had undone his seatbelt and standing up he poked his head out the window, "Hi! He yelled excited, "What'ca doin' up there?" At the sound of his voice the dead turned and start moving towards the truck.

"I'm stuck." The teen said matter-of-factly, "Just sitting here waiting for an idea to come to me." He yelled over the groaning, causing half the group to turn back to him. Coming to his senses Merle grabbed Dexy by the seat of his pants and yanked him back down before any of the dead could get close enough to reach him, and forced the little boy back into his car seat as Beth rolled up the window.

Looking over at Merle, Beth implored. "We can't leave him, he's just a boy! I don't think he will last much longer in this heat." When Merle just sat looking up at the boy without replying, she implored, "Please Merle.'

After a minute he grunted, "Fine. But if that little shit tries anything, and I mean ANYTHING, I will kill him." He told her. Waiting a second until she nodded at him. He drove forward making the dead that were pushing against the side of the truck follow as he expertly spun the steering wheel and making the truck execute a moving u-turn, rolling down his window he yelled at the kid, "Hol' on, we'll be right back." He raced out of the parking lot with about half the group of the dead that had been standing under the boy following the truck down the road. Then watched them in the rearview mirror as the turned back towards the store as the truck outdistanced them quickly.

"We can't just leave him!" Beth said trying desperately to get a last glimpse of the boy on the roof as they rounded a corner.

"Got an idea." Merle said he drove down a few more streets to make sure he had lost all the dead before stopping. "I'm going to take the bike," he said gesturing behind them. and I'll drive by the store revving the engine, My baby, she's a loud one. That should get most of them following me. Grab the map." He told Beth as he got out of the car, and started to unhook the bike. Beth following behind him with the map in her hand, and Dexy on her hip.

"You make sure to stay in that alleyway across the street. I'll come from the other direction, grab the ones in the front of the store first and take them around the side to try and grab the ones on the side, I'll go slow enough to keep them interested and following behind me. Once the last of the geeks are gone, you drive up onto the sidewalk and get the kid to jump down onto the top of the truck."

Beth was nodding her head, as Merle traced a finger along the roads, "I'll lead them out of town along this road, once I get about here," he tapped a spot on the map "I'll speed up and loop back around...here." He tapped the map, I'll come back into town from the other side, should have lost them all by then. Meet me at that last house we was in...the white one with the yellow shutters, the one ya' liked so much. There ain't no lock on the gate," She nodded, "You get Dexy inside, have the kid stay by the gate and be ready to let me in."

He looked up, his face concerned, "You keep your gun out and your wits about you, understand?" She looked into his eyes and nodded, "Ya gotta remember Beth, just because he looks like a kid, doesn't mean he is one...especially now. A boy his age should be almost considered a man, so don't ya' make the mistake of underestimating him." He told her sternly. Looking at the boy on her hip, he reached over and took his small knife out of the holder on his belt and handed it to him. "You keep your knife hidden, ya' hear me?"

Dexy nodded, his little face serious, "Yes, sir. I'm jus'th little tho' so the boy is gonna be worried about you and Mamma...not me." He repeated back Merles words from previous lessons.

"That's right, he won't expect that you would be able to use the knife the way you do. If he tries anything, you don't hesitate...I mean it...anything don't look right, don't feel right, you make sure not to let him have the upper hand."

"Okay, I'll take care of Mamma 'til you get back." He said proudly puffing his chest out.

"You do that son, I know that you are the man for this here job." Thinking about it a second and added, "put your thumb in your mouth...makes you look younger...even less threatening." Merle advised him, cuffing him gently on the chin before he hopped on his bike and started it with a loud roar of the motor and headed back in the direction of the store.

Beth was a street behind him before turning where she knew the street would take them to the alley. She had barely gotten into place before Merle came around the corner and past their hiding spot. As he past them, he looked over his shoulder and grinned giving her a salute with his chin. Revved his engine and had to pay attention to the dead that started to amble toward him.

When the last of the dead had disappeared around the corner, Beth pulled the truck silently from the alley and pulled it around the corner. She could still see Dead roaming from behind the glass windows, but felt safe enough to let the truck sit and idle a few more moments before pulling around in front to the store and up onto the sidewalk. A street down she could see the last of the walkers turning the corner as the followed Merle.

A few of the less ambulatory walkers were still under the boy, keeping him from just jumping down and disappearing on them. Beth ran over one of the walkers that seemed to be missing his lower legs, and positioned the truck under the teeager. After a moment she heard his feet as they connected with the roof of the truck, and then watched as he slid down to passenger side and opened the door and hopped in.

She noted that he still held the guns in his hand, but he didn't seem to be threatening so she held out her hand…"Just until I know you ain't planning on shooting one of us...your guns...please." She sat still while the dead man outside the car behind her did his best to break the window with his hands.

The boy grimaced but handed her the gun in his left hand which she put in the pocket in the drivers door. He handed her the next gun a little more slowly, but first he switched the safety on "There is one bullet left in this one...I was saving it...just in case." He stated boldly as he handed it to her. She eyes were understanding as she took it and put it next to the first one. Then she pulled the truck off the sidewalk and started heading back to the house that they were going to meet Merle at.

The boy closed the door and quickly locked it putting his back against it so he could face them. His eyes were on Beth until Dexy shifted his body and greeted him enthusiastically. "HI! I'm Dexy...I'm 4! How old are you? Are you playing Dress-up? Can I play too?" Dexy all but yelled in his excitement.

The boy looked at Dexy and even though his brow remaned wrinkled in worry, he couldn't seem to hold back the small grin that curled at the corners of his mouth. "Hi Dexy, I'm Carl I'm 14...or maybe 15 by now, I'm not sure. This is my Dad's hat, he gave it to me so I could have something of his. He and my step dad both work with the Sheriff's department...well, not the same one...not anymore."

"What was you doin up on the roof? Dontcha know you could get hurt up there?" Dexy asked the boy.

"Well...yeah. But I was more in danger of getting hurt if I stayed inside the store." He said matter of factly. "I went in to get somethings and didn't realized that so many people went into that store to hide before they died. I was thinking that because they hadn't opened that I should be safe enough."

Beth looked over at him, "We were thinking the same thing. Merle just wanted to drive by it tonight so we could get a good look at it and spend some time tonight coming up with a plan."

Carl smiled at her, "I'm sure glad that you didn't wait until tomorrow, I was going to make a break for it soon, so I could have a little bit of sunlight left to make my way to a place to sleep. I was hoping to make it back to my family by late tomorrow."

He signed "I was out on that roof most of yesterday….I had to sleep up there last night, it was really uncomfortable, and I really didn't get much sleep because I was afraid I would roll off. I just ran out of water about an hour before you found me, so I was going to have to make a move pretty soon, but I was still weighing my options. I'm glad you showed up...I was kinda waiting to see if my Dad or Shane showed up." The boy said.

"Ma'am, do you think you can drive me back to my folks place?" He asked Beth "Its about a two hour drive from here." He added.

"I don't think that will be a problem, but we need to met up with Merle first. We may need to stay the night. We already found a place that we were planning on sleeping tonight. And we need to make sure that we don't get stuck anyplace that would be unsafe especially for my son."

"Yes Ma'am, I do understand. I've got a little sister not much older that your boy, so I get it." He said softly.

When they pulled up to the back of the house, Beth instructed the boy to jump out and open the gate so she could drive through. After parking she jumped out and helped Dexy out. Opening the back door and rummaging inside before they walked over to the teenager and handed him a bottle of water "You stay here and let Merle in when you hear him pull up on his motorcycle, make sure to secure the gate after he is in. Dexy and I are going to check and make sure the house is still secure. Then before we make any decisions we can have something to eat and let you rest up a bit. I think that we all will feel better able to come up with a plan on full stomachs.

* * *

Merle and Carl walked in just as Beth was going through their rations and picking out something for them to eat. She looked over at the teen and held up some cans, "Do you prefer Spaghetti-O's or Hormel Chili? She asked him,

"I'll have the chili if it's ok ma'am." he replied smiling at her.

"Please, call me Beth. Ma'am makes me feel so old." She scolded him. "She held up a cucumber and a small tomato...and look we are going to have salad! No lettuce...but I'm still going to call it a salad!" she told them excitedly.

"Yes ma'...Beth." He stumbled over his words at her stern look.

"You were certainly raised with manners", Beth told him, then looking over his shoulder she asked, "Merle, Dexy, what do you want?"

The boy Carl, he wanted to leave as soon as they were done eating, but Merle convinced him that if they sat tight overnight it would give the large herd that was following him a chance to disperse, lessening the chance of being overwhelmed.

"I've been watching 'em, think most of will give up and wander back to the store. Not sure if it's like some sort of muscle memory or if the sounds of the dead stuck inside the store will draw them back there. But at the moment since we don't know where they' at, bes' if we let them settle down before we go back out there." Merle shoveled his last bite of chili into his mouth, then added "By the time I lost them, had picked up about 20 or 30 more. Think the group is up to about 80 or so...almost the whole darn town if I had to guess."

They sat at the dinner table, Dexy was asleep with Spaghetti-O's sauce around his mouth. His head leaning up against Beth's shoulder.

"So tell me what the heck you were doin' up on that roof." Merle asked as soon as everyone was finished eating.

"My Mom, she got sick...fever real bad...my little sister too. Kept on getting worse, nothing I gave them seemed to touched it. Gave them everything in the house until we had almost nothing left. I got tired of waiting for my Dad and Shane to get back so I rode my bike into town about 3 days ago to see if I could find anyone still alive or at least some medicines that I could take back to them."

"Where did the men go?" Beth inquired.

"Went hunting, we were getting really low on food and the last time Shane went into town he almost didn't make it back. They thought that they might have a better chance together than just one of them on their own." He frowned, "I told them that one of them should stay and I should get to go...but the wouldn't listen to me."

His shoulders slumped "I don't know if any of them are still alive anymore. My Dad and Shane should have already been back, and Mom and Jude were so sick for a bit I didn't think that they would make it. Dad and Shane were gone a day before my little sister got sick and a few days later my Mom came down with it."

He straightened his back and looked at the two adults, "I told my sister to stay away from Mom at night, just to be safe...to lock the door to the bedroom if she thought that Mom was getting worse, or if she needed to sleep. Judith is pretty smart, and i know that she can take care of herself for a few days...but I need to get back to her because they are going to run out of food soon. I left them both with some gatorade and crackers, but that was about all that was left other than water from the well."

The boy got up and began to pace, "I told Jude that I would be as fast as I could, but to give me a least 4 or five nights...because I didn't know how long it would take me to ride my bike into town." He stopped and looked from Beth to Merle "I need to get back first thing...there is still the chance that my Mom...that Jude could still alive."

"Okay boy, we will head out at first light. But in the meantime, as long as we're here, why don't you tell me about that store." Merle told Carl as he stood up and took Dexy from Beths side. "first let me put Superman to bed."

"Daddy?" The little boy said sleepy as he wrapped his arms around the big man's neck and snuggled into him. "I got ya' Dexy-Boy, I got ya'." the man said into the little boys hair as he walked across the room to the master bedroom where Carl had seen the big man put the twin mattress from the other downstairs bedroom for the boy to sleep in so he would be closer to them.

There was a small attic room at the top of the stairs, it was set up more like a media den with a large comfy couch where Beth told him he was going to sleep. She had left him pillows and blankets that she had pulled from one of the closets. He guessed that they didn't want to sleep next to him anymore than he wanted to sleep next to them. And strangely that made him feel better about the whole situation.

That left the master bedroom for Merle and Beth to share with their son. Carl wondered how old Beth was...he thought that she seemed kinda young to be married to someone as old as Merle. But maybe she was just one of those people that his mom would complain never seemed to age as she looked critically into the mirror at her laugh lines.

Beth was watching too, but with different eyes, and she couldn't help but think that

something was off with Merle...had been all day. But couldn't think of anything that stood out to her that had happened that could be bothering him. _Maybe it was Daryl again? When his mind was on Daryl he could get a little melancholy._

She watched him as he returned to the room and as as he spoke to Carl, trying desperately to put her finger on what it was that was bothering her.

When had it started? _Was it just today...had he been that way yesterday?_

She had caught him staring at her more than once today, not that him watching her was anything new. But she was used to him watching her lustfully, shrewdly and even at times tenderly...the look he was giving her seemed more... _expectant_ or maybe disappointed...but for what reason? What was he expecting? Why would he be disappointed in her? Because she hadn't taken him up on any of his offers to help her "relieve her built up tension"?

 _Sure she had lost it for a little bit, was he still worried that she might go off the deep end?_

She tried to force herself to pay attention to the conversation in front of her, but they were so deep into the layout of the store that she just couldn't find it in herself to care. So she stood with a yawn and a stretch and said goodnight as she went to the bedroom, shutting the door behind her so she could put on her pajamas.

She would worry about it tomorrow, for now she would lay down until Merle came to bed, then she would take first watch. And surprisingly despite the good nights sleep and the nap she had in the truck, and the worry of having someone she didn't know sleeping under the same roof as them, she fell asleep almost immediately.

* * *

Carl was just going up to bed, when Merles voice stopped him, "Boy, best not to come down those stairs until morning. We aint used to other people around anymore...I would hate for Beth to accidentally shoot you. Know what I mean?" Merle said as Carl's foot came to rest on the first stair step.

Carl noticed he had not included himself in that...was that indicating that if Merle shot him it wouldn't be an accident?

The boy looked over his shoulder and swallowed hard, "Yes sir...I'd appreciate it if no one came up the stairs for the same reason." He caught Merles eye "Sometimes I have a hard time waking up...don't know what is real and not for a little bit." he finished two spots of color brightening his cheeks.

"You ain't the only one boy, you aint the only one." He said as he watched the boy walk up the stairs.

* * *

Going into the bedroom he saw that Dexy had at some point crawled into bed with Beth and they were both out cold. He wasn't really all that tired, so he might as well let her sleep a little while longer. Wanting them close, he found himself kicking off his boots and crawling into bed next tothem. He propped himself up on the pillows and pulled out the copy of Motorcycles Monthly that he had found at the store today and put his gun down next to him within easy reach.

He was still looking at the magazine when Beth turned in her sleep, fitting herself into his side, sliding her arm around his waist. She rubbed her nose against his chest and inhaling deeply and smiled into his shirt before settling back down into sleep.

Damn she felt good tucked up next to him...he wondered if he had ever just laid down and held a woman like this before.

A few moments later Dexy sat up and rubbed his eyes sleepy and looked around to find out where his heat source had gone and smiled widely at Merle as he clambered clumsily over Beth snuggling into Merles other side.

"Where's Carl? The little boy asked in a worried sleepy voice.

"Hes sleeping, just like you need should be." He told the boy.

"But we never got to play!" Dexy whined, "I never get to play with kids anymore...and I like him. Carl is nice, I want to be his friend. Can I please be friends with him?" He asked.

"Of course you can be friends with him. It's good to have friends...but you know that not all people are good. Even if they are closer to your age, you have to keep an eye on them and make sure that they have good intentions. Ya understand?" Merle asked not unkindly.

"Yeha" Dexy yawned "Do we? Do we have good intentions?" He asked.

"Hell yeah...we got good intentions. We will help the boy get back to his family tomorrow. Maybe if they are good people we can spend the night, but then we got to be on our way."

"To go get Baby Brother?" He probed.

"Yeah, to go get Baby Brother." He confirmed.

"You think we are going to find him? You think he is where he is supposed to be...or do you think he is out there looking for us?" Dexy asked forgetting that as intrigued as he was about this Baby Brother...Baby Brother didn't know anything about him."

"Nah, Baby Brother will wait for us where he is as long as he can. If he had to leave...then I have a few guesses where he might go." Merle reassured him.

"Song?" he whispered sleepy around his thumb. And Merle sang.

* * *

Carl lay on the couch in the den. He had been waiting for the right time, thinking that maybe he might need to sneak out. He liked Dexy and he liked Beth too. But Merle, was a little bit scary and he had the feeling that the man really didn't want him there with them in the first place.

So with that in mind, he thought he could just slip out one of the back windows and shimmy down the drain. But he couldn't do that until the man went into the front room, If he tried to leave now, Merle would be sure to hear him from the room at the bottom of the stairs.

Everything was so still he could hear their whispered words float up the stairs and it was like the conversation was being held right next to him.

He now knew a few things, Merle might be a scary man...but he loved his son, and they had another baby out there somewhere that they needed to get to. And in spite of this they were going to take the time to get him back to his family before they moved on. That alone said something about their character.

And what if they were gone...his whole family? Mom, Dad, Shane...Judith? What if he was all on his own now...or if it was just him and Judith? Could he really take care of his little sister without his parents? How long could he manage to keep her alive if he had to do it all alone?

No, he was going to stay. Let Merle and Beth help him get back home. If everyone was gone or if it was just him and Jude...than maybe Beth and Merle would let them tag along. He was smart, and he could shoot really well thanks to his Dad and Shane. He could be a big help to them if they let him stay, he would just needed to convince them of that.

He was almost sure that Beth wouldn't leave him and his little sister to survive out there on their own...Dexy might not want to leave them either. And if Beth and Dexy wanted something, he was almost sure that Merle Dixon would give it to them as long as he felt it was a safe thing to do.

So, he needed to show Merle Dixon that he wasn't a threat to his family, but that he could be a threat to anyone that tried to hurt them. That would be a tricky thing to managed, like walking a greased tight rope.

At the very least, he could help Merle and Beth take the grocery store. He hoped that would be enough to convince Merle that he could be a help and not just another mouth to feed. He of course would be the one to care for Jude...he just needed a little bit of help...maybe he could prove to them that he could also take care of Dexy so they could make runs.

 _And if he had no one, not even Jude...then would it really matter?_

He was pretty sure that he could make it on his own, but would he want to go on without anyone to fight for, or someone who was willing to fight for him? He relaxed into the couch allowing himself to fall asleep, confident enough in the knowledge that Merle wouldn't come slit his throat in the middle of the night, at least not on this night.

* * *

Notes:

"Godspeed (Sweet Dreams) is by the Dixie Chicks

As always thank you to Athlete Girl for everything you do to make this story what it is, without her you would probably have stopped reading by the second chapter.

I don't have Beth scheduled to tell Merle about her relationship with Dexy for at least the next 5 chapters...I never intended for it to come out this soon...but it just somehow popped out of Dexy's mouth! I decided to just leave it there and deal with any fallout later.

As you all know Dexy is based on my son...but every once and a while my daughter gets tired of being ignored and jumps into the spotlight. The scene where Merle almost flips the truck and Dexy's response was based on my daughters first rollercoaster ride she took with her crusty ol' Grandpa...she was just around the age of three and the roller coaster wasn't a big one...but not a little baby one either. We have a photo of them, she is clinging to his arm for dear life her face frozen in terrified delight, her eyes are so big they seem to take up half her face. Poor ol' Grandpa almost laughed himself into an aneurysm at our "sweet baby girls" very expressive vocabulary. And he spent the rest of the day as her exclusive ride partner because he didn't want to miss the "color commentary."


	15. Chapter 15 -Jouska

I want a trouble maker for a lover.

A blood spiller, a blood drinker, a heart of flame.

Who quarrels with the sky and fights with fate.

Who burns like fire on the rushing seas.

-Rumi

Or

Jouska (n) Finnish

A hypothetical conversation that you compulsively play out in you head

Chapter 15 - Jouska

It was still dark outside when Merle heard the boy getting up and moving around upstairs, Beth was on watch, but he got up and put his work boots because he didn't want the boy alone with her until he was 100% positive that the little shit could be trusted.

Stopping only to make sure the blankets were tucked snugly around Dexy, he managed to get out of the room before Carl's feet hit the last tread of the staircase. The boy was dressed and the backpack that he found in one of the upstairs rooms packed and ready to go.

Carl was anxious to get a start on heading back to his home, and knowing this Beth took pity on him and served a quick breakfast of granola bars and Tang that they ate as they packed their bags and shifted things around to make more room to accommodate another person in the truck.

Ever suspicious, Merle had already talked to Beth and arranged for her to sit in the back so she could keep an eye on the kid. He told the older boy that it was so Dexy could sit next to him. Merle was confident that Beth would never allow anything to happen to the little boy, and he knew that she would be on high alert behind Carl with her knife and gun at the ready.

"Okay kiddo, jump up into your seat." Merle told Dexy, and under his breath added "ya need to keep ya' knife out. Put it between ya' leg and the carseat just to be safe." Dexy nodded, already used to being told to be ready "just in case" he didn't question Merles judgement, he just did as he asked.

"Tell me what we are walking into?" Merle demanded when they got on the road, wanting to start the conversation before they got to the boys home. He also wanted to establish that it would be him and not Carl who would be in charge.

"The house is a bit out in the country. We have a long drive that leads up to the house...you can't see it from the road. We have a fence all the way around the property, I made sure the gate was closed and locked...so if it is open it could mean that my Mom or even Jude opened it... or Shane if they are back, I don't think that my Dad knows the combo."

"And inside?"

"3 bedrooms...Mom & Shane's room is the first on the right. It has a window looking out into the front yard. I closed the curtains before I left. The other window in front is the living room...but they only use that room when they are entertaining guests, and on the other side of that is the garage. They mainly use the den in the back of the house to watch TV and for everyday use." He grimaced "The garage would have been the best way in, but it has a keypad that runs on electricity...so we can't go in that way."

"Hell, boy. Ya' don't need electricity in order to open it from the outside...how did you get to the age of 15 without ever openin' someone's garage without their consent?" Merle drawled amusedly.

Carl looked over, unsure if Merle was joking or not before continuing, "Both mine and Jude's bedrooms have windows looking into the back yard. The window on the right is my room, the slider for the den is in the middle...and on the left is Judith's room, She has pink and white curtains, I told her to go to her room and lock herself in at night to sleep and if Mom turned...that I would take care of it when I got back."

"Okay, boy. When we get there will see if anyone comes out to greet ya'...or comes to the windows. If ya' Dad is back, I don't want to take the chance of getting my head blown off." He gestured to his head, "If your Mom or little sister has changed...I want you to go back to the truck and let me handle it." Merle told him firmly.

"No, Sir. My Mom and little sister are my responsibility...I promised my Dad and Shane that I would take care of them." Carl replied just as firmly.

Merle pulled the truck over, and put it in park turning to Carl and saying, "Boy, I get that….I really do. But no man should have to put down his Mama...nor his sibling. I'll take care of them if it's needed, no arguments...and I'm quite sure that when they said to "take care of them" that didn't mean that ya' needed to put them down if need be." He waited until Carl met his eye and gave a small nod. "I'm need you to say it. I need to know that you are going to follow my directions. We ain't movin' any further until we have us an understanding."

Carl set his jaw and his mouth turned down in a frown, but once again he gave a small nod of acceptance clearly not happy with Merle's rules. But a surly "Yes, sir." was given,

Dexy reached over and grabbed Carl's hand…"Don't worry Carl, you're not alone anymore..." He glanced over his shoulder at Merle, "right?"

Merle looked over at Beth, who just stared back at him waiting to see how he would answer.

Carl looked down at the little boy and gave him a tight smile.

Merle looked back at Dexy and then at Carl. "Carl is almost a man...that would be for him to decide. But if he wanted to tag along with us, then I wouldn't have a problem with it."

A wide grin spread across Dexys face as he turned back to Carl, "See, you're not alone anymore. Now tell me about your sister...is she bigger than me?" He asked as the car began to move again.

* * *

For once there wasn't a lot of backtracking that needed to be done, the roads the traveled on were remote and not leading anywhere most people would have been heading after the outbreak. That being the case, they made it to the Walsh home in record time.

As they pulled up to the closed and locked gate, and Carl jumped out and unlocked the padlock, swinging the gate open. He stood back allowing the truck to pass through before closing and locking the gate and getting back in the truck. The long drive curved around an outcropping of trees that were hiding the house from view. Merle stopped the truck, leaving plenty of room between them and the house. The home was surrounded by large trees, it looked like they only cleared enough room for the house and yard.

Merle didn't like it...too many places for people to hide in the woods and watch. It felt too closed in. A herd would be on top of you even before you knew they were coming...no warning, no time to prepare...it would be a massacre.

They sat there watching the house for a moment before Merle finally turned off the ignition. No movement that could be seen from either the dark brown curtains in the large front window or the blue curtains covering the window to the right that Carl had said was the master bedroom.

"That's a good sign." Merle said pointing to the house. "If ya' Ma had turned and was in her room or in the house she would be at the windows tryin' to get to us by now."

Carl nodded, "Unless she is in the back of the house and didn't hear us."

"Could be she is still in bed sick, or in the back taken care of ya' sister. Why don't you get out and walk to the front of the truck...if they are hidin' and watchin' us from the house or the woods they ain't comin' out if they see me." He looked around at the trees that surrounded the house on the lookout for anything that looked out of place or any movement.

Carl took a deep breath and slowly got out and walked to the front of the truck. He stood there unmoving for a moment. He had always found the silence at this home eery and more than a little unnerving when spending weekends and holidays here with is Mom and his sister. He was more accustomed to the sounds of the normal middle class suburb where he chose to live with his Dad.

It had taken him time to forgive his Mom for leaving right when his Dad needed her the most. He knew that it had broken her heart when he had made it clear that he wanted to live with his Dad rather than stay with her and Shane. But someone needed to stay and take care of his Dad...it wasn't fair that his Dad would deal with regaining his health and losing his wife and best friend all at the same time...Carl wasn't going to make him deal with losing his son too.

He always thought that she felt the same way about him choosing to stay with his Dad, as he felt about her leaving him and his Dad when she decided to divorce his dad and marry Shane.

 _Betrayed, angry, confused...hurt. So much hurt still lingered._

The air was still, and held a heavy, expectant quality that made him feel like he was under water, like he was suffocating. But it wasn't totally silent, there was the sounds of the bugs and the birds that as quiet and intermittent, but would rise unexpectedly ascending in pitch, volume and until it hit its zenith, only to drop to almost nothing. Only to rest before they begin the climb once again. A crescendo so loud it was almost deafening, only to suddenly drop to almost nothing, made the hair on his neck stand on end and his skin felt like it was crawling with ants.

The sound even more displaced for all that they should have felt normal.

"Mom...Judith?" His voice came out cracked and too quiet to carry far, he waited a moment and then not trusting his voice he let out an ear piercing whistle.

No one came out.

His eyes roamed the from the windows to the door to the surrounding woods, and he could feel the sweat gathering on his upper lip and a cold chill ran down his spine causing him to hunch his shoulders and an involuntary shiver to run through his lanky frame.

 _Dead...they are dead, and I'm alone now._

Feeling his distress, Merle got out of the driver's seat and joined him in front of the car and placed a hand on his shoulder giving it a hard pat that was meant to be reassuring, but in reality was just painful. After a moment he gestured toward the garage, only taking a step towards the garage when the curtains at the front window twitched and then were flung aside and a small face appeared. It was thin and dirty but a big smile spread across it at the sight of her brother. She backed up and the curtains fell back into place and they could hear her yelling, "CARL! CARL! Mommy...Carl's back...Mommy, Carl's home!" The front door flew open and the small girl dressed in a pink sweatshirts, a pair of faded dirty jeans covered by a hot pink tutu ran out the door and down the short walkway and threw herself into Carl's arms.

"I knew you were comin' back! I knew it...I told Mommy that you'd be okay! I knew you would...I knew it!" She cried as she clung to him in an embrace that seem to consist of nothing but bony knees and elbows and dirty pink tulle.

Merle stood just behind them keeping watch on the front door, after a few minutes when the open door remained empty he interrupted to ask them both "Where's your Mom? Why ain't she comin' out to greet ya' too?"

Carl and looked over Judith's head at the empty doorway, "Jude, is Mom okay?" He asked the little girl gently.

She shook her head, making her ponytail swing, "She is sick Carl...real sick. She just lies there. She calls for Daddy. Keeps askin; him to keep us safe...to not let her turn." She looked back at the house, "I did what you said. I keep her door closed when I'm not in there. And I don't fall asleep in her room...ever, just like you told me. I make sure my door is locked when I'm in there. I still didn't feel safe, so I pushed a bunch of stuff in front of the door...that's what took me so long to come out, I had to move everything. Did you find some medicine? Can you make Mommy better now?" she said solemnly.

"Better than that...I got medicine and Merle and Beth!"

"Is that Merle?" she asked looking over Carl's shoulder and making eye contact with the big man standing behind him.

"Yep, that is Merle. And guess what! Merle has a little boy just about your age that he brought over so y'all could have a playdate...won't that be fun?" he asked his sister earnestly.

Judith looked at the big man, she thought he looked mean. Behind the man getting out of the truck there was a pretty woman, she kinda looked like her sunday school teacher...maybe she could help her get all the knots out of her hair and make it pretty again, just like Mommy used to keep it. The lady was helping a small boy got out of the truck.

He was only a baby. And a boy at that. What was she supposed to do with him? Boys were yucky and mostly stupid. She never had playdates with boys, why would she when she could have Sarah or Rose from school...or Sasha and Krishna from ballet come over?

"Okay...but I don't think I have any boy toys." she said doubtfully. Clearly dubious about this young intruder.

Merle laughed, "Baby-Doll, he is just going to be happy to have someone to play with. I don't think he is going to care what kind of toys you have or don't have."

"If you say so." She sniffed.

"Jude, be nice. Dexy is a really cool kid, you'll like him." Carl scolded.

"Do you like him?" she asked Carl, turning to look at him.

"Yes, I do. He saved me, he is the one that found me and helped get me back to you." Carl told her trying to placate her.

"Do you like him more than you like me?" She asked him resentfully.

"Nope...I love you, you're my sister and I just met Dexy yesterday. But I like him, so be nice to him. I think he is going to be your only chance at a playdate for awhile." He told her firmly.

"Daddy always says that beggars can't be choosers...I think I know what that means now." She said marking her territory by wiping her nose on Carl's shoulder while keeping eye contact with the little blond boy.

* * *

Beth sat on a chair next to the Carl's Mom, Lori was sleeping but it was a very uneasy sleep. If she hadn't seen the photos of her around the house, she would have never known that before all of this that she had been a very striking woman. The woman laying on the bed in front of her was so skinny that when she could easily count her ribs. Her hair was dark and dull...thin and coming out in patches. Her already pale skin was verging on gray, her lips held a blue cast that made Beth worry each night was going to be her last.

Whatever she had was a contradiction, one moment the woman was feverish and then without warning the chills would set in, her breathing went from fast only to turn shallow without any reason that she could see. She'd fluctuate between vomiting and diarrhea that sent the rest of the occupants of the house running out of the room.

God bless Merle, he would stay and help but he was pretty useless during those moments and, not wanting to deal with Merles vomit too, she would send him to watch the kids. It was just easier to do this herself, after all being from a small rural town, when someone was hurt and the local Doctor was nowhere to be found, people would often come to the farm to see Daddy. Being mostly county folk, they didn't trust anyone outside their small town, and would rather have the local veterinarian pull out a fishing hook, or put in some stitches than drive to another city. She was such a homebody that she would often be recruited to help out around his home clinic.

Beth made sure to use the gloves from the first aid kit every time she had to clean up mess, trying to keep from spreading the sickness. Washing her hand repeatedly and using the bottle of sanitiser that she found in the kitchen often to to keep from catching it herself. At one point she had Merle bring in a few of the large bottles of water that they had on the trailer and heated it up, putting some aside before bathing Judith, then Dexy. She gave Lori a sponge bath and with the help of Merle put her in clean pajamas and put fresh sheets on the bed. This seemed to bring her a few moments of clarity, and she made sure to ask Beth and Merle not to let her turn if she were to die, before she asked for some time with her children.

* * *

Carl stood by the side of the bed and Judith curled up next to her mother on the bed, her head nestled into her side and a thin arm wrapped around her.

"You're the man of the family now Carl...I know that your Dad and Shane would've been back by now if they were able to. Something must have happened to them. Promise me, that you to do what you need to do in order to survive."

"Mom…"

She stopped him, and continued, "The safe combination is Shane's badge number...you need to take whatever weapons that he left here...take them with you when you go...I like the Dixons. I know that Beth will take good care of you and Judith, and Merle with teach you both whatever you need to know in order to survive, so you need to listen to him, pay close attention and learn all that you can. Do you understand?"

"Yes Ma'am...I understand. But you are doing better. I think we just need to stay a little while longer, give you time to get your strength back, and see if Dad and Shane to come home."

"I hope so, but I don't think so. Carl, I think God is allowed me to say my goodbys. And I'm thankful for that small gift. You need to know how much I love you both." She reached for Carl, "I'm so sorry that I hurt you when I left your father...but, I truly believe that my life went the way that it was supposed to. Everything that happened was so that both you and Judith exist. You both are here for a reason...I know it."

Beth and Merle sat quietly in the den where Dexy was playing contentedly with his cars. He had sadly resigned himself to Judith's indifferent to him. She made it clear that she was _**NOT**_ here for his amusement, and worst of all she was jealous of any interaction that he had with _**HER**_ brother and did her best to insert herself between them whenever she could. Dexy's sensitive little soul was a little wounded by the lack of interest in "the only playmate his age left in the entire world", and it had him turning his affections even more towards Carl, the one thing that he could do that was guaranteed to make Judith like him less...and Judith was clearly unhappy about her brothers ongoing friendship with this young interloper.

"My best guess that she has pneumonia, and her lungs are filled with fluids." Beth frowned, "I think it probably started out as a common cold, but she spent all her energy on taking care of Judith, while her cold worked its way into walking pneumonia, only to worsen when she didn't get the treatment that she required." Beth picked up one of the photos in the living room. Lori, with her shiny healthy hair and glowing skin looked back out at her. She looked happy and in love as she held onto the man who was standing next to her. "I'm certain that she has been giving her most of her portions of food to the kids for sometime...things must have already been pretty desperate before both the men went in search of supplies."

"Like you would do any different?" Merle asked curious.

"Probably not. But I think I could find food for us almost anywhere." She paused and looked up at him, and laid her hand on his forearm, "Have I ever thanked you?" He gave his arm a tight squeeze. "Because of you...I'm not as afraid of what's out there, at least not like I was before. I'm more confident in my abilities and better able to care for Dexy on my own if I really needed to. I don't know what would have happened to us if you hadn't showed up when you did."

Merle narrowed his eyes at her, "Crazy...Ya' a born Killer. Ya would'a figured it out all on you own sooner or later." He turned and walked past her and out the front door, but not before she saw a pleased smile twitching on his lip.

* * *

Standing outside in the front of the house he took the time to enjoy the smell of his cigarette, inhaling it's scent without it being corrupted by the smell of the dead was becoming a rare occurrence. Lazily he blew a smoke ring and watched as it slowly dissipated into the fresh mountain air. Letting his mind wander to his brother as his eyes traced the line of the driveway until it curved and disappeared behind the trees.

 _Where was he? Was he still alive?_

Of course he was...had to be. His theory was that only Merle could kill Merle, there was no other way to explain how he was still alive and kicking. There had been so many times that Merle should have been down for the count, but so far nothing had killed that sumbitch yet.

He was so tough that he could eat a tin can and spit out nails, and Daryl doubted that the dead raising wouldn't even slow him down for long. Was his brother thinking about him? He hoped so, but ya' just never knew with Merle.

"Damn it, Merle...where the fuck are you?" he said as he exhaled his last drag before dropping the butt of his cigarette in the dirt and crushing it under his heel. Leaning over he picked it up from the dirt and gravel. Climbing up the three steps to the small front porch, placing it in the old Folgers can sitting on the side table next the lone Adirondack chair.

 _Fucker better not be dead because he decided that this would be a fine time to have a fuckin' relapse._

For the hundredth time since this whole thing had started he thought about leaving, hitting the road and driving to his brothers place to see if he could find him. But no...he had everything he needed to survive here. Besides, too much time had passed now...he should have done it at the very beginning of this shit show if was going to do this at all. Now the chances of passing him somewhere between here and there were just too great.

Merle knew where he was, after all he had been living at the same place for the last 5 years. He had worked fuckin' hard to get the money together to buy this land. Lived on it in an old travel trailer for 3 years while he made the money to slowly built this house himself.

 _MINE_

His cabin, it was a far better home than his father had ever provided for his family that was for damn sure.

He wasn't just going to leave the only home that he ever had, the first place that he had every truly felt safe. And he knew that there was nothing in that shitty town near the prison that would hold Merle for long. The only thing keeping him there when the world was still functioning was his parole officer and his job. A job that his brother seemingly enjoyed, but had even told Daryl that when his parole officer signed off he was thinking about coming here...that maybe they could open up their own shop. For the first time Daryl could see a life where his brother could stay on the right side of the law and make money doing it.

No, if Merle was coming, he would be coming here. Merle's opinion had always been that he was the self appointed caretaker of his "Little Brother". Even if Daryl became an old man moving around with the use of a walker, Merle would leading the charge in a wheelchair, bossing him around like he had from day one.

 _Like he still needed a caretaker..._

No, Merle would come here, sooner or later he would make his way here with a big shit eating grin on his face as he told him about all the Husks he killed and all the women he fucked on the way here. Merle had talked often enough about what life would be like "after" he was out of prison and free to go where he wanted. They both wanted to be where the hunting and fishing were better than average and the population less. Merle like to say "blood is blood, and blood is all that matters in the end." So living here made the most sense as Daryl wouldn't be leaving the place that he loved and worked so hard for without a good reason.

In the meantime there was plenty of work that still needed to be done, and as much as he was loth to admit it, he really could use an extra hand. He had never wanted anyone but Merle around anyway, and the Lord knew he loved his brother, but sometimes Merle was a whole lot of company for a solitary man like himself.

He sure he could put up with a little bit of company right about now. Just keeping his small cabin and plot of land secure on his own was a full time job...and then some.

Daryl had always planned on making the attic spaces above the two existing bedroom into something when he had the time and the money. Now he had nothing but time...and suddenly money was no object.

Walked right into Hank's Hardware and got himself all the supplies that he could cart away...three times. He might have to consider another

source, a few more trips and he would strip the small town store clean all on his own.

As of today both spaces were insulated and had a plywood covering on the slanted walls. And just today he had put the sub flooring down in the space above the guest room. He had briefly toyed with the idea of cutting down one of his trees and start making the planking for the flooring himself, but knew it would make too much damn noise. The fuckin' Husks in the town would hear him and then they would be everywhere in his woods.

Seemed to him that the Husks hearing was even better than that of a fuckin' dog. And briefly wondered why that was. Did their hearing improve after they died, or was it just the all consuming quiet making sound carry further that drew them up into his beloved mountain?

Looking at the tarp covered pile of wood in the back of his old beat up truck, he gauged that he had enough to do the flooring of the space over his room. And fix any breaches that might be in his security fencing...maybe beef it up a little. First thing tomorrow he would go do a circuit around the property checking all the fencing, then walk back and check all his snares...that should take him all morning. Then he would spend the afternoon working on the rooms.

It was a fuckin' pain in the ass to go to town. He had always hated it, at least now the townies didn't try to talk to him about stupid shit...now they just wanted to eat him, a big improvement if you asked him.

Closing and barring the door behind him he looked at the supplies that covered his small table and the limited counter space. He had been out gathering items for weeks, and now they were squirreled away all over his land. Living with his old man and his brother he had become a champion at hiding anything of his that he wanted to keep a hold of. It had become a bit of a challenge between himself and Merle to see whos skills were better. And Merle had a nose for finding things that was for sure, learning to out think Merle and Pops was an important key to his daily survival. Now it was just a habit to hide items that were important to him. Now food and supplies were important, so he was just doing what he had always done. He put items in the house, the root cellar, some hidden in the fase flooring in the small shed. He even put some in the smoke house. He could possibly use one of the rooms to put all the stuff he had been gathering, but still, it might be safer to keep most of it the way he had it now, maybe he would spend some of his time making a small survival kit to keep in the truck and go back into the upper rooms and build some hidden caches inside the walls...just in case.

 _Yeah, nothing but time...and money wasn't going to be an issue_ _ **.**_

He had looted all the stores in town...taken everything that had been left behind and all the homes between the town and his place. He paused, suddenly thinking about the Rutledge farm...he hadn't hit that one yet. It was a bit further away, he would need drive about an hour past town in the opposite direction. It would be a bit of a trip, but if he remembered correctly the Rutledge's were Mormon. He seemed to recall that the Mormons like to keep a large stash of food storage just incase the Armageddon ever hit.

Yeah...he would check the Rutledge farm in the afternoon see if they were still alive and kicking...if not he didn't suppose they would begrudge him the supplies that they would have left behind. If it took him less time than he was thinking it might, maybe he would still have time to work on those hiding spots if nothing else came up.

 _God, he hated feeling like he was just sitting on his ass waiting for something to happen._

* * *

Lori moaned, half sitting up and looking towards the foot of the bed. "Shane...where were you? I was so worried about you?" She said to the empty room. "Our girl is fine...I made sure of it. I kept her safe, just like I promised."

Beth pushed Lori back into the pillows and put a wet cloth on her forehead hoping to cool her hot skin. After a few moments Lori opened her eyes and turned to look at her. "Don't wake the kids...I don't want this to be their last memory of me, I don't want to do that to them, they've suffered enough. Of course Carl will be angry, but tell him my last wish was for him not to see me like this." She reached out and grabbed Beth's hand...don't let him be the one to do it, please."

Beth gave her hand a gentle squeeze, "I won't...I'll do it. I'll be gentle and make sure to have you cleaned up before anyone else sees you." Lori smiled...Don't brush the curls out of my hair...Shane loves my curls." she said reaching up and touching her once beautiful locks.

She said as she looked back at the foot of the bed and smiled holding out her hand to the man that wasn't there. "I promised you that I would hang on until you got back. I kept my promise...I kept my promise."

She seemed to go downhill after that. Not long after that last conversation Beth watched as Lorie Walsh took her last breath, and saved both Carl and Merle the argument as to whom should or should not put her down, and she gently put a stop to Lori having a second life herself.

* * *

Beth looked out the window at the lone grave under the tree in the backyard. She had helped Judith replant a few clumps of her Mother's iris' just behind the cross that Merle helped Carl make. It had taken days as Carl painstakingly carved, and the small nicks and cuts on his hands were starting to heal and fade. During the day he worked on the cross, and at night they came up with a game plan to take the small grocery store where they had found Carl.

Merle had taken the time to work on Carl's knife skills. It didn't take all that long, the boy was a natural. He was smart, fast and eager to learn. It didn't hurt that he seemed to move with the grace of a dancer, according to Merle, and Carl looked like he had been doing this his whole life.

Merle was beyond impressed with the boy.

They came out of Mom and Popcorns with a good haul, and more importantly, with no casualties. Just like the last time, Merle had led the dead away on top of his incredibly loud motorcycle. He took them to an alley that they had chosen a few blocks away, trapping them behind a chest high corrugated metal fencing that was behind a small auto shop. Beth closed and secured the gate behind him, trapping the dead in there makeshift corral. The fence allowed Merle, Beth and Carl to stab the dead with less chance of getting bitten or grabbed. Dexy and Judith played lookout from the sunroof of the truck by keeping an eye on both ends of the lateral alley. Allowing them to concentrate on the dead in front of them without worrying about any coming up behind them.

In the end they saved a few of the dead so Dexy could practice his technique, and Merle promising to look for more pellets for his BB gun to he could get more practice in with it next time. Judith however declared the whole thing "DE-SCUST-ING!" and refused to take the chances of getting blood and guts on her ballet slippers.

"Well then, guess next time we'll have to make sure you have on ya' rainboots." Merle told her. Giving her a not so gentle pat on her back leaving an large bloody handprint on her light pink shirt.

"Merle!" Beth complained, "You know that I'm the one that has to clean that right?"

He only grinned unrepentantly, "Girl aint too young to start learning to do her own wash...if she don't want to kill then she can clean up after us that are doin' the killin'."

"Gross! I don't wanna. I don't wanna get close to them or your stinky ol' clothes." She whined.

"Hell, girl! Them "things" wanna get close to you…and there are no free rides, everyone needs to do their part." Merle said as he walked away. "Tonight you gunna start your classes, and I'll teach you the way I did Dexy." he informed her.

"Yeah, Jude." Carl added, "Look at Dexy!" he said as he gave the small boy a bloody high five. "He is younger and smaller that you, are just going give up? Or are you going to work hard and show him girls can do anything boys can do?" He told her gruffly, sounding oddly like Merle.

Her small face flushed in embarrassment and she looked over the where Dexy stood holding his very own knife. The knife that Merle and Beth trusted him to have...the one he carried everywhere.

They told her she couldn't have one until she showed them that she could handle the responsibility. She narrowed her eyes and stuck out her tongue at the boy.

 _Dexy was a little shit._

* * *

 **Rick & Shane 3 weeks after Lori's death**

"You have to get up, you can't stop now!" Shane told Rick urgently, "We're still not far enough away...we gotta keep going. Just need to find a road, once we do then it's only a matter of time before we find a car." He grabbed Rick by the arm and forced him back up, watching how Rick folded in on himself to cradle his ribs.

"You think they're broken?" he asked.

"Feel like it." Rick ground out, wincing as he tried to stand straight.

"Let's see how much further you can go. When you can't go anymore, we can find a place for you to hole up and I'll go see if I can find a car...food, supplies...anything."

Rick nodded, and the two men left at a less grueling rate than either were happy with. Shane made sure to keep any approaching dead away from Rick, hoping that if he cleared the path that they would cover more ground in their quest to escape the men that were pursuing them after their escape.

* * *

 **A week after Lori's death**

 _His lips were sliding down the back of her neck, stopping to nibble while whispering seductively into her skin. "Shhhh girl, quiet now...don't want to wake the little one" he said softly into her ear as his hand ran from her hip across her stomach and up to cup her breast. Beth bent her head back to give him more access to her neck and feeling a smile spread across her face._

 _He was so warm, that it felt like she was sitting next to a fire. She loved when he crawled into bed with her after his watch, she couldn't really settle until he was next to her. Safe and warm, she let out a hum of pleasure at the feel of his body pressed up against her. She loved when this irascible man let his softer side show._

 _But he wasn't soft now, she smiled, grinding her ass into his hardness as he spooned her. Funny that she thought that she would never want this again, but this was Merle. It wasn't Joe, and he was not Len. She turned her head just enough to place sleepy kisses along his bicep._

 _No, this was Merle. Moody and explosive, foulmouthed and filled with brash offers and caustic threats...and yet at times he could be so giving and tender. He made her feel safe, he made her feel strong. He was the only one that could have taken her and made her the killing machine that she was. "Girl" he called her Girl when he was pleased with her,….and when he was trying to get into her pants._

 _She could help him out with that. She pulled his hand down to help him insert it under the band of her pajama pants...almost there….almost there._

Beth bolted upright and out of her erotic dream.

Fuck...waking up on the verge of a fabulous orgasm was bad enough...thank god Merle seemed to be a much better sleeper now that Carl was them taking watch. She pushed his limp hand away from her. How much longer could she do this...maybe she should move to her own bed, she thought as she wiped the sweat off her brow.

This was the third time this week...maybe there was a disconnect between her body and her brain.

Maybe Joe had somehow trained her body to expect sex every night and now her body was going through withdrawals, her bodies way of telling her that it was healed now. But damn, these dreams were getting out of control. Was it possible that her body was suffering from Stockholm syndrome? She should be happy that at least it was Merle in her dreams and not Joe...because, just how fast would that turn into a nightmare?

She might never sleep again after a dream like that!

Maybe she should be happy that her body had the ability to still crave his? She wanted to deny it, after all this was Merle...he was as abrasive as steel wool and just as sentimental. He was a predator and even now he could make her skin tingle in anticipation of the hell he would bring down on anyone that tried to mess with them...but now all of a sudden he also seemed to be able to raise goosebumps in anticipation of his touch.

 _When exactly did that happen?_

He was a testy antisocial, lecherous, crude man old enough to be her father. There was no way that this thing between them could work. How could it?

But this pull that she seemed to have no control over, she half wanted it, half resented it. How could she feel this way about her salty protector, her gravel & honey voiced trouble maker?

He had even told her that he never thought much about other people's feelings! He basically warned her! She was sure that it would never even occur to him that other people might have reservations about sex. She didn't see any scenario where he would slow down enough for her to work this out on her own once he knew for sure that she wanted him, even if her heart and her mind were less excited about the prospect of sex with him. than her body was.

Half the time she was sure that he was the most selfish, the most greedy, self-indulgent man she had ever met.

But there were other times...

And to make this even more awkward, there was absolutely nowhere she could go relieve this built up tension, not where someone wouldn't barge in on her...how embarrassing would that be? Had Rick or Shane even given Carl the talk yet...would she have to end up explaining to him the facts of life if he caught her in "the act"?

All good questions, ones that helped her cool the need to put a hand down her panties to finish herself off.

The fact that she could wake Merle up, positive that he wouldn't ask any questions and that he would just giver her what she needed was appealing, at least at first thought...but afterwards, that was the real issue. The idea of sex with anyone, much less "real-life" Merle was verging on _unpleasant to her_ even if in her dreams the were deliciously naughty.

Okay...that was a lie.

What would be unpleasant would be how much she really wanted him when she just wasn't ready to want _anyone much less a man like Merle Dixon._ She wasn't sure that using Merle to test her mixed up half hearted sexual wellness was the best idea that she ever had. She was all for free love and open relationships...at least she had been before all of this.

She wasn't sure "real-life" Merle would be as good as fantasy Merle anyway, so why run the risk of putting their working relationship to that kind of test?

Another lie.

That man was too cocky not to be good. He probably would make it his personal mission to be the best that she ever had, the fiend! Wouldn't it just be like him to make sure that he was the best sex she ever had? To be so good that it would make her sit around thinking about him all goo-goo eyed all day, so he could tease her endlessly.

Add to that the running commentary that she would have to endure, that was a real mood killer. She could just imagine the things that would come out his mouth after she jumped him…"Come on Girly..ya' know you want another piece of ol' Merle. All ya' gotta do is ask me real nice like and I'll bend you over right now and give it to ya' good and hard." If that alone wasn't enough to make her think twice about trying to make her dreams a reality she didn't know what was.

Taking a deep breath she rolled over and away from Merle's body heat and already hating the separation between them that she herself was creating.

But there were other practical matters to consider...like getting pregnant. That was something that she could live without. Or her constant worry that maybe Joe had passed on some STD to her. She was constantly waiting for some symptom to show itself, what were the chances that she went through what she did with no other repercussions than her fucked up head? Shouldn't there be something bigger to show the trauma that the Claimers had caused?

No, this was not something that she was ready to talk to Merle about. Her worst fears laid at his feet like some sort of sacrifice. Not when it felt that the act of voicing her fears out loud would somehow make them come true.

If she could have a little time alone, maybe she could get a grip on this, find something solid to stand on...take the time to really examine this thing between them. If she could do that then she could decide where to go from here. She didn't want to lose him, but she wasn't all that sure she wanted to keep him either.

If nothing else Merle was her friend...a friend that tried to cop a feel every chance he got…a friend that she was seriously considering jumping just to satisfy her crazy unexplainable lust,

but a friend nonetheless.

She needed a pen and some paper...she was itching to write out a "Pro & Con" list.

Merle opened his eyes and watched her back…

 _Fuck this...was she trying to killing him?_

At first he thought she was having a nightmare...a reasonable assumption, but he was starting to think that her dreams were a bit more pleasant that she was letting on. _She had kissed his arm...she had moaned his name._ And if he wasn't mistaken, she was just about to shove his hand down her pants…

He shifted uncomfortably and put his back to her, he bet if he put his hands down inside her panties right now, that she would be hot and wet. He bet that it would only take a few taps to throw her over that edge. .

Fuck him for deciding that if this was going to happen, that she would have to be the one to make the first move. Now all of a sudden his fuckin' conscience had to go and demand that she had to make the first move _**and**_ be awake when she did it.

He would have to go on a run tomorrow and give himself a quick hand job or he would be sporting wood all day.

 _Is this what married life was like?_

If so, it was no wonder Ma drank and Pops seemed to resent both him and Daryl. They were a tiny cock-blocking army of his very own making.

 _Why the hell would any man willingly have kids?_

...but then again...Dexy. He would take Dexy any day of the week and twice on Sundays. He would fight for that kid, and without a doubt he would kill for that kid too. Dexy, who had claimed him as his own...called him Papa...him Merle Dixon. The way Dexy looked at him, with so much hero worship in his innocent blue eyes, he wanted to hold on to that. It was the same way Daryl used to look at him, but that had stopped somewhere before Daryl turned six, and he hadn't noticed because he was too high. So, yes he was taking this shit seriously, and he planned on keeping that look in Dexy's eyes for as long as he could manage it..

And he didn't even care why Dexy had chosen to call him Papa. It didn't matter because it was too late...too late to take that shit back. As far as he was concerned Dexy was his, just as much as he was Dexy's.

Now he just had to figure out how to make Beth his too.

Merle and Beth were awake and just about to get up for the day. But they lay next to each other in the warmth of the bed where they could talk without the kids listening to every word.

"I think it's time." Merle whispered, rolling over so he could look at her while they talked. "We need to head out...if we wait for Judith to be able to take care of herself out there...then we might as well just move in here and plan on making this our permanent home."

He had all but given up on training the little girl. It was clear to him that she was not cut out for this, she was stubbornly clinging to her old life by the tips of her tiny pink painted fingernails. But in the end he gave in to Beth's wishes and agreed that they would give the little girl another week to get with the Merle Dixon program.

Judith took the approach of "avoid Merle when possible, if not pretend to be a princess" - to say it went over like a lead balloon would be an understatement. There was no love lost between the two of them, and they both agreed that Carl and Beth would take over training with the little girl this next week. And he and Dexy would do their best to ignore her so Dexy could get some practice in with his BB gun and have a little "father and son" time.

"But what about his dad and stepdad? Rick and Shane, what if they come back?" Beth whispered back to him. "Maybe we could leave them a note...let them know where we're going."

Merle rolled heavily back onto his back, smirking when the shifting of the mattress caused Beth to slide to his side.

 _Right where she belongs, next to me._

Casually he reached out and put his arm under her in the premise of pulling her closer to his quiet words. When she relaxed into his side and put her arms around his middle, he decided to put some real thought into this conversation. Maybe come up with a few ideas before bringing it up with Carl would be a good idea, and if it allowed him to lay in bed and hold Beth Greene close to him, well then that just a side effect he could live with.

Reaching over he lay his left hand over the arm she had draped across him, rubbing it softly as they talked. He was pleased when he could feel the goosebumps raising along her skin.

"Do you really think that's a safe thing to do? Just leaving our location out there for anyone to find?" Merle's voice clearly showing his opinion.

"Yes. No...I don't know! What if Rick and Shane somehow make it back? We just can't take Carl and Judith with us without leaving something! If the kids are just gone, then they're going to think something bad happened to them." Beth argued.

"Well we need to think of a way to let them know without worrying about someone other than them hunting us down." Merles voice was firm and left no more room for argument.

Later that morning after they got up, they sat Carl down and talked with him about it over breakfast.

"We want you to leave them a note, let them know that you and Judith are fine and that you are both with us. But at the same time we don't want to leave a trail that just anyone can follow. Merle and I are trying to decide the best way to do this." Beth was telling Carl as she was cleaning up.

"I got an Idea!" Carl said with a small smile, as he got up and ran to his room. "My Dad just made Detective...let's see if between him and Shane they and find our trail of breadcrumbs." He walked back into the kitchen holding up his instamatic camera.

* * *

 **Rick & Shane about 5 Weeks after Lori's death**

It had taken them longer then they would have liked to lose the group of men that had been relentlessly pursuing them. They were taking extra precautions to ensure they weren't being followed, and they didn't want to lead a threat right back to their family, so it took them more time then they would have liked.

They had taken advantage of a big storm that had rolled through the area. They kept moving when they were sure any sane person would be taking shelter, and kept running even when they saw a few small tornado spouts kicking up. They stopped only to briefly rest once they made it past the storm because they knew that all traces of their journey had been blown away. They were untraceable..

"The gate is still locked." Rick stated unnecessarily as they finally made it the beginning of the Walsh property.

"Yeah...don't mean shit." Shane replied before walking over and dialed in the code to remove the lock from the chain, swinging the gate open enough to allow them entrance.

They approached the house silently, there was no sound or movement. Nothing to indicate what they might find behind the closed door and the closed curtains. Cocking his head, Shane indicated for Rick to follow him around the back. There were bigger windows at the back of the house, they could try to get a better glimpse of the interior before going in. They hopped the brick wall into the side yard and came around the back...only to be crushed.

One of the larger trees growing in the backyard was down. Probably due to that large storm four days ago. It had landed hard and had taken out the den area and most of Judith's room.

Rick leaned heavily into Shane's side, as they surveyed the damage to the back of the house. Before taking a step closed and calling out. "Carl….Lori...Judith! Carl!" He called out.

There was no reply.

Behind him Shane collapsed heavily on the ground. Rick turned around, his horror and grief reflected back to him on Shane's face. He stood there feeling like he was dreaming...wanting desperately to wake up when his eye caught something.

A cross.

A cross sitting under one of the other trees.

A cross, that he knew for a fact had not been there before they left.

"Shane." Rick stopped and licked his lips, "Shane...look." he pointed at the cross, waiting for his companion to look. Slowly Shane turned his head.

"No...no." He said as they both looked across the yard. Slowly Rick started to cross the yard as Shane made his way to his knees. As Rick knelt down in front of the cross, Shane managed to get to his feet and take a few steps in his direction. Before he made it a few steps Rick's head slumped, and a small sound escaped him.

Hesitantly, Shane softy asked, "Carl?"

Not turning, Rick shook his head. "Lori."

It was a while before either of them spoke, but finally Shane broke the silence. "The kids? Judith? Carl?"

Rick pointed at the cross, "Pretty sure that's Carl's handwriting...I would bet on it. Even using a knife, I'd bet on it...kid has the worst handwriting."

Shane put his hand on Ricks shoulder, "Let's go look inside. See if we can find anything." He reached out and gently traced his wife's name.

Rick stalled. "If they were still here we would've know by now. If they were still alive they would have come out by now...even dead they would have come out by now. If something had happened to Judith, there would be another cross." He stood and pointed at Lori's grave, "Carl would have put Jude with her Mom, would have made her a cross." He pointed back at the house, "If Carl was gone...he would be out here, Judith wouldn't have been able to stop him from turning and she wouldn't have had the strength to dig a hole large enough to put him in."

Rick looked around searchingly. "I don't see anything that would pass as another grave." He walked over to the fallen tree and looked around the exposed roots. "Do you?"

"No...guess we should to go inside and see if we can find anything." Shane said as he made his way carefully past the crushed wall and into what was left of his daughters room.

After searching all the other rooms they walked into the kitchen. The ceiling was still intact but the room had been exposed to all the elements "Rick." Shane held up a can...he could just make out from the weathered label that it was peas, "Someone left a stockpile...we both know that there was almost no food when we left." He held up a few more cans, "Where do you think they got these?"

Rick picked up a pad of paper next to it…"They left a note. But…." He handed the paper to Shane.

Exposed to the raging storm the pad of paper had been soaked, because now it was just dried pools of color, a letter here and there could be made out. And they sat studying it.

"Must of written it with a marker. Think that is a "C" at the bottom of the page." Shane said point at it, "Carl?"

"I think so." They opened a few cans and sat down to eat hungrily, after a few bites Rick added, "Anything strike you as odd?"

"Like what?" Shane asked, shoving more cold peas into his mouth.

"Like the beds. All the beds were made. Even exposed to the wind and rain, it looks like Jude's bed had been made. With Lori was gone...the kids probably stayed for a little while, because it would have taken time to dig the hole. Time to make that cross and still get ready to head out on their own. We know Lori couldn't have made the beds, she was probably pretty sick at the end. I know for a fact that Carl wouldn't have made the beds...you think Judith would have done it?"

Shane got up and walked to the doorway of Judith's room to look, and disappeared into the room for a moment. Coming back out he shook his head. "No, Jude always just throws her blanket over the messy sheets...but her favorite blanket is gone and I don't see her teddy anywhere either. And I don't think I've ever seen the corners tucked in like that."

"So someone came in...made the beds...and left us a supply of food?" Rick shook his head. "Don't make any sense."

"So someone else was here. But was that before or after the kids left?" Shane asked. "Who would take care of making the beds and leaving food in an empty house? Unless they saw the kids and wanted to leave it for them...ya think?" Shane asked sitting back down. He let his eyes wander around the room as he finished his can of peas.

"Where would they go? If there were other people here, would they have kept going or would they have waited until it was safe to come back?" Rick shook his head. "I'm sure it was Carl who left a note...I'm sure of it."

Shane allowed his eyes to wander as he sat slowly eating a snack pack of peaches. Looking at his bar...he was pretty sure there was less liquid in his bottle of Belle Meade Bourbon. He was notoriously stingy when it came to his bourbon. His eyes went to the photos on the fridge...Carl and Judith's class photos was held by a magnet that Judith had painted at her preschool. There was a photo of the two kids sitting next Lori holding kittens that they had fostered last winter, and a selfie of him and Lori all smiles. An instamatic print of the kids in the back yard standing next to blond woman and a blond boy. A bigger photo of him in his uniform with Judith on his shoulders.

His eyes flew back to the instamatic photo, he jumped taking a few steps over to the refrigerator to snatch it out from under the Domino's Pizza magnet that had been holding it in place. There in the background behind them was a small cross under the tree.

"Rick...look…" Shane held the photo out to him.

On the bottom was written in Sharpie was 'judith, carl, beth & dexy dixon senoia, ga" on the back was written "we are SAFE!"

"Do you know them?" Rick asked. "Maybe neighbors of yours or maybe one of Lori's friends or a parent of one of Judith's friends?"

Shane pulled the photo out of Ricks grasp and studied it carefully, "Never saw them before in my life. She looks nice, pretty...kinda young to be a Mom. I'm sure I would remember if I had ever met them...look at the way Carl is leaning against her...he trusts her." Shane said, holding it out so Rick could take a closer look.

"You think she took the kids with her when she left?" Rick wondered out loud. Judith's eyes were red and she was holding Carl around the neck in a tight grip. Carl face was stoic and he was slightly into the young woman's side. He noted that his son was slightly taller than this Beth Dixon.

"Yeah, yeah I do." Shane replied not taking his eyes off the young woman in the photo, "If we ran into a couple of orphaned kids, we would go out of our way to help them...right? Must be someone else with her that took this photo. Her husband maybe? Hopefully it's another adult...I can't imagine the stress on her shoulders if she is taking care of four kids all on her own."

"That's what decent people do...she looks like a decent person. She has a kid of her own, she would probably feel a little protective over the kids and want to find them a safe place. And they must know what they are doing if they had enough food to feel comfortable leaving some behind for us."

"I think they put the name of the town on the photo as a clue...I think that is were she is heading...why else would they include it? You got a Map? Let's see where this town is." Rick said taking the photo from Shane and rubbing his finger over Carl's image.

"I'm pretty sure Senoia is just past Atlanta. So I'm thinking she'll either take the kids to the Atlanta safe zone, if its still in up and running or she will take them with her to her home, trusting that we are smart enough to find our way to them." Shane said as he rummaged around in the kitchen but not finding a map in any of the drawers.

Rick held up the photo…"we are SAFE...we are SAFE" Shane, why is the word safe the only one in uppercase? Your safe...open your gun safe!" he said standing up and following Shane as they made there way to the gun large gun safe bolted down to the floor in the garage.

Opening it up they found some more food, inside they found the two guns he had left there...but now there also two shot guns that Shane said weren't his...and ammo for all of them. There were two extremely sharp knives. There was also a map with a few circled cities and a small envelope addressed to them, handwritten note in Carl's horrid handwriting.

 _ **Dad & Shane,**_

 _ **Mom got real sick, and we tried to save her but she was too far gone. The Dixons had to go, but they invited us to come with them. I couldn't stay, I need other people to help me take care of Judith...I don't think I can do it on my own. I heard them talking and they are trying to get to their other son…they don't talk about him. I guess they don't want to get Dexy's hopes up. For that reason I can't ask them to stay any longer than they already have.**_

 _ **After we are done we will go to the Dixon farm, you can find it circled on the map. Beth said it is REALLY Greene and beautiful there.**_

 _ **We left what we could just in case you were able to make it back to the house, and we left enough clues that you should know where to go by now, but Mr. Dixon said it wasn't safe to leave anything out in the open that would lead just anyone to us. He is very protective of his wife and son...and I think he is of us too. They make me feel safe, and they have been teaching me how to take care of Judith.**_

 _ **We will be waiting for you to come find us,**_

 _ **Love Carl and Judith**_

"Let's pack up and get a good night's sleep, then we can head out in the morning." Rick said, already anxious to leave in search of the kids.

Shane looked at the map, "There are several towns marked on the map...should we stop at all of them?" he asked as he handed the map to Rick so he could look at it.

"No...who knows how long they've had this map. They only circled Senoia...not this farm that they are going to. So I think we just need to get there and drive around looking for something with the Name Dixon or Greene." he said pointing to the misspelling in the note. Carl's handwriting may be horrible but his spelling is better than average, so we can assume that it is another clue. " I say we go straight to Senoia...start looking for this farm of theirs." he handed the map back to Shane before folding up the note from Carl and putting it into his pocket.

"We can decide if we want to hit the safe zone in Atlanta first on the way there."

* * *

So many thanks to Athlete Girl for her endless patience and her willingness to talk me off the ledge when my "insomnia brain" is insisting I've totally messed up and I email her in a complete panic. True story...complete melt down...panic mode. That said, I have the next chapter written for the most part...but now I need to go back over it and decide if it needs to be "fixed" before posting it.


	16. Chapter 16 - Philophobia

Thank you for waiting so long for this chapter! I was stuck, and it has been written and rewritten...tossed in the trash, and pulled back out...several times. I'm at the point where I'm happy with it, so I'm going to gift it to you for Christmas. I very much hope that you enjoy it!

As always thanks to Athlete Girl, who helps keep me on the right track, I couldn't do it without you!

 **Philophobia**

 **The fear of emotional attachment: fear of being in, or falling in love**

 **Or**

 **If she doesn't scare the hell out of you a little, she's not the one.**

 **Jordan Gray**

 **Chapter 16 - Philophobia**

 **Merle and Beth after Lori's death**

"Girl, ya' need to slow down. Ya' first up an last to bed every night since we got here. I know ya aint eatin' right...I won't have ya' workin' ya'self into the ground." He all but growled at her.

"You're right, I know...but let me just finish…" Was the sort of answer she would give him as she totally ignored him. So he wasn't surprised when Beth started complaining of a sore throat. No one needed to tell him how serious a little cold could become if left unchecked, especially under these circumstances.

Even before the death of Lori Walsh, Merle noticed of Beth's tendency to take better care of others than she did of herself. He was less than pleased when the dark smudges that she always seems to have under her eyes had darkened and turned into circles almost overnight.

It wasn't just that, he knew that Lori dying had taken a huge emotional toll on Beth. To him it felt like Beth was mourning a friendship that never was, like a piece of her heart recognized that in a different life, in a different time that Lori Walsh would have been someone important to her. So there she was trying to plug all the holes in the sinking ship. That ship being Lori Walsh's children.

Girl felt things at a deeper level than most people, it was something that made Beth...well Beth. She had internalized the loss...shit, in some ways she reminded him more of Daryl than...well Daryl himself. He had no doubt that she was probably looking over everything that she had done for Lori and finding a million ways that she had somehow failed her. And Beth being who she was, was trying to make it up to Carl and Judith, finding ways to apologize for not being good enough to save their mother in every little thing she did for them.

He told her it wasn't her fault, but Beth was a stubborn little thing. No amount of reasoning from him could stop her from thinking that she alone should be held responsible for the health and safety of everyone around her. In her attempt to take on the "Mothering duties" for all three kids, she was working on only a few hours of sleep. It was pissing him off, and not just because at some point along the way her being next to him in bed had become a necessity for him to get any sleep.

Meaning if Beth wasn't sleeping, he wasn't sleeping either. On top of that the few hours they did get to lay down were filled with her tossing and turning fitfully. She told him she was having nightmares...although he was damn sure not all of them were that bad. In fact he was sure that she was having some VERY good dreams.

God better reward him in the end for this good behaviour of his...because it was taking all his will power not to force her to admit that she wanted him as much as he wanted her. Some nights he would crawl into bed after his watch and he could smell it on her...the scent of her arousal lay like a thick mist in the air. It was just about to fuckin' kill him to hold himself back as she would turn to him in her sleep and cuddle up close to him.

He was on edge, filled with frustration and need. Managing to get away by himself to jerk off was becoming quite the challenge, both Dexy and Carl wanted to go with him no matter what it was that he said he "needed" to go out and do.

The fact was, that they were all tired and stressed. Judith never did warm up to Dexy...or to him for that matter. She only wanted Carl or Beth, but both he and Beth had decided to give Carl a little time to grieve without having the ever clinging Judith to soothe. And make no mistake, Judith was a handful, so full of grief that she seemed to be drowning in it. And in the little girls attempt to stay afloat she had grabbed on to Beth so tightly that they both were being pulled under those sorrowful waves.

He figured that like recognizes like...Beth was the one who could best understand the helplessness and anger that Judith was feeling. Beth also thought that dealing with Judith was a lot to ask of Carl, he was still just a boy himself, one who was also dealing with the loss of his mother. Add to that Judith and Merle were NOT a match made in heaven, they just rubbed each other the wrong way. But Beth and Jude, they were like magnets pushing and pulling at one another.

He tried to warn her, but she just couldn't hear it...didn't want to hear it.

The first night that Beth coughed all night, Merle had quickly moved the kids, insisting that they all sleep in the back of the house and away from any germs. At the very least he figured that the coughing wouldn't be keeping them awake, especially after he closed the two pocket doors separating the front of the home from the back.

The best thing they could do was to keep her cold contained and away from the kids. They just couldn't take the chance that this illness would spread to all of them. Add to that, he was positive that he wasn't the right person to deal with a bunch of whiny sick-ass kids.

The next few days she napped fitfully buried under a mountain of blankets and throws that Merle had dug out of the hall closet. She was shivering and had an unnaturally high color in her cheeks that made him think uneasily of Lori Walsh, especially since she was sleeping in the same bed the other woman had just died in. The sight of her in that bed made Merle irrationally irritated, he wanted to pick her up and move her somewhere else less tainted by death. But it was the most isolated room in the house, and he figured better to keep her here than to expose anyone else to it...and Dixon men didn't get sick.

He knew that in all likelihood that he would be crap at taking care of someone else. He had only ever attempted to care for Daryl, but that was way back when as a baby he had jaundice., but fortunately both he and Daryl had been an unnaturally healthy kids. The only times that he himself had been sick was all self-induced, either when he drank too much or when he was using.

* * *

The next day she was still sick, but the moment he went to take a piss, she was up and almost dressed when he walked out of the bathroom. "Get ya' ass in bed." Merle held up a hand to stop Beth's reply. "I'm serious Beth...I won't sit here and watch while you drive ya'self into the ground." She narrowed her eyes at him, he was sure she was going through the list of things that she _needed_ to get done before she could go lay down, but the moment she opened her mouth she was overcome with coughing to violently that it folded her in half.

"What do you think we're gunna do if you work yourself into an early grave?" He guided her back to the bed. "I will not have it! Me and Carl are more than capable of getting the kids fed and ready for bed all by ourselves." He pushed he gently but firmly on the bed and removed her pants. "If you are feeling better in the morning, you can have back command of the troops...promise." He put a blanket over her and stomped out of the room.

In the meantime he slept when she slept and did his best to keep her comfortable...but the kids better sit their asses behind all those doors and in the back of the house until he told them it was safe because he sure as hell didn't want to be doctoring anyone else. Cleaning up vomit and shit from anyone else but Daryl, Beth or Dexy was unthinkable.

He made her stay in bed the next day, much to her discontent. She spent it taking catnaps between bouts of Merle forcing her to hydrate. He spent his day hovering like an vengeful ghost and worried mother. He occasionally ventured past the pocket door and into the kitchen to give Dexy and Carl an update. As he dug through the bags that Carl had risked his life for and pulled out a few extra bottles of cough syrup and fever reducer to take back into the room with him. He added the tea she had brewed, even if it was cold it might help sooth her throat.

"Nah' boy." was his exasperated reply to Dexy's request to come sleep in Beth's room. "Ya' know ya' Mama is strong. Been getting lots of good food...and we have the medicine. We just gotta let this thing work it's way out of her system". Dexy's sad eyes almost broke his heart. But he went on, making sure that Dexy wouldn't try to sneak down to see her. "Ya' Mama, she is worn down, and needs time to recover...she aint gunna relax if you are down there with us cause she'll insist on getting up and taking care of you herself. So, if you try to sneak in to see her, I'm gunna whoop ya' ass, understand?" He waited until Dexy nodded, then he headed back to Beth.

Dexy looked up at Carl, "I don't know what "whoop ya' ass" means, but I don't think I would like it." he told the older boy decidedly.

Carl laughed, "He means he's gonna spank your butt...hasn't your Daddy ever spanked you before?" He asked.

"Un-uh...no, but my Mommy once put pepper in my mouth for saying a 'cuss." He confided. "I think I would rather Papa spank me than have pepper in my mouth again...it was really yucky."

"Yeah, both my Dad and Shane were both big and tough policemen, but it was my Mom that was the one you had to watch out for. She took my gameboy away from me for a whole month because I got a C on a test!" Carl said, and Dexy noticed the sadness in his voice. He wanted to tell him that he understood that he lost his Mommy too, but Carl was talking again.

Swinging the little boy up to his arm, he told him, "Well I think your Mama has given up, because I'm almost sure that you know more cuss words than I do." He told Dexy poking him in the belly and making him giggle.

"I heard Papa tell her that there are better things to worry about...like keeping me alive, potty mouth and all." Dexy whispered confidentiality to Carl.

Dexy didn't know why he didn't want to tell Carl that Merle and Beth weren't his Mama and Papa. Maybe it was because he wished...didn't matter what he wished because he didn't have Mommy and Daddy anymore. Beth was his Mama now...Joe had said so, and she said so. Beth loved him and he loved Beth, and a little boy like him needed to have a Mommy...and he needed to have a Daddy too. Merle _said_ he could call him Papa if it made him feel safe. But he wasn't scared of Carl anymore, maybe he should tell him the truth. But he was scared...he was scared all the time now, so he thought it was okay to call Merle Papa. He already knew enough of this new world to know that sooner or later he was going to have to, so maybe he just better get Merle used to it now.

Also there was Judith...it wasn't a lie to say that he was a little bit scared of her. She did not like him at all...maybe her thinking Merle was his Daddy was the only thing that kept him safe from her. She sure acted like she wished she could take his knife away from him and stab him with it.

Best to be safe.

* * *

Merle had starting to feel the cold edges of panic pressing him, when instead of getting better she seemed to get worse. Her symptoms seemed to change a bit, she seemed groggy, unable to focus and had started to complain of feeling a dizzy vertigo. Her sore throat turned into a deep hacking cough and a fever that would spike as soon as the sun went down, he continued to treat her with a combination of over the counter meds and an herbal tea that she made up for herself. But she was going through their supplies faster than he would have liked.

"Merle?" Beth called sleepy at the sound of the door opening.

"Yeah, it's me. Go back to sleep." He told her as he closed the door behind him.

"Come to bed, I'm so cold." She said in that same sleepy voice, but now he could see that she was quaking underneath the pile of blankets.

Sighing Merle undressed down to his tank and boxers and slipped into bed with her, wrapping his body around hers in an attempt to warm her. It wasn't long before they had a cocoon of warmth around them under the blankets. Beth sighed happily as she turned and tucked her head under his chin and wrapped her arms around him.

One moment he was sleeping, Beth peaceful in his arms, and then next she was fighting him, calling him Joe...calling him Len. He couldn't help but feel proud of the amount of effort he had to put into getting her into a position where he could keep her and himself both safe. But he soon found out that whispered sweet-nothings in her ear only made her fight harder.

"Girl, stop clawing me! It's just ol' Merle...and I got ya', ain't letting nothing happen to ya." He barked in frustration, and only that tone seemed to break her free of the nightmare that she was acting out on. Somehow the sound of his voice half angry, half irritated did the trick and she'd settled back into the cradle of his arms. "Bad dream." she mumbled into his side.

He wasn't sure how long he slept before he woke up to her hand wrapped around his dick and her sweet cherry flavored tongue in his mouth. This time she called him "Jimmy", he thought that maybe he prefered the bad dreams. He pulled her hand up and out of his boxers, trying unsuccessfully to calm her, but she was out of it. She seemed to be awake, but stuck in her dream. And with her eyes open and looking at him as she writhed against him. He tried to wake her, but quickly decided that she was already awake. He remembered his Nana's phrase of a "fevered dream", and wondered if this is what she had been talking about.

He was hard as hell, and the way she kept rubbing her scorching hot mouth along his neck was pushing him to his limits. Finally he managed to wrestle her inside the blankets, carefully keeping them wedged between his body and hers. And turned her so that he held her from behind as he tried to get her to settle back into sleep. Occasionally she would talk…"I don't want to go to school today!" Or "Daddy...if I die who's will take care of Nelly for me?" And the worst was when she called out to her brother, "Shawn! Shawn, slow down! Wait for me! I want to come with you!"

"Nah Girl...you need to stay here with me and Dexy. We can't do without you...Beth? You stay with me!" He begged her before she finally fell into a fitful sleep. He held onto her, afraid if he fell asleep she would somehow follow Shawn into the white light that everyone was always talking about.

* * *

When Merle woke up the next morning, it was to find that he was sprawled across more than half the bed. At some point during the night Beth had rolled out of his arms and to the edge of the bed, she was just an odd shaped lump under the pile of blankets.

He got out of bed and got ready for the day. He left her sleeping as he left the room to check on the kids. She was sleeping soundly for the first time in a week, so he left her to it, frequently checking on her throughout the day.

He was just returning from the kitchen with a gatorade for her, she had slept right through breakfast and lunch. If she was still sleeping than he decided that he would wake her up and at least get some liquid into her. He opened the door quietly only to find her convulsing on the floor next to the bed, her body seemed to be straining against an invisible bond, arms pulled up to her chest as her body shuddered and jerked uncontrollably making her head bang repeatedly against the bedside table.

He dropped the items in his hands and ran to her, "Beth…Beth!" he called as he put his body between her and the table as he tried unsuccessfully to restrain her quaking body. She was burning up.

"CARL! GET YA ASS IN HERE!" Merle yelled franticly as he put his hand between her head and the nightstand. Carl ran in, stopping at the door and watching Beth shake violently.

"Go put some pillows inside the bathtub...at the end so they keep her head from hitting the sides". He told the boy as he held on to Beth. After a moment her body relaxed and he picked her up into her arms, meeting Carl as he came out of the room. "Go get a container of water from the rain barrel", he ordered the boy.

"Mama!" Dexy cried out to her as he stood in the doorway, next to him Judith reached over and grabbed his hand as she cried, overwhelmed at the thought of losing Miss Beth so soon after losing her own Mom.

"Judith take Dexy and go find me some towels and some washcloths...hurry now!" he ordered them harshly. And Judith turned to run down the hall pulling Dexy with her.

Merle gently placed Beth into the bath tub, making sure that the pillows were between her and the porcelain just as Dexy and Judith came running back in their small arms full of towels.

"Put them down right here." Merle said indicating to the floor next to him. Now...you can stay, but I want you to go sit outside the bathroom door...it's too cramped in here, I don't want you to get in the way or get stepped on."

Carl raced back in with a bucket of water yet to be warmed by the afternoon sun. He and Merle hurriedly soaked washcloths for Beth's head and face before covering her body with towels and dumping the contents of the bucket over her.

Beth just lie there, unprotesting and seemingly unaware.

"I think this might work"...he said after a moment when it seemed that her face was less flushed. "Carl you go out and get more water. Judith see if you can find a few more towels so we can dry her off properly when it's time to take her out of the tub. Dexy go into ya' Mama's bag and get her some clothes I can put on her...get sweats or pajama bottoms and get my black shirt out of my bag...you know the one she likes to sleep in sometimes."

"Come on Beth, you need to fight this. We need you...I need you. Damn it, Beth, don't you dare leave me with three kids to take of." He demanded as he pushed her hair away from her flushed cheeks.

* * *

Daryl pulled his truck into the thick growth of trees, just on the outskirts of the Rutledge farm. He had decided it would probably be better to go in on foot. He wanted to get in and out and not to attract too much attention from any of the living or dead that might be there. Check things out before committing by pulling his truck into the yard.

As he sat there wanting to finish his cigarette before he headed out, he tried to remember everything he could about the Rutledge's. Matthew Rutledge was in his mid to late 60's, and his wife...Sarah?...she was just slightly younger. He didn't know them well, but what he did know he approved of. Like the way that they always sat next to each other on the bench or the truck even if it was just the two of them. They had kids...six or seven of them, most had grown and married with kids of their own by the time Daryl had moved to town. Their youngest son John was about around Daryl's age and lived on the family farm with his wife and two teenagers. He knew Matthew and John by name because they had him out to fix their old tractor a few times. Sarah had always come out and offered him a glass of lemonade and a smile. He had seen others coming and going from the the open door of the barn...but as far as he knew their other children were working their own land, living their own lives.

Would they have come back to the farm at the first sign of the outbreak? If so, then there was no telling how many humans or husks he would need to be on the lookout for. Add to that the fact that there was no gate to the front of the house...no way to keep out the wandering dead. But the fields were fenced to keep in the livestock and keep the predators out, so he decided that would be the safest way in.

But still, he should expect the unexpected and all that shit.

He stubbed his cigarette out in the ashtray, and silently got out of the truck. His gun went into the new holster he picked up at the general store. He put in the extra box of bullets into his vest pocket, zippering it shut before grabbing his bow.

He was hoping that they had moved on...or were alive and holding their own. So far he hadn't had any issues with putting down someone that he had once "known". He had been having to do it for months now, he didn't like it, but he did it. But Matthew, Sarah and John...he had respected them, maybe he would have even liked them if he had allowed it.

He had been sitting in the branches of of tree just past the barn for about 30 minutes. So far he hadn't seen anyone...living or dead. It was so quiet that he could hear the wind in the dead grass, and the steady drip, drip, drip of the water as it escaped from the red hand pump that sat between the barn and the house. The water had overflowed the basin that sat on the ground and it was sending a small trickle of water wending its way past the barn and out of sight.

He took it as a good sign that there were no cars in the yard...maybe they had managed to leave and find shelter somewhere else. But every now and again he could hear the sound of chickens somewhere around the other side of the barn. If the chickens were still alive,it must mean that someone was taking care of them...unless, the little fuckers were feeding off of their brothers corpses. Chickens were notorious cannibals.

Hell, right now chicken stuffed chicken sounded like a really good meal to him.

* * *

Merle decided that she was having some sort of reaction the the medication. She had seemed fine the next day until she took a dose of the cherry flavored cough medicine. Once they switched brands, she seemed to be back on the road to recovery.

Now that her fever was broken and she was out of the woods, Merle was thinking now might be the time to head out and do a little hunting, they had enough supplies but he wanted to take advantage of the nearby woods and do a little scouting. A little red meat in their diet would be good for them...especially Beth. Now would be the best time to see if he could make that happen because he felt relatively safe leaving them in the house, it was fairly secure, at least from the dead. And Carl was a fine fighter, the thought proudly. The boy was going to be an asset to their little group...any man would be proud to call that boy "son".

They were as safe as they could possibly be, and they had decided that it seemed almost cruel to rip Judith out of the only home she had even know just days after losing her mother. So they decided to let the little girl have a little bit of time and to have her pack up what she wanted to take. And she and Beth had taken the time to make up a small photo album that she could take with her. So he went over security with Beth and Carl one last time, and then he left telling them not to expect him back for a few days.

* * *

 _Thank God, finally a little bit of space!_

Beth was happy that Merle was going to get the chance to get away, she could tell that the responsibility of all of them must feel like an unwelcome weight on his shoulders. She was sure that he was tired...because he hadn't even tried to convince her that sex was the sure fire way to cure a sore throat…the man must be running on fumes.

She knew that he needed to have a few moments to himself...hell, she NEEDED a few moments to herself. She had woken up twice this week just on the cusp of an orgasim, with Merle sleeping right next to her...and once with her hand inside her panties. The last of her reserve was crumbling, and maybe with Merle gone for a few days she could just deal with her _inconvenient_ desire on her own. Decide if this really had anything to do with him at all, or if it was just about sex particular and herself in general.

 _There was absolutely no need to involve him at this point...no need at all._

"I'm having a craving for chicken soup...with _fresh_ meat. Didn't you tell me that squirrel tastes "just like chicken"? She asked him as she sat drinking her tea, "Do you think you might be able to catch a few?"

She reassured him that she was feeling better and that all she needed was some rest...that she and Carl could manage for a few days. And from there he took her idea and ran, he wanted to find a deer. But anything big that they could make a few meals from would do. Once he started talking about making some jerky to take with them on the road, she knew that he was sold on the idea. He would be away a few days...three at tops and had promised both her and Carl that he would not to go near any towns.

* * *

A few days alone told her alot. It told her that sexually she wasn't the same as she had been before Joe and the claimers...not that she really thought that she would be. She honestly wondered if she would ever be the same again.

But she was afraid that if she died now, that her body's last memory would be of Joe. Or maybe of Len's casual cruelty, of his angry hands vicious touches. She didn't want to take that chance.

She lay in bed, her hand roaming hopefully...but she seemed stuck and unable to work up any excitement with her own hand. At least purposefully. It seemed that she could only get there in her dreams, so she knew that her body was capable of feeling arousal, now she just had to find out if she could find those same feeling on her own. She tried to fix the image of who she had been attracted to, back when she was whole...unbroken. Paul Rudd...sexy because of his humor, Zac Efron's because of his eyes and his abs. Taylor Lautner because he was the ultimate boy next door...Billy Currington and his deep velvety voice that had always made her body hum and her panties damp.

But no matter how she tried to mould her fantasy to make it good enough to get her to the finish line she was always stopping short. She cried in frustration when almost there wasn't nearly enough.

With her eyes closed, and deep into her fantasy, Paul Rudd started telling her inappropriate jokes about his dick.

Zac Efron's eyes would darken and his chest would widen and become more...manly less teen heart throb.

Taylor Lautner would morph from the boy you took home to meet your Mom, becoming more the type her mother had warned her.

And Billy Curringtons voice became less velvet smooth...more gravel and honey.

No matter who she tried to imagine,the fantasy would crumble.

She would almost be there...just on the edge and ready to jump and it would be Merle's eyes or Merles voice that would pop into her lust-filled mind. And it would bring her body to a screeching stop, even more sexualy frustrated than she had been when she had started.

But when she fell asleep it was Merle that her subconscious would put into her bed, and those dreams would bring her right to that edge without even needing to be touched. So it had to mean that she could still get there.

 _Fine...FINE...for research purposes only, I'll just imagine Merle and see what happens. It can't make the situation any worse, could it?_

So she lay back down and started again...and this time when her hand went searching, she had no problems imagining what his 5' o'clock shadow would feel like on the tender skin of her thighs, or what his gravel and honey voice would sound like in her ears as he whispered his little dirty-sweet nothings. And with his name on her lips she jumped.

 _Well, shit. Shit, shit, SHIT...maybe this was about him._

She lay back on the bed, flushed and panting...finally, FINALLY she felt a release from the tight knot of lust that had been sitting low in her stomach for weeks. An unnamed emotion made her feel like crying. The feeling lay somewhere between dread and elation... it was slightly off center and creeping towards dread.

 _How had she let this happen? How in the world had Merle Dixon become the only man she could fantasize about? He was crass, self centered and almost entirely driven by sex. Oh...how would he react once it became apparent to him that she wanted him?_

Well, she had a highly educated guess on how he would act.

Merle Dixon did NOT do things by halves. He would dive into her sexual awakening wholeheartedly. She was quite certain that he had been doing the back float in untold number of women's pools of lust.

And that was where she ran into a hard cold wall. Yes, she could almost guarantee that he would follow her readily enough...especially if he thought that there there was the possibility of sex involved. But, could she control him once she had opened that door? She was sure that testing out her new limits would involve a lot of stops and starts...would he stop if asked... _could_ he?

Beth closed her eyes and tried to hold back the tears.

Why? Why her? Why him? Why, why, why!

She was a good girl…wasn't she? She had always honored her Mother and her Father, she had followed the religious teachings of the Bible to the best of her ability. She was kind to others, helped out strangers...gave of herself, her time her money. She told the truth to the best of her ability...sure she might have used too many little white lies in the name of sparing someone's feeling...but was that really that big of a sin?

But she had sinned. She had taken three lives, two of them knowingly and without remorse...but in this new world wouldn't God forgive her? After all this was the same "eye or an eye" Those men had killed her trust in herself and in others, killed her hope and her dreams. She was still walking and talking, but that was the new Beth...but that person she had been? They had killed her spirit...the very core of her being. It felt like they had used a knife and cut them from her bruised and broken body.

So it seemed to her that maybe this new Beth had reason to want Merle. Was because he made her feel safe again? That he had helped her pick up all the broken pieces and put them back? Only he had done it in such a way as to make her stronger, and more capable than she had ever felt before. Sure, he pushed her to hard, but he always helped her accomplish whatever it was he was pushing her to do.

He made no excuses for her...or for himself, he just demanded that she work hard.

Was her attraction for him based on his for her? Because Merle made it clear everyday that he wanted her. He left her with no doubt of where he stood...so, was she strong enough to do the same?

Strong enough to ask him for what she wanted? Strong enough to take what he was offering? Brave enough to get to that edge and jump, knowing it would be Merle who would be there to catch her?

 _Was she strong enough to put an end to it if it turned out to be too much for her? Would he let her end it if she changed her mind?_

No, she didn't think so. She was sure that he would push her for more. He was a man who knew what he wanted. He would promote himself day and night. He would tease and taunt even that much more. He took every opportunity to touch her now...if he knew what all those touches were doing to her he would lay siege, take the defensive and leave no room for negotiation.

And he would do this all in the name of "healing" her, of helping her, even though it would mostly be about him getting what he wanted, even as he helped her. Insisting she face her fears, to confront her natural desires. She had not one doubt that he would do everything in his power to sway her to his side.

If she gave any indication that she was teetering on that edge, she had no doubt that he he would pick her up and hurl her over, he would leave her no room for other options. He would be her only recourse.

As for the act it self, if she asked Merle not to do something...would he listen to her?

Yes, yes she thought he would. But for how long would he play by her rules when she herself didn't even know where any of her lines were drawn?

And afterwards...what he would have to say about it. Did she really want to spend her days with a Merle Dixon that had a taste of what she had been denying him for so long?

Or worse what it it was bad… what if she was bad? What if sex with her was so bad that he once would be enough for him?

Could she just let himself physically distance himself from her? Would it be the beginning of the end for them? And more importantly would he distance himself from Dexy too?

* * *

Carl was on watch the second night when Merle got back, and came to the door and watched him. "You're back so early!" he exclaimed as he watched as Merle took the skinny goat he had found on a nearby farm and left it to bleed out in the garage.

"Yeah, I was following some old deer tracks when I came across a farm...this little guy was the last one left, so I grabbed him. Ain't much meat on him. But, I think it will be enough so we can have meat for a few meals and make some jerky for the road."

"How'd it go?" He asked Carl as he cleaned up in the sink.

"Good...quiet. Beth's cough is gone but... I don't know she seemed off...sleepy, preoccupied." The boy told him. "I took a nap earlier, she went back to bed not too long ago."

"Dexy?" He asked

"He's good, sleeping on the floor in Jude's room. Go ahead and go check on Beth and get some sleep...I'm not tired."

Merle clapped him on the shoulder. "Okay, boy. You keep an eye out, and I'll see you in the morning." as he walked past him and silently slid the pocket door open to go into the front of the house.

* * *

She was asleep in the bed, and he quietly undressed and crawled in next to her. It was a case of deja vu, as within minutes she had turned to cuddle into his side, her warm hand

sleepy making its way into his boxers, and her lips languidly running down his neck. He couldn't remember wanting someone as badly as he wanted her at that moment. So he selfishly allowed it for a moment before pulling her fingers off his dick with one hand, and catching her face in the other.

"Girl...Ya' know who I am?" He demanded harshly, "If you dare call me Jimmy, I'm swear to God I'm gunna go dump you into the rain barrel."

She tried to pull away, fighting to catch his mouth with hers… "Merle" she moaned, "why you gotta be so mean...kiss me." she begged him.

And he was just a man...a very horny man at that. A man who wanted the women in front of him so bad it physically hurt. And she called him by _HIS_ name as she reached for him, so gently he let go of her hands and pulled her back into his arms, allowing her catch his mouth and he kissed her back as enthusiastically as she was kissing him.

He could almost get off just by kissing her, it was that good.

When she pushed at his shoulders to roll him and he allowed it, but said "Girl, if your knee comes anywhere near my balls I will throw you over my knee and spank your ass so hard you wont be able to sit for a week."

Thankfully it was her hands that found him once again.

"Beth." he groaned into her mouth.

"Shhhhhhh, just let me. I want to." She whispered into his.

Everything seemed to be going well, until he started to roll her onto her back, that was when she pulled her hand away using them to press him back down. "No...he never...Joe only wanted to be on top and in control...if this is going to work, I need to be control this. I don't know if I can do this, but I want to try."

So, he lay back down, putting his arms up and hands behind his head. "Sure, sure. It's your call, anyway you want this." He told her in the most agreeable voice she had ever heard come out of his mouth.

"Keep talking, so I know it's you." she somehow managed to whisper with her tongue in his ear, while her tenacious hand made its way back under the band of his boxers.

* * *

Merle woke up, and stretched his body with a satisfying groan as everything seemed to pop back into place. He hadn't felt this relaxed in a long, long time. He reached up to rub his eyes, and smiled at the smell of her that still lingered on his fingers...she hadn't wanted to have sex...but there was plenty of other very satisfying things that she had been able and willing to try.

 _Very, very satisfying._

Yep, he without a doubt remembered every second of why he was so relaxed.

His sweet little Beth, she had been the aggressor, she had wanted him. It was her choice, and he was proud that he had stepped back and allowed her to make up her mind. It must have been God's way of rewarding him for his unusually good behavior. He was sure they called it Karma...and Karma was an aggressive, horny bitch with a kiss sweeter than cherry wine.

It was what it was...in the end it was everything and nothing...not nearly enough.

But it sure was a step in the right direction. If Beth wanted to test her sexual boundaries with him, well then he was fine with that. He just need wait until she was ready for more, and maybe next time it would include the actual act itself.

There had been a lot of starts and stops. Her hands on him was a go...his hands on her was a big fat no...at least at first. Just like breaking a spirited horse, he had to move slow...make her trust him. And realistically this may take a lot longer than he would normally be willing to, at least with anyone else. But in the meantime he wouldn't say no to a hand job...and he was definitely not be saying no to a blowjob.

 _Sure sex would be nice…_

But at the end she pulled his hand into her small silk panties and let him give her some of the pleasure that she had given him. Maybe next time she would be brave enough for him to get a taste of her.

He slowly got out of bed and went into the master bathroom to take a piss, afterwards he washed up and got dressed. She was still asleep not having moved at all, but he had checked and it was a deep peaceful sleep this time. He smiled at the thought that she must be worn out too, because she had been such a restless, light sleeper up until now. Apparently all she needed was a good dose of Ol' Merle...hopefully, she might want a hot Merle injection later.

He closed the door softly behind him and walked out to get breakfast going and check in on the Carl and help get the little ones up, dressed and fed.

* * *

***Authors note***

I hope that the sex wasn't too soon! But I felt she was ready to test herself out...

Regarding the seizure...there are a lot of reasons that this could have happened. A high fever can cause seizures, a UTIs can cause fevers. On a personal note, I'm allergic to codeine...it makes me feel like shit, it has also makes me hallucinate and vomit to the point of bringing up blood...do you know how hard it is to find pain meds that don't include codeine these days? And they LOVE to put that crap in cough medicine and fever reducer! So Beth doesn't know it but she is officially allergic to Codeine...Sorry Beth.

Also codeine has a nasty tendency to not work well with other meds _**or**_ herbal ingredients...so if Beth was using her skills that she learned about medical herbs it could be possible that she made herself a homemade herbal tea for her throat, so this could have also factored into it.

The signs of an allergic reaction to codeine can include hives, breathing difficulties, swelling of face, lips, tongue or throat. It can slow your breathing and that in turn can lead to death if breathing becomes too weak.

It might also include

Slow heart rate/weak pulse

Light-headed feeling, and cause you to pass out

 **Confusion** , agitation, **hallucinations and unusual thoughts or behaviors**

 **Seizures/convulsions**

Problems with urination ( _ **UTI?**_ )

Vomiting, tiredness or weakness

Looking up into on how to describe what Merle saw when he walked into the room I found this description that I thought was great,

 _ **Unconscious and involuntary break dancing without the style or grace**_


	17. Chapter 17 - Rasasvada

I'm not the type of person you figure out over a cup of tea,

I am the enigma you drunkenly piece together at 3 in the morning.

Don't try to solve me baby,

I am an ocean full of mysteries,

You'll drown in the depths of me.

Or

Rasasvada (n) The taste of bliss in the absence of all thought

Chapter 17

Merle had always been an A type personally, the aggressor in every aspect of his life. He knew that his sexual appetite was high by any man's standards. He liked the chase...the capture...and most of all the release. Of course he had his fair share of women that wanted to be the one in charge, and if in the mood, he would let them pursue him, honestly, he even enjoyed being the hunted every once in awhile.

But this thing with Beth, he had never experienced anything like it before. It felt like he was a grizzly being pursued by a small fluffy bunny. Like she was hell bent on chasing him down, and devouring him whole. But at the same time he was sure that if he made one wrong move she would be off. And if he set her to running, he wasn't sure he could track her.

 _Best to let her do this thing her way._ He kept telling himself. _And he was very much enjoying her way._ Especially when her way involved her happily humming around his cock while giving every indication of savoring the taste of him like he was a fine wine. Their every stolen moment, were ones filled with their mouth and hands exploring and mapping each other's bodies.

He certainly couldn't complaining when it felt like she was worshipping his body.

But, if he thought that their relationship was going to suddenly change overnight, that they would become a couple, a cohesive unit, then he would have been wrong. Very, very wrong. Their day-to-day dealings were still running the same course as they had been. Except he was getting used to catching Beth watching him with hungry, assessing eyes, and only their "nighttime" relationship had changed.

It almost seemed that as soon as she opened herself up to a physical relationship with him, the door to her inner thoughts and feelings...not to mention her casual touches, had slammed shut. He wanted to ask her about it, but any time that they had that they could've spent talking about it without small ears listening, was now spent with their mouths being put to other uses.

It had been three days of awkward, stilted conversations and Beth sleeping like the continental divide lay between them. She would roll to the other side of the bed as soon as she got what she wanted from him. No more snuggling into his side, and sighing with contentment at being there.

 _That's fine, I just allowed that snuggling shit in the first place so we could get to the sex._

Telling himself that he didn't need nor want a clingy woman hangin' off of him. But at the same time knowing that Beth had never been the type to hang. It had only at night when they were alone with the darkness shielding them from prying eyes and inside of their warm cocoon of blankets had she ever done anything close to that. He conceded that he might miss that...it was also a good possibility that he only missed it because it was with her.

Damn it! Truth was that he fucking missed her. Missed that closeness that he had only ever known with her.

"I need some time to process my feelings." She stated it so firmly after that first time that he decided to just leave her to it. Not that he was going to back down...he was going to give her the same treatment that he had given before she had run her hot little mouth all over his body. The only allowance he would give her was in the fact that he wouldn't press her any harder than he already was...not yet, but soon.

* * *

 _{ Stockholm syndrome? How about a sexual deviant? Better yet..possibly Claimer induced psychosis! }_

"Oh, Mina...I wondered where you were hiding." Beth whispered, before quickly looking around to see if anyone had overheard her speaking to herself. _Well, Mina, you can just shut your whore mouth, I refuse to be ashamed...I refuse to feel bad about wanting him! Beth told that little voice in her head._

 _{ Who are you calling a whore...projecting much? As for wanting Merle...do you? Do you really? Want him, I mean. Mina's sly voice asked. Or is it just his body, is he just a convenient scratching post for your sharp little kitten claws?_ _}_

 _Yes...no...yes. Maybe. I do want his body, but maybe I just want sexual freedom...there's nothing wrong with that. Merle can give me that, he had been very clear in what he's like to give me. Really we are helping each other...he is letting me use him to heal myself._

 _{ Uh-huh, sure. Just keep telling yourself that. If you want him so much, why are you shutting him out? Tell me, how do you feel knowing that you are using him just as much as Joe used you? }_

 _I's not true! Merle wants the sex, and he wants it without the intimacy. Get out of my head!_

 _{ Did I touch a nerve? You Beth Greene are a taker, always have been...just like you took my favorite green sweater. }_

" _I did not! I told you I never touched your ugly overpriced sweater! Just because you can't handle your booze, and can't remember where you left it, does not mean that I was the one who took it!" Beth hissed to the voice in her head. And what college student in her right mind pays three hundred dollars for a stupid sweater. You probably left it in the back alley when you were fucking someone behind the trashcans._

 _{ You know that I'm not real, right? You can't hurt my feelings. I'm just a voice in your head...you are talking, no...you are arguing with yourself. Talk about crazy...Beth Greene you need your head examined! }_

 _Shut up…_

 _{ Good thing you have me, I'm only two semesters away from being a professional. Think of all the free therapy you are getting from me. }_

 _Shut up..._

 _{ So, back the the matter at hand. How long do you think that a man like Merle Dixon is going to be happy letting you do all the heavy lifting? It won't be long until he gets his big bad redneck self all out of joint over it. Your Captain Hook is going to get sick of your shit and mutiny. It won't be long until the need to back at the helm is greater than his need for a possibly subpar BJ, a man like that was meant to be in control. }_

 _Merle is happy with the arrangement. All the BJ's he can handle without having to ask..._

 _{ Uh Huh, we both know that he is too much man for the likes of you, even a sexually starved man will tire of unlimited appetizers of BJ's and handjobs. He is going to want to get to the main course of SEX. And you can't, or won't give him that. Even Merle Dixon will tire of that after a while...tire of you. And you seem to forget that there are still other women out there...ones that will be willing to give that man a good hard ride...what are you going to do when you come across one of them? }_

 _Go on, alone...alone with three kids to manage. But I could do it if I needed to, now that he has trained me. I could manage without him...but I..._

 _{ Alone? Silly girl, you'll always have me. Besides who's to say you'll have three kids by that point? No telling how many of those rug rats you'll manage to keep alive before that even happens. And if you and Merle do somehow manage to keep them alive...Carl might choose to take Judith and stay with him if you two separate. Carl is a very smart boy, he knows that their chances of survival are much, much better with Merle rather than you...hell even Dexy might prefer staying with him. Honestly, Could you blame them? }_

Beth pulled a pillow over her face, groaning when she inhaled Merle's scent that saturated it.

{ What a man, what a man...a mighty fine man…} Mina sing songed in her head than snickered in glee.

Screw you Mina, I never liked you. I'll get there when I get there. If Merle can't wait around awhile until I find my way, then I guess he's not the one for me. And even if he were to find someone that he would rather be with, I know that he will get me and Dexy someplace safe...he would never just leave us.

{ Time to wake up Beth.! No, I mean it, it's time for you to wake up! }

Beth sat up from the sheets tangled wildly around her legs, only half awake as Merle closed the door behind him. "What's up?" She asked him sleepily.

"Why don't you come on over here and sit on my lap if you want to see what's up." Merle's rough voice whispered in the dark room. "It's almost morning, Carl's on watch. Ya' got another about 4 hours hours till ya' need to get up and feed the kids." He sat down on the chair to remove his boots.

Stretching Beth got out of bed a padded silently over to him.

"How do you feel about a little more checking my boundary lines?" She asked straddling his lap.

* * *

"Merle" Beth moaned as her hips bucked against his, her sharp teeth nipping his earlobe. They had been making out like teenagers for the last twenty minutes, his grip on the arms of the chair tightened to the point he was sure he was going to rip them off in his effort to keep his hands from reaching for her.

Beth's rules were strict, only touch when invited...and when she said "Stop", then she meant 'STOP!" if he was touching her, than he would remove his hands and allow her to leave if needed. Sometimes she would go to the small bathroom and close the door behind her...sometimes she would just lean into him taking a moment to breath and regroup.

But at this moment she was all "Go, Go, Go." She had his shirt off almost as soon as she sat in his lap. Now she was grinding against his blue jean covered cock, much to his delight. How had he forgotten how exciting eighth grade had become when he had discovered dry humping in the baseball dugout with Dawn Simms during lunch. He wondered why he had never stopped to savor women this way once he finally started having sex. The way he was enjoying Beth Greene...the way she was enjoying him, it was the most sexualy satisfying thing he could imagine.

"Up, up, up…" Beth was chanting as she pulled him up from his chair, her hands running down his chest and abdomen so she could unbutton his pants and force them and his boxers to the ground. He just managed to step out of them as she pulled him to the bed her lips still attached to his. When she pushed him towards the bed, he obligingly complied and sat down heavily, not being able to help himself, he reached out and tugged at her/his sleeping shirt. "Gunna take this off and let me touch that soft skin of yours?" he cajoled as he took the chance to pull it up so his fingertips could lightly caress her sleep warmed skin.

"Lay down and put your hands up on the headboard." She ordered, and he complied immediately. "I think you're going to like this." She told him as she hastily shed her clothing before crawling up on the bed with him. "Can you feel how wet you make me…" she asked as she sat on his lap, trapping his raging erection between her warm slippery folds. Sitting up straight she rocked back, her eyes closed and she bit her lower lip trying unsuccessfully to hold back a lusty moan of satisfaction.

"That's it Baby Girl...just like that." Gravel and honey words urged her on.

Beth rolled her hips, reaching down with one hand to cup his cock and firmly wedging him into her heat and continuing to thrust against him. With the other hand she reached out and pulled one of his hands. "I need your hands on me..." Her voice came out hushed and breathless. Merle smirked, this is right where he wanted her...right where he wanted her to have him. It wasn't a conventional relationship.

 _Convention could go fuck itself._

She was losing control fast, her body softening and yielding to his increasing hardness. She was putting out the most amazing heat, and he could feel her juices flowing down onto his abs. He on the other hand at spent a lot of time building up his endurance. He was sure that he could string this out, make her beg him. She was his and he was hers...there was no more going back, no more denying it. They were a mismatched pair, yet they were made to go together...like strawberries and balsamic vinegar. Not a conventional pairing, but now that they were "together" he could see it. Like he had 20/20 vision and everyone else was nearsighted, they might not make sense to anyone else but that just was because they weren't close enough to see it the right way.

And there was no way he was going to lose her. He would fight for this...even if he was fighting her.

* * *

Thankfully they were dressed and just sleeping when Dexy snuck into their room and into bed with them in the morning. Merle woke up the second he heard the click of the door latch releasing, Beth woke once the little boy was snuggling into her side. Dexy was in heaven having both of _his_ adults all to himself for even a short time. He wasn't the only one, for Merle it gave him a little more insight to what he had been missing. _HIS_ Beth was back, relaxed, smiling...and in his bed. Dexy...his boy... _ **his**_ , was between them being loved on.

How the hell had this become his life? He wasn't even ashamed to admit that he would take the huge loss of life and the dead coming back to walk the earth if it was the only thing that had brought them into that life.

He wanted this. He wanted her, he wanted Dexy. He wanted this family, and he was willing to work for it. He just needed to convince Beth that they could have it all...the friendship and the sex didn't need to be exclusive. At least in theory.

After about a half hour, Beth got up out bed and went to fix breakfast and Merle spent a few moments blowing raspberries on Dexy's round belly before he noticed that he was giving him whisker burn. So he picked himself up out of bed and went to the small bathroom to wash up and have a quick shave.

He was standing in front of the mirror when Dexy joined him, climbing up on top of the closed toilet seat to watch as Merle lathered up his stubbled cheeks and neck. He had managed to cut a few swaths through the shaving cream when he felt the small hand gently touching his bare back.

It took every ounce of restraint that he possessed to hold himself still when his first instinct would have had him slapping those pudgy inquiring digits away. But he was more afraid of damaging his relationship with his small boy than he was of letting him see and touch his scars.

"Bad Pops?" Dexy asked solemnly as his fingers gently traced across the long scar that encompassed width of his back only to curl around his left side almost reaching his belly button.

"Yeah...Bad Pops." He confirmed as he put his large hand over the smaller one holding it in place. "S'okay...we all got scars of some sort. You and ya' Mamma got them too," he used his finger to tap the little boy on his chest over his heart, "Ya' just carry them on the inside where they are harder to see."

At the little boys confused face, Merle picked him up and put him on the counter top. "Like how ya' Mamma can't get in the bathtub...like how she don't like to be touched much...that's when ya' can see her scars, it's when they show the most. And the way you don't like loud noises, and ya' still afraid of strange men...those are yours. Understand?"

Nodding, he looked down at the scar as Merle began shaving again. " Are you afraid of men too?" Dexy asked as his fingers continued following the scar.

"No. Not anymore. I made sure that I had the strength and the know how to make sure that I would never be afraid of another man again."

"How did Bad Pops make this one?" He wondered as he scrutinized the mark in question.

"Cord." Merle grunted, but seeing the puzzled look on Dexy's face he continued. "The cord from a lamp that you plug into the wall. He was so mad one day he just ripped the cord from the lamp and went to use it on Baby Brother. Daryl was just a little thing, and I did my best to take his whippin' for him. I jumped in, and put myself right on top of 'em."

He picked up Dexy and held him in front of him on his right side so he could see them in the mirror. "Cord went across my back and lashed around my side, where mine ends is where baby brothers begins." Merle took one of his fingers covered in shaving cream and drew a line across Dexys belly, ending about an inch before reaching the other side. "Me and Daryl are marked with the same scars, the same experiences, ties us together. So you understand, why I gotta get to him, right?"

Dexy's unblinking eyes met his in the mirror, "Yeth...it's your job to protect Baby Brother...just like you protect me and Mamma."

"That's right...just the same." Merle agreed.

* * *

Daryl had walked all around the barn and the outside of the farmhouse without seeing anyone, but he was sure that there was someone around. The chickens for one, were all fat and happy with a pan of fresh water and seed still on the ground. Secondly, a lone cow in the barn that appeared to be just as well taken care of. What was strange was that there was only that one milk cow in the barn, but the two blue ribbon winning brangus were nowhere to be seen, they were neither in the barn or out in the padlocks. He also knew that they had at least four horses...all those animals gone, yet not a carcass in sight.

Both the men's trucks were gone, and the livestock trailer was also missing. But there were three small compact cars parked under the large carport, and the only other vehicle left on the farm was the old yellow and green John Deere that he was so familiar with.

As he walked around he found several sets of footprints, they were small. It was possible that they could belong to one of the wives or maybe to the teenage grandchildren. He knew that it very well could be wishful thinking, it was just as likely to be complete strangers, he would never believe that Matthew or John would leave any member of their family behind.

But if it was one of the Rutledge's women he owed it to Matthew and John both to see if they needed anything, he just needed to be cautious. If it wasn't them than there was a chance that they hadn't found the old root cellar that had been part of the old homestead. In that case he wouldn't feel bad about taking anything from someone he didn't know, especially if they had no knowledge of it.

He walked around the barn, standing where he couldn't be seen from the front windows, but close enough to the barn that he could duck back around the wall safely if needed. Far enough away that he thought only a real marksman could get a bullet in him. He cleared his throat and called out. "Matthew? John? Sarah? It's Daryl Dixon...wanted to check on you, see if you all were ok." He saw the curtain at the front window twitch, and waited a moment before continuing. "I wanted to see if ya' needed anything...been to town a few times and I haven't seen any of the living. Sorry it took me so long to stop by...been working real hard to make my place safe and keep myself alive."

Daryl paused, listening, but no sound came from the house. He tried again. "Sarah? I left my truck outside of the gates because I wasn't sure what I would be walking into. I brought a little bit of supplies with me...food and a first aid kit just in case if you might have need of it."

He watched as the window slid open and the barrel of a gun came out, he had already taken a step back, ready to duck behind the wall when the front door opened and a lady he didnt recognize stepped out holding a shotgun."

"Who are you? How do you know Sarah and Matthew?" She asked him her voice suspicious.

"I'm Daryl Dixon…live on the other side of town. I work in town as a mechanic...I come over once in awhile to fix up their old tractor for them. Is Matthew or John around? Sarah? If you get one of them, they will vouch for me...even John's wife or kids should know me by now as many times as I've been out to work on that old tractor of theirs.

The women lowered her gun, but the one in the window remained pointing in his direction.

"Go ahead and go get your truck...I'd like to take you up of your offer of the first aid kit. I can trade you a cup of coffee, and a fried egg sandwich." She bargained as she stepped back towards the door.

"Sure, I could eat...if I don't have a gun pointin' at me the whole time, otherwise I may wanna pass." He told the woman as he walked over to the padlock and climbed over the fence.

It took him about 20 minutes to get back to his truck walking across the padlocks and about 15 to drive around them and back to the front. He grabbed the first aid kit and the small bag of supplies that he kept in the truck.

The woman met him on the porch, and asked him to leave his gun and knife on the table outside by the front door, which he did unhappily. When he walked in he was met with a rifle pointed in his direction by a young girl who was reclining on the couch by the front window. Her leg was up on a cushion with a bloody cloth wrapped around it.

"She bit?" He asked, stepping back.

"Yes, but not by one of those things. We stopped for gas in town, a dog went after her the minute she stepped out of the car. We think it was probably a stray before the turn...smart little thing got her and then grabbed the food right out of her hand and kept on running. Can't say as I blame him, he had a small pack of dead after him, they stopped chasing him and went after us once they smelled the blood. We were starting to run out of supplies to properly care for it."

She gestured to the kitchen table and he put his items down on the table, pushing the first aid kit towards her and sat down. She placed a plate with a sandwich and a cup of coffee on the table in front of him, and the sugar and cream pot between them. She was a pretty little thing, petite with short spiky gray hair that he thought was probably premature because she only had a few laugh lines around her eyes. She picked up the first aid kit, moving with the grace of a dancer, she walked across the room to sit next to the girl. "I'm Carol and this is my daughter Sophia."

"What's your phone number?" The girl asked him skipping any pleasantries.

"What? You going to call me?" He asked, bewildered by this line of questioning.

The girl rolled her eyes. "Number?" She demanded.

After he told her his number, she held up a notepad that had been in her lap. "This was by their phone…"Plumber...David or Stan (call David first) septic tank Hal (will come out at any time), Mechanic Daryl (Don't let anyone else touch the JD!)."

Carol looked over and give him a slight smile."High praise."

"You one'ah Matthew and Sarah's kids?" Daryl asked as he added fresh milk to his coffee while trying to keep his eyes on the kid with the gun.

Carol smiled at him as she opened the kit "No, Sarah is my aunt, my mothers older sister. I haven't been here in years, she and Uncle Matthew took me and my Mom in a few times when I was a kid." Sophia hissed as her mother began to clean out her wounds, but still managed to keep an eye and the gun on him. "It was the first place I thought of coming when I knew we had to get out of the city...the only place I had ever really felt safe." She told him as she wrapped her daughters leg in clean bandages.

"They were already gone, left a note on the table saying they were going to their oldest Son Pete's farm...I remember my Aunt Sarah saying Pete & Cathy were living in Kentucky. But that was awhile ago...I could be wrong, that might have been Luke we were talking about." Her bright blue eyes looked up at him and she shrugged her shoulders.

"There you go." She gave the girl a soft pat on her other leg. "I think if we keep it clean and keep putting neosporin on it we should be good, at least you don't need stitches. I'll give you another dose of antibiotics with dinner."

"Thanks Mom." The girl said as Carol gave her a kiss on the head. She gathered up the trash and put them in the kitchen trash, and walked to the sink.

"You a nurse?" Daryl asked as he watched her vigorously and thoroughly wash her hands up to her elbows.

"No...yes." Carol said. "I hadn't finished my training yet, but I was close. After my divorce, I decided I needed to find a way to support Sophia and myself. And because of my ex, I already knew a lot about first aid and setting broken bones."

"Asshat" muttered Sophia.

When Daryl left an hour later, he had a list of medicines that Carol would like to have, and a few canning jars of various pickled vegetables and a dozen eggs in a basket, and a thermos of fresh milk, promising to return in a few days with some gas for her car and as many things off her list as he could find. In return, she had a hand drawn map to his place and explicit instructions on how not to get shot if she came calling.

* * *

Thank you to everyone who took the time to send me reviews on the last chapter. It was so gratifying to see so many on a chapter that I was a tiny bit conflicted about. I can tell you that every review was appreciated, but if you leave me more than a few words I do write back to you...so if you have any questions about the story, I will respond back to you. And like all writers feedback motivates me (as slow as I am) to write more and lets me know that I still have readers that want me to continue.

So we have Beth, Merle, Rick, Shane and now Carol and Sophia. I decided to more Carol along...she is now divorced and had moved on with her daughter to a better Ed-free life. I'm going to make her a bit stronger that the Carol we first met in S1...but not quite the person that would kill and burn someone, but then again she still has Sophia. I will admit I don't quite have their storylines figured out like I do all the others that I have already introduced, so I guess we will all be surprised.

As always thank you to Athlete Girl, who is really the best sounding board. Really, she is the BEST...I need to send her chocolates and wine for dealing with my doubtful, introverted self.

And just so you can see what I do to her, I'm going to show you just how apprehensive I really am. So, I posted a new chapter to "A Beautiful Chapter" and have had almost no feedback...and I'm afraid I may have posted it too soon...maybe it just doesn't flow with the first chapter? Maybe it's just plain horse crap ? If you have read it...or if anyone be willing to read it and give it a review...or PM me and let me know what you think. I'm debating on pulling it down and reworking it at this point, and a few opinions might help to push me in one way or another. I had started a 3rd chapter, but now I'm thinking that I might just leave it at 2 chapters if no one is interested in seeing it continued. See...just so, so NEEDY! .


	18. Chapter 18 - Latibule

Maybe we feel empty because

We leave pieces of ourselves

in everything we used to love.

R.M. Drake

Latibule (n.) a hiding place, someplace where no one can find you;

a place of safety and comfort

Chapter 18

"It's time for us to go, we've given Judith as much time as I'm willing to spare." Merle growled into Beth's hair as they lay in next to each other. "She ain't gunna learn the things I've been trying to teach her until she has a reason to. Hell, I'd be happy if she was at least willin' to learn from ya' or Carl, but she ain't. The girl's done shut down, don't think she is going to be able to move on, at least here. Maybe once we're on the road and she can see what life is like out there now she'll snap outta it."

Beth turned towards him as he pulled her closer and tucked her head under his chin. She stiffened, and he waited until he felt her relax and slowly melt into his side before continuing. "We need to rethink everything we have in the truck, so we can make room for the the kids." She sighed, her breath fanning over his sweat covered torso. "It was nice to stop and rest for awhile, but you're right, It's time to go."

They spent the morning unpacking the truck and the trailer, They took the extra time to presort the contents of the truck into piles of similar items. The clothing pile was smaller than she wished it was at least compared to the cache of liquor that Merle was hoarding. Merle saw her crouching next to a few boxes, frantically searching through the books that were inside. She looked up at him, taking a deep breath as she tried to hold back the tears that had began to gather.

"I just noticed that I'm missing a box of books." He voice was low and choked.

"When we combined the two cars, we both made sure that none of the books had been left behind." Merle squatted down next to her. "Remember, we only left a few of your items...most of them were things that belonged to Joe."

She covered her mouth and choked back a sob. "Joe must have put one of my boxes in the car that Len and Dan had been driving." She dropped down, sitting heavily on the floor. "Inside the other box is Dexys family bible. I put his family photo inside of it." Grief-stricken, the tears she had been holding back began to flow down her cheeks. "He told me that he wished he had a photo album of his family like the one I made for Judith." She started to sort the books again, as if the bible would magically appear. "I wanted to be able to give him that, to give him his parents back."

Merle hooked his hand behind her neck and pulled her into his body. Giving her the time to collect herself. "Once we get where we're going, we can try to go to their house and see if we can find something for him." He suggested, his low voice soothing her heartache.

When she had calmed down and had started to repack the boxes, telling him that she was good, and needed to finish this or they wouldn't be ready to leave in the morning. He left her surrounded by boxes, leaving it to her best judgment of what they would be repacking into the truck and what would to be leaving behind.

Despite her melancholy mood, Beth couldn't help but smile as she watched as Merle reverently unloaded his beloved bike, taking an extraordinary amount of time as he polished her tank to a shine and checked out all the various wires and whatnot. Add to that Merles propensity to talk to his bike, telling her everything that he was doing.

Beth was both charmed and surprisingly excited, the timbre of his voice was the same he used when she was at his feet with his cock in her mouth. She could feel the lust pooling low in her stomach, sending an itchy heat racing downwards, and chills slithering up her back, raising the hair on her arms.

She could feel her face flushing, as she sat captivated by his voice, seemingly unable to move. She was sure that rat was doing it on purpose when he glanced over and gave her a shit-eating grin and a wink. Then he just kept working on his bike, talking to her intimately of pistons, push rods and crank shafts, a smug self satisfied grin stretching his lips as he watched her struggle to compose herself as the kids ran back and forth between them.

 _Oh, he is so going to pay for this tonight!_ Beth vowed to herself, she would be unmerciful.

She sat and listened to him for an indeterminate amount of time as she tried to avoid his gaze, until he judged that his beloved was in working order. Only then did she turn back to her boxes, realizing that she had been just moving items around and had to start over. She felt his calloused fingers run up under her hair, as he pulled her back to whisper hotly into the shell of her ear. "Girl, ya' hotter than Papa Bear's porridge. Bet you're sweeter than brown sugar, careful of how ya' lookin' at me or I might just take ya' back to bed so I can get myself a taste,"

Beth took in a deep breath and relaxed into his body. "You better let me finish up, or we're going to end up staying a few more days." Merle ran his nose along her jawline, "Well, we better make the best of the time we have left, who knows when we will have a bed or any alone time in the coming up weeks. When I come to bed tonight, remind me to tell you all about my crank shaft...I'll even let you play with it if you're a good girl." His gritty voice was laced with humor. She giggle and Merle straightened to look around.

"Carl." He called out. "Get ya' gun, and get ready to go. I'ma need you to come with me, so we can take a look see if we can find a bigger trailer in town." They watched as the teen ran into the house leaving the two smaller kids looking after him.

Dexy was NOT pleased when it was made it clear that he had to stay home with the "girls". The boy had more ruffled feathers than a duck flying in a storm. Merle was almost tempted to give in and let the boy come with them, but he recognized that stubborn tilt of the small chin, and the stiff angry set of his shoulders as if he was looking in a mirror. He knew that it was best to enforce the directions that he had already given, or it was bound to be turn into a fight down the line. He watched as Dexy started to stomp away, knowing that if he didnt nip it in the bud, that his indignation wouldn't lead the boy anywhere good.

 _After all, look where that kind of attitude had lead him._

The line needed to be drawn somewhere just this side of asshole and as far away from limp noodle as he could possibly get, the problem was he really wasn't sure where to put that line. He would never treat Dexy as coldly and unloving as Pops had treated him and Daryl, that he knew for sure. But the unfortunate truth was that growing up the way he had, there was never anyone around that was made to be any kind of role model.

It wasn't until he was an adult that he had anything close to that, not that he had known it at that time. Hell, when he met Frank Dempsey he could have never guessed that he would turn out to be one of the finest men that he had ever had the pleasure of knowing. Frank was the closest thing to middle ground that he could think of, always fair and firm. And Frank never took any shit, not from him, not from nobody. Sure he could nag better than an old granny, especially when he thought he was doing what was best for you. But he eventually learned to trust that Frank would always do right by him, even when he was too stupid to appreciate it..

Frank had been one of the good ones. He had cared about others, never making any excuses for them. He just expected you to be your best, demanded it even. After awhile Merle just wanted to be that man that Frank had thought he could be.

 _Be firm, be fair and take no shit,_ Hopefully one day, Dexy would think back and remember him with the same fondness that he remembered Frank with..

"Dexy, I ain't done talking to you. You get ya' little ass back over here." He demanded harshly to the boys, who reluctantly walked back dragging his feet. Merle waited while until Dexy was standing in front of him with his eyes looking down at his toes. Still he waited, but when Dexy's eyes remained on the ground, he reached out and placed his large hand under the small face tipping it up, and waiting until their eyes connected. "Boy, you look at me when I'm talking to you. Understand?" Despite his firm hold on his chin, Dexy managed to give him a concise nod, to show he was indeed listening. "It's important that you follow directions. Both from me and ya' Mama. Ya' know what, ya can add Carl to that list, ya' need to follow directions from all three of us. Someday it might just save ya' life or the life of someone else. Understand?"

He waited, his blue eyes intense and unwavering. Dexy cheeks turned pink in shame as he nodded. Merles frowned. "I need you to say it Dex."

"I understand." the boy said meekly.

"Good man. Now, you are ta stay here and help ya' Mama look after Jude. Ya' Mama is going to be busy, so no messing around. Ya' always tellin' me that ya' big enough to take watch...well now here is your chance. Ya' keep watch for ya' Mama so she can do what she needs to. It's an important job that I'm givin' you, one that I expect ya' to take seriously. So keep ya' eyes and ears open, no fuckin' around on the job. Ya' let ya' Mama know first thing if you notice anything out of the ordinary."

Unable to help himself, Dexy's bottom lip poked out and he stamped his foot in frustration. "Why can't Carl stay and watch his sister. I'm a good helper too...remember when I found those cigarettes? Maybe if you take me with you I can find some more." he wheedled.

"Yeah, of course I remember. Ya' still my number one helper, Dex." He shook his head in rebuke. "But that's not the kind of help I need right now. Carl already knows the town, it will go faster if I take him with me. Plus, Carl has already proven to be a good shot, and I trust him to watch my back out there. He has been taking watch and he has more than proven himself to me." He pointed over at Carl who was set to go. "Did you see how Carl just did what I asked without questioning me? That's how I know for that he takes his job seriously, and that he follows orders."

Dexy nodded, but his face still unhappy.

"Instead of thinking of it as being left behind, ya' need to think of it as an opportunity to prove that I can count on ya' to do this job you've been given. Just remember this aint no game, this here could be the difference between life and death. Maybe yours…or maybe Judith's or even ya' Mama's"

Merle waited until the mulish set of Dexys chin had softened into contrite look of acceptance. Then he pulled his hand away and put it on his shoulder to direct him to the doorway where he pointed inside the hallway.

"I pulled the stairs to the attic down, at the first sign of the trouble ya' tell Mama, then you help get Judith up there. Y'all close up them stairs and stay quiet until we get back." He pointed to the boys side. "Ya got ya knife and B.B. gun if ya' need them. I've noticed that ya'' been doing a real good job treatin' ya' weapons with the respect they deserve, I'm real proud of ya' Dexy."

"I'm not a baby...I know they aint toys. I'm going to do a good job being on watch." He told the bigger man earnestly.

"That's my boy. This is just the first step, Dex. Ya do a good job today, and then I might think about letting you help out with watch. Once ya' prove ya'self, then maybe we might see about lessons shooting a real gun." Merle encouraged.

"Really?" Dexy asked excited by the idea.

"Maybe." Was Merles reply.

"And the bike? You'll take me out for a ride on the bike sometime? Just you and me and the bike? And we will leave Carl and Judith to help Mama...right?" Dexy qualified.

Merle laughed, "Ya' got it, ya' little thrill seeker. I'll take you out on the bike for a ride if ya' Mama says it's ok."

Dexy uncrossed his arms and wrapped them around Merles legs. "Promise?" He asked, looking up at him.

Merle hesitated, then put his hand down on the top of Dexys head, ruffling his blond hair affectionately. "I promise."

* * *

Because the town was so small that it only took about an hour of driving around for Merle to decide that nothing would work better than what they already had. They did however find a car with a roof storage container parked in the front driveway of a fenced house, a very nice house at that. After they had scaled the locked gate, it only took a moment to break the window next to the the front door and let themselves in. Only one foot in the door and Merle had the car keys in his hand. Plucked from a hook hanging predictably just inside the front door, the key for the storage container and the front gate were found on the same ring.

"Can you drive?" Merle asked hopefully.

"Sort of." Carl said looking into the cars windows.

"Sorta? This isn't a question that is answered with a 'sorta'. That was a yes or no question."

"Well I'm too young for a learners permit." Carl informed him indignantly, but I've driven the race cars outside of the arcade by my Dads house. I've never driven a stick before." He said pointing in the window.

"Well,no big deal than. I'll give you a little lesson before we go." Merle turned back towards the house.

"Don't think the people that lived her were around when this shit went down, just from what I saw from the front door. Les' go look around and see if they got anything worth takin' with us." he said as he led Carl back into the house.

Merles theory proved correct, judging from the amount of canned goods that they pulled out of the pantry. Placing them on the dining room table, they went to look for something to carry them in.

"Fucking jackpot!" Merle crowed as he saw the camping equipment that was stored inside the garage.

A quick search yielded a camp stove and four good quality backpacks, three adult and one child sized one. They were just sitting there, packed and ready for their next adventure. Merle looked inside one and discovered that they had been packed in the manner of a professional tetris player. Just on the top layer alone he saw good quality hunting knife, a small silver foil emergency blanket and a small orange waterproof container when opened held a pack of wooden matches with a striker on the inside lid. And to top it off they were completed with attached high quality sleeping bags. Excitedly he and Carl put them in the back of the car.

They also found four very nice, and what he assumed to be, very expensive fishing poles that claimed as their own. When Merle found the set of trekking poles he added them after a moment of indecision. "I don't think we need them but let's take them back with us, just might make a good beginner weapon for Judith." Merle decided.

Taking one of the empty suitcases that they found in the garage, they hit the bedrooms, checking the closets and the dressers. When they were done the case was stuffed full of winter jackets, long underwear and thick socks.

Carl wondered where the owners of the house were when all this went down, because of all the useful items that they had found.. "Did you notice that there were lots of clothes for winter, but I didn't see any swim trunks. Maybe they went someplace like Hawaii. Do you think it would be better or worse on an island?" He asked Merle.

"If I had to guess worse at first...but once ya' figured out how to kill the dead you could start thinnin' the crowd. Once ya' managed to get rid of the dead, ya' probably be on easy street." Merle mused. "Might not be such a bad thing, livin' on an island."

When they had packed the car and Merle had managed to get it started, he stashed his bike out of sight before taking Carl a few blocks over to the road leading out of the small town while showing him the basics of driving a shift stick.

Forty minutes later they were pulling back on to the street so Merle could pick up his bike, he was ready to get out of the bucking car, telling Carl. "Just drive it slow. Ya' can keep it in 1st gear if ya' need to, don't matter if ya' burn the motor out. If ya' feel up to it, than ya' can try to shift ta 2nd. Just keep it moving, better slow then stalled out."

"And don't ya' dare run inta me." Merles implicit command sounded more like a threat of death to Carl.

By the time they made it back to the house, Carl trailing well behind Merle and his beloved bike and managing to stall the car he was driving a few times. Beth was done sorting the items and the Carl and Merle unpacked the items that they had found, laying them at her feet. "I knew it." Beth said wonderingly as she picked up a thick winter jacket that would fit Carl perfectly. "Pirate, you're definitely a pirate." She affirmed, smiling up at Merle.

As he and Carl put the storage container on the top of the truck, Beth quickly went through the items. When the men were done Carl when to play with the kids while Merle helped Beth repack the car. They put all the bedding in the back seat to help make it more comfortable for traveling. They replaced their backpacks with the fancy new ones, using the old ones to pack

all the items that they weren't taking but would still be used full to Rick and Shane if they ever made it back. Putting them into the back of Ricks truck, adding one of the fishing poles, their old camp stove one of the container of matches to help them along and two of their sleeping bags. Then Beth filled the remaining room with food and a few changes of clothes from Shane's closet.

* * *

Standing in his front yard, Daryl could feel the hair on the back of his neck stand on end. He was sure as eggs is eggs...one of those damn women were out there watching him again, this was the third day this week that Daryl knew of. He even took off in his truck yesterday because he was curious if they would try to follow him or take the opportunity to either snoop around his house, or to try to rob him blind. He drove a few miles down the road towards town before backtracking on an old logging road. Than he stealthily made his way back searching for their tracks.

It took about a half hour before he found them, they were just getting into their small blue car. They didn't seem to be in any hurry to try to follow him, and they wouldn't have had the time to walk all the way to the cabin and back...no less snoop around. So he stayed out of sight and watched them until they drove slowly away, he figured that they were just checking him out before they worked up the nerve to come for a visit.

He couldn't say that this blamed them for being cautious, in fact it was the smart thing to do.

But, he went back the next week bringing her what medicine he could find from her list, and a few that he thought could be helpful. He found enough gas to fill her tank, and a little bit left in the red container for at least another half a tank. And a few days later was the first time he caught sight of them. He took them some of his deer jerky, and Carol gave him some of Sarah's canned vegetables, a thermos of fresh milk, a few eggs, and surprisingly a big fat hen to keep as his own, telling him they were running out of chicken feed, and she was thinking about letting them be free range soon. All the while he sat at the their kitchen table as the daughter sat and pointed her gun in his direction, giving him the stink eye. And he sat there, while his own weapons sat uselessly out on the porch.

"Aint doin' this again, sitting without my weapons. You need something, ya' know where to find me." He told them as he gathered his items and stepped off the porch. He walked away that day uncertain if he would ever see them again.

It was about four days later, when could feel someone watching him again. He kept his bow and gun close and just went about his business. A few hours later when he was getting ready to head out and check his trap line when he saw the flash of light that had alerted him that their presence was not just his imagination.

PopPop had a saying for things like this. It was like wiping your ass with a waggon wheel...never ending. God, even 20 plus years after his death Daryl would find himself missing the old man so much it almost hurt.

As of now, he was done being their entertainment, so he walked in the opposite direction heading back into the tree line away from them. Once he was hidden from their sight amongst the trees he quietly made his way in the direction that he had seen the flash of light. Taking his time, he went down the line checked the traps, resetting any that had been tripped and continued walking in their general direction. A rabbit and two squirrels were tied to his belt by the time he caught sight of the girl sitting high in the crook of an oak tree just outside his property line. He figured that she had to have only about only about 40% of an unobstructed view of the front and one side of his cabin, hardly worth the effort in his opinion. At least she was smart enough to keep well out of reach of any husks that might wander her way.

But there she sat, calmly had her rifle laying laying across her lap munching on a granola bar. pair of binoculars to her eyes, lazily searching for him, he could only assume. She didn't seem to be bothered by the fact that she had lost sight of him, as she sat calmly surveying the land in front of her.

He stood under the tree, just watching for a few moments before scornfully calling up to her. "Ya' just going to sit in the tree and watch me all day? Again? He couldn't help the smile that twitched at the corner of his mouth when she visibly jumped and whipped her head around to look at him in shock.

"OH. MY. GOD! Mr. Dixon, are you trying to scare the crap out of me?" Her voice insulated that it was somehow his fault that he caught her spying on him.

"Been watching me all fuckin' week. If ya' got any questions, why don't ya' just try asking me."

He was surprised as he watched her navigate the branches as easily as climbing a ladder. It was only a few minutes and she was standing next to him, and swinging her rifle to rest casually over her shoulder.

"Wasn't trying to scare ya', that was just a happy coincidence." He scoffed. "I'm getting tired of feeling ya' eyes on me." He gestured for her to come down. "And it's just Daryl, Mr. Dixon was my asshole of a father."

She smiled up at him. "We were just making sure that it was just you up here. We didn't want to just come into your camp before we knew for sure that you were what you said you were." She pointed behind him and when he turned to look, he found her mother standing behind him with her gun hanging loosely in her hands.

"Fuck." Daryl swore half heartedly. "Where the hell did you come from?"

"I was on the other side, followed a bit behind you while you checked your traps." Carol said smugly.

"Fuck." He said again, spitting on the ground. "Well, come on up to my place...might as well feed ya, now that y'all done playin' hide-n-seek." He pointed to Carol. "And you can tell me how you learned to walk like a hunter."

"You go on with him." Carol told her daughter. "I'm going to go get the car, and drive it to the house so we don't have to hike all the way back." She turned and pointed a finger at Daryl. "No funny business, I know where you live." She warned him.

He looked at the young girl at his side unenthusiastically and took a few steps to put some distance between them. "I can walk back by myself, you go with ya' mom to get the car." His mouth was screwed up like he had bitten into an unripe lemon.

Carol only seemed amused by his discomfort at the thought of being left alone with a teenage girl. "You'll be fine. Sophia won't shoot you, unless you deserve it." Was her flippant reply. "Besides, I would prefer for her to keep off that leg as much as she can, it's a longer walk back to the car than to your place." And with that she turned and walked away, leaving him alone with the gun toting girl.

Unhappy with the turn of events, he turned and walked hastily away, not bothering to wait for the girl. Keeping close to property line, he continued checking the rest of his snares. Sophia following practically stepping on his heels as she walked closely behind him, watching in fascination as he worked the line. "Is that hard to do?" She asked him after he had unhooked an unfortunate rabbit that had been caught in one of the snares.

"Nah, not if you know how to tie a knot and ya' can find a runway in use." His voice preoccupied as he reset the snare.

"Runway?" Sophia queried, her eyebrows raising in interest.

"Ya' know a lane...a path? Best if you use one that has a lot of traffic. Ya' can tell if it's in use, if ya' see tracks and droppings and such." he explained running his finger along the ground, showing her the almost invisible trail marked with bent grass and small patches of dirt where the grass had been worn away..

"Sounds like you should call it a highway instead of a runway. No! A tollway!" She enthused. "The snares can be like little tollbooths."

Daryl looked up at her. "I guess, ya' can call 'um whatever ya' want." As long you set them up correctly so they catch food."

"Will you show me how to do it?" She asked him as he picked up the string. "Yeah, sure." He said, demonstrating how to tie it properly a handful of times before forcing them into her hands. "Okay, now you try." He ordered.

Sophia put her rifle over her shoulder and eagerly took the string from his hand. Daryl found that he was impressed when she managed to tie an acceptable if not pretty snare on the first try. She paid attention and was a fast learner, and he felt a begrudging sense of approval, for this person who he didn't find too disagreeable.

 _This girl, this spirited, enthusiastic girl._

He felt a prophetic chill make its way uncomfortably down his spine, when he couldn't help the foreboding need to add to that thought... _a girl that might not even live long enough to ever be considered a woman._

"Okay, good. Now set it." He challenged her tersely, as he moved to put a little more space between them.

She set it back in the same spot, standing and looking at it indecisively. Pursing her lips in doubt as she looked up at him.. "What did I forget?"

"Gotta put it to bed." He told her bending down and grabbing a handful of leaves and pine needles using them to cover the string. "Animals won't just step into a trap willingly. Ya' either gotta hide it or ya' gotta bait it with something that they find hard to resist." Daryl instructed her.

"Just like coving up with a little blanket." She mused.

"Ya' kinda a weird kid." Daryl told her amused by her childlike enthusiasm despite himself.

She smiled brightly at him, pointing to the rabbit in his hand. 'Can I carry it?" She asked him hopefully, her voice suddenly shy.

Unceremoniously, Daryl all but shoved it into her hands before he turned and continued down the path.

He had only gotten a few steps away when Sophia queasy voice informed him. "I always thought rabbits are supposed to be soft and fluffy. This bunny's fur is just hard and really gross."

Daryl snorted. "If ya' don't like the way he feels now, wait until you learn how to skin and gut it."

Sophia made a retching noise "Guts...gross."

"If ya' like to eat, then ya'h get over it fast enough." He let her know.

"Really, you'll teach me how to do that?" And he could hear the hopefulness in her voice.

"If you want me to, sure." He assured her evenly. "Tell me the truth, do ya' even know how to use that?" He asked gesturing to her rifle.

"Yeah. After my Mom left my Dad she insisted that we both take classes in gun safety and self defense. Mom wanted to make sure that we were both ready to protect ourselves when he came for us." Her voice was unemotional, just stating facts.

Intrigued, and wanting the girl to keep talking he asked. "Did he? Try to come for you, I mean."

"He tried...a few times. But we kept moving around so it was harder for him to find us. When we both felt like we were ready, then we stopped running. By that time both of us had a taste of freedom, something we never had living under his roof. Neither one of us were willing to go back to living like we had been. Once he figured out that there was no way for him to force us to come back, it wasn't long before he gave up."

"Ya' Mom sounds like a strong woman."

"She is. At least she is now. I have to remind myself that she was only slightly older than I am now when they had to get married because of me." She laughed. "Do you know how many times I've heard " _it only takes one time."_ and the " _don't you ever believe your friends when they tell you that you can't get pregnant your first time...you are living proof of that._ " Being the kid of someone who was a teen mom is hard. Seriously, I can't get away with anything." Daryl thought that she sounded more boastful than bitchy.

* * *

It was their last day in their Mom's house, the only home that Judith had ever known. Carl had taken her out after breakfast to spend some time by the grave in the backyard. He kept the little girl busy and out of the way as Beth began packing up the items that they had been using around the house the last few weeks. Despite Carl's best efforts, it wasn't long until Judith figured out what was happening. The resulting tantrum she threw was unlike anything that Beth or Merle had seen before.

She stressed Dexy out so much that it wasn't long until he broke down and cried inconsolably with her. In an attempt to take Dexy out of the line of fire, and to soothe both of their nerves Merle put Judith's pink bike helmet on the little boys head and plopped him on the back of his motorcycle to have some Papa and Dexy alone time. As soon as Dexy felt his little butt hit the seat, his tears stopped and he had a grin spreading across his tear stained cheeks.

They took a nice slow drive, Merle moving the little boy in front of him so he could see better. If it hadn't been for the occasional dead man walking alongside the road, Merle and Dexy both would have called it a perfect day.

They made it back before dinner, and Beth and Carl both looked exhausted. Carl told him how they let Judith cry herself out, putting her into her bed to take a nap. It wasn't until he went to check on her before lunch time that they discovered that she was missing. They had spent hours searching for the little girl, finally finding her curled up at the very back of her parents walk-in closet hidden under a mound of her mothers dresses.

With everyone being tired and cranky. dinner that night was quiet and strained. Dexy was allowed to take first watch with Beth (even if it still before 7pm). Dexy gave it his best, but was fast asleep on the couch well before 10 o'clock. When Merle got up to take the second shift he put the little boy to bed on the trundle in Carl's room, where all three kids had been sleeping. He tucked the boy in and covered Judith back up, stopping to place the teddy bear that was on the floor back into her arms.

He stood looking at the three kids, as they slept peacefully in their beds trusting that he and Beth would keep them safe. And for had a sudden urge to run...run far, and run fast. He wanted so badly to be high, for this all to be a bad trip that his was on.

 _How in the holy fuck was he going to manage this? How was he going to keep everyone fed, healthy and alive?_

He spent his watch fighting the urge...even going out to the truck with the keys in his hand. He stood there for only a second then walked back into the house and closed the door firmly behind him. He walked endless loops around the house, until he stopped in the kitchen and took the bottle of Belle Meade Bourbon off the small bar in the corner. "Well, now ain't we fancy?" He asked out loud. "Seeing as I'm watching your little girl, I'd say you owe me one." Merle "told" Shane as he poured himself a good measure of that caramel colored liquid into a tumbler.

He quickly drank it down before he woke up Carl for his turn at watch, It was around 3 am, so he had plenty of time to get a little sleep before they headed out in the morning. The boy groggily got out of bed and staggered down the hall to the restroom. As Merle headed to bed, he picked up the bourbon that he had left sitting on the counter, he considered it for a moment before pouring himself another. Raising his glass, he toasted Shane. "This one's for ya' boy." After a healthy swig he put the bottle back in its spot, walked slowly to the bedroom and Beth, taking time to savored his drink.

* * *

Authors note:

Athlete Girl, thank you for everything. You are making this whole thing work, I'm sure without you I would still be stuck somewhere around chapter 4…"revising" it for about the hundredth time. I appreciate that you take time out of your busy life to help me drag this story a little further each month.

Thank you, for those of you that send reviews. I can not tell you how much that pushes me to get another chapter out there for you. I know that this is not the best story out there in the fanfiction universe, but it is MY best fanfiction (in my opinion) that I've put out there in the universe, and I'm really proud of it. Hopefully this story will show improvement from the first chapter to the last, because I feel like I'm growing as a writer. I'm starting to feel a little braver, and a I'm more willing to put things to paper that I may have just erased in the past. And while that is leading the story somewhat away from my original storyline, I'm really enjoying where it's going.


	19. Chapter 19 - Bombinate

This chapter is rated **M** for mature, If you are too young for M go read something else or I'll be terribly embarrassed! It is dedicated to Athlete Girl who helped me write the hot sex. I may have pulled her back just a little bit as "my Beth", she just ain't quite there yet!" But give her a few more chapters and we will get her moving along a bit faster.

Bombinate (v) to make a humming or buzzing noise

Or

The whiskey burn isn't even close

To the fire you ignited in me.

Chapter 19 - Bombinate

Sliding the door closed behind him, Merle walked through the living room, stopping to look out the front window. Other than the the tree branches swaying slightly in the breeze, there was no other movement to be seen. He took another sip of bourbon as he continued to gaze out into the front yard. He liked the Walsh home, liked that it was a good distance from the small town, and that felt tucked away from the rest of the world. That it was screened by a thick growth of mature dogwood and maple trees that kept it hidden from the view even in the winter made it the type of property that he and Daryl had always talked about getting for themselves someday. Someday being if they ever had the money and if he could keep himself clean and out of prison to get it done.

In fact, he thought it had a similar feel to the land that Daryl had ended up getting for himself. Although he had never seen Daryl's place in person, he had seen plenty of photos of it. His brother had started sending them to him when he was still doing time. At first it was only pictures of the land itself, heavily wooded and so green and lush that he could almost smell the pine sap and the wild honeysuckle. Those he had hung those on the wall of his cell next to his bunk, the way other men hung photos of their wives and girlfriends. He would find himself staring at them as he tried to fall asleep, hoping that they would somehow help to transport him there in his dreams.

The last time that Daryl had visited him in Virginia, he proudly handed him his phone to look through the photos of the small cabin that he had been slowly building with his own two hands. He remembered the pride in his brothers face, and the way he lit up as he talked about what he had already accomplished, and then of what he had planned for the future. It was the first time he could ever feeling envious of of anything that his baby brother had.

He had already been counting the days until Frank signed off on the papers that would allow him to leave the work release, when the dead started walking. Those papers had the power to allow him to go back to his beloved Georgia, back to his Baby Brother. He had just started to believe that he could stop living in the "maybe someday", and start on making his dreams a reality. Because, he had put in the hard work. Did it for both himself and his brother. He had stuck to the program for once instead of trying to find shortcuts and way to cut corners to make his time go faster.

He knew that he had been incredibly lucky to be one of the few handpicked inmates chosen for the early release program that Frank was in charge of. Being put on the list was like winning the fuckin' lottery, it was a once in a lifetime chance. Something he would have been an idiot to fuck up or to take a pass on. And even though he may have done a lot of stupid things in the past, Merle Dixon wasn't a fool. What was offered to him was no walk in the park, he went in knowing that he was going to have to put in hard work, both physically and mentally. And it was, and so much more.

Even then he was surprised at how the mandatory requirements of the program filled so much of his daily schedule. Working at Big Mike's took up the biggest chunk of his time, but at least it was something that he enjoyed. Than there was the constant drug testing, and having to take the results with him every two weeks to check in with Frank. He had daily meetings that were supposed to help him deal with his drug addiction, if it was a bad day for him that might mean trying to squeeze in a second meeting to stave off his cravings. Add to that the weekly anger management classes, and "talk" therapy, where they wanted him to relive his childhood in excruciating detail.

Out of all of that it was talking about his past, that he hated the most. He hated it with a burning passion. John, "Just call me John" was just has hard and worn and take no shit as Frank. If it hadn't have been for the fact that John was nosy as fuck, Merle could have really liked the bastard. It wasn't until they were a year into the therapy that Merle discovered from one of the guys that at the shop that John had gotten his degree while serving a ten to twenty…life sure was crazy. He could only shake his head at all the time he lost to sitting around doing nothing and getting into fights, when others men were doing things like getting degrees.

But even he had to admit that just telling his story to someone and not having them pity or judge him had been what he needed the most. His therapist had compared him to a can of soda-pop that had been shaken violently. Telling him that talking about the abuse and anger would slowly let out some of that built up pressure and help to prevent those destructive explosions that he was known for. He knew that as much as he had hated it, that in the end it was the therapy had been what had really tipped the scales in his recovery.

 _Why think in terms of what might have been, what was the point?_

Abusive childhood or not, he was who he was, there was no changing that. He took responsibility for the things that he had done, things that landed his ass in prison regardless of his fuck-up of a father.

 _But what if Frank hadn't come into his life when he had?_

Well, that was the one thought that he couldn't keep from going through in mind constantly. He still had at least five years left on his sentence when he was called in to talk to Frank. Five long years, stretching before him like a long lonely freeway, with a 25 MPH speed limit and no exits in sight. Then there was Frank, suddenly giving him the option of completing his sentence in this new program. Shown him an off ramp, and had given him a map.

Five years...he was released with a minimum of five years left to serve.

The chances that without Frank he would have been still stuck somewhere in the prison system was almost a given. Even if he had been released, without the program it it would have only been a matter of time before he did some of the same ol' stupid shit that he always did, and it would have put him right back in there. The prison door had been a revolving one for him. Without the program he as sure that his ass would've been behind bars when the shit hit the fan.

 _God bless Frank._

Merle dropped the curtain and turned to look around the living room. This house, it was a hell of a lot nicer than anything that he or Daryl could have ever imagined. If had been an option at all, then he wouldn't mind staying on here. He wouldn't mind at all. It was homey, only not the kind of home he had ever known. He thought that maybe it was the kind of home that only came about when there was a happy female living there. Overstuffed girly-flowered throw pillows on expensive yet comfortable sofas, plush area rugs over gleaming hardwood floors, and fancy-ass designer drapes.

 _He would guess that Lori Walsh never in her life had to use tin foil to cover bare windows._

Not that he got to know her well, Beth was the one that took on the role of her caretaker in the short time that she was still alive when they got there. But you only had to look around this home to know that she had been happy in her role as a wife and mother. Never had he seen so many family photos on display, they occupied every available space. It was almost impossible to move around without knocking one of them on the floor.

The hall between the living room and master bedroom, was short, he could pass through it in a few long strides, and although it was too dark to see them, that small space mapped out Carl and Judith's entire life. Lori and Shane Walsh had certainly been proud of those kids. It was clear that Judith had been doted on, and treated like a little princess. He didn't think that there wasn't one photo in the house where she wasn't dresses in shades of pink and looking like she was posing for some sort of advertisement.

 _She was a pretty little thing, that was sure. Too bad she was such a pain in the fuckin' ass._

He thought that that the little girl in those photos seemed a bit too perfect...too posed. She still looked the same, still wore a sickening amount of pink clothing. Still wanted Beth to put her hair up into a ponytail with a bow on top. But her eyes, they had changed. They were the same eyes that you saw in the newspapers of the the children who lived in war-torn countries. They had seen too much ugliness and death.

There were just as many photos of Carl. Only in the professional photos was he sitting still, in all of the others he always seemed to be caught mid-wiggle. A wide mischievous grin and laughing eyes captured amid the suggestion of movement, running with a soccer ball, riding a bike.

 _A blur of movement with freckles._

In one of the photos in the hallway, he was covered in mud and triumphantly holding a huge bullfrog in front of him. Something about that photo spoke to Merle. Maybe it was because he had never had very many photos taken of him as a child, and certainly not any where he looked that healthy, that happy...that loved. That made him stop where he knew that photo was hanging and pull it off the wall to tuck it under his arm. Carl deserved to remember that he once had a happy childhood. There was no way that he was leaving this one here.

He entered the bedroom, softly walking over to his bag putting the photo down next to it. Toeing off his boots where he stood, and bending to pull off his socks, he tossed them down. The thick carpet helped to muffle his movements as he crossed the room to stand beside the bed. Beth's cheeks were sleep flushed, the glow from the moon making her hair a golden tangle around her face and shoulders.

 _God, but she was beautiful._

He was surprised to see that instead of that thick black t-shirt of his that she always wore, tonight she was in one of his old worn wife beaters. With the low hanging neckline he could almost see one of her rosy nipples peeking out...not that he couldn't already make out the outline of it beneath the thin, white cotton. It took every bit of restraint that he possessed not to lean down and take that tempting little morsel into his mouth, flimsy fabric and all, just because he wanted the pleasure of feeling it harden underneath his tongue.

She always called him a pirate, but he felt more like a dragon who was ferociously guarding the treasure sleeping in his bed.

It was a damn shame that she wasn't at the point where she would appreciate being woken up like that. It was a good fantasy, to stop fucking around...and just fuck her. Take her and make her his, take her hard, fast and deep.

Unfortunately that would just have to stay a fantasy for awhile longer, because In reality it would no doubt have the opposite effect than the one that he would be going for. He would probably end up with a nice hard slap and a black eye to go with it. Maybe even end up with a bullet in his ass for his trouble. The thought made him grin down at the girl in his bed, his Beth was turning into a real fuckin' badass.

But it was more than the threat of bodily harm that held him in place, it was that he couldn't bring himself to be the one to put that look of fear back into her eyes. Not after all the time and effort that he had put in trying to help her lose it. Worse than that was the possibility of having to see her flinch away from him...from his touch, like she had at the beginning. That is what would hurt him the most. He couldn't let himself take her without thought, staying within her carefully placed boundaries was the only option that would have a happy ending for him.

And for now Beth was all boundaries and checkpoints.

Oh, she was making progress, he could see it everyday. It was slow, and now and again she might need to take a few steps back. But she was moving forward and taking on momentum. Sooner or later she would take her foot off that brake of hers and only then would they get where he wanted to go. And there was nothing more that he wanted than to be there when Beth Greene took her foot off the brake and put it on the gas.

He noticed that just in the last week he had been able to initiate small touches. Nothing earth shattering, things like tucking her into his side again as they lay next to each other in bed. And when they were out of the safety of that safe space in the bedroom, she had accepted small touches to her hands, face or neck without pulling away. As long as she saw them coming, she even seemed to respond to them positively.

But today in the garage when he had been working on his bike, well that was something else.

At first he wasn't even paying any attention to her, he was just busy doing what he needed to so he and Carl could get out of there. It wasn't long before he noticed that she had stopped working, that was unusual for his busy little bee. And he looked up from his bike, it was to find Beth frozen in place, her eyes glued to his hands, watching them as he ran the soft cloth over his bike. He couldn't remember ever having seen her pupils blown so wide, and she was breathing like an overweight asthmatic who had just been forced to run a mile.

Lust. Want. Need, breathless and squirming like she had an itch that only he could scratch.

At any other point his his life there was no doubt that he would have taken it as an open invitation, no matter what stood between them, consequences be damned. But in this lifetime, he was learning the hard lesson of how to put someone before himself. To be a little more subtle and calm...at least for him. So he continued to work on his bike, biding his time was not something that he had ever been particularly good at. But he found that he didn't mind doing it for Beth. He had never taken the time to really get to know someone like this before, to care about someone's feelings, to go out of his way to _NOT_ hurt them. Never had to before, why would he even care if he hurt some bitch's feelings? Ya' fuck 'em and move on. Never had any issues finding a willing body to fuck in the alley behind the bar, why take the time to get to know them first?

 _But Beth was a different story altogether. She deserved more than a fast fuck up against a wall in an alley that smelled of piss and garbage. A relationship with her? He would be willing to go all in, if she was._

And now here she sat, looking at him like his was the last cookie on the the plate, and she wanted to gobble him up. It was just his shit luck that they had kids tumbling playful around them like litter of puppies. Thankfully the kids continued to play, oblivious to the sexual tension that was almost vibrating between the two adults. There was nothing to be done, so he just kept doing what he had been doing wanting to know how long he could draw it out. Teasing her, taking pleasure in the way that she was avidly watching him. Realizing that she was intently listening to every word that he was saying to his bike. Or maybe it was how he was saying it. His little darlin', really seemed to like one, or maybe both of those things.

 _Shit, he may be trying to be a better person, but he was still Merle Dixon. Of course he was going to take advantage of this!_

So he just pushed it that little bit farther, enjoying the lust in her eyes. Didn't take much time until she had caught on to his game, shooting him a look of embarrassed exasperation, as she blushed crimson.

Pleased with himself he couldn't stop the wicked smile that plastered itself to his face. A smile that refused to leave his lips all morning, at least until Judith had gone and pitched the biggest motherfucking bitch fit, the likes of which he hoped to never experience again. The girls screams were like fingernails on a chalkboard to his ears, he was half surprised that they didn't start bleeding. He stuffed the rag into his back pocket and grabbed a machete to go with the guns and knives that he always kept on him, and walked out to check the fences just in case she had drawn any of the dead with all her caterwauling. He sure hoped that Judith had worked it all out of her system soon, because he was going to need all his focus on driving and the dead starting tomorrow. The girl was spoiled rotten, he wondered if she had inherited her attitude from Shane, because he didn't see any issues with Carl's temperament.

He was still standing over Beth, wondering if he should wake her up, or if he should let her sleep. Waking her up just so he could have the pleasure of feeling her small cool hands on him seemed like it might be a little selfish after the long hard day that she had. He wondered if maybe he shouldn't have just left her to deal with Judith while he had taken Dexi for a nice relaxing cruise on his bike.

Yeah, he would let her sleep,take the opportunity to get some extra shut eye for himself too. Tomorrow was bound to be...unpleasant.

Anyway it wasn't as if he hadn't had to take care of his own needs before, sometimes his own hand was preferable to what happened to be sitting at the bar. And up until a few weeks ago he was wondering if he would ever feel another hand on his dick besides his own ever again. Now that he knew what it felt like having Beth's hands all over him, he was sure that have anyone else now would feel downright unpleasant, and only leave him feeling unsatisfied.

He would just go take care of himself. It wouldn't be half as fun, but it would be over quick enough that he could get a solid six hours of sleep under his belt. And that would have to do.

He took another swallow of bourbon as he walked away from the woman in his bed, and into the bathroom.

* * *

Beth was awake as soon as the door hinges on the bathroom door squeaked. Well, that was uncharastically civil of him. Much to her dismay, Merle never seemed to have any issues using the restroom with the door open even when she was in the room with him. In fact he had no issues doing it even when they didnt know each other as well as they did now. How he teased her in the beginning, when he discovered that she could hardly pee without a door shut between herself and anyone that might watch or hear her. That was one of the things that she was still holding on to from life before the dead began walking. Slowly she was having to learn that sometimes you just had to go, door or no door.

But that didn't mean that she didn't take advantage of one whenever the opportunity presented itself. It also meant that Merle normally didn't even consider closing a door behind him unless the kids were around. That man was totally unconcerned and unfazed by any kind of social convention. And even if it did embarrass her on occasion, sometimes she wished she possessed the same degree of confidence that he did.

Fully awake now, she turned over to stare at the bathroom door and waited for him to come out. A dim light appeared around the edges, indicating that he had lit the candle that was sitting on the counter for occasions such as this. After a few minutes she slipped out from between the soft sheets, and made her way across the room. The door was shut, but not all the way. She stood there wondering if she should just go back to bed, she didn't want to walk in on him if he was...indisposed. She was just starting to turn away when she heard Merles gravel and honey voice say her name.

Her face flamed at the thought of being caught spying on him using the restroom. She would absolutely hate for anyone to dare put her in that position. But then she heard sounds...ones that as a girl who had once shared a bathroom with a gross testosterone filled teenaged brother, knew only too well. She had heard Merle make the same noises, however, it was normally when he was laying right next to her and she was instructing him on exactly what to do it before she broke down and replaced his hand with her own...or her mouth.

"Beth." He breathed out heavily, it almost sounded like a plea.

That low sandpaper voice hit her ear, and melted and begam dripping down her spine until it pooled low in her tummy. Drip...drip...dripping down into the cradle of thighs, where she could feel the liquid gathering hot and sweet. Dampening her panties until they were saturated, and her juices continuing downward, coating her thighs.

Unable to help herself she opened the door a little wider, stopping short, just before the hinge gave her away. It was enough that she could see Merle in profile, leaning up against the sink. Shoeless...shirtless, with his pants undone just enough so that his cock was set free, only to be imprisoned by his large hand. Feeling equally parts turned on and guilty, she knew that she should leave or at least let him know that she is there not standing there watching him in what he thought was a private moment. Still she stood there frozen by the sight of him, mainly because she had never seen him this way before...looking so vulnerable, with his face so open.

She just couldn't seem to make look away, or force herself leave him there. He had called her name afterall, he must be thinking about her. And as well as she knew him, she was almost certain that he would more than welcome her into this moment of his.

She looked back down at his hand wrapped around his cock again, and noticed that his typically impressive erection was only at half-mast. Funny that up until this point she had only seen him fully erect, or soft after she has sucked him dry. She assumed that Merle was just always rock hard and ready to go at all times. She looked up at his face, his head was slightly tilted up and he had his eyes closed, a look on intense concentration on his face.

 _Looking for inspiration?_

She couldn't but help to admire his body. Merle was very impressive for an older man. Heck, she could honestly say that even a younger man would be thrilled to have a body as well build as his. His other hand was holding a glass half full of amber colored liquid, without opening his eyes he took a healthy drink and then let it drop to hang limply at his side.

 _Whiskey?_ Concerned her eyes flew to his face. _Was he drunk?_

No, she didn't think so, he looked steady enough on his feet. In fact he didn't look drunk to her at all, if anything at all, he looked...lost.

Standing there with his free hand wrapped loosely around his still half-hard cock, running it up his shaft slowly and then twisting his hand as he came down in a faster motion. His lips were parted and he was breathing deep but steadily. She loved the way it made his abs ripple, and she had the urge to lick them. She looked back down, surprised to see that his dick still seemed to be mostly indifferent despite his best efforts.

His hand made its way up, and his brow creased in concentration. The sound that came out of him was one of pure need mixed with frustration and she couldn't help herself, as she reached out and swung the door the rest of the way open.. His eyes immediately flew open at the sound of the hinge sounding the alarm. Unlike most people, Merle Dixon didn't seem embarrassed at all, he just leered at her, looking unconcerned at literally being caught with his pants down.

"What are you doing up, baby girl?" He moaned as his hand went up once more and he thumbed the tip, he smirked when her eyes stayed on his hand and cock and her cheeks flushed a becoming pink. "Thought I would give you the night off, Baby, let you get some sleep before our big day tomorrow.." His voice rasped as his hand descended, and he reached lower to squeeze his balls through his jeans and groaned in pleasure.

"What made you think I needed or wanted a night off?" she asked him as she stepped into the small room.

It would never cease to amaze her how fast he could move for such a large man, because one moment she was next to the door, and the next she was being pressed into the bathroom wall Merle holding her hands above her head as he forced his tongue into her mouth. She struggled to breathe and kiss him at the same time, wondering how his tongue in her mouth felt like it was a direct line to her clit.

Now that was magic she thought as it began to throb in tempo with his heartbeat that thudded wildly against her breast.

"I've always managed just fine on my own." His five o'clock scruff chafed sweetly like across her cheek. He bit down on her earlobe and thrust his now rock hard erection against her.. "Now it feels like I'm not living when your hands ain't touching my skin. I walk around all day with the smell of your pussy in my nose. Roses and desire...that's all I can smell now. I already knew that you've ruined me for any other women and I aint even fucked you yet." Grabbing her hand he forced it around his shaft. "And now I can't even jerk off unless I have your big blue eyes watching me...what the fuck are you doin' to me Beth?" He snarled into her ear, before claiming her mouth in a violent kiss.

Then his mouth was gone from hers, and he was hoisting her up so he could suck at her breast through the thin shirt she was wearing. She automatically wrapped her legs around his torso.

 _Funny, I thought that his tongue in my mouth was the shortcut to my clit. When it is clearly my nipple._

She was lost to the pleasure that he was giving her. He had never touched her this way before. Maybe he was too afraid it would bring up bad memories of Joe and Len. But neither Joe or Len, they had never touched her like this. Never made her feel like she was about to go up in flames. Like she would die if he stopped what he was doing to her. But even as good as it felt, as much as she wanted whatever it was that he was offering her. She still had her fears, she still felt the need to be in charge of this. Because if she wasn't the one in charge, then how was she going to survive?

"Let go." She managed to gasp, as he continued to devour her breast.

He stilled, bringing his forehead up to press heavily against hers. Taking a few deep breaths to compose himself before he let her down and stepped away from her. They stood there, both breathlessly staring at each other. Then Beth was propelling herself forward, and it was she who was forcing her tongue into his mouth. One of her seemingly delicate hands holding his head firmly in place as she pillaged his mouth. The nails on her other hand scratched its way down his chest, until it wrapped itself around his now substantial hard-on, gripping and stroking until he surrendered to her utter domination.

After that there were just hands groping, pumping, tongues licking and tasting. Gasps of satisfaction and moans pleasure as she give him what he seemed to need. Her hands demanding him to submit to her so that she could bring him bliss, ecstasy...rapture. And submit he did. Considering what state he was in when she walked in the room a few minutes before, it took a surprisingly short amount of time before he was gasping out her name as strands of what felt like scalding hot cum covered her unrelenting hand wrapped around his cock.

Afterwards she could only tell you that she felt good, better than good. She felt...right. She felt like something had clicked back into place at the back of her brain. A feeling so powerful that she was unwilling to give it a name, or to try to put it into any words at all seemed to fill her. She felt like Beth Greene again, only like a newer, stronger Beth Greene. Somehow Merle had helped her find herself. And the thought occurred to her, that he could be hers. And in turn she could be his, if only she was willing to reach out and take it.

 _To have the devotion...the love of a man like Merle Dixon, was she strong enough for that?_

While his face was unreadable, he seemed like he was waiting for something from her. Merle took another step back to lean against the counter, he took the hand towel and wiped the cum off his dick and belly, and tossed it into the tub. Than he picking up his drink and drained it. He looked down, realizing that her hand was still covered in cum, he reached back and pulled a rag from his back pocket and handed it to her.

She took it from him before she realized it was the rag he had been using on his bike earlier that morning. She flushed as she remembered what his voice had done to her, how much she wanted to be the focus of all that raw sexuality. And how it had left her feeling unmoored...set adrift without anything to hold on to. Weightless, hot and wanting him so bad it had physically hurt. Feeling that lust, that want...that need consume her until her insides felt like they were full of molten lava that was looking for a way out.

She wanted that feeling again, and she was going to do her best to get him to give it to her.

* * *

Merle watched her as she stood in front of him unmoving, looking down at the shop rag in her hand. For a moment he wondered if he had disappointed her, cumming like a fuckin' schoolboy getting his first hand-job. When she looked up, he was pleased to see that her eyes were full of desire. With his cum still coating her fingers, she pulled the rag up to her nose. Closing her eyes tightly she inhaled the scent of his body and the wax he had used on his bike. She held it there of a short time, before she looked up at him and lowered the rag, unknowingly leaving a smear of cum on her right above her kiss swollen lips.

He could feel her eyes on him, but he couldn't seem to look away from that small drop of cum that seemed to mark her as his. Then he had her back up against the wall, kissing her hungrily, stopping to lick his cum off the she was pulling him out into the bedroom, and over to the the bed. She let go of his hand and stepping away from him, she watched him almost shyly under her lashes.

He waited,as he always did, for her to direct him.

Remaining motionless, not wanting to take the chance of spooking her. He just waited and watched, until she boldly reached out and offered him the cloth that she still had clutched in her hand. Reaching out he tugged it from her fingers, holding it sheltered in his grasp as if it was a prize he had won. Something of value to him.

Looking up at him she pulled off her nightshirt and than her panties, dropping them at his feet. Then stepping back she crawled onto the bed, keeping eye contact with him as she slowly reclined in the center of the large bed. She hesitated for a moment before raising her arms up and out away from her body, her hands almost, but not quite touching the headboard. He watched as her already pink cheeks, darkend to a dusky rose almost the same color as her nipples, as she spread her legs so that they were a open to him.

Shirtless, his limp cock still hanging out of his open jeans he scooted closer but didn't dare reach out to touch her yet. She lay silently, watching as his eyes sharpened and became predatory, taking the time to inspect what she was offering him. He could see the pulse hammering wildy at her throat, and slowly reached out and placed his fingers on it. It was beating so fast, thump, thump, thumping against his work toughened fingers. Still searching her face looking for a hint of what it was that she was asking of him. Her eyes implored him to understand and the realization clicked in his brain.

 _She wants me to treat her the way I treat my bike_.

He grinned and she exhaled in a half laugh of relief. "Little girl, do you even know what your eyes are asking of me?" When her only reply was to blush crimson, his hand caressed its way down until it rested above her heart. His lip quirking a smile at the way it was racing lickety-split, like a rabbit running in fear from a wolf. "Hold onl, I'm gunna take real good care of you, promise. But before we go any further, I need ya' to be very specific about what ya' are wanting from me. Are ya' just want me to talk dirty and put my rough hands all over your pretty little body? Or do you want more than that? Do you want my mouth...maybe my cock?" It was more of a gruff demanded than a question..

"I want...I want you to make me feel the way you did this morning." She stammered, clearly uncomfortable having to ask him out loud for what she needed. "I want...I need you to keep your pants on for now. I'm not sure I'm ready for that just yet, and I don't want to waste any time figuring it out tonight." She told him honestly. "I want your hands and your mouth touching my skin...I want you to talk to me the way you talk to that bike of yours. I want that rag touching me as you whisper those words into my skin." She admitted, clearly she was too turned on to let her embarrassment hold her back from getting what she needed.

"Well, I think I can manage that. Hold on to the headboard." He directed, his voice clipped and harsh. He calmly waited as she complied, watching as she stretched full length on the bed and arched her back so that her small pert breasts were thrust up towards him Never taking his eyes away from hers, he reached down and slowly tucked himself back into his boxers. He left his jeans open to give him a little more room in case he managed to get it up again, and crawled onto the bed next to her. He stroked over her cheek and across her pouty lips with the velvety soft cloth. "I'mma need ya' be a good girl and hold still for me. Ya' think you can do that, Darlin'?" He crooned.

He waited until she gave in a nod, and an unsteady "Yes."

When he saw that she was following his instructions he continued on working his way up, until he was firmly massaging the palm of her hand, sliding the chamois to buff gently in between her fingers. "Something satisfying knowing that I'm the one that gets to keeps your motor purring like a kitten". She tilted her head slightly towards the cloth, her mouth slightly open as she had to drag in deeper breath. Bending down so that his lips were almost touching hers, he whispered in a low sexy voice. "Mmmm baby, but ya' _are_ a dirty girl. I'm gunna to have to take some extra time...get into all them crooks and crannies to get ya' nice and clean."

The low rasp of his voice was making all the hair on her body stand on end, and a savage shudder caused her breasts to bump up into his hard chest. He gave her a gravelly laugh, telling her. "Ya just be still now, and let me do my job." His touch was firm and he used the perfect amount of caressing pressure, the same one that he used to produced a brilliant shine on the chrome of his favorite girl. Only now this girl who was like putty in his hands was no doubt his new favorite possession...she was his favorite girl.

He moved slowly back down the length of her arm, the cloth firm on her side as to not tickle, he was pleased to see her eyes closed in ecstasy, keeping her plump lips opened to let in more oxygen. Continuing to move the cloth down to her shoulder, enjoying the feel of her still slender arm, he was pleased to feel the wiry muscles that lay just under that golden skin of hers. He stopped to massage away some of the built up tension that he could there. "Feels good don't it?" He asked her, than not bothering to wait for an answer, he continued. "And believe me when I tell you there is nothing more that I love than giving you a good long ride, but there is something almost more satisfying about taking the time to get you all shined up proper like after I'm done with you." He softly trailed the rag down to flutter and tease inadequately at her nipple.

She exhaled and softly, whimpering a plea for some real contact. To reward her for managing to stay still, he bent down and softly rubbed his stubbly chin back and forth across the top of that dusky pebble.

When she thrust up, trying to get it closer to his lips he admonished her. "Now, now. If you want me to continue, I'ma need you to be a little more patient. After all the work I've done trying to get you into this position, do you really think I'm going to let you rush me?" His breath caressed her nipple causing it to pucker. "I'll get where I want to go in my own time." He informed her, as he turned his head, dragging his prickly cheek along the slide of her breast leaving a swath of whisker burn in its wake. "Haven't you ever heard...half the fun is getting there." He huffed a chuckle into the red mark he had left there.

She hissed, biting her lip in protest of that painful pleasure that he was giving to her. She resolutely kept her eyes closed if only to help her focus on his touch and his voice. He paused to knead her soft hip, and encouraged by her enjoyment he continued, "Awww, Honey, there ain't nothin' like the feel of you movin' under me. And one of these days soon, I'ma be balls deep in that pretty little pussy of yours. Know you want it...want me, want my cock." Using his tongue he licked a wide path to just above her mound. And she couldn't help but to buck her hips in pleasure.

"Hold still, gotta check the mounting lug." he said as he ran his tongue around the inside of her bellybutton. He just hovered there, giving the soft skin there little nipping kisses. "I can smell how wet you are from here." He groaned into her skin. He sat back on his heels and looked between her legs. "Can see it too...running down between your thighs like a fuckin' waterfall." She could hear the triumph, thick and heavy in his voice.

"Just hold on, I know ya' just aching to have my mouth down 'tween them' pretty thighs lickin', an suckin'...making you feel so good. Makin' ya so clean and pink. But ya' need to wait a little bit, everythin' in its order. Besides, we still have some work to do before we both can have that pleasure." He informed her as he moved the chamois down the outside of her leg, stopping to kiss her delicate instep before running the cloth back up the inside, stopping just at the top of her inner thigh to rub gentle circles until her hips began to imitate his movements. His chuckle of amusement was low and deep. "Now hold on sweet thing, while I check ya' oil." He told her as he teased the glistening pubic hair, before gently inserted his pointer finger into her as far as it would go.

'Oh!" Beth cried as her inner walls clamped down on his finger. She managed to get one good firm thrust down on his hand before he withdrew it from her. "Open ya' eyes Beth." He demanded in that honey and gravel voice of his. Waiting until she was looking up at him, he held his hand up in front of her, and she could see it glistening in the moonlight. Smirking at her he put it into his mouth and sucked it clean, than followed that glistening liquid trail, licking down his hand and forearm in order to get it all. As she watched him, she had to pull her thighs together in an attempt relieve some of the building pressure that she was feeling.

Now he was starting to breath as heavily as she at this point. The scent of her arousal had been intoxicating but combined with the taste of her, he was starting to wonder if he was going to play this out. He forced himself to slow down and enjoy the moment instead going right back down so lap at the wetness between her legs. He wanted her to be so lost in her lust by the time he made it to that point that she wouldn't even consider asking him to stop. And he felt his cock finally give a twitch of interest.

The fact that she had never trusted him to touch her unbidden before made him even more determined to proceeded slowly, carefully, lovingly even. Doing everything within his power not to break the spell, but to make it stronger with every touch and word that he pressed into her skin. It felt like she was handing him all her previously missing puzzle pieces, trusting that he was going to take the time and energy to put them back back together in a way that would only make her stronger.

"Nah, Baby, I done tol' ya' I gotta finish cleaning up the outside first. Need to polish you up, until ya' gleaming and in show condition...wanna win me a blue ribbon. And maybe then I can come back to spend ah little more time on ya' motor."

He rubbed the cloth down her other leg, once again stopping to pull the foot up to his mouth to kiss and then bite her high arch of her instep. Then back up, "Hold on, ya always gotta check the oil guage twice...don'cha know anything." He grinned down at her as he pried her legs apart and held up his hand showing her his pointer and his middle finger, and she watched as he reached down and inserted both of his thick fingers. This time she was quicker on the uptake, and slammed her legs together effectively trapping his hand where it was, and getting in a few good thrusts before he managed to pull his hand away. Pushing her legs back into their place, pushing down firmly to let her know to keep them there.

Once again he held up his hand, eyeing the amount of moisture that he hand collected critically. "Think ya' doin' just fine on ya' oil." he told her like he was giving her an estimate, and casually used the soft chamois to clean his finger off, before he dropped it on her chest where she could smell herself on it.

Moving his hands to grip her hip bones then softly down the fronts of her thighs and lower legs, shifting angles to smoothly knead the insides of her other thigh, all the while studiously avoiding her wet center. "Someone needs go get a 'Slippery when wet' tattoo, right here." He said as he licked and sucked as high up on her inner thigh as he could go without touching her heat.

He chuckled softly when her hips rose to try to meet his lips "Always wantin' what ya' can't have, aint ya?" he teased her. "Well there ain't no place to get ya' a tattoo...but that there is a dangerous situation. I might wipe out when I ride back this way...best to leave myself a warning." He cautioned, before holding her in place while he sucked a hickey into that same spot.

"Merle!" She called out, as she tried to buck her hips.

He let go of her, and backed off to admire the mark he had sucked on the delicate skin of her inner thigh. "It's a good one...it'll be there for weeks, and every time you see it you will know. Know that you asked me for this...that you're mine."

He took the time to rub the cloth soothingly on the soft skin between her mound and her bellybutton, the warmth of his hand helping to relax her muscles that were still cramping with need. "Now, now...follow the rules, or else I just might need to give that sweet little heart shaped ass of yers a few well earned swats." He warned her even though it didn't sound like a punishment to either of them.

He moved the cloth in soothing circles along along her side, until he reached her breasts. Than he slowly began buffing the nipple that had neglected earlier, before he took it into his mouth. Sucking gently at first and then harder, making her keen as he made little moaning noises at the back of his throat. Than he reached over and gave the other nipple a nice hard pinch just as he bit down firmly on the one in his mouth.

"Oh...oh!" Beth breathed out, reaching up and grabbed his head, anchoring his mouth to her breast the best she could. And he felt his cock swell and rub against the opening of his jeans.

"S'okay." he soothed her, as he reached up and forcefully detangled her fingers from his hair. "Gotta make sure all the lug nuts are nice and tight...don't want the wheels comin' clean off when I'm riding you hard and fast at 100 miles per hour, now do we?" He challenged her.  
"I know it hurt a little bit...but it hurts real good, right?"

Beth turned her head to follow the chamois that he was working up her chest to her neck, moaning softly. He spread his hand out over the chamois and buffed, loving the sound of her elevated breathing. He stopped to suck at the spot behind her ear that he knew was especially sensitive, while holding her neck firmly in his hand, keeping the soft cloth between their skin. It was close enough that he knew that she would definitely be able to smell herself on that soft scrap of cloth..

It was a fuckin' fact, that shop rag was never going to leave his person again. Never would he allow it to be washed, and when the smell started to fade, he would just bring it to bed with them so they could play this game again. It was now to be counted as one of his golden treasures. And everyone knew that pirates and dragon alike both needed to have some sort of treasure to make them happy.

Abruptly he stopped touching her, and pulled his hands and the cloth away telling her,, "Roll over, I need to get the other side." And when she hesitated clearly disappointed,, he grabbed her by the hips and flipped her over onto her stomach. "Let's move, we ain't got all night." He groused.

Merle moved to straddle her effectively trapping her in between his legs as he used the chamois to repeat the pattern from the other side. Starting with her outstretched far wrist and down the far side, while lecturing "It's important to be consistent when cleaning a premium piece of equipment. Gotta keep on top of this things, can't neglect anything or you will soon feel it in the way she responds to ya'." The was explaining as he gently massaged her shoulders. "That's the first rule...second one is that ya' never let another man ride what is yours." He moved up, to whisper in her ear. "And you are mine. But I'm going to do my best to see to it that you never _want_ any other man but me." He nuzzled his face into the side of her neck, the bristle on his chin scraping seductively as he talked.

When he felt her becoming completely relaxed, her becan to grind his hardening cock into the crease of her asscheeks. Smiling when he noticed that her relaxed hands had fisted the bedding.

He gave her a few more hard thrusts, and hung his head down so he could lick a trail down her spine, and then he blew over it and watched as goosebumps started to pop up. Then he did it again going the opposite direction. Stopping to suck her earlobe into his mouth and gave it a sharp nip before moving on to her neck and shoulders, continuing to dry hump her from behind until she started to moan and push her ass up to meet him. Then he backed up to admire her twitching ass. He used his chamois-covered hand to pull the rubber band from her hair so he could spread it across her back. Than he moved back into place so that he could press his hard cock against that pink heart shaped ass of hers. And even through the layers of fabric, it was about as close to heaven that he could remember ever being. That was until he managed to get a handful of her golden hair wrapped around his fist. And then it was all his fantasies coming to life...without the actual sex that is.

"Finest chassis in the state of Georgia I do believe," he rumbled as he gave her a smart slap on her ass. "And fuck if she don't run as pretty as she looks." He moved the hand that was holding both the cloth and her hair over so that it would be right next to her nose. He wanted her to smell herself. Wanted her to be as turned on by her scent as he was. And he pressed himself even harder into her, wanting so badly to feel her soft skin rubbing against his hard-on. He chuckled softly when she turned her head to mouth the cloth, her hair and his hand. "Fuck, Baby, ya so fuckin' hot. Gunna make me cum again if I ain't careful." He warned her before letting go of her hair. He sat there breathing heavy, and gathering himself for a moment.

"Fuck Beth, I wanted to make this last longer for ya' but I'm about to blow my load, and I ain't gunna allow that to happen until I have my tongue shoved so far into ya', that I'll be tasting you for weeks. I have'ta taste ya. I need to, now." He snarled as he flipped her back over.

He shoved his arms under her ass, and lifted her to his lips. and the softness of her pliable outer lips were coated with her juices. Her taste was beyond anything he could have imagined. Sweet and salty...a bit savory. She could have sworn that her pussy smelled like the handmade leather seat on his bike.

Fuckin' heaven, her pussy was the fuckin' garden of eden.

His lips combined with the firm touch of his fingers made Beth moan his name loudly within a matter of minutes. "No problem there," said Merle teasingly. "Only one other place to look." He reached up and pulled her hands down to wrap in his hair. "Better hold on tight, might be a bumpy ride, don't want to lose you somewhere along the way." He told her before he slowly slid his tongue in to her.

It wasn't long before he had his girl purring…"Girl, I love every sound ya' making, but if you don't bring it down a notch we are going to have some company." He warned her, and watched as she covered her mouth with her hand and screwed her eyes shut. Mesmerized by the look of pure ecstasy on her face he reached up and pulled her hand out of her mouth, bringing it down to place a hot, wet kiss in the center of her palm before he placed the soft chamois into it and folded her fingers over it. "You may want to bite down on it...because, I'm about to step on the gas, and take you out for a real test ride."

He waited as she brought the chamois up to her mouth, and put it between her lips. Than she relaxed onto one of her elbows. Reaching out with the other hand and weaving her fingers into his short hair as she widened her legs to accommodate his shoulders.

And somehow she still managed to give him a sexy smile despite the shop rag between her teeth. And he had compared her to a goddess when all along she was a fuckin' siren.

He gave her a shit eating grin. "Hold on Baby Girl… won't take me long to get ya' motor revved up." And then he was ducking back down, and it felt like he was touching her everywhere at once.

How could one man manage to do this with only ten fingers, two hands, two lips and one tongue? It felt like she was being surrounding by him, overwhelmed by his larger than life presence. Oh, sure her last boyfriend had gone down on her, be he acted like it was job interview for a position that he already had. Thank God, Joe or Len had never demanded this from her she thought before dismissing all of those other men from her mind..

Merle on the other hand, he was treating her cunt like it was an eight course meal at the finest restaurant. There was no question in her mind that he was enjoying it. That he was loving the taste and the smell of her. He was enthusiastic without making it feel like he was in a race to the finish line. Instead it felt like to him, this was the finish line. And he wanted to take the time to enjoy every last minute of it...and to make sure that she was enjoying it too.

Than he would be more than happy doing this until she pushed him away.

He was twirling her clit around with his tongue in a way that make her toes curl. "Oh, fuck!" she said...or he thought that is what she said...it was kind of muffled with the cloth in her mouth.

But she pulled the cloth out from between her lips so she could whine, "Bet you could tie the stem of a cherry in your mouth with that tongue."

The feeling of him humming a laugh into her cunt, shot tentrals of liquid heat down her body. And when she started to cum it was with his name on her lips, and his sealed around her clit.

When she was done, he reached up and pulled her hand out of his hair and to his mouth, looking deep into her eyes as he sucked her fingers into his mouth, leaving them soaking wet. Then placed her fingers on her clit, and waited until she started moving them before he pushed two fingers into her heat and started pumping his fingers in and out while raising up so that he could kiss her. He had her juices covering his lips and chin, and then they were covering hers too. As they kissed feverishly, he was moaning into her mouth. "Can't hold out much longer, I'm going to cum." He growled into her mouth.

He gave a few more hard thrusts, "I'm gunna...I wanna come over your ass or your tits? Wish I could be inside of you." He panted.

As her hands reached down and started pull his clothing out of the way. "Anywhere you want. My ass, my tits...my mouth." She managed to tell him as together then managed to free his cock of sweat soaked fabric.

"Fuck Beth," He gasped, "don't move!" he told her as he rose up to his knees and took his cock in his hand, giving it a few more frantic pulls, always slowing once he got to the top to twist his hand and thumb the slit. And Beth could only watch, fascinated while her own cunt was still clenching and pulsating from her orgasim.

She was so turned watching Merle as his hand moved over his turgid cock that she wasn't even aware that her fingers had returned to her clit and had been working in time to his frenzied pace. So she was as surprised as he was when she felt her muscles cramp and contract up as she started to cum again, screaming his name.

"Beth...fuck...fuck...FUCK!" Merle shouted as he started to cum just seconds later. His hand was still wrapped around his cock pumping as his hot semen hit her high on her right breast, he moved so that the next sticky strand hit her left nipple. And then higher, hitting the base of her neck splashes landing on her chin just under her lower lip.

And then he was down, covering her with his always too warm body. His cum covered hand wrapped into her sweaty strands of hair, pulling her face aggressively to his as he kissed her smearing the cum on her chin between their lips as it felt like he was trying to devoured her whole. "Mine." she thought she heard him say between kisses.

Still on top of her, his pants pulled down just enough so that his dick was freed of the fabric prison that they had been trapped inside of. He was so warm and heavy, his body holding her down and she was almost sure that he was asleep. She pulled her hand up and caressed his face, as she placed a kiss on his neck. "Yes, I'm yours. Just a surely as you are mine."

Half asleep, Merle smiled into her hair.

* * *

It was just his third pass through the house, checking out all the windows when Carl silently slipped into the front room to look out the front window scanning the front yard for anything out of the ordinary when he heard them.

 _Again honestly! Did they do nothing but have sex?_

Carl wasn't quite sure exactly what was going on in that room, but he could some really good guesses. After all he _had_ seen 50 Shades of Grey on Netflix when his dad was at work...and free access to the internet over at his friend Dean's house. Dean's parents hadn't been as computer savvy as his own had been. And the boys and been to many sites that were less that appropriate for boys of their tender age.

His face screwed up as he tried unsuccessfully to block the sounds that were coming from the master bedroom and down that short hallway to where he stood by the front window.

 _And did they have to be SO loud? There were little kids in the house...geeze!_

Satisfied with what he wasn't seeing out in the yard, he left the room as quickly as he could, trying to avoid hearing anymore than he already had.

Beth and Merle were both smart people, that had to realized that he would be in and out of the front room on and off all night?

 _Fuck it all, didn't they realize he was a teenaged boy?_

He sure hoped that they were having enough sex to last them for a while, because he didn't want them to be doing this shit in the truck where would have an even better chance of seeing what all those noises were about, or even worse having one of the smaller kids learn way more about the birds and the bees than they were ready for.

 _FML! How am I supposed to deal with testerone and the walking dead at the same time?_

* * *

 _Notes:_

 _Really, really big thanks to Athlete Girl for making this chapter as good as it is. For taking the time to think up a good sex scene when asked, and then be as gracious as she always is as I hemmed and hawed, added, deleted, moved things around...several times...and delayed to play around with wording. And then she even went back and fixed my spelling and punctuation again! Someday I'm going to go buy that lady some drinks!_

 _I sure hope that I still have some readers left, because I love the way this chapter turned out and I really want to hear what you thought of it. So please review or feel free to send me a IM, I love hearing from you and I will try to get back to you if you leave me a way too._

 _One of my reviews said that she never heard of "Meth" What! How? There are some really, REALLY good Meth fics out there that you've missed! I'm telling you, you need to read some of them! Feel free to go look on my favorites page to find some really outstanding ones!_


	20. Chapter 20 - Cicatrize

First let me apologize to anyone still following this story! I had great plans of spending my summer hunkered down writing my little heart out. Obviously that didn't happen, in fact I managed to write very little. Please let me know if you are still reading! In fact if you're still around and leave me a signed review before I manage to post the next chapter, I will send you a little gift.

Cicatrize (V) to find healing by the process of forming scars

Lay me down,

onto the bed of your flaws,

Hold yourself above me,

let your wings graze the ceiling

as I show you just how much of an

angel you are.

Christopher Poindexter

Chapter 20

Merle wasn't surprised that they had slept in later than intended, what _did_ surprise him was the fact that he was still holding Beth close, wrapped in his arms as he woke in predawn hours. Just another thing to add the list of first that he was keeping track of in his head. Because both falling asleep and waking up still holding that someone was something he had only done with his little brother when he was a boy himself and determined to protect the smaller boy from his Pop. Strangely he found this somehow more soul bearing and intimate for him than the sex act itself.

A feeling that left him feeling raw and exposed.

Thankfully he had enough time to tuck those feelings away behind that crumbling wall of his as he watched Beth. She was sleeping soundly, and hoped it meant he had worn her out, in the best way possible. He liked the idea that he had exceeded any expectations that she might have had of him, the thought made him smile smugly into her hair. And that right there was yet another first. Him giving a shit about what some chick thought about his performance past the initial encounter. Hell, he could honestly say that he truly had only ever _really_ cared about his own gratification.

The amount of peace that came from watching her sleep was...odd. And the feeling only grew as he watched her wake up sleepy eyed with a shy blush on her cheeks that made her beyond beautiful in his eyes. And he couldn't help but to roll her over to show her just how attractive he found her.

At some point during the night he had woken enough to remove his jeans, because now only his thin boxers separated him from her small, sweet naked body. He wondered if he was too heavy for her, if maybe he should roll back over to allow her to draw a full breath. But she wasn't complaining, so after a few deep kisses he stayed where he was enjoying the feel of her hands as they hopscotched across his back, gently touching a scar briefly before moving on to the next one like she was reading Braille.

" _The History of Merle Dixon_ " it wasn't a pretty or romantic story a girl like Beth should be reading. It was ugly and dirty, written in blood, tears and too much pain for someone as good and pure as she. But there it was, every ugly moment from his past, laid laid bare under her compassionate hands. Never rushing, she went slowly as if memorizing each and every mark on his back. Her hands were soft but tenacious as they bestowed her blessings, almost like a laying on of hands.

He hadn't expected that he even needed or wanted them.

He was sure that it was a benediction that he would only excepted from Beth. She never flinched from his scars, in fact she seemed to be taking pleasure in her actions. He could just make out the contented smile on her lips, and it made him relax further into her arms.

It was probably close to noon before everyone was ready to go. Beth had thrown together a breakfast that was substantial enough to hold them until they could stop for a midday meal, while Merle checked to make sure that all of the items that they were leaving for Rick and Shane were properly stored. They made sure to leave a good amount of canned foods in the kitchen where they would be easily found, in hopes that one or both men would eventually find their way back to the Walsh home. The note that she had Carl write was left there as well, sitting where it could easily be seen. As Merle walked past it the last time, he thought to put a can of beans on top of it as a paperweight.

Beth went about picking up around the house, insisting on making the beds before they left, as an exasperated Merle looked on. They even managed to get the last of the remaining items placed in the car before Judith fell apart. Evading the adults, she managed to slip out the sliding glass door into the backyard, only to stand forlornly next to her Mother's grave. It wasn't quite the tantrum that they had been expecting, not even close to the one she had the day before. This was just inconsolable, heartbreaking weeping. The kind that came from deep inside of a body's soul.

"Mommy! Mommy!" Was the only word that she managed to get out.

She wanted to stay! Mommy and Daddy never let her leave the house when she threw a fit. It was a rule. If she didn't behave she always had to stay at home and miss out on things. And despite the one she had thrown yesterday, they were still getting the truck packed to leave.

 _Maybe Merle and Beth had different rules..._

They had put Mommy under the same tree where they'd always had their special tea parties, somewhere under the grass and the dark wet dirt. She didn't want to leave Mommy there in the cold dark earth. All alone, down where the yucky worms lived, the same worms that Carl and Daddy would dig up to take fishing with them. Mommy had needed her, and even though she had done her best...her best wasn't good enough. Because if it was Mommy would be holding her and not laying under her feet with the grass pulled over her like a blanket.

 _And where was Daddy?_

Daddy, was disappeared. He and Uncle Rick had gone grocery shopping, and never came back. And until yesterday she had never even considered the possibility that she might NEVER see either of them again.

She always lived here, in this house with Mommy and Daddy. Daddy came home from work every night, to this house. Home to her and to Mommy.

' _I'm sorry Mommy!'_ Judith's tears fell into the grass covering Mommy.

Dexy reached for her hand, she looked up into his tear filled eyes and slapped his hand away. She wanted him to leave her alone, wanted to wipe that look full of pity off his face. She turned her back on him, and looked back at the ground.

Daddy and Mommy and her, they loved this house. Every night she would listen for the sound of the garage door opening telling her that Daddy was home, and she would run to meet him as he came in. She was good at that game, she would almost always be the first one to get a kiss from him. She and Mommy would make dinner as they waited for him to get home from work. Daddy said the food they made him was better than anything he could get in any restaurant.

If Daddy was still alive he would be coming home expecting to find her right here where he left her. This is where he always found her, unless he picked her up from dance, school or a play date...but it was Mommy who always made sure that Daddy knew where to find her if she wasn't going to be here at home.

 _Now that Mommy was gone, how would Daddy know where to find her?_

She asked both Carl and Beth to text or call him, but Carl said the phones didn't work anymore. Maybe Mommy forgot to pay the bill like she did that one time? She remembered it, because Mommy had to take her out of preschool so they could drive all the way to the big city, where Mommy had to give them a lot of money to turn it back on before Daddy got home. It was their little secret.

Carl and Beth both told her that it wouldn't work this time.

 _Even Uncle Rick was disappeared!_

Her whole life Uncle Rick had come and gone, dropping Carl off to visit and then coming back again to pick him up. She couldn't remember a time when Carl had ever been worried about his Daddy not coming back after he had dropped him off to spend time with them at their house. Not ever. Uncle Rick _ALWAYS_ came back to pick up Carl. And yet, Carl was worried now. And Carl _wanted_ to leave with Beth and Merle instead of waiting for both of their Daddies to get back.

 _Why? Why couldn't they wait just a little longer?_

She didn't even resist when Merle's gigantic hands picked her up and carried her away from the small handmade cross, her cries turning into whimpers as she buried her face into the crook of his neck if only to avoid seeing the knowing eyes and sympathetic look Dexy's face as he followed behind them.

 _How could he know? He still had both his parents, while she had lost both of hers! It wasn't fair!_ If it was possible, she thought that she hated him even more now than she had before.

She didn't seem to have any fight left in her, submissively allowing herself to be put into her carseat. Didn't push Merle's hands away or arch her body in protest as he buckled her in. She didn't look over her shoulder as they drove away so she could watch the house disappear behind the curve of trees that shielded them from the front gate. She already cried herself to sleep before Carl jumped out of the truck to open the gate that protected their home.

* * *

Merle was happy with the progress that they were making, they had been on the road for a few hours and so far there hadn't been any problems that he couldn't drive around. He was starting to feel optimistic that they could make it to Little Brother's in a week or less if things kept up this way. It was a good thing, so far the weather had been mild, but there was still a chance of snow in the next few months. He wanted to be hunkered down in Daryl's cabin if and when that happened.

Looking in the rearview mirror he could see that Carl and Judith were both fast asleep, had been almost as soon as they hit the main road. Judith slept because she was mentally exhausted, and Carl because he had taken last watch. Leaving his mother's house must have been hard on the boy too, but Carl had been very stoic and was keeping any of the worries he might have to himself. Merle decided he would take some time to talk to the kid, make sure that he knew that he and Beth would do right by them. That they would find them a good home if Rick or Shane never showed up at the Greene farm or that they would help him take care of his little sister until he felt like he could manage himself. Make sure that Carl knew he was doing what was best for himself and his sister, even if Judith was as mad as a mule chewing on a bumblebee at the moment.

Dexy was in his usual spot between himself and Beth, his head head tipped back and softly snoring. Beth had been reading to him from an old, much loved copy of Peter Pan that she had pulled out of one of the boxes, telling him that it had belonged to her for as long as she could remember. Between her soothing voice and the gentle vibration of the car, it was only a short time before he was out cold. Beth had joined the kids in napping soon after. He was glad that she could get some rest, the dark circles under her eyes almost made him sorry that he kept her up so late.

Almost. But didn't regret not a single second of what had happened last night, and he could tell by the way she had smiled at him as they woke up that she didn't either. Maybe she was feeling a little shy, but not at all remorseful.

Feeling compelled, he repeatedly glanced to where her delicate hand was engulfed snugly inside his large, rough one. At some point without any thought and without his permission, his hand had instinctively gone in search of hers. It made him feel a little unsettled, because for the life of him he couldn't actually remember reaching over and taking ahold of it. One of Dexy's hands was inside of hers and the other was sitting on top of his. Seeing them laying there, fingers woven together, it made him think of the three stars in Orion's belt, the three Musketeers. He, Beth and Dexy, that was them, that was his Holy Trinity.

Beth and Dexy, they made him feel...things. Deep and powerful things he wasn't quite sure how to process. To love someone like this was the scariest thing that he had ever done. Letting them love him back was the second.

And Beth, she was getting a lot of his firsts. He wasn't going to deny that he had done things with other women in his past that would make a whore blush. Things that were carnal, sexual, even down right nasty with most of those women. But he never loved them, not a one. He might of liked a few of them, at least enough to spend a few hours with, but honestly he probably hadn't even bothered to get most of their names before he fucked'em. He certainly would have never even considered sleeping with them all night wrapped up in his arms. Never would have given them almost complete sexual power over him, because that is what they needed the most. Those things he had done with the other women...people would probably call those things "intimate" but this here, this was what he considered to be intimate. Holding someone's hand just to feel connected to them while they slept. This was something that he only wanted with Beth.

It made him feel like a pussy, but mostly it just made him feel at peace.

It was fuckin' crazy.

* * *

The first thing that Beth noticed when she woke up, was her left hand, it was a little bit sweaty and completely encompassed inside of Merles much larger one.

 _He was holding her hand?_

That was something that she would have expected of someone like Jimmy when they were sixteen and handholding was about as far as they had managed to get physically. It was not anything that she had pictured a man like Merle wanting to do. It was so...sweet.

 _Was sweet even a word that could be applied to Merle?_

The second thing she noticed was his voice. Relaxed, mellow even as he sat in the driver's seat singing softly with one hand on the wheel. She couldn't see him, because she was leaning against Dexy's car seat and it was blocking most of her view. Afraid that if she sat up that he would stop singing, she stayed where she was, enjoying the feel of his hand in hers and the sound of his soft crooning.

 _Body like a back road, drivin' with my eyes closed_

 _I know every curve like the back of my hand_

 _Doin' 15 in a 30, I ain't in no hurry_

 _I'mma take it slow just as fast as I can_

She could feel his thumb rubbing lazy circles into the palm of her hand, making her arms break out in goosebumps.

 _The way she fit in them blue jeans, she don't need no belt_

 _But I can turn them inside out, I don't need no help_

 _Got hips like honey, so thick and so sweet_

 _It ain't no curves like hers on them downtown streets_

He stopped singing and still humming, he gently pulled his hand from hers. She could hear a slight rustling and then the sound of him lighting a cigarette, and inhaling deeply before continuing the song.

 _We're out here in the boondocks_

 _With the breeze and the birds_

 _Tangled up in the tall grass_

 _With my lips on hers_

 _On the highway to heaven_

 _Headed south of her smile_

 _Get there when we get there_

 _Every inch is a mile_

"What a nice way to wake up." Beth told him as she sat up and stretched her body languidly.

"Sorry Darlin', I didn't mean to wake ya'." He managed to grinned at her with the cigarette dangling precariously between his lips. "Don't sing as pretty as you do, maybe we should keep an eye out for some CD's for our drive."

"We can do that, but I'm more than good just listening to you sing." She smiled shyly at him. "How long have I been asleep?" She asked, feeling guilty about leaving him to both drive and navigate all by himself.

"About two hours or so, not long. Roads have been real good so far." He let her know. "I'd of got one of ya' up if I needed to."

Beth took a moment to study him, as he smoked his cigarette and concentrated on the road. His body was reclined comfortably in the driver's seat, but his eyes were alert. Unconcerned by both the occasional dead man walking alongside the road or the abandoned cars that littered the roads. Leisurely driving around them when needed, not even bothering to stop and look for any supplies to add to their already full load.

This was probably the most relaxed that she had ever seen him, and wondered if it was because he was finally on the road heading towards Daryl. He must be feeling a certain amount of relief as he counted off each mile that stood between him and his brother. And to travel for a few hours in the direction that he wanted to go, instead of being constantly redirected was an unexpected bonus. Or maybe it had something to do with last night...because she was sure that was why _she_ was feeling so content and tranquil.

She hoped that nothing slowed them down. He deserved to be with his brother after having stopped to put the needs of her and the kids above his own time and time again. For the first time she wondered what Daryl would make of their small group.

 _Would he approve of her?_

How would Merle feel if for some reason Daryl disapproved of his relationship with a much younger woman? Especially one that came with the responsibilities of a young child...or three. Would he open his heart and home to this bunch of homeless orphans, or would he subscribe to the "every man to himself" train of thought? She hoped that he didn't hold the fact that she had slowed Merle down in his getting to him against her.

 _And what would he make of the odd relationship that his older brother had with a Dexy...the child who he allowed to call him "Papa"?_ She hoped that Daryl was kind to Dexy even if he didnt understand this thing between his brother and the little boy.

* * *

They made fairly good time by not needing to scavenge and always scooting around larger cities. They stopped early, always trying to find a house or a barn to sleep in. Neither of them would even consider sleeping in something that they couldn't clear themselves with minimal effort, why put themselves or the kids in any danger when they could just keep moving and find something that better suited them?

They avoided the few people that they ran across because they had enough supplies and Merle didn't see the upside of dealing with some asshole that might put his family in danger.

Three days, that's how long they managed to avoid dealing with anyone else. But on day four they came across a group that they had no choice but to deal with. A group of cars were parked at an intersection, and he had mistakenly assumed that the people milling around them were more of the never-ending parade of dead fucks. By the time that he realized that they were a small group of the living, it was too late to go around them. So Merle parked far enough back to feel somewhat comfortable and Beth and the kids stayed in the car. Beth and Carl had their guns, and Dexy had his BB gun and his knife.

Merle got out of the truck and approached the space between the two groups, making a point to appear confident and dangerous. A man just as heavily armed as himself cautiously met him in the middle of the road while the 3 or 4 people that he was with stayed in their cars.

"Afternoon, where ya' headed?" The scruffy man greeted him.

"Just doin' a little scouting, seein' what's what." Merle answered, "And you? Where you headed?"

"Atlanta, to see if any of the camps are still up. Me and a few of the people with me are hoping to find missing family members." He told Merle, his gun still pointed up, but ready if needed.

"You think you might find a camp still running in such a big city?" Merles voice was skeptical.

The man shrugged. "Maybe, there's always a chance. You looking to join a group?" He asked. "Because we could always use more men." He looked back at the truck, where you could only see Carl's outline, he was standing on the running board and looked more like a full grown man from this distance than a teenager.

"Nah, not right now. But we might head that way after a bit." Merle told him, and spit to the side of the road.

The man nodded and looked past Merle, his eyes narrowed as he tried to make out the car and people behind him. "Is that a suburban?" He asked his eyes flicking back to him.

"Yeah, what about it?" Merle asked suspiciously.

"Dam good truck...used to have one myself." He said looking back towards the Suburban before his eyes came to rest on Merles. "Got anything you want to trade? We got some tampons and shampoo that we would be willing to part with for alcohol or cigarettes." The scruffy man gestured back to the cars behind him.

"Nah, we don't need girly things." Merle took a step back. "You have a good day now." Effectively ending the conversation between them.

"Yeah, same to you. Hope we see you and your brother in Atlanta." Scruffy told him, standing his ground as Merle took another step away from him.

Both men cautiously retreated from each other, until Scruffy reached his car. He waited outside the truck while the other group got into their cars and slowly drove off, heading away from them. Only then did Merle get back into the truck.

"Got a bad feeling from them...I don't want to be following behind them." He pulled the map out of the glovebox, and handed it to Beth. "See if you can find a different road for us to take."

Beth started looking for a different route for them to take as Merle turned the truck around and headed back in the direction they had just come from.

Of course they couldn't count on getting away from meeting up with any other groups. Merle was upset that he thought that it might even be a possibility. So why the fuck hadnt he taken more time to make sure everyone was "worst case situation" ready? Looking at the little blonde girl in the rear view mirror he couldn't help but to feel a sense of dread.

Fuck it all to hell…that little girl was going to end up getting killed, and worse getting one of them killed in the process. It was time for Beth and Carl to stop treating Judith with kid gloves, and for him to demand more from her.

Again fuck...Beth and Carl weren't going to like it, but they had better step back and let him do what needed to be done. They had their chance, and Judith had wasted enough of their time.

* * *

"I don't wanna!" Judith yelled, at Merle as he tried to get her to practice with the trekking stick that he had picked for her to use as a weapon. A half hour in and he had yet to get her to even lay a finger on it.

"You don't want a knife. You don't want the stick. What do you want to use?" He growled in frustration.

"My words! I'm going to tell them "Stop!" She yelled putting her hands out in front of her. "Stop! I don't like that! Hands to yourself!"

"Baby Girl, that ain't gunna work with the dead ones. This ain't preschool, and words won't protect you out here. Ya' going to end up getting ya'self killed." Merle told her bluntly.

"I won't. I won't kill people! And I won't die, Carl will protect me." She told him over her shoulder as she started to walk away.

"What if Carl gets hurt just because you won't even try?" Merle demanded as he took two long steps to block her escape. "And you know by now that those aren't people anymore."

Judith looked across the meadow where Beth, Carl and Dexy were setting up camp for the night. "I wanna stop now. I want Carl" she whined.

Merle followed the line of her sight. "How are you goin' to feel if Carl or Beth...or even me or Dexy get hurt trying to protect you? Or worse one of us get bit all because you aren't willing to get ya' hands a little bit dirty?"

Judith swung around to glare up at him. "I hate you!" She stomped her foot in anger. But she took the stick from his hand as she walked past.

"At least you'll be alive to hate me. Hopefully you'll hate me for a long, long time." Merle said as he caught up to her and then walked past her. He had a couple of "Merle specials" all tied up and waiting for her to practice on.

* * *

Carl watched as Merle worked with Judith, it was hard not to go and comfort her. He wanted to put a stop to her misery by placing himself between her and Merle's temper. He wanted to go to her, to hold her and tell her everything was going to be okay. But he made himself stay where he was and watch as she cried, trying to work up the nerve to put the end of the trekking stick into the head of the walkers that Merle had laid at her feet. It was even harder to watch Merle be the one to comfort her as she sobbed and vomited all over her shoes after she finally managed to do it.

"Suck it up, Buttercup." He could hear Merle bark at her across the meadow, as the big man kicked dirt over her shoes. "Ya did good, and ya' do better next time. Now, just sit there and let that dry up a bit, then you can just knock most of it off."

 _Maybe "comfort" was the wrong word to describe the Merle Dixon's way of dealing with Judith._

He loved his sister, he did. But even he could admit that she was as spoiled as they came. Mom had always dressed her in the filliest of pink dresses, and Shane treated her like a princess. Jude had never done anything that anyone would ever define as "boyish" or even "tom-boyish" for that matter. Carl thought that she would really benefit from spending some time in backyard sandbox just making some mud pies. Heck, Jude didn't go with them when they went fishing! Never held a fishing pole in her hands, in fact she never picked up anything if it looked like it might be too heavy. Judith simply didn't do anything that she thought might make her dirty.

Mom and Judith bonded by participating in all those kiddy pageants. They had her attending dance and gymnastics, even going to those "Little Miss Manners" classes, where they spent a lot of time learning about what to do with all those forks that rich people had on their tables.

He though that Judidth was too young to already be talking about what type of dress she wanted when to wear for her first cotillion. Shane went along with it, and he would take her out to dinner once a month and to every Daddy-Daughter dance that came around. He said it was his job to show her how a real gentleman should be treating her.

Carl was 100% sure that his Mom and Shane would have agreed that Merle Dixon was no gentleman.

Merle Dixon wasn't smooth or polished.

Merle Dixon was all sharp edges and corners that were ragged and raw...and covered in rust. Just like how the colors of a snake served as a warning that they were poisonous, Merle's appearance was a warning to anyone that if they got close they'd end up hurt. And if you got cut on one of his edges you probably get blood poisoning or lockjaw.

After dinner, Merle dug around in the back of the truck and came back to the campfire with 5 candy bars. "To celebrate Jude's first kill." He declared as he tossed them to each of them, accidentally (Beth hoped it was accidental) beaning Judith in the side of the head with hers. And for once his sister didn't cry about the rough treatment. She rubbed her head with one hand and picked up her reward with the other. She she unwrapped it, took a big bite and smiled over at Carl, her teeth covered in chocolate, and he couldn't help but feel a glow of pride for his little sister.

Maybe Merle's way was working. Maybe what both he and Judith really needed was a little rust, and ragged edges of their own.

* * *

As they say life is what happens when you are making plans...or something like that. The best and most exciting things happened, the worst and most heartbreaking thing happened this summer. Add to that some personal health issues that thankfully aren't really that bad in the scheme of things, but made me slow down and spend some time just for me. I've read some books, worked on my tan as I puttered around the garden, took long walks and enjoyed my bourbon at night sitting in front of the fire pit in my backyard. So now I'm coming back rested and ready to write, I hope. I do need to refresh my memory, because I've gone off my storyline and I need to orient myself. So I'm going back to reread this story, and hopefully fix the mistakes I find along the way. I don't believe I'll be changing anything major, just getting rid of those darn doubled words, and putting in missed ones, fixing those stupid things you just don't see until AFTER you post..so don't feel the need to reread any of those chapters. Thankfully I had most of this chapter written, I just needed to shine it up, I also have a lot of the next chapter mapped out...so hopefully the next one won't take too long to finish and get. out. As always, thank you to Athlete Girl for all her support and time that she puts into this story, I really couldn't do this without her help.

Song: Body like a back road - Sam Hunt


End file.
